2. 2
2
PARKER
F ucking city girl, I curse as I drive up the mountainside to my house. The second I saw her, I knew exactly what kind of girl I was dealing with. Had I been a little too harsh and acted like an angry brute? Sure. But people from the city bring out the worst in me these days. I wasn’t always so jaded, but Annie walking out two weeks before our wedding day changed me. I’m no longer careless, I’m careful. I’m no longer free, I’m weighed down. I’ve always been a sensitive guy, which led to me being too trustful and naive when it came to my relationship. Annie ruined me entirely. She showed me that you can be told one thing, only for the rug to be pulled out from under you shortly after.
Since then, I’ve had a hard time letting people in. I’m constantly waiting to be let down and for the other shoe to drop. I struggle to see the sincerity in people’s words and even find it hard to believe them when their actions back it up. Hence why I’m still single four years later. I keep my attachments light and never let it get to a point where I could get hurt. The only people I trust are my family and best friend, and even they think I’ve turned into a bit of an asshole. I guess that’s the thing about a broken heart; you’re never the same as before you were torn apart .
The winding roads that lead to my cabin are surrounded by trees and always bring me a sense of peace. I bought this place after Annie left and fixed it up with the help of my dad’s friend. The piece of land overlooks a meadow, but the isolation from town had been the deciding factor. It only took me ten minutes to get to work but it’s far enough removed that nobody bothers me. Here, I can just exist.
I pull up in my truck, jump out and make my way up the driveway. I unlock my front door and step inside, greeted by silence. I’ve always preferred being alone, even in my childhood. I’m social sometimes, but I always prefer to be in my own space with a book to occupy my thoughts. The proof of that is in my living room, in the form of built-in bookshelves. They wrap around the space in a U-shape and hold about a thousand books, last time I counted. This is my favorite room and I love being surrounded by all of my well-loved novels. This space is my safe haven and one of the first rooms I renovated when I bought the place. The cherry shelves were hand-crafted for the space and they draw the eye right when you walk through the door.
I throw together a very late lunch and eat on my back deck. I relax at the sound of the birds chirping and take in my personal view. The meadow is at the back of my cabin with trees lining the expansive land in a circular shape. There’s a little fire pit out there for the colder nights but other than that, I haven’t done much with the space. I don’t want to mess with the beauty and the natural scenery and feel like more of a guest to Mother Nature. I own the house, sure. But she owns the land it’s sitting on and I have always felt the need to preserve it. These mountains are my home and I have the utmost respect for this place.
My patio door opens and my father steps out onto the deck. I swivel around in my chair and point to the one beside me.
“Take a seat. I can make you a sandwich if you’d like.” I gesture to my almost empty plate. “Turkey and havarti.”
My dad waves me off and replies, “I’m good, I had lunch before meeting up with the new employee. Just thought I would swing by afterwards to see you and see how your appointment went.”
My dad, Dennis, owns the only bookstore in Emerald Falls. I work there alongside my sister and a girl named Cassie, but we need another person to work with me full time. I haven’t heard much about our new hire, other than she used to be a server and loves reading fantasy literature. Bringing somebody new into the store sets me on edge, despite everyone else’s excitement. Trusting someone else with my mother’s legacy is harder than I expected. Hell, it took me almost two years before I felt comfortable enough to have Cassie run the place by herself. The store is my life and I already told my dad that I would take over whenever he’s ready.
My dad sighs, sensing my hesitance about the new hire.
“Look Parker, I know you would rather run the place by yourself during the week, but it’s been too busy for you to manage alone.”
He locks eyes with me before continuing.
“I know you don’t like giving up control and the store is important to you. But it’s important to me too, and I trust her. She seems like a lovely young woman.” He shrugs. “Plus, I’m still the owner. What I say goes.”
I could see the corner of his mouth lift into a smug smile. I half-heartedly chuckle and run a hand over my beard. My family is my soft spot and I would do anything for them. So if my dad wants this new girl working for us, I’ll support his decision.
“Alright,” I concede. “If you see something in her, then I’m sure I will too.”
He beams at me and says, “That’s my boy. Now, how did it go with Helen?”
“It was fine. Same old shit. I need to continue doing what I’m doing, but I need to learn to open myself up to life again.” I scoff.
Helen is my therapist and has been since I was twenty-two years old.
“Well, she’s got a point.” My dad takes a breath and claps a hand on my shoulder. “I know it’s hard, Parker. It’s always been something you struggled with and when Annie left…”
I turn away from his gaze. I hate talking about this, but he soldiers on.
“I can’t imagine how much that hurt, but you have to remember that with life comes pain. There’s no avoiding it and there’s no way to anticipate it. You just have to remember that it’s worth it, because one day, you’ll meet her. And she’ll be worth every ounce of pain you’ve experienced.”
My dad stayed for dinner and left about an hour ago. Since then, I’ve been reading Little Brother by Cory Doctorow, one of my favorites. Something about re-reading my favorite books always brings me comfort. The familiarity of the author’s writing, characters and story never fail to make me feel at home. This particular book, I’ve read almost a dozen times. With my feet propped up on the couch and a bourbon in my hand, my mind begins to wander away from the words on the page. I find the evenings to be a slow kind of torture, where my brain ponders the what-ifs and contemplates my life incessantly.
What if Annie hadn’t left?
What if my mom didn’t die of cancer all those years ago?
What if I’m not enough to keep someone around for the long haul?
What do I want out of life other than owning the bookstore?
I slam back my drink and take a few deep breaths. I wish I could go to town and find a partner to bury myself in, but I’ve already had a few drinks, so that means I’m staying put. The more I think about having company tonight, the closer my thoughts drift to her blond hair and olive green eyes, framed with thick lashes. I shake my head as if I can change the direction of my thoughts. Why on earth am I thinking about that infuriating woman who rear ended me today? She was beautiful, sure. One of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen, to be honest. But she had an attitude, and I preferred more submissive women .
I bet I could shut her up by shoving my cock down her throat.
I picture her smart mouth wrapped around my dick, those lips pink and plump as she works me.
No.
I will not let myself go there, especially not with someone like her.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice—well, that makes me an idiot who didn’t learn a damn thing the first time around.