Forty-Five
Forty-Five
HER
“Is that what you really need?” Varius asks flatly. “You can’t forgive me unless I mutilate myself?”
My blood is pounding in my ears. I’m not thinking right; I know it. Because there are alarm bells ringing in my skull, a little voice telling me I’m going too far, and yet, the words that come out of my mouth are, “Yes! Khalid cut off his hand for hurting his girl, and you’ve done nothing!”
“Khalid can speak magic. If I cut off both my hands,” Varius says tightly, “I can’t protect you.”
“Protect me?” I screech. “You won’t be able to hurt me! I begged you to stop.”
He flinches. Grief crashes down our bond.
“I cried and screamed, but my pain didn’t matter to you.”
“It mattered –”
I shove at his chest. “You kept going! You hammered that screw into me over a hundred times. You shaved off my fingers. So don’t tell me you cared –”
“Of course I cared, but I thought you were Antonio’s whore,” he explains.
“Fuck you.”
“Yeah, fuck me,” he snaps. “I fucked up. I know that, but dammit, monster, I am trying. I am trying so fucking hard to apologize. I spent days researching the best wand for you instead of looking for Talon despite the secrets he had on this Family.”
“You didn’t do that for me. You were procrastinating because you didn’t want to kill him.”
“Of course I didn’t want to kill him! He was my brother. I loved him!” He clenches his jaw. “Fuck, Micha. I promised to protect him when Caden walked out on us. He supported me in the moments I doubted my ability to lead this Family. He took a bullet for me when he was only sixteen. So no, I didn’t want him dead. He was my brother.
“But I ordered the hit on him anyway because of what he did to you. I didn’t try to hunt him down because you were more important.” He presses his forehead to mine. “Fuck, little monster. I got married the day after he died for you –”
“Youmarried me for yourself. Because you wanted to feel safe that I could never leave you.” My anger flares as I turn my head from him until he lifts his.
“That’s not –”
“And you didn’t even vow to do anything other than take me as your wife, so fuck off. I’m the one who had to vow to worship you and cherish you and become your slave.”
“You’re not a slave –”
“Then what am I?”
“You’re my wife!” he roars.
I stare at him as he breathes heavily above me.
“Fucking hel, Micha. You’re my wife,” he rasps. “I told you I am yours as much as you are mine.”
“So not at all.”
His dark eyes grow cold. Then he’s rolling out of bed and yanking me with him. “Since you’re clearly not in the mood to talk like an adult –”
My spine stiffens.
“– we’re going to go downstairs, dance the first song, and then talk to our guests so they don’t ditch us for Antonio. You are going to stay by my side, act every inch my fucking wife, and then I’m taking you upstairs to fuck you until you are ready to forgive me.”
“The hel –”
“You are.”
My nostrils flare with the force of my anger, but even I’m not stubborn enough to refuse him right now. He isn’t my guilt-heavy husband who’s trying to convince me he loves me. He’s Varius fucking Shadow, the Boss of the Shadow Domain, a man who’s to be obeyed.
“But first, little monster, you’re going to sit on my face because we could both use a fucking stress reliever.”
My jaw clenches, but it isn’t just rage coursing through me anymore. It’s arousal over being dominated, and I know the asshole can smell it.
“Now sit on the edge of the bed and hike up your dress,” he demands. His eyes are piercing and too damn hot.
I resist for a second, but then I sit my ass down and pull up my dress.
“Good girl.” His tone softens, and a thrill shoots through me. “Now spread your legs.” He loosens the black tie around his neck, though leaves the pink collar on. Then he shrugs off his dark-red jacquard jacket.
I tense the muscles in my legs so I don’t squirm while watching him. But when his stare turns even more intense and punishing, I part my thighs as my mouth waters. He nods in approval, then steps towards me.
“Now tell me to please lick your pussy.”
I glare at him in stubborn refusal. A slow smirk curls a corner of his lips as he glances down my body.
“I could be down on my knees right now with my tongue buried in your pussy. I could be humming on your clit” –he pulls on the pink collar around his neck– “completely there for you to use and command if you just say the words.”
My lips part with the visual he’s creating.
“You could be sitting on my face with my finger rimming your ass as I slide my tongue between your lips. Or maybe I’ll play with your nipples, rolling them between my fingers as I suck on your clit.”
A breath escapes. Fuck.
My eyes drop from the intensity of his stare, but now his hard cock is prominent in my line of sight. My blood rushes through my skull. My pussy aches for his touch. I try my best to keep resisting, but the words just fall out. “Get on your knees and lick me until I come.”
He groans. “As you wish.”
Dropping to his knees, he grabs my thighs. Yanking me off the bed, he twists onto his back and hauls me onto his face, forcing me down all the way. His tongue flicks up and down the outside of my pussy. A leisurely action with no desire to go inside. No rush. No ditching of the foreplay to get to the good stuff. He takes his time building me up, and I dig my nails into the sheets to try not to make a noise. He likes it when I moan, but I’m still mad at him right now. I’m using him, not forgiving him.
Especially since it’s only been a week since he fucked another woman in this very house.
The entirety of my body stiffens. I start to imagine him doing this to her.
Does he know what she tastes like? Is he comparing me to her?
“Stop thinking, Micha,” he growls.
The fact that he’s tuned into me enough to realize I’m too tense calms me down a little. The fact he used my name helps even more. I try to trust he’s with me, that he only fucked her because he had to for the blood bond, but all I keep thinking about is how she sounds when she comes. I don’t know the answer to that.
But he does.
Fucking hel. I can’t do this.
“Micha,” he growls as he lifts me up so he can speak. I try to climb the rest of the way off him, but he grabs my hip with one hand and pushes two fingers inside me with the other. He curls them back and forth, setting my nerves alight with unwanted need. I grab his wrist, but I don’t try to push him away. Part of me is desperate for this. To regain the connection we’ve lost. To pretend, even for a moment, that we’re not broken past the point of fixing.
“Let me take care of you, baby.”
I stiffen at his use of a nickname.
“I can feel how tense you are. Just look into my eyes and let me make you feel good.”
I tremble at the idea of him wanting to look at me, to see me rather than imagine her. My eyes dart down to his, and I suck in a breath at how focused his gaze is. On me. There’s not a flicker of distraction.
“Good girl. You keep your eyes on me just like that, Micha.”
I relax a bit more at the sound of my name.
“That’s it, baby.”
I stiffen again.
“That’s it, Micha,” he corrects, catching on, picking up on the pain I don’t say. And my heart squeezes tight with the knowledge that he really is here with me. He isn’t thinking about anyone else.
“Gods, you’re so fucking beautiful, Micha,” he murmurs, keeping his eyes on my face. “I love the way you smell.” He inhales deeply, and the hunger on his face intensifies. “Now I’m going to lick you until you come. But you keep your eyes on me. Let me see that beautiful face.”
My throat closes with a barrage of emotions as he starts to lick me again. His tongue slides between my lips, lapping me slowly before settling on my clit and swirling. I groan as I dig my fingers into his hair. My breathing turns heavy, and my eyes grow half-hooded as he starts to hum, but his gaze never wavers. His attention stays on me. Whenever I tense, my jealousy and doubt hounding me, he massages my ass, urging me to relax. As soon as I do, he hums his approval and his eyes light up like I’m the most beautiful thing in the whole world.
He builds me up to the edge of orgasm over and over and over again, but every time I get close, I start to think about her and how he made her feel like this.
His fingers knead my ass for the umpteenth time as I stiffen, but this time, the bond between us expands. It’s been getting weaker as the day’s gone on, the blood we shared last week running out. But now it’s opening like a damn, and all his love and devotion and arousal comes flooding into me.
I cry out as my thighs squeeze around his head. My back arches. My fingers scrape his skull as I fist his hair and ride him hard. He reaches up to my breasts, pinching my nipples through my dress. I pant heavily as he rolls me over so I’m on my back. As my hips lift off the ground, I squeeze my eyes shut, and my orgasm rips through me.
I scream.
He groans.
But he doesn’t stop licking my pussy.
I get a flash of an image in my head – of me as I am now, panting and covered in sweat as he lies between my legs. My eyes widen as I can feel his cock throbbing hard in his pants, pressed to the floor almost painfully. He rocks his hips, and I can feel it. The intense pleasure. The need for release.
My eyes close as my mouth opens, and another orgasm rips through me. Banding an arm across my hips, he holds me down as he continues to kiss me. His tongue strokes me a few more times before his lips lock over my clit, and he starts to hum. Grabbing a fistful of his hair, I try to shove him off me, but he doesn’t stop. Doesn’t give any mercy until I’m a mess of emotions that leave me shaking and crying.
“Micha?” he murmurs as he crawls up my body. I throw my left forearm across my face and cry harder.
“Shhh.” He lies on his side next to me and pulls me into his arms. He presses a kiss to my forehead. “I’m sorry, little monster. I’m so sorry.”
But I don’t feel bad at all. I feel too good, and I try to explain that, but all that comes out are raspy sobs that leave me shaking against him.
I cling to him, rubbing my face into his shirt, making it wet and messy. I try to pull my head back and apologize, but he places a hand on the back of my neck and holds me still.
“It’s okay,” he murmurs. “It’s okay. I’m so sorry, Micha. I thought… I thought this would help us heal together. I’m sorry, monster. I’m so sorry.”
I shake my head against him, trying to explain that the bond has strengthened for some reason, that I can feel not just his emotions from time to time, but I can feel him. I can see a bit of what he’s thinking, what his body is feeling. He’s holding me in his arms, and I can feel me trembling against him.
Grabbing hold of his shirt, I rip it open. Buttons pop free in every direction, and as they’re sailing through the air, I lean down and bite his naked chest. He hisses in a breath as I draw blood. Sucking it into my mouth, I lift my arm up to his lips. He hesitates for a second, but then he’s biting down on my wrist.
I dig my teeth in harder as the bond between us snaps tight. A delicious warmth floods through me. I sag against him, breathing heavily.
“Micha...I need...to be in you,” he groans as he rolls me onto my back. His hands go between us, fighting with his belt. I try to help him, desperate to have him inside me, to fill me completely. My lips find his, or maybe his find mine. All I know is that we’re kissing like our lives depend on it. His hands cup my breasts as I finally manage to undo his belt. Ripping at his pants, I pull his cock free.
He groans as he wraps my fingers around him. Then he’s pulling me off him and placing my hand above my head. “Fuck, Micha. I’m not going to last, and I want to be inside you.”
I whimper as he rubs the tip of his cock against my wet pussy. He slides his head between my lips, back and forth a bit before he finally pushes in. Panting and rasping, I arch my back as he fills me.
“Fuck!” he groans as he collapses on top of me, and I can feel the pulse of his cock as it empties his seed inside of me already. “Gods. Shit. Fuck. Micha. You feel so fucking good.”
He squeezes my breasts, pinching my nipples in between his fingers.
I whimper against him, needing him to move, to hit the back of my womb like he always does. To make us feel like we used to.
“Fuck,” he hisses. But then he starts to move. I cry out as I wrap my legs around him. He buries himself deep, then withdraws, then pushes his cock all the way in. I lift my hips, meeting his pace. Fast hard thrusts. A primal need that neither of us can contain. Our bond intensifies, our arousal mixing into one.
“Fuck, Varius…”
“I love you, Micha.”
I cry out as my orgasm breaks me. Tears burn my eyes as I can feel the intensity of his love for me. He actually meant it, every word he’s said to me this last week. The pain and grief and fear that he’s lost me. The determination to win me back. The terrifying love he can’t control. He loves me. And he is trying.
He’s trying so fucking hard to fix what he’s broken.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I close my eyes and cry.
He rubs my clit with a finger as he continues to fuck me hard and fast, chasing his own release. His hips are bruising the insides of my legs, but I don’t care. I just need him close to me.
Groaning, he shoves in deep one last time, then arches back as he grabs my hips. I open my eyes to stare at him as he comes. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful.
My lips falling open, I lift a hand to his face. He presses his cheek into my palm, his eyes closed, and shudders. Then he collapses on top of me, his chest going as hard as mine.
“I love you, Micha,” he murmurs as he kisses me on the forehead.
I hug him tight as I feel a large weight lift off my chest. The pain isn’t gone, but it’s finally starting to heal.
We are finally starting to heal.