Bryce

Chapter 2

Samantha busied herself at work. If there weren’t any customers, she was busy cleaning. She told Meka she was fine, but judging by the sideways glances she kept receiving, she wasn’t very convincing. It had been two days since the table sex she didn’t want, and Brandon had barely said two words to her. They hadn’t discussed the audition, and she was sure it would be an argument. Knowing his work schedule was all over the place, there was no choice but to bring it up again when she saw him next.

“Did Chenille end up going to homecoming? I kept forgetting to ask you,” Samantha asked, referring to Meka’s sixteen-year-old daughter.

“Yeah, apparently. She discussed everything with her dad because she knew I’d need details and want to meet her date. The dance fell on her weekend at her dad’s so I can’t do much about it.”

Samantha looked at Meka while she tried to think of something positive to say. “Well, she has a good head on her shoulders; I’m sure everything was okay.”

“Yeah. So, what’s going on with you? You haven’t seemed right since you got here. And don’t tell me you’re fine. I didn’t believe you earlier, and I won’t believe you now.”

Samantha met her gaze in hopes that she would look away first. When she didn’t, Samantha sighed and folded her arms across her chest. “Things aren’t great with Brandon. We haven’t really talked about the audition, and I know it’s going to be a big thing.”

“I thought you were going to talk to him when you got home the other night.”

“I did try to talk to him. And he wasn’t interested in talking about it.”

“Okay, but we already knew it wouldn’t be simple. What am I missing here?” Meka asked.

Samantha sat down in one of the reading chairs since there were no customers. She closed her eyes and tried to find a way to explain her situation. Meka knew that Brandon was a jerk, but she had no idea how bad things were. The things she had to deal with were embarrassing. What could she say? The forced sex as payment for breakfast made her second-guess her decision to go to the audition?

She let out a heavy sigh. “It’s not as easy as you make it sound. I can’t just tell him that I’m going to the audition no matter what.”

Meka’s eyes studied her with the wisdom of a woman who hadn’t always had it easy. She was only ten years older, but going through a divorce and dealing with a difficult teenage daughter made forty-five seem a lot older than thirty-five.

“What aren’t you saying?” she pushed in a gentle voice. “Does he hurt you?”

“No,” Samantha answered quickly. “Well, not really.”

He had never hit her. That wasn’t his thing. He preferred to remind her who was in charge. He’d grab her just a little too tight so she knew he could hurt her if he wanted to. He would ignore her and pretend she didn’t exist. He would get in her face and dare her to challenge him. He also made sure to remind her that she couldn’t survive on a part-time job at a bookstore.

“It’s not like that. He just makes it really difficult to disagree with him,” she said, struggling to explain herself. “Don’t look at me like that, I know I sound ridiculous. There will be other open calls. Maybe I’ll just go to the benefit. I can give him a few hours of my time.”

Meka gave her a knowing look. “You do whatever you feel you need to do. Don’t do anything on my account. I will cheer you on no matter what.”

At that, Meka dropped the subject and began marking items on sale. Samantha appreciated her for not pushing the matter. She stood and began to set up the corner of the room for story time. That was her favorite part of the week. She loved spending time reading to the little kids since she didn’t have any of her own.

“Mrs. Tate!” the first kid to arrive called as she ran in, at full speed.

“Hi, sweetie! Are you excited? I know I am,” Samantha said after crouching down to eye level with the little girl.

“I wish story time was every day,” the little girl complained.

“If it was every day, you’d get bored,” her mom said from behind her. “Now let’s pick out a spot so Mrs. Tate can get ready for the rest of the kids.”

“Okay,” she agreed and took her mom’s hand before stopping to turn around. “Hey, do you like my hair, Mrs. Tate?”

Samantha looked at the two curly puffs and had to resist reaching out to touch them. Whenever she daydreamed about having kids, her little girl wore that hairstyle.

“I love your hair. Maybe I’ll wear my hair like that when I take these braids out.”

The girl giggled and found a spot on the floor with her mother. They selected a blanket from the basket and spread it out on the floor to sit down on. Samantha watched them with a wistful smile. Before long, the small space was filled with children and their parents. She had selected a few books to read and was surprised when she looked at the clock to find the hour was up.

“Okay, kiddies, that’s all for today. I’ll see you all next week, but you don’t have to wait for story hour to come visit us here,” Samantha announced with a genuine smile.

The kids filed out and Samantha was sad to see them go. For that hour, she had nothing weighing on her mind. The only thing she had to worry about was messing up any words as she read aloud. It wasn’t the same high she felt being on stage, but it did come close.

“Okay, Meka, what’s left to do?”

“Nothing. I finished everything up while you were reading to the kids.”

“Are you sure?” Samantha asked.

Meka patted down her short afro with one hand and placed her other hand on her hip. “Stop stalling and go home. You know you can call me any time, right? Day or night. If things get bad, you are more than welcome at my place.”

She wanted to argue that things weren’t that bad. She didn’t want her friend thinking she was an idiot for staying with her husband. But she also wanted to take her up on her offer.

“Thank you,” was what she settled on saying.

The apartment was dark when Samantha unlocked the door and stepped inside. The smell of vegetable soup filled the air telling her the crock pot was still on. She walked further inside and noticed Brandon’s work bag wasn’t in the usual spot in the hallway. His schedule changed so much that it was hard for her to keep up. She always made sure to prepare dinner in case he was home, but she wasn’t disappointed when he was gone.

After kicking her shoes off, she made her way to the bedroom. The tension eased from her shoulders just knowing he wasn’t home. Removing her clothes, she exchanged them for a tank top and sleep shorts before opening the binder she kept in the nightstand and flipping through her sheet music. Even though she wasn’t planning on making the audition, she still practiced her audition song and her scales.

The thought of singing in front of her husband made her uncomfortable. He mostly stayed out of her way with auditions, but he didn’t show her any support. He treated it like a hobby, and she knew she wouldn’t take it well if he criticized her singing. When they were dating, he went to her performances even though the roles were with small theaters. He hadn’t gone to any since they got married. She understood he was busy with work, but it still would be nice to have the support.

She went through her warm-ups and then sang two of her favorite audition songs. It never hurt to have two prepared just in case they asked to hear something else. Closing her eyes, she allowed the music to take her somewhere else. For the second time that day, she was transported to a place where she wasn’t worried or stressed out; a place where she could be herself.

Once she had finished, she took some more time to do something she wanted to do for a change. She enjoyed cleaning, so she turned up her favorite music and cleaned the apartment. She reorganized a few shelves and moved around some decorations. The decision to go to the benefit with Brandon felt like an even better idea once she had time alone to think. When everything was the way she wanted she went to bed, falling asleep happy with her decision to keep the peace.

She awakened to Brandon stripping from his work clothes and heading to the shower. She took in his muscular frame and classic good looks. Hopefully making the decision to put him first and keep the peace would be a step in the right direction for their marriage. She was tired of questioning why she stayed. Making a marriage successful took a lot of work. Work she was willing to put in. She still dreamed of being on the stage, but that didn’t have to come before everything else.

Sitting up against the headboard, she pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped them around herself while she waited for him to get out of the shower. Finally, he emerged wearing just a pair of flannel pajama pants.

“I didn’t know you were up,” he said as he tossed his wet towel into the hamper.

“I heard you come in. Can we talk about tonight?”

“There isn’t anything to talk about. You’d rather go to your audition, so you should do that,” he said simply.

Samantha wasn’t sure how to respond. There had to be something more to it. She had gone over a hundred scenarios in her head and having him just agree that she should go to the audition wasn’t one of them.

“I should?” she asked after a long hesitation.

“Yes. You should.”

She looked him over and tried to figure out his angle. “That’s really sweet, but I decided the audition isn’t that important. There will be others. I’d rather go to this benefit with you.”

“I said go to the audition.”

Samantha sat up straighter and crossed her legs yoga style. “I must say, this is not how I saw this conversation going. I mean it. I thought about everything, and I’d rather go with you tonight.”

“That won’t be possible,” he said, effectively shutting her down.

“Excuse me?”

“I said that won’t be possible. Lissandra is going to go in your place. She wanted to go but had to work. By the time she arranged a switch, tickets were sold out. She wants to go. You don’t want to go. Now everyone is happy.”

Samantha forced herself to ignore the pang of disappointment. Lissandra used to work Brandon’s tour but transferred to a different firehouse after her husband suspected her of having an affair with Brandon. Brandon always denied any sort of relationship, and Samantha couldn’t find any proof, but she always had her doubts. The fact they kept in contact raised several red flags even without him taking her to the benefit.

“What does her husband have to say about that?” Samantha asked after a long silence.

“Nothing. They aren’t together anymore.”

That news left Samantha reeling. All visions of working on her marriage quickly moved to the background. She knew his game. He was taking Lissandra in order to punish her for not wanting to go. Change didn’t happen overnight. She was determined not to react. After sliding her legs around to the side of the bed, she quickly stood and headed for the bathroom. Hopefully, a shower would calm her down.

The hot water did nothing. The longer she stayed in the shower the more distraught she became. Along with the anger came disappointment in herself. She had convinced herself in his absence that she was the problem. Sure, she wasn’t perfect, but she wasn’t responsible for the way he treated her. She deserved better.

When she entered her bedroom with her bathrobe tied tightly around herself, she found Brandon already asleep in the bed. Asleep like he hadn’t a care in the world. The sight of him infuriated her.

Her initial thought was to refuse to go to her audition. As she stood in the kitchen and waited for the coffee to brew, it occurred to her that skipping the audition would only hurt her. He was probably counting on her being too upset to go. She wouldn’t allow him to sabotage her. She would go to that audition, and she would give it her all. All she needed to do was find a way to calm herself down so she could give it her all.

As if on cue, her phone buzzed with a text message.

Meka: Hey girl. Do you need a girls’ day? I’m sure today is a lot.

Samantha: I really do. Meet me at the Starbucks we usually go to in an hour?

Meka: See you then.

Samantha couldn’t believe Meka’s timing. Even though they were close at work, they had only hung out a few times. Some time with a friend was exactly what she needed. Her tendency to push people away kept her from having to explain her marriage, but it was also alienating. She deserved better.

She took her favorite canvas tote from the closet and loaded it with her sheet music, jazz shoes, character shoes, and a bottle of water in case she decided not to go home before her audition. After donning her favorite pair of black leggings and white cropped t-shirt, she grabbed a long black cardigan and headed out the door to meet her friend.

“I can’t believe you took me up on my invitation,” Meka said as soon as she walked through the entrance.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m going to work on that, I promise.”

“Don’t apologize! We all have our own shit we’re dealing with. Now, catch me up. What made you decide to come out? Are you okay?”

Samantha shifted her bag to her other shoulder while deciding how many details she wanted to share. Tired of covering up the truth, she opted to be fully transparent. Meka had never given her any reason to doubt their friendship.

“I’m going to the audition this afternoon,” she said.

“That’s great!” Meka responded. “I knew you’d change your mind. It’s the right choice. An open call for a Broadway revival of Rent? Once in a lifetime.”

She paused to place her order for a venti Americano. On audition days she avoided dairy, so she wouldn’t be getting her usual drink with all the frills. After waiting for Meka to place her order, she continued what she was saying once they were off to the side.

“Don’t give me so much credit. I spent the evening evaluating my marriage. I know it can’t be one person’s fault when a marriage fails, so I decided I would be the one to try harder. I decided to put him first and attend that stupid benefit,” Samantha began.

“Okay?”

“Well, when he got home, I was all excited to tell him that I had changed my mind. I would gladly go with him to the benefit. Do you know what he said?”

Meka picked up both their coffees and led the way to an empty table. “What did he say?”

“He said it wasn’t possible because he’s taking someone else. Since I had something else to do and Lissandra wanted to go, he’s bringing her. I feel so stupid. Why do I keep doing this?”

“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. Fuck him. Now you know to just put yourself first. You’re going to kill it at the audition. What are you wearing? Let’s go shopping and pamper ourselves. Make sure you’re in the right frame of mind,” Meka suggested.

Samantha sipped her coffee and thought about what her friend said. She was right. She needed to stop giving a damn and put herself first. There was no way to control his actions, but she could control how she reacted to him. She was done letting him dictate her moods and emotions.

“You are absolutely right. Fuck him. That day spa around the corner has a steam room. Let’s stop in and see if they can fit us in. I’m talking massage, facial, manicure… the works. The steam will be good for my vocal cords. Brandon’s treat. What do you say?” Samantha offered.

“I say that sounds like a fantastic idea. I’m off today. Let’s do it. I am sorry you have to put up with all that. And my offer still stands. Mi casa es su casa.”

“Thanks, Meka. I haven’t figured everything out yet, but I know we need to come to an understanding. The way things are is not going to work for me. What was I even thinking? Skipping the audition to spend the evening with someone who doesn’t really want to spend time with me? No.”