19. Maddox
Stepping out of the shower, I towel dried my hair. Droplets of water ran down my chest, and I drug the towel over my skin, catching them before they hit the floor. I slept like absolute shit last night, tossing and turning because I couldn't shut my goddamn brain off about Ryan and what she was hiding from me. Before I hopped in the shower this morning, I texted Connor and asked him to bring over coffee because I'd never make it through today if I didn't take in a fuck ton of caffeine.
I pulled on a black t-shirt and jeans, and I padded out to the kitchen where he already sat waiting. He nodded toward the styrofoam cup sitting on the table across from him, and I took the seat in front of it. "Thanks," I mumbled, lifting the cup to my mouth and enjoying the hot, bitter burn.
Connor watched me as he sipped his own coffee. The silence stretched out between us, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Finally, he spoke up. "You're up early," he noted.
I nodded. "I'm about to head next door for the day."
"You do realize you're not a rancher, right? You have three guys waiting for you to figure your shit out and get back so you can start working on your next album." He watched me over the top of his cup as he sipped again, his posture deceptively relaxed. I knew better.
"Of course I know I'm not a fucking rancher, Connor. And I don't want to be. But that girl over there?" I pointed in the direction of Ryan's house. "She needs help, and I need her. So until the guys need me back, I'm staying here until I can figure out what the fuck is going on between Ryan and that dickhead Yates."
Connor leaned forward and rested his arms on the tabletop, gripping his cup between his giant hands. It was almost funny how small the cup looked between them. He absently spun it around between his fingers. "I've started digging, but so far haven't turned up much on him. That's not all that surprising if he has something to hide. Someone with money like he has would hire the best to cover their tracks. I'll keep looking, but if I keep hitting walls and she doesn't give you anything, we need to decide if you want to dig deeper or just leave it alone and let her go."
My eyes narrowed as I glared at him across the table. "I will never let her go. Even if I have to wait forever. I spent so fucking long denying how I really felt, pushing it down and fucking around to forget. Now that I admitted that shit to myself, there's no going back. Ryan's what I want, and I'll do whatever I have to do to figure out what the fuck is going on. I know there's something not right about this whole situation. I can feel it in my fucking bones, Connor."
He sighed as if he'd already resigned himself, he knew that was what I was going to say. "I had a feeling. You know I'll call in my guys if I need to."
"I know. I really want her to tell me what's going on, though. I want to earn her trust, and so far, I've spent twelve years doing a terrible fucking job. I'm not surprised she won't talk to me. But I'm done running, so maybe I can get her to tell me, and we won't need your team." I glanced down at the digital screen on my wrist and realized I was going to be late for breakfast.
"Thanks for the coffee, but I gotta run. How much longer are you staying?" I asked, standing and tossing my empty cup in the trash. I made a mental note to hire a cleaning crew to come to deal with this place because I didn't have time to mess with that shit myself, and Russell hadn't exactly taken care of the house when he owned it.
"I'm heading back this afternoon, actually. True's got some promo stuff he's doing, and Zen wants to be with him. Kennedy called me this morning." He chuckled. "She's freaking the fuck out about me not being there. Hormones," he said with a grin as if that were the only reason she'd be freaking out. We both knew that wasn't it, though. She liked Julian, Sebastian, and Indy just fine, but the only one on Connor's team she really trusted with her husband's safety was the man himself, and he'd been gone long enough.
I smirked. "Don't let her hear you say that shit."
Connor laughed. "I won't. If you need me, call. Otherwise, I'll see you when you get back." He groaned. "Fuck. I just realized I'm gonna have to find a new wingman, aren't I?"
Walking around the table, I clapped him on the shoulder as he stood. "Sorry, man. Looks like it."
"You fucking rock stars. You're supposed to be debauched. Corrupt degenerates. Instead, I get stuck with the group who's monogamous ." He said the last word like it tasted bad coming out of his mouth, and I laughed, not really able to believe that I was being included in that group. What the hell was happening to me?
"I'm starting to think that with the right woman, monogamy isn't that bad." I shrugged. "It doesn't feel like a bad thing when she's the only one you want. Other girls just don't compare."
"Yeah, you go ahead and keep that shit to yourself. I don't want to catch it," he shuddered.
I stepped around him to the counter, grabbing my keys and my phone and shoving them in my pockets before sliding my sunglasses onto my face. "Can you lock up when you leave?"
He nodded. "I'll text you when my flight lands."
With one last glance around the house to make sure I had everything, I slid into my boots, quickly lacing them up and taking off for Ryan's. They'd be just starting breakfast, and I was already running late.
I started jogging and found myself climbing the steps to her front porch in only a few minutes.
I rapped my knuckles on the screen door and waited until Quinn swung the door open. He visibly relaxed when he saw it was me. "Morning, Quinny."
A smile tugged at his lips. "Fuck, am I glad to see you."
I chuckled. "That's exactly the reaction I want people to have when I grace them with my presence." I stepped inside, moving past him into the hall, noticing the warm, sweet smell in the air. "What's for breakfast?"
He closed the door and followed me down the hall toward the dining room. "Chocolate chip scones and avocado toast."
I raised my eyebrow. "You're not going all California on me, are you?"
"Just wanted you to feel at home with your snobby millennial breakfast foods."
I liked that Quinn didn't take my teasing lying down and instead volleyed that shit right back at me. "Dude, you're a millennial, too."
"Yeah, and I proudly fit the stereotype. I like avocado toast. Sue me," he laughed.
Pulling out one of the chairs, I plopped down in it, grabbing a scone and a piece of toast before Ryan walked in. She stopped mid-stride, stumbling as a little yelp escaped her throat when she saw me sitting here. My chest constricted at the sight of her. "You okay, Freckles?" I asked, knowing the pet name would probably make her squirm a little. My smirk turned into a grin when she started to stammer.
"Y-you… I…" She took a deep breath and stepped the rest of the way into the room, taking the seat next to Quinn. "I didn't expect to see you here this morning after you bailed on the movie last night," she admitted. I watched her, trying to figure out how she felt about last night, but all I saw in her eyes was fear and a little bit of relief. She thought I was going to leave again, and I couldn't blame anyone but myself for putting those doubts in her mind.
I got up from where I sat across from her and moved around the table, crouching down by her side. I pulled her hand into mine and looked up into her questioning gaze. "I know you might not believe me yet, but I'm not going anywhere unless you come with me. Even if you marry that absolute-"
Quinn interrupted with a well-placed throat clearing, and I swallowed back the words I wanted to say. My eyes darted over to him for a second, and I caught his wink and bit my cheek to stop from laughing.
Taking a deep breath, I continued. "Even if you marry Yates, I'll still be here."
"How can you promise that? You've got Shadow Phoenix. The guys depend on you, and you've got millions of fans around the world who look forward to your music. You can't stay here and wait around for me." She sounded so sure of herself, sure of what she thought I was capable of.
She had no fucking idea. "Oh, Freckles. I can and I will. Maybe you've forgotten since it's been a long time, but I get whatever the fuck I want, and I don't quit until it's mine. You… you've always been mine. We both just forgot for a while. But not anymore. You're what I want, and I don't care if it takes my whole goddamn life. I. Will. Wait."
She sucked in a breath and bit her lip. Reaching up, I brushed my thumb across and tugged her lip out from between her teeth. "If anyone's going to bite your lip, it's going to be me."
"Damn," I heard Quinn mutter from behind Ryan.
"I don't really know what to say," she confessed, playing with the hem of her white tank top. I noticed that it was a habit of hers. Her dark wavy hair fell over her shoulder, and I brushed it back, running my fingers through the silky strands so I could see her stunning face and those tiny light Freckles I loved so much that dotted almost every inch of it.
"Don't say anything. But you've got less than two weeks until the wedding, and I'm going to be here every single goddamn day proving to you that you belong with me, that I'm not going anywhere, and that no matter what you decide, I'll always be here. That's a motherfucking promise." I brought her hand to my mouth, kissing the back of it before letting go and sitting back down.
"What's the plan for the day?" Quinn asked, breaking the tension as he talked with his mouth full of scone. He spit a couple of crumbs out when he talked, and I shook my head.
"Christ, Quinny. At least swallow your mouth full of food first," I said, wrinkling my nose. Fucking gross.
He just laughed at me, though. I was starting to think he liked getting under my skin.
"We're clearing out ditches and checking the irrigation today," Ryan explained, and I bit back a groan. Fuck, I hated ranch chores. Digging ditches all day? It wasn't exactly a day in my regular life. From what she said, she and Quinn hated this shit just as much as I did, but they were stuck, and neither one of them was complaining, so I had to keep my mouth shut and try to keep up.
It didn't matter if we burned under the sun all goddamn day breaking our backs and sweating our asses off. As long as I was with Ryan, I'd never complain about a second of it. But fuck if I didn't want to hire her all the help she could use and set her free. Once I earned her trust, I'd bring it up but not a second sooner.
The past few days went quickly and dragged at the same time. Every second I got to spend with Ryan that we weren't doing goddamn ranch chores went way too fast, and every minute we were breaking our bodies trying to keep up with the cattle and everything that needed to be done went way too fucking slow.
One thing was for sure - I was working muscles I never even knew I had, and when I got back to LA, my trainer would sure as fuck be impressed. I missed my normal daily workouts. They were easy compared to the shit I was doing this week. No wonder Quinn looked like a fucking fitness model.
After another grueling as fuck morning, I managed to plan ahead and pull off a surprise for my girl. Even if she wasn't ready to admit it yet, that's what she was to me. That's what she'd always be. So, I'd asked her to meet me by the pond for lunch today. I knew her favorite spot to chill was under the little grove of trees that grew right near the water's edge. There was a soft patch of grass underneath, and since I had a minute to set up, I pulled the blanket I'd tied to Hex's saddle down.
Once the blanket was spread out, I walked back to Hex, patting his side gently. Then, I unpacked the lunch I packed us and carried it over to the blanket. Sinking down, I stretched out my legs and closed my eyes, enjoying the shade while waiting for Ryan.
I didn't have to wait long. The sound of hooves approaching had me opening my eyes and taking her in. God, she was fucking perfect. Her long, dark wavy hair was down today flowing behind her as the breeze brushed past her face. Her hips swayed side to side with the motion of her horse, and her skin was sunkissed and glistened from the morning spent in the sun.
Watching her on top of the horse had me picturing her on top of me as her body writhed above, her head thrown back as I worshiped her. Swallowing hard, I sat up, trying to hide how hard my dick was right now. I didn't want to show how much I wanted to relieve the pressure by unzipping my jeans because the zipper was currently digging into the sensitive flesh of my cock.
I watched her pull back on the reins as she swung her leg over the saddle and stepped down. She had a playful tilt to her lips as she made her way over to me. "What's all this?" she asked, taking in the blanket and the lunch I'd packed for us.
"A picnic. Come sit," I answered, patting the blanket right next to me and hoping she'd take the invitation. She did, and my heart sped up at how close she was. Her orange and vanilla scent drifted past me, and I inhaled, taking her all in. This week I made it a point of stepping back, though. I made it clear where we stood, but until I'd earned her trust, I wasn't going to push her anymore. If she wanted me, I'd never turn her away. But she had to be the one to come to me.
She leaned against me, her back leaned up against my side while she kicked off her boots and grabbed a bottle of water and a sandwich. "You know, in all the years I've lived here, I don't think I've ever had a picnic out here," she mused.
"Glad I could be your first," I flirted, hoping she'd let me be more than one first by the time we'd figured everything out.
She just hummed against me as she ate her sandwich, the vibration carrying up my arm. I had an ulterior motive for this picnic. I wanted to know what her hopes and dreams were so I could help make them happen, and I planned to ask her all about them. I knew she didn't want to be stuck on this ranch for the rest of her life. "Hey, Freckles?"
She turned and looked up through her sinfully long eyelashes, her wide doe eyes captivating me and making me forget what I wanted to ask. "Yeah?"
"Uh…" I frantically searched my mind, trying to remember where I was going with this. "What do you want out of your life?" I finally asked, breathing a sigh of relief that I managed to come up with something and not make a total fool out of myself.
I watched as her eyebrows drew together, and an adorable little wrinkle formed between them on her forehead. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, where do you see yourself in the future? In a couple of years? Do you still want to be here doing this?" I wondered, scanning the miles of green grass spread out in front of us.
"I don't know," she mumbled around her sandwich, dropping her eyes down to the blanket.
I turned so that we were facing each other and she had to look at me. "That's not true, Freckles. I think you do know, but you're too afraid to admit it."
She huffed out a breath and finished swallowing her bite before lifting her eyes to meet mine. She stared back at me with determination and fire, which was one of the things I loved most about Ryan. She didn't cower or cry or pout. She owned her shit, and she worked hard to make it happen. I respected the fuck out of her.
"Fine. That dream I had? The one I told you about where I wanted to be a cop? I never let that go. I don't want to be stuck out here in the middle of fucking nowhere completely miserable and wasting away as my body slowly breaks down. And for what? So people can have their steaks and hamburgers? I fucking hate it, okay?"
She was breathing hard, and I was a little bit stunned at the way she just put it all out there. I didn't think I'd ever heard her talk like that before, but I liked it. I scooted closer to her and rubbed her arm with my hand. She was shaking underneath my palm, so I pulled her against me and wrapped her up in my arms. I couldn't keep my distance no matter how hard I tried.
I also hadn't missed that her dream of getting the fuck out of here and becoming a cop hadn't mentioned one thing about her future husband. I filed that away to analyze later. I figured if I brought it up now, she'd shut down, and that was the last thing I wanted.
"You can do anything you want, and I'll be right beside you to make sure it happens," I vowed, my words slightly muffled as I talked into her hair. But I didn't want to let her go.
She pulled out of my grasp but still held onto my hand. "I want to help people. I feel called to it in every cell of my being. Watching what you went through, Mad… It did something to me. I'll never forget how your face used to look when you'd show up at my window." My jaw clenched as the memories threatened to pop up, but I focused back on her, refusing to acknowledge my past right now.
The stormy determination shining in her eyes even inspired me. It made me want to be better, do better. "You were always my safe haven, Freckles. You'd make an excellent cop," I assured her. "But what's stopping you?"
She looked around and sighed, her shoulders slumping. "This place. It's like a chain around my neck. I can't let it go because it's my parent's dream. It's the only home my dad's ever known. But if I don't do something, I'll never get out."
"I can help with that, you know," I volunteered, but she shook her head.
"I can't let you do that. This is my mess, and I have to figure it out." She finished her sandwich and stood up, dusting off her hands. "Ready to get back to work?" I hadn't missed the change in subject when I offered to help, or how she said she needed to figure it out. I'd learned a lot at this lunch, even if she hadn't meant to give much away.
First, Ryan still held onto her dream of being a cop. Yates didn't seem like the kind of guy who was interested in anything other than a trophy wife, so I wondered how she figured she'd pull off convincing him to be okay with her plans.
Second, she hadn't mentioned anything about her soon-to-be husband in her future or any plans to start a family.
And third, and probably most important, she was actively looking for a way to get out of here. To free her of this place so she could follow her dream. And if she was so eager to leave, why wouldn't she take me up on my offer to help? Did she already have plans in motion? And was that what she was doing with the jackass she was marrying? Nothing added up.
My mind raced with so many thoughts, I hadn't heard Ryan talking to me. "What was that, Freckles?" I asked, my attention completely focused on her again as I silenced my thoughts. I'd figure all that shit out later. Right now, she was what was important.
"I asked you why you've been sort of distant this week. Did I do something wrong?"
"No. But you know where I stand, and I don't want to keep feeling like I'm pushing you somewhere you don't want to go. I'm here, I'm around every single day because I'm trying to show you that you can count on me. I'm not going anywhere. And I haven't made it a secret that I hope you'll call off the wedding and give me a chance." I reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her closer to me so that we stood chest to chest. I smoothed her hair back out of her face and rested my palm against her neck, feeling her pulse racing under her skin.
"But make no mistake. If you come to me? It's game fucking on. I have no problems finishing whatever you want to start, Freckles," I promised with a dark chuckle.
"Oh, no?" she whispered, her lips brushing against mine before we crashed together. I wrapped my arms around her, tangling one of my hands in her hair as she pushed her tongue into my mouth. I walked us backward until I pinned her body up against a tree. I reached down and grabbed under her thighs, picking her up so her legs wrapped around my waist, and I groaned at the feeling of her perfection pressed against me.
I kissed her long and hard, neither of us wanting to be the first to let the other go. She gripped me between her thighs, so I moved one hand up her hip and under her shirt, caressing the silky skin of her stomach. My fingers danced up her body until I rubbed my thumb across the hardened nipple poking through the thin lace of her bra.
I swallowed her moan as she arched into my hand, silently begging for more. Moving my hand, I slid it underneath the thin material and pushed it up out of the way so my fingers could play with no barriers between us. I ran my thumb across her again, and she threw her head back and cried out. Lifting her shirt, I lowered my mouth, blowing my hot breath against her stiff peak before swirling my tongue around it.
When she pressed her pussy against me, I nearly lost it. It didn't matter that we both had multiple layers of fabric between us. I wanted to rip every fucking piece of cloth off our bodies and lay her down right here and claim her as mine.
But she deserved better.
She wasn't slowing down, but I needed to. I had to earn her trust, and to do that, I had to put her above myself. That wasn't something I'd ever tried to do before. I was a selfish motherfucker who got whatever he wanted. But if I wanted Ryan, I had to change starting right now.
I moved back, pulling her shirt back into place and slowing our kisses down until I placed one more on her lips and let her down. She looked incredible. Her hair was wild, and her lips were pink and swollen, and my chest swelled because I did that to her. I had as much of an effect on her as she did on me.
I rested my forehead against hers and closed my eyes while we both caught our breath. Her fingers moved lightly through the hair at the back of my neck as we stood in each other's arms, not saying anything. There wasn't anything else to say.
I had to figure out what her dickhead fiance had that I didn't and fast. With only a week until the wedding, I was starting to panic that I might actually lose her to another man. If that happened, I'd be broken.
As she shifted in my arms, I swore she was made for me, and I never wanted to let her go. No matter what it took, Ryan would always be mine, but the clock was ticking.