19. Scarlett
Chapter nineteen
Scarlett
F orcing open the door to the gym, I’m assaulted with an abundance of nerves. Nerves over having someone so close to me who isn’t my husband. Nerves that I’m not mentally or physically strong enough to do this. And above all, I’m just plain old nervous that I’m going to fail.
But this is Mauro. My brother-in-law. Someone I’ve always felt safe with. And someone who, the second Leo texted him a week ago about this, quickly created a schedule and a game plan for us.
One we would be starting today.
Immediately, I spot the intimidating presence of Mauro, going at it in the ring with another man. His muscular body is coated in a sheen of sweat as he steps from side to side, almost as if in a dance with his opponent. His hair is pulled back in a low bun with a few loose strands that have escaped, swaying before his eyes. Clear, determined focus covers his features as he swings his right arm, landing a punch right into the man’s jaw, now spinning on his heels.
The man raises his hands in surrender, and the two of them come to a stop.
“Fuck, you got me good.” The man rubs his jaw, moving it back and forth. “Guess I better practice my ducking.” He smirks as Mauro grunts and nods in response. He grasps Mauro’s shoulder. “Same time next week.” He then bends under the ring ropes, walking toward the locker room.
Mauro turns, his eyes landing on me.
I give a meek wave, and he jerks his chin, indicating that I should come on up. I swallow hard as I pull down on my T-shirt, well, Leo’s T-shirt, over my leggings. My hands grip the rope as I lift my leg and awkwardly climb onto the mat, sliding up on my stomach until my whole body is on and finally pushing myself into a standing position. The strap on my bag begins to slide down my arm, so I drop it beside me.
I glance around the room. There are other men here working out, minding their own business. But to me, it feels as if all eyes are on me. I cross my arms over my stomach and step to the side, my back hitting the post.
“I didn’t realize how many people work out here.” I give a tepid smile. “I guess I should have assumed.” Suddenly, more men walk inside, joking and laughing with one another as they make their way to the nearby weights. They’re harmless. Not even giving me an ounce of attention. But as my eyes dance around the room, noting how many men are in here versus women, aka me, I begin to panic, feeling weak and no longer ready for this. I pull at the hem of my shirt, shaking my head as I pick up my bag, securing the strap over my shoulder. “Maybe this was a bad idea. I’m sorry for wasting your time, Mauro.”
Mauro tilts his head, observing me. Just as I make a motion to leave, he suddenly turns and walks away.
Great. He probably hates me.
He reaches into his bag and pulls out an airhorn, letting off the noise for five seconds as he twirls his index finger in the air for everyone in the place to see. Only a few seconds go by before everyone drops what they’re doing and makes their way to the closest exit, leaving only me and Mauro inside.
“Oh.” I rub the back of my neck, embarrassed. “You didn’t have to do that for me.”
He faces me, pulls out a small notepad and pen, and quickly scribbles on it. When he turns it towards me, I read, I want you to feel comfortable .
I drop my shoulders and again let my bag fall to the floor. “I appreciate that.”
He scribbles again and then flips it around for me to see. Today, we will work on a few basic self-defense moves. First, the ready stance, then the palm-heel strike, the front kick to the groin, and finally, the hammer fist punch.
I nod. “Are these things that someone like me can do?”
He nods. Jumping out of the ring, he grabs a dummy on a stand and then drags it up on the mat, standing it in the center. He signals with two fingers to his eyes and then points to his chest, which I assume means watch me.
Focusing on Mauro, I observe how he stands before the dummy, his feet shoulder-width apart and his hands by his side. He takes a slight step with his left leg and then somewhat bends both knees. Elevating his back heel, he brings his hands up about a foot from his face, palms facing forward. He then tucks his chin and faintly shrugs his shoulders.
His eyes catch on me, widening as he gives a thumbs-up.
I nod. “Yeah. I think I got it.” I mimic him, or at least I think I do, but he steps up, gesturing toward my left leg. I shake my head, not understanding what he wants me to do with it. “I don’t understand.”
He reaches down to my leg, and on impulse, I jump back, tripping over my bag and falling directly onto my ass. “Ow,” I groan as I roll over. My pride hurt more than anything. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
He crouches beside me, showing me his notepad . I won’t hurt you. I want to help you. I want to make sure you can defend yourself.
I shake my head with a little pathetic chuckle. “I’m a mess, right? My brother-in-law, a guy I trust with my life, goes to touch me when he’s just trying to help me, and I freak out.” I bend my knees, wrapping my arms around myself.
He presses his lips together, jots down some words, and turns the paper toward me. You’re not a mess. You’re a fucking badass.
He grins, and I laugh, a genuine no-holds-back kind of laugh. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
He shows me his notepad. Ready to try again?
“Yeah. I’m ready.”
He stands and extends his hand for me to take, bringing me back to my feet. He returns to his ready stance and points at me to follow suit, which I do. He scratches his chin as he examines my posture. He motions toward my leg, silently asking permission, and I nod. He gently moves my left leg further ahead and out, giving me more balance and stability. I don’t freeze under his touch or jump back as if my ass is on fire. I let him do what he needs to, and as his hand returns to his side, I feel proud of myself. Looking at me, he arches a brow, waiting for me to acknowledge my stance.
I slightly rock on the balls of my feet, evenly distributing my weight between the two as something I’m not used to blooms inside me: confidence.
For the first time in a long time, I feel confident and ready to move forward with not only today’s lesson but also with life itself.
Because, as Mauro himself said, I’m a badass.
And it’s about damn time I start acting like one.
After spending the morning with Mauro training and feeling a little more confident in my abilities to protect myself, I went to the women and children’s center, where I spent the afternoon reading to a room full of children and helping serve lunch. I ended my day at Maddy’s, binging the latest reality show with Chinese food containers on our laps until it was way past my bedtime.
Leo
I’m outside.
I smile as I slide my phone back inside my pocket, exhaustion weighing down on me, but also excitement from knowing how the night will end. In Leo’s bed…most likely with his head between my legs.
It had been a week since my nightmare woke Leo, and every night since then, I’ve slept in his room. In his bed. No questions asked. And every night, he’s made me come with his head between my thighs, not stopping until he’s pulled every ounce of a delicious orgasm out of me before I promptly fall asleep with my head on his chest and his arms wrapped around me.
And I’ve never slept better in my life. But maybe I’ve overstayed my welcome, and he wants his space back? Maybe I should sleep in my own room tonight?
No. You need to talk to your husband and not just assume. If therapy has taught you anything, it’s how important communication is in a relationship.
“I have to go,” I tell Maddy.
She rolls her eyes. “Is your warden here?”
“Yes.” I yawn, stretching my arms above my head. “But honestly, I’m so tired. I can’t wait to fall into my bed.” Well, Leo’s bed.
“Go.” She waves me off. “Go be adorable with your husband.”
I chuckle, making my way to the front door. As soon as it swings open, I find Leo on the top step waiting for me.
He smiles when he sees me. “Ready to go home?”
“With you? Always.” I lean up and press a soft kiss to his lips. “I missed you.”
He runs his fingers through my hair, cupping the back of my head. “There isn’t a second that goes by that I don’t miss you, Firefly.” His hand slides down my side, reaching for my hand. “How did training go with Mauro? He texted me earlier to let me know he was very impressed.”
A slight blush creeps up my neck. “I think he’s exaggerating, but I appreciate him helping me.” I give a slight shrug. “I enjoyed it, and honestly, I’m looking forward to working with him more.”
He leads me to the car, and as we make our descent home, I get a whiff of something unfamiliar. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…what’s that smell?” I sniff the air, my nose inching closer to him. “Why do you smell like paint?”
He grins. “I have a surprise for you.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “You do?”
He nods.
“Why?”
He reaches over, clasping my hand in his and bringing the back of it to his lips. “I don’t need a reason to spoil my wife.”
Goose bumps spread over me, a fire blazing in my core. I quickly shut my thighs together, trying but failing to dissipate the need between my legs.
“But what does the smell have to do with it?”
“You’ll see.”
We pull into the driveway, where I find a dumpster and a storage unit.
“What’s all this?” I was only gone for the day… What could he have possibly accomplished in a day?
“Come on.” He gives me a mischievous smile as he slides out of his seat and then makes his way over to my side of the car. As he takes my hand in his, we walk up the front steps, reaching the door, but before we enter, I stop him.
It’s now or never.
“Leo, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”
He takes a step down, so I’m not at such a height disadvantage. But let’s face it, I still have to crane my neck back to look up at him.
“What is it?” he asks, concern etched in his dark eyes.
I straighten my shoulders, tilting my chin up. “As you know, for the past week, I’ve been sleeping in your room. In your…bed.”
He grins. “Yes, I’m aware.”
“And, well.” My shoulders drop, my heart fluttering nervously. “I was wondering… Well, you see, the thing is—”
“Will you move into my room?”
“I…” My lips part, no words coming out.
His grin widens as he leans forward and brushes his lips against my ear. “Make me the happiest man in the world by making it our room.”
“Our room,” I breathe, a smile forming.
“Is that a yes?”
“It’s a definite yes.”
He picks me up and swings me in a circle, both of us laughing like little kids.
“You can change anything you want about it. Make it something you like.”
I shake my head as he places my feet back on the ground. “I like it the way it is, especially because it feels like you. The smell. The colors. The atmosphere. It’s all you. And it relaxes me.”
He kisses my lips. “At least add a pillow or something to make it yours too.”
“I’ll think about it.”
He opens the front door. “Come on, Firefly. Or have you already forgotten you have a surprise waiting for you?”
I bite down on my bottom lip, holding in a squeal of excitement as we pass through the living room and kitchen and then head up the stairs.
As we reach the top step, he stops and looks at me, running his fingers through his hair. “If you don’t like it, I can change it back.”
My eyebrows scrunch together. “Don’t like what?”
He looks lost in thought and maybe a little nervous before lightly squeezing my hand and walking us to my bedroom door. Or, I guess, my former bedroom door.
“Do you trust me?”
I don’t hesitate when I say, “Of course I do.”
“Close your eyes.”
“Wh—” I shut my lips, stopping myself from questioning him, and do as he asks, pinching my eyes closed.
I hear the scanner give a quiet beep, allowing the door to open. Leo guides me inside the room with him, and that paint aroma that was in the car is in here, too, but more potent.
We come to a stop where I’m confident the bed should be, but there’s nothing in my way. Leo drops my hands and steps away.
“Open your eyes, Scarlett.”
I do, hesitantly, unsure what to expect. A new dress? Maybe a necklace? Peeking open my eyes, I see…
“Oh my God,” I whisper. My heart thrashes in my chest as oxygen leaves my lungs. “What… How… When…” I spin in a circle, my eyes dancing around the room in amazement until finally landing back on Leo. “You… You built me a library?”
Every wall is submerged in dark wood shelves completely filled with books. A gold rolling ladder is positioned by the door, with a track that leads it around the entire room. Plush leather chairs and couches sit before a faux fireplace that roars to life. Flowers of all different shades are placed throughout the room, providing just the right amount of color to this beautiful yet dark space.
I’m stunned into silence. Overcome with emotions and overwhelmed by his generosity in something so significant.
“Well, I can’t take all the credit. I only paid for everything and worked with our family contractor on the design. But a team of thirty guys spent the day here to get everything done in a day so it would be ready before you came home. And I might have picked up a paintbrush to help, hence the smell.” Leo hesitantly approaches me. “Do you like it?”
“Like it?” I shake my head, my eyes watering. “I love it.” I take a step toward him as his arms open wide for me and crash against his chest. “Thank you,” I say softly. “Thank you so much.”
His hand smooths down my back. “I did some research and found that reading can be a healthy coping mechanism, especially for trauma survivors.”
I swallow hard, my throat tightening. “Really?”
He brushes a tendril of my hair back. “Studies have found that reading helps reduce stress, anxiety, and even depression. But not only that.” He looks pensive regarding his following words. “They found that reading someone’s similar experience can help with feeling less alone.”
Alone. The one word I’ve been feeling for months, even when surrounded by people.
I roll in my quivering bottom lip. “How did you know?”
“Because I know you, Firefly. I see the pain you’ve been carrying in your eyes for months, and it breaks my heart.” A tear escapes, sliding down my cheek. “When things become too much for you up here…” He presses his lips to the top of my head. “I want you to be able to use this space as your escape. A place filled with grand stories, epic love tales, and adventures. A place that may help you feel less alone each time you pick up a new book.”
“You thought of everything.” I sniffle, more tears escaping down my cheeks. I can’t process a single one of my thoughts. This is so much. Too much. It doesn’t feel real. “I feel like I’m dreaming.”
He smiles. “You haven’t even seen the best part yet.”
I pull back. “There’s more?”
His eyes gaze up at the ceiling.
With a deep breath, I mirror his motion and let out a gasp. “Leo.”
The once pure white ceiling above me is now painted, portraying a starry night sky. It’s beautiful. Perfect. It looks exactly like it did on the night when…
“Did you know there’s a company that will send you an image of what the night looked like at a certain place and day?” Leo asks.
I shake my head, my eyes filling with tears, knowing where this is going.
“Do you know what night this is from, Scarlett?” His voice comes out like a soft caress floating over me.
I roll in my bottom lip and nod, pressing my face into his chest. This man did this for me. He did all of this…for me. “It’s from our first night together.” A sob escapes me as I cling to his shirt. “I don’t deserve you.”
He grips my chin, tilting my head until our eyes meet. “You deserve everything and so much more. You deserve the moon and the stars. I only wish I could catch them for you and place them at your feet.” He kisses my temple. “There’s nothing, absolutely nothing, I wouldn’t do for you.”
And I know that.
Deep down, I’ve always known that.
These past few months, he’s surrounded me in a blanket of safety. He’s pre-cut every single thing in the fridge, so I never have to pick up a knife. He had a custom nightlight created for me because he knows I’m scared of the dark. He’s been patient with me, giving me whatever my body is ready to receive, never asking me for anything in return. And now this…
I’m simply lost for words. My heart feels two sizes too big, pleading for me to release three words into the air.
Three little words that hold so much power.
But as I rest my head against his chest, listening to his heart flutter as fast as mine, I know saying those words won’t be enough. They won’t truly capture the emotions storming inside me. They won’t adequately express how much all of this means to me. And they won’t do justice to my heart.
The one currently beating for him.
But I don’t have to tell him with words .
Not when there are other ways to let him know.
To show him.
By giving him…
Me.