Thirty-Three
Thirty-Three
HER
As much as I’m trying not to think about what Varius is doing in this moment, I can still see him fucking her. He has his hands in her long gorgeous hair as he’s railing her from above, grunting and groaning and talking to her like she’s fucking special. He holds eye contact until he leans down to suck her giant titties into his mouth. Then he’s coaxing her into an orgasm, talking her through the tight fit of his cock.
“That’s it, baby. Just relax for me. Gods, you feel so good around my cock. Much better than Micha. Fuck, baby, you are taking me so well. Squeeze me just like that.”
Screaming, I jump to my feet and slam a fist in the wall. Then I clutch my head in both my hands and curl inwards on another scream.
I only have myself to blame for this. I told him to go get his dick wet, but I was pissed off and hurt, and at the time, it seemed like a good idea to give myself another reason to hate him. Another sin to remember so I don’t give in to his attentions, no matter how intense they get.
“I don’t want him back,” I rasp as I squeeze my head in my hands. “I don’t care what he does with her.”
Tears burn my throat, calling me a fucking liar.
So I press my hand to my neck and think about how he raped me last night. How he bit me, nearly killed me. How I lay in his arms, bleeding out, feeling like a lamb to be killed for his substance. My life under his.
Not an equal.
Just a breedmare to be used and discarded.
I hold on to those feelings, use them to regain control of my breathing, to grab both sides of my heart and stop it from ripping apart completely. I can do this. I can survive this marriage. I can watch him take mistress after mistress so he doesn’t go without sex, and I can learn not to give a damn. It’ll take time for the pain to stop, but eventually it will.
His cock slides into her hot, wet pussy. He’s groaning in her ear. “Fuck, baby. You feel so damn good.”
Digging my nails into my neck, I force those thoughts to keep going. To sear those images in my mind so I will never forgive him. Never waver even when he looks at me like my silence is killing him. When I can feel his pain ricocheting inside me, making it hard to breathe as it comes down the bond I don’t want.
A bond, that for some reason, he doesn’t believe in.
That thought cuts through my pain, a question that needs an answer, and I swallow hard as it rides to the forefront of my mind. My hand presses to my stomach as I breathe.
Why can’t Varius feel it? Is it because of what he is?
A monster from the Shadow Domain.
My mind flickers to the bat-snake Sau pulled out of her shadows. Is he the same species? Or something different? Does he have another form he can change into? My heart plummets into my stomach. Or did Sau change him in order to keep him as her son? To pass him off as Caden’s? Is that why their father cursed her with his dying breath?
That knot grows. As does that feeling of sickness as so many things start to make sense. The story about her saving Varius as a child… Was part of it true? But instead of his father having hurt their firstborn, was it her? After waking up from a nightmare, did she accidentally kill him, then in her grief, replace him with a monster she spelled to look like their child so no one would know?
Does Varius even know?
He said he didn’t remember a thing about what he did to me last night, and I felt his anger, his horror. I believe him, so is it part of his curse? Keep him in the dark so he doesn’t ask questions, doesn’t feel like the monster he is?
Acid burning my throat, I press a hand to my stomach.
Is the thing inside me like him?
Oh my gods. Is it going to pop out of my stomach like in Aliens? Or worse in Space Balls?
Shit. Am I going to have to drink blood?
My breath catching, I try to keep control of my rising panic. But I don’t want to drink blood! I like my steaks well done. And I especially don’t want a fucking monster baby popping out of my uterus and starting to dance and sing “Hello, My Baby” while I’m lying in my own intestines!
Fuck. Micha. Breathe.
Fuck breathing! I need answers!
Jerking my head towards the door, I run out of it, seeking Sau. I find her in the hall where I fought her monster. She’s sitting with it, one hand on its scaly hide, right below where its head used to be before I turned it into a pile of ash. She’s singing softly to it, her voice so godsdamn raw, and for a moment, I hesitate.
Despite all the shit she’s put me through, she is clearly grieving. A mother who’s lost a child. Pain etched in every crease of her face. In the sagging of her shoulders. In the tiredness of her aura. She is in agony as she says goodbye. I killed her baby, and she saved mine.
My heart in my throat, I shift awkwardly on my feet. “It fought well,” I finally say as I approach.
“She shouldn’t have died,” she replies softly, not looking at me, her hand stroking the blackened scales.
“I –”
She shakes her head. “I shouldn’t have brought her out to fight you. When the wards came down… I assumed it was you. You were back early. Not part of the family… I did not think one of my own boys… That Talon might have set a trigger for the wards to come down when you returned. I am sorry, Micha.” She looks up at me now, her eyes dry but still so full of pain. “And I am sorry that my interpretation of what I saw led to your torture.”
I swallow hard as I force a flippant shrug. I don’t know if I want to accept her apology just yet. She acted exactly how I would have. You don’t talk to a strong opponent; you hit hard and fast and hope like hel you catch them off guard. She didn’t have time to ask questions when the wolves were closing in on us. If I was the traitor, and she tried, I would have killed her. But still…she’s the bitch who caused Varius to mistrust me.
Looking at the dead beast, I focus on why I’m here. “Was the…” ‘Thing,’ though, seems rude to say. As does ‘monster,’ so I gesture at the snake-bat instead.
“Monmon,” she says as her eyes dip back to the creature.
“Was it a pet?”
“You cannot own a creature from the Plane of Monsters,” she says. “Even Olivia, who lives in the kitchen counter now that her body is gone, is not a pet.”
I blink. Oh my gods, that makes so much sense. “You used dark magic to trap a monster in your counter?”
“To save her,” she corrects. “She got infected from the poison of a kelorara.”
“What is she?”
“An echnida.”
“Wait, what?”
She smiles wryly. “Not the tiny animals you’re thinking of. Olivia is the offspring of Echidna herself.”
My jaw drops. “The Mother of Monsters?”
She nods.
“Shit. So is that what she looks like? Half human, half snake?” I hesitate a second, then ask, “Is she a human?” A creature that can take a full humanoid shape regardless of its origins.
She shakes her head. “No. She looks more like a praying mantis mixed with a xenomorph. And she has a humanoid shape, but she isn’t human.”
My heart stops at the word ‘xenomoph.’ Is that what Varius is? “Can I see her?” I ask nervously.
“She isn’t a thing to be brought out for our amusement.”
“Shit. Of course not. I was just…” Wondering what I can expect when the baby pops out of my stomach. “So why is she not considered a human if she has a humanoid shape?” I ask instead. “Isn’t that the definition of what a human is? Anything created in the image of a god?”
“It’s the layman’s definition, yes. But humans are given a humanoid shape first and another form second. Monsters are beasts, created to be wild and untamed. There are a few cases, though, of them pleasing the gods enough to be gifted a humanoid shape. But that is not who they are.”
“By ‘pleasing,’ do you mean by pleasing Zeus?” I can’t help but ask.
She smiles wryly. “I would not be surprised if that were the case with some.” She cocks her head. “Then again, I do not think he has any issues with fucking things that aren’t human.”
My cheeks burn as I glance at the monmon – a name that is way too cute for it. Where would Zeus even put his dick in that?
I shake my head to get myself back on track. “So do they give birth to humanoid shapes then,” I try hopefully, “or…”
“No.” She pauses for a moment, her eyes piercing. Slowly, she says, “I’ll be training some monsters later today if you would like to join me.”
I match her stare. “Are you fit to do that?” I might not be ready to forgive her for all the shit she’s pulled, but she is the best healer on this side of the Atlantic, perhaps even in the world, and I’m pregnant. With a potential monster baby. I am not being dumb enough to risk her life.
She smiles. “We’re at war. If we all waited until we were well-rested, we would lose. Now. Stand back. I need space to put Hoo-hoo to rest.”
Okay, what the fuck? That thing is not a Hoo-hoo. It’s a Regina. But I keep my thoughts to myself as I step back, and her shadows swirl out of her hands.
She starts to sing again, a dark country song that speaks to me all too well right now.
My throat working, I ask once Hoo-hoo is gone from this world, “Who’s that by?”
“Ryo Shadow.”
My lips part in a soundless gasp, but then I quickly close them again, an insensitive question on my tongue. About whether he did what the person in the song did – suffered from depression until he committed suicide.
“It’s a beautiful song,” I say instead. “Did he write many of them?”
“A few, but that’s the only one I remember.” She stands, and the sadness in her eyes is beaten back by an explosion of cold anger. “Antonio killed him on his wedding day while I was trapped in the Plane of Monsters. I never got to bury him. I didn’t get to bury my only grandchild either because I ran off to go kill Aleric, half-cocked and full of rage.” Her eyes dart to my stomach. “And I almost aided in killing my next one.” Her gaze lifts, holding mine. “I cannot tell you how sorry I am, Micha –”
“You can fucking try.”
She stops with a small smile, a bit of pride in old green eyes. “I am sorry I attacked you. I misjudged your love for my son and for my family. I have tried to enjoy the peace of the last three decades, but the paranoia I developed in the time before, when we were at war with the Death Hunt and the Blood Fangs, when I lost child after child, with parts of them mailed back to me in boxes… I learned to trust no one but my family, and I raised my firstborn to value that same paranoia, thinking it would save him.” She shakes her head sadly. “But instead it is killing him.”
I still, my anger rising from the embers it’s been sizzling at. “He isn’t fucking dying over thi–”
“He threatened me this morning,” she cuts in. “Said if I ever said another negative thing about you, he’d sell me to Aleric. The same fucking Aleric who butchered over half my children, who raped me repeatedly, and stabbed me multiple times in the stomach after killing three of my kids damn well in front of me.” The fire in her eyes burns hot enough to compete with my flames. But then it cools as she looks at me softly. “Varius cares about you, Micha. He just made a mistake, and he’s paying for it.”
“No, I’m paying for it. Varius didn’t pray to the gods, begging them to take his life or his magic, anything they wanted as long as they would save our child.” I raise my hands, forcing her to look at them. “It isn’t a mental block that’s stopping me. It was a trade Varius forced on me, and I will never be able to control magic on my own again.” I feel that truth in my fucking soul, and I clench my teeth shut to stop the pain that wants to escape on a scream. “So I don’t give a damn if he made a mistake,” I continue. “His choice will affect me for the rest of my life, and there is nothing he can pay that will measure up to that.”
“Not even if he suffers for the rest of his?”
“He won’t.” It’s been one day, and he’s already getting his dick wet. He’ll forget about me in a week. I never gave him any peace of mind, never gave him anything that he didn’t already have other than a vagina to hit anytime he wanted. Our relationship was too new. He was just getting comfortable with me. So he hasn’t lost anything but a toy to play with, and he will easily replace me with another.
Sau looks at me like I’m an idiot. “Do you know how hard it is for him to trust someone, Micha? For him to love anyone?”
“He doesn’t know what love is.”
“No, and he never will because he is firstborn. But your child will also be firstborn, and you will end up having this same conversation with her fiance. So will you tell him to hold on to his misery like you’re doing now, or will you try to convince him your daughter loves him as much as she is capable?”
“I will teach her what love is.”
“You don’t know what love is. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be shutting him out after one mistake.”
“He tortured me. That’s not something like forgetting our anniversary.”
“Talon lured you back on a day you weren’t supposed to be here, a day when all the boys were out. He wasn’t here when he brought down the wards, and none of us knew they could be lowered from afar. The suspects were either me or you, and you were the one kissing Antonio.”
“He forced me.”
“It didn’t look like it from where I was.”
“He took me by surprise! By the time I could even think to move, he was gone.”
“You could have shoved him away and thrown fire at his face, and I still would have thought you were with him. You would not be the first girl having a tat with her lover. The ward came down. The wolves attacked, and I know I was not the one who did it. You were the only other one there. And then Talon came back, and he told everyone you were the one to help Antonio take Khalid.”
“He punched a hole in my stomach.”
“Talon told us Khalid did it, and Varius thought he was about to lose not just a brother or the reaper but the last person he could trust.” She shakes her head. “I betrayed his trust by blackmailing you. He thought you did by being a mole for Antonio. Khalid was all he had left, and he did what he thought he had to do to save him.”
Not wanting to listen to her fucking logic, I snap, “Why did you blackmail me?”
An ironic smile curls her lips. “Because I didn’t want him to trust you.”
“You bitch.”I swing for her jaw. She twists her torso, moving the barest amount needed to get out of the way. I feel the heat of her skin as my fist passes but never touches. Hammering my arm to the side, I twist it at the same time so my knuckles will connect with her face.
She simply ducks and moves to the side.
Then rises again. Her foot kicks out to connect with my chest, but it stops an inch before contact. She poises on her other leg in perfect balance. “I’m not going to fight –”
I try to grab her leg so I can haul her to me with one hand and pummel her face in with the other. But she moves it out of the way, swinging it down and sideways, then up in a perfect arc to connect with my face.
I turn my entire body, pivoting wildly, expecting the pain and wanting to transfer the energy into a spin rather than taking it all as a solid block to my jaw. But it never hits, and I complete my three-sixty to face her again, my arms up, my heart pumping. Her leg is still in the air. Perfectly held to where my head just was.
“Your hand-to-hand needs work,” she says. “I can tea–”
She ducks and dodges as I swing for her. Rapid punches that never hit. And I’m getting exhausted all too quickly, the blood Varius drank from me heavily felt in its absence. As the last of my energy starts to go, I lunge at her, no thought, no technique, just primal fury to catch her off guard.
My arms wrap around her waist as I tackle her to the ground. There is a soft tap on the back of my head right before we hit, and I know the bitch’s telling me she could’ve just ended me. But I don’t care. There’s no such thing as a dirty fight, and just because she refuses to hurt me doesn’t mean I’m going to hold back when I beat the shit out of her.
So I shuffle up her body to straddle her chest with my legs. Fisting her hair at the back of her head with one hand, I punch her in the face with the other. Blood sprays from her lips and nose, and her eye becomes swollen as she lies there and lets me hit her. But if she thinks not putting up a fight will make me stop sooner, she’s wrong. I do not care if she doesn’t fight back. Don’t care if that means I have no honor. She tried to come between me and Varius; she helped break what we could have been, and for that, I will hit her until she passes out.
The utter fucking bitch.
But before I can give her a concussion, I’m hauled off her by two strong arms, then held against a chest I know all too well. The fact that I’m holding a huge bloody chunk of her hair and that Varius doesn’t go to see how she is pleases me a little, but then I recall how fast she heals. She’s probably already sitting up, not even nursing a bruised jaw.
“Get off me,” I snap as he carries me away.
“This isn’t good for the baby.”
“This is terrific for the baby! She’s learning what to do when some utter bitch,” I yell over his shoulder, “tries to –” I stop suddenly, swallowing down the words, get between her and her man. Varius isn’t my man. I can even smell another fucking woman on him. His dick must be soaked in it. Or did he eat her out, and it’s his godsdamn breath that I’m smelling?
“What did she do?” he demands as he climbs the stairs to the second floor.
“None of your fucking business.”
“Did she hurt you?”
“Fuck off. I’m not yours to protect anymore.”
He swings me off him and pushes my back against the wall, then lifts me up until I’m staring into his eyes. “You’ll always be mine to protect, little monster.”
And fuck, his gaze is too damn intense.
So I inhale deeply, holding the scent of another woman’s pussy in my nose.
Leaning back, he opens his office door and enters with me still in his arms. The door shuts behind us, and I bite my tongue before I can ask him what I’m doing here. I don’t want to give him anything when he still smells like a hoe.
“You stink,” I say, trying not to sound like it’s bothering me, like I’m just stating a simple fact.
He growls low, then says, “I was about to shower when I smelled your blood.”
I glance down at my hands. “It’s Sau’s.”
“I know the difference, and it’s yours.”
He sets me down on his desk, then grabs one of my hands. I try to jerk away, but he holds me firmly. Then he licks his thumb on his other hand and wipes it across one of my knuckles. Sau’s blood comes away, and beneath it is split skin.
“You couldn’t possibly smell that,” I say.
“I have enhanced senses.”
“What are you?”
“Don’t you know?” he asks softly.
My eyes narrow. “If you make me do a Twilight scene, I will beat you better than I did your mom.”
A small, humorless smile flicks at his lips. Then he drops his hand and steps back. Crossing to the door, he pushes on it to make sure it’s shut and the silence rune is activated. Then he locks the door, and my heart jumps into my throat at that click.
He turns slowly.
Walks back towards me.
My pulse gets faster and faster with every step he takes.
“That scene would be half-right,” he says softly, his gaze sharp and intense. Every inch the predator eying up its prey. “But I’m not just a vampire, Micha.”
Not just… My eyes widen.
“I’m a hybrid.”
My mind blanks as I stare at him.
Then it all fucking slides into place, and utter terror and disgust fill my mind. Screaming, I twist to grab the nearest thing beside me, and I sling it at his face.