20. Eagle
CHAPTER 20
EAGLE
One month later…
I wake up in Lacey’s bed before sunrise. I hear her mom leave the house and lock up on her way to work. Tomorrow is the day Lacey’s been dreading for a month. The mediation at the Lantana.
The last four weeks have passed in a blur. I somehow stuck it out with Crow, but I’m not on the demolition crew anymore. Crow’s been teaching me tile-setting and flooring, and something about the precision and focus it takes to measure, plan, and cut the materials works for me. I can see patterns in it. I won’t say I’m a corporate hack just yet, but I’ve been working steadily for the last month.
And that’s suited me just fine. When I’m not on a job, I’m with Lacey, or Lacey and I are on the back of my bike, just exploring the parks and roads that bring me peace. I think they’re starting to soothe her, too.
I’m lying on my side with my back to Lacey, so I quietly reach for my phone on the bedside table and check the time. It’s way too early to get up, but I’m not going to be able to go back to sleep. I check to make sure my alarm’s set, and then I set my phone down just as I feel a soft, naked body smush against my back.
“Can’t sleep?” Lacey’s voice is clear, like she’s been lying awake for hours. “Me neither.”
I roll to my back and pull her onto my chest. She rests her cheek against me and sighs. “Tomorrow’s on your mind.” I speak the words we are both thinking.
She nods lightly, the movement brushing her cheek against my chest. “I don’t even know what to expect,” she says. “I mean, I do. Fingers has prepared me, but I mean as far as the outcome. Once it’s all over, it’s going to be done. No more limbo. No more waiting while we swap letters through our attorneys. How do you let go of a dream?”
I grunt at that. I wish I had some advice for her. Some words that would ease what she’s struggling with, but I don’t know.
“It’s been so long,” I admit, my voice low, “since I’ve let myself have any kind of dream. I don’t know how to hold on to one. I definitely don’t know how to let go.”
Lacey turns her face, and the breath slows in my chest. Even first thing in the morning, with her hair messy and lines from her pillow pressed into her cheeks, she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
I smooth back her hair and just look at her, stunned and grateful. How is this woman mine?
“Eagle,” she says softly, trailing her fingers through my chest hair. There ain’t much there, but she loves to tease what I have. “Why don’t you dream for yourself? Isn’t there anything you want so badly you keep going? Because you know, if you stop, what you love will slip away?”
I look away from her. I don’t think we’re talking about the same things. Lacey’s dreams are for fancy weddings, high heels at work, and some job where she gets to do what she loves every day of her life. I’m more practical. I’ve had to be.
“Has there ever been anything that you’ve loved so much you couldn’t stand the thought of losing it?”
When she puts it that way, yeah. There was. There is.
The bedroom is dark, but just enough early light is peeking around the curtains that I can make out Lacey’s eyes as I talk. “I felt that way once about the club.”
I tighten my arms around her, and she snuggles her head against me.
“I used to love the club,” I admit. “The danger of what we did. Less you know, the better about that. Point is, I loved it. Whether we were riding out together or partying, I had purpose as long as I was a Disciple.”
“And that’s all changed?” Her voice is quiet, her hands still touching my skin but not moving.
“Yeah. Everything’s different now.” I wonder how much I can share with her. Wonder how much I should open up and reveal.
“Are you unhappy?” she asks.
“I was,” I admit. “In a way. It’s not that being straight wasn’t for me. It’s not that. It’s the excitement. I don’t get stiff in the dick over my work like some of these guys. They’ve all found other shit to do, and it seemed like I was the only one who missed the old ways. The way it used to be.”
“I’m sorry,” she says. “I never thought about it quite that way.”
“Don’t get me wrong, this is an easier life,” I chuckle. “I don’t worry about getting shot. I don’t need to do time like Crow or get hurt. But I never really understood until recently how unhappy I was about the club changing.”
I need something to do with my hands. I know what I want to say to Lacey. I know how it’s gonna come out because I don’t have a way with words. I gotta just say what’s on my mind. And once I say it, there’s no taking it back.
I stroke her hair once, then wrap my arms around her again, holding her close to my heart. I can feel the rhythm picking up, prodding me forward despite the fear. It’s funny. I never felt fear riding into a conflict situation, facing down shit with my brothers at my side. But naked, holding the woman I know I can’t live without, and standing on the edge of telling her how I feel, I’m fucking terrified.
“Lacey,” I say, before I can chicken out of it. “Losing the Disciples was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I felt lost. Still do sometimes. But then you came along. Working with you was the best thing that ever happened to me. I lost the one thing that gave me purpose, but then I found a new, better purpose. My purpose now is you.”
She stiffens under my hold, and I release her. I know I said too much. I know I fucked it up and pushed her away. It’s too much, too soon. But I believe it. It’s true, it’s real, and if the last month of this thing with Lacey has taught me anything, it’s that everything makes sense with her in my life. Without her, I go right back to feeling like nothing, no one. I hate it, but if she’s gonna pull the rug out from under us, I want it to happen. I want it to happen now, not in three or six months when she figures out I’m not the fantasy.
“Do you really feel that way about me?” Her voice is reedy and thin, like she’s trying to control her emotions.
“I do,” I say simply. I don’t apologize and I don’t explain. She can kick my ass to the curb or ask me to leave. I’m prepared for it. In some ways, I’ve been waiting for it for the last month.
Lacey rolls away from me, sits up in bed, and covers her bare breasts with a sheet. Something in my gut churns, and I sit up too. Mentally, I’m thinking back to where I left my boots last night. My ass is naked, and I’ll want to jump into my pants and boots with as much dignity as I can muster.
But instead of asking me to leave, Lacey takes my hand. “Thank God,” she breathes. “Thank the good almighty saints and stars above.”
Lacey isn’t religious, so I snap a look at her. “Huh?” I ask. “What do you mean?”
She takes a deep breath. “I know we’ve known each other a long time, but all of this—” she sweeps a hand between us “—this is new, and it has me terrified.”
I nod, ready for it. I’m not good enough. After a guy like Dylan, she needs someone more stable. Someone with a good job, someone who?—
“I’m falling in love with you, Eagle,” she blurts out.
“Come again?” I ask.
She shrugs, the sheet gripped between her hands. “I’m sorry if it’s too much or too soon. But, Eagle, when I’m with you, I don’t second-guess your every word. I don’t doubt you, question you, or worry that somehow something I say is going to get twisted until I don’t even know what I said anymore.” She smiles but doesn’t meet my eyes. “I always wanted the dream, but I think I was chasing it in all the wrong places. The universe had to put you in my face for two years before I finally got it. It’s you. My dream man is you.”
I take a minute to let her words sink in. I’m not sure I heard that right. I just told her she’s my purpose, and instead of kicking my ass out of bed, she’s falling for me.
I shake my head. “I’m not what you want, babe,” I tell her. “I don’t have a fancy house or a big bank account. I bounce between jobs and just barely stay out of trouble. And I mean just barely.”
She nods. “I know who you are.”
How can she know who I am? A man who’s never been good enough for anyone. A man who’s never really known who he was himself until maybe recently. Maybe he’s still figuring himself out or figuring out who and what he wants to be next.
“I don’t want you to feel trapped or rushed,” she tells me. “Nothing has to change. I’m not asking for anything from you, Eagle. I just want you to know how I feel. About you.”
Her words hit differently now that I realize she’s not about to break this off. I told her how I felt, and she wants me.
“So, what now?” I ask, clearing my throat. “I haven’t had a conversation like this with a woman, maybe ever. Do we hug or something?”
Lacey starts laughing, and she drops the sheet, giving me an eyeful of her round, bouncing tits. “We could fuck,” she says. “That’s one fun way to seal the deal.”
I shake my head. “I love fucking you,” I admit.
Lacey climbs onto my lap, and I sit fully upright, leaning my back against the pillows.
“Eagle,” she breathes my name into my neck. “You are so fucking delicious. I want to eat you.”
She nibbles my neck, and it tickles so bad, I grab her wrists on instinct. She is cracking up, straining a little against my hold. “Hmm,” she mumbles. “I like that. Maybe you can hold my wrists while I ride you.”
I love that, and I watch wordlessly as she situates herself over my erection. She rests her weight lightly on me, then plants her palms on the wall behind me.
“Too awkward?” she asks. She’s leaning toward my face, her arms just above my head, looking past her hard nipples and down into my face.
“I love my view,” I tell her, reaching up and holding her wrists in my hands. “How’s this?”
She moves her arms a little and I fight the movement, but it is, in fact, awkward.
“Let’s try something else.” I move quickly, still holding her wrists, and settle her on her back, lying down on the bed. Then I move her arms above her head and anchor her wrists against the mattress with my hands. “Too much?” I ask.
She shakes her head and parts her legs, making room for me to kneel between her thighs. “Perfect,” she sighs.
I lean forward, putting as much weight as I think I can shift without hurting her into my hands. Then I roll my hips so my dick taps her opening.
“You’re wet,” I tell her, a grin claiming my face. I can’t help it. Every time she’s ready for me like this, with just a few kisses or touches, I feel like a god. She makes me feel like more than I am, more than I deserve to be.
“And horny,” she breathes. “Now, fuck me hard.”
Holding her wrists in place, I tease her clit with my cock, working my hips back and forth so I slide over her sensitive pussy. She’s getting so wet, I slip inside her and quickly pull out, only to be met with groans and complaints.
“I forgot the condom,” I tell her, releasing her wrists so I can reach into the bedside table for our stash. Once I’m sleeved, I grip my cock and center myself right over her wet pussy.
Her arms are still above her head, but before I take her wrists, I want to touch her, feel that drenched silk between her legs. The sun is coming up and filling the room with light, so I can see every pale hair on her arms, the pebbled texture of her hard nipples.
This woman is laid out, bare, and open for me. All for me. She is mine. And I’m going to make sure she never, ever questions that.
With my thumb, I stroke her clit, and I slip two fingers deep inside her. She moans and widens her legs, opening so I can watch as I enter her, watch as her clit swells with arousal. She works her hips, pressing her clit against my thumb, my fingers sinking deeper inside her.
“I want to come with you,” she pants, but her words are thick and her eyes closed. She’s lost in pleasure. And if I want it to be intense for her, unforgettable, I need to fuck her.
I yank my hand from her pussy and clamp both hands around her wrists, holding her securely against the bed. I slide my cock, slow and deep and hard until I can’t go any farther.
“Fuck.” She grinds out my name and thrashes against my hands.
“Tell me if you want me to let go,” I tell her, and she nods, but I know she wants this. I can feel how turned on she is, how much she loves being fucked hard and fast.
I thrust inside her, deep and forcefully, and she gasps, whimpering my name. I use my abs to drive my body into hers, every thrust pushing her arms farther into the bed. Her tits, those glorious, gorgeous tits, bounce and shimmy with every thrust, moving back and forth, her nipples so hard, if I could stop fucking her, I’d stop only to suck those perfect copper peaks.
We’re both moaning then, chasing a high that we want to drop from together. Me grinding into her, her grinding back, the breathless, senseless pleas between us bringing us closer and closer to the edge.
Finally, I hear Lacey’s throaty cry, the sure tell that she’s close, and her body tightens, her walls quivering and clamping down so hard on my cock that, even through the latex, I feel every spasm. I thrust harder into her, the combination of deep and wet, hard and tight impossible to resist.
I follow her over the cliff, panting and dripping sweat onto her bare breasts, shuddering and shouting her name as I release hot and frantic inside her. I don’t roll away after I’m done but collapse on her chest like I love to do.
The sweat squishes between our chests, and my rapidly softening dick would fall out of her if she weren’t still holding me so tight.
“Babe,” she whispers. “I might come again.” She wiggles her hips a little, using my body to stroke up against.
“I’m too soft,” I say. “Give me a sec.”
But she shakes her head. “I’m so, so close. I almost came again when you did. Suck my nipples.”
My woman’s wish is my command, so I rally the little bit of strength left in my wet sponge of a body, and I clamp my lips over her right nipple. I lick it lightly, just a warm, welcoming taste, until she moans and lets me know it’s good. Then I suck hard, drawing the whole peak into my mouth and laving the hard tip with my tongue. I move my head, tugging the tender skin between my teeth, moving my face right to left until she’s bucking wildly against me.
And before I know it, I’m hard again. I try not to think about what we’re doing with the condom. It’s still on, and I didn’t get soft enough for it to slip off, so I give in to it. I fuck her, she fucks me, I suck her nipple, and within seconds, we’re off to the stars again, screaming each other’s names and coming in a blaze of sparks and stars.
When we’re done, the alarm on my phone blares, jolting me out of the lust-filled haze.
“Perfect fucking timing,” I laugh, pulling out of her and slamming a hand down on the device.
She moans a happy, satisfied sound, and I am pleased to see the condom is still in place. I don’t know how, but my swimmers are contained. And I’m not even panicked. With any other woman, I’d be sweating bullets until I was sure not a single bit of my DNA made it out of that latex alive.
But with Lacey, I’m relieved but not nervous. I don’t know what the future holds, but somehow, with her in front of me, I have purpose. With her beside me, I have strength. Whatever happens, I can almost dare to dream we’ll be okay.