Chapter 19
19
Aviva
I spent Saturday and Sunday on my couch buried under blankets, rewatching Ted Lasso with a concerned Tovah. She’d begged me to tell her what was going on, but I knew if I did, she’d go directly to the police. What’s more, I was worried she’d be ashamed of me, and that I’d put up with Jack’s behavior for so long.
But no longer.
My phone was silent; no packages were delivered. It was a relief, even though I knew I hadn’t seen the last of him. I even went so far as to research if I could drop out of Deviant Psych this far into the semester without it impacting my transcript; unfortunately at this point I’d fail the course.
My only option was to beg Professor Johnathan to let me switch project partners.
Monday rolled around, and I forced myself to get up, shower, put on clothes—careful to cover my scar. As I wrapped a scarf around my neck and tucked it under my top, I froze, staring in the bathroom mirror at the dark circles under my eyes.
What if someone had taken a picture with their phone? What if someone had recorded the whole thing? What if it already was online somewhere?
What if Friday night had ruined my life in ways I couldn’t imagine?
Walking into the living room, I called to Tovah, who was making us both coffee.
“Tov?”
“What’s up?”
I swallowed. “There haven’t been any…posts about me on social media, have there? Can you check?”
She eyed me. “Do you want to tell me why?”
I shook my head, and she sighed, picking up her phone and scrolling.
“Nope, nothing. But I swear to god, Aviva, you need to tell me what’s happening. You don’t have to go through whatever this is alone.”
I blinked tears away. “You’re the best, have I ever told you that?”
She reached forward, hugging me. “No, you’re the best. The strongest, the bravest, the loyalest. But you don’t have to be.”
Even without any posts about what had happened at the hockey house, I still couldn’t relax. Just because it hadn’t been posted yet didn’t mean that it wasn’t coming. Or that they hadn’t created a fake Only Fans account and shared it there. I resisted the urge to text Jack and beg him not to post anything, and to tell his team the same thing. That would only give him ideas. I prayed that he hadn’t thought of it yet, and no one else had, either.
I made my way to class slowly, knowing I was going to be late, but reluctant to be there. I didn’t want to see Jack, and I didn’t want to be back in the room where he’d first fucked me. There were too many memories and they weren’t all horrible ones.
By the time I got there, the door was locked. I had to knock, which was embarassing enough. Worse was Professor Johnathan’s concerned face when he saw me.
“Aviva, you’re late. You’re never late. Is everything okay?”
His voice carried through the hallway; everyone in class must have heard him too.
I forced a smile on my face. “Everything’s fine. Overslept.”
He gaped at me. “It’s four p.m., Aviva.” His face turned stern. “I’d expect better from you than to be partying so hard on a Sunday night.”
Someone inside the classroom chuckled.
The professor sighed.
“Come on in. There’s been some rearranging I’ll go over.”
There was one free chair by the window. Jack wasn’t next to it like I’d expected; instead, he sat beside another girl.
I did not care. I would not care. Jack Feldman meant nothing to me . Nothing.
Shaking myself mentally, I went to go sit in the only empty seat, pulling out my beat up laptop and paying attention to the professor and only the professor.
He cleared his throat. “Before you got here, Aviva, the class decided they wanted to do some rearranging of partners for the project. Jack and Katie are now working together?—”
Was there anywhere lower my stomach could fall? Through the floor maybe? I inhaled deeply, forcing my expression to stay blank .
“Does that mean I’m working with Sebastian?” I asked, naming the student who’d wanted to work with me before.
Professor Johnathan looked guilty. “Sebastian wanted to stay with his current group.”
“No I didn’t,” Sebastian muttered.
Wait, what?
Professor Johnathan coughed. “You’ll be working alone, Aviva.” He brightened. “But you’re welcome to come to office hours whenever you like if you want to talk through anything.”
I glanced over at Jack. He looked unconcerned. This, if anything, solidified my hunch that he was done with me.
What a goddamned relief. It was over. And hey, I could do my project on power and sexual narcissism after all.
But I wasn’t relieved. That stabbing feeling in my chest? Not relief.
Why wasn’t I relieved? Had that motherfucker wormed his way into my heart, even as he’d tormented and tortured me? I hated him, I refused to be sad he’d moved on.
My phone buzzed. I checked it when Professor Johnathan wasn’t looking at me.
It was Lucy.
tovah said you wanted to talk?
Oh, thank god. I’d meant to reach out to Lucy myself, but I’d felt like such shit this weekend I hadn’t had the energy to. I was grateful Tovah had.
i need your help with something
how much do you know about coach jensen
jensen? the kings coach?
that’s the one
not much, only that blake hates him
My skin tingled. Someone hated Joshua? Someone who knew him?
blake’s tabb’s hockey coach, right
yup
also my warden, guardian, jailor and general pain in the ass, but that’s besides the point
I tried to play it cool.
why does he hate him?
idk, but blake’s face gets all tight and mouth all square and pissed if his name comes up
ill bug him about it, its fun to bug him about things
why?
Before I could respond, Professor Johnathan cleared his throat.
I looked up guiltily, hiding my phone under my desk.
“Ms. Gold, I would appreciate it if you paid attention to class and not to whomever you’re texting.”
“I’m sorry, you’re right,” I mumbled.
The class laughed. Jack raised an eyebrow.
I raised an eyebrow right back .
I wasn’t going to get caught up in his games. Not when it looked like I finally, finally , had a lead. And without the distraction of Jack’s torment and torture, I was free again. Free to get justice for my brother. And god save anyone who got in my way.
Including Jack Fucking Feldman. Anger, righteous and energizing, filled me. So did determination. I wouldn’t let how he’d hurt me at the hockey house destroy me. Wouldn’t let it distract me from my true purpose at Reina. I wouldn’t take his bullshit bent over anymore. Even if a fucked up part of me craved it.
As if he could hear my thoughts, his eyes narrowed.
I narrowed mine right back.
Because if Jack thought he was still calling the shots when it came to me?
Then he had another think coming.