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43

PARKER

B eing apart from Lyla for the two months she was in treatment is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

Including the time she was isolating herself, I had gone three months without the woman I love, and after almost losing her for good, I knew that I didn’t want to waste another moment without her.

Which is why I asked Lyla to move in with me.

I knew it was soon, but I didn’t care.

We spent our first night back together lazily making love until the sun came up, and when the sun shone on her peaceful, sleeping face, I knew what to do. I woke her up with gentle kisses; on her cheeks, her lips, her hands, her arms. She giggled as she stretched out like a cat and gave me a sated smile, and I practically begged her to never leave.

To my delight, she didn’t want to be apart anymore either and gasped before squealing “Yes!” over and over again.

About a week after Lyla returned home, Kathryn and Gloria came to visit, as promised. They had helped Theo and I move Lyla’s things into my place and had stayed for two weeks. They decided instead of going on a vacation, they wanted to use their paid time off to spend time with Lyla .

Kathryn and I had stayed in touch while Lyla was away and had grown quite close, bonding over this shared experience and our mutual love for her daughter. Lyla had been a little taken aback when she first learned about her relationship with Gloria, but quickly accepted their love. She and Gloria even went for a hike just the two of them, where Lyla showed her where you could throw a body and nobody would ever find it. She was kidding, I think, but I knew she was protective of her mother after everything they had been through together.

When they were leaving to head back to Edmonton, Kathryn had pulled me aside.

“You take care of my girl, Parker.” Her eyes filled with tears. “You’ve been so good for her and I hope that you know how grateful I am for everything you’ve done.”

My eyes mirrored the moisture in hers. “I promise I’ll always keep her safe, Kathy.”

Some days, you don’t know how well you’re doing as someone’s partner. You question if you loved them enough today, gave them enough kisses, or made them feel appreciated. But when you love someone with mental illness, I think you worry a little extra. Was I supportive enough today? Was I patient enough? After her attempt, I’ve been worried that there could be a repeat and I would lose her for real this time.

But Lyla is thriving.

She goes to weekly, sometimes bi-weekly, therapy appointments. She still sees Meghan virtually, but she is also seeing Katelyn now to continue her EMDR.

She has been drawing more and more often, and I’m thrilled about that. I know she’s worried about her drive being dulled by the medication, as people with bipolar disorder feel more creative when they’re manic, but she seems to be finding inspiration everywhere she looks. She told me that being healthy for the first time in her life is allowing her to find even the smallest things more beautiful, and I’m so happy to see her progress. I thought Lyla had a zest for life before, but now she’s embracing her journey and truly coming into her own, and it’s something amazing to witness.

She has even accepted a second job.

Every Sunday, she goes to Bev’s studio and work with kids with behavioral issues. Bev runs a program that allows children to use art as a form of therapy and Lyla is her star teacher. She finds the work incredibly fulfilling and she loves knowing that she’s making a difference. Every Sunday night, she comes home exhausted, but with the biggest smile etched on her face.

Her medication has been helping to keep her stable, never allowing her to be too high or too low. We know there will still be times where the darkness sweeps in with a vengeance, but this time, we’ll be prepared. Her trauma is complex and it will take time to unpack everything she’s gone through, but she’s feeling optimistic about getting to a place where it doesn’t affect her so much.

I’ve also decided to do more intensive therapy again, due to the trauma of Lyla’s attempt. My anxiety has been getting higher again, especially when it comes to how Lyla is doing, and I sometimes have nightmares about finding her in a pool of her own blood. Lyla has apologized repeatedly, hating that I was the one who had found her. She knows how deeply ingrained those images are in my brain and she feels responsible for being the one to put them there.

But I wouldn’t change being the one who found her for anything. Saving my girl will always be something that I am grateful for and I will never regret it, despite the hardships.

It is a beautiful early May day, and my thirty-sixth birthday.

Lyla planned a big get together at the house and I’m surrounded by my closest friends and family. She has gone all out, decorating the cabin in blues and golds with white accents for her ‘very bourbon birthday’ theme. She even made a bourbon bar that has a chalkboard filled with recipe ideas for bourbon cocktails.

I watch her flit around the room, making sure everyone has full plates and drinks, and I can’t help the smile that stretches across my face.

“Dude, you’re a goner for her,” Theo laughs into his bourbon and Coke.

“I think I might be, yeah.” I run a hand through my beard and look at my best friend, the loneliness in his eyes catching my attention. “You’ll find someone too, ya know.”

He snorts. “Yeah, I’m sure women are lining up to date a thirty-five-year-old ex-military man with a young daughter, PTSD, and a divorce under his belt.”

I clap a hand on his shoulder. “You’re one of the best people I know, Theo. You’ll find her.”

He follows my gaze that has landed once again on Lyla and smirks.

“Being a lovesick puppy does sound nice,” he sighs wistfully. “I don’t think I’ve felt that, even with my ex-wife. It was never an all-consuming thing.”

I nod, having seen their relationship play out.

“Someone will ignite that part of you, one day.”

Theo looks into my eyes and I see an immense amount of sadness. I know that he struggles being a single dad, but I hadn’t realized how much he missed having a woman in his life.

“Hi, guys!” Lyla flutters over. “Great party, right? I think I pretty much nailed it.”

I put my arm around her waist, pulling her into my side before placing a kiss on top of her head.

“You really did, sweetheart. It’s one of the best parties I’ve ever had.”

She beams up at me. “Really?”

“Yes, my mom would have been highly impressed.”

A hand comes down on my shoulder and I know it’s my dad behind me.

“Yes,” he says proudly. “She would have loved this. Well done, Lyla. ”

He wraps her in an embrace and picks her up, swinging her around like a rag doll, all while she giggles. After one more squeeze, my dad lowers Lyla to the floor and she wanders away with a wink over her shoulder.

I catch my dad staring at me with a smile tugging on his lips.

“You look at her the same way I used to look at your mom.”

“And how’s that?”

A sad smile dawns on his face.

“Like she’s—”

He pauses, clearing his throat. I see the haunted look in his eyes as they’re lined with tears, as if he’s picturing her face, remembering the slant of her smile or the sparkle of her blue eyes; mine and Peyton’s eyes. He lets out a sigh before continuing.

“Like she hung the moon and the stars, blessing the night sky. As if she’s the first bloom of spring, promising beautiful days ahead. You look at her like she’s… everything. Like you’re simply blessed to be within her orbit.”

Emotion thickens by throat as my thoughts spin.

I think about everything my dad had found, and everything he had lost.

I think about how lucky I am to have found Lyla. Found a best friend, and a true partner.

I think about how my mom would never meet the love of my life.

Suddenly, Lucy runs up and wraps her arms around my legs as my sister follows closely behind her.

“Mom says we have to leave because it’s my bedtime.” My niece pouts.

“Your mom is right, plus we’re going for a hike tomorrow. You’ll need a good sleep so that you can keep up with us.”

Lyla has planned a family hiking trip tomorrow morning and Lucy has been ecstatic since she found out. She can’t go on a hike as big as visiting the falls, but Lyla had suggested we take her on the Maligne Canyon trail starting at the sixth bridge. It’s a beautiful hike, but doesn’t have a steep incline for most of it, making it easier for Lucy.

“Fine,” my niece mutters. “But make sure you bring good snacks tomorrow. ”

Ah, the priorities of children.

The party goes later than planned, and Lyla and I are cleaning up the mess when I grip her by the waist and spin her around so her back is pressed into the countertop. It’s the same position we were in the first time I kissed her and I think back to that night. It feels like a lifetime ago and so much has changed.

Well, except for one thing.

“I love you,” I whisper against her parted lips.

“I love you too, old man.” She grins.

I groan. “I’m only nine years older than you, sweetheart.”

“I know, but it’s too easy to poke fun at you.”

I chuckle as I bury my face into her neck.

“How about I show you just how young and spry I am?” I say as I kiss the length of her throat.

“Mm,” she sighs. “I think I’d like that.”

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