Bryce

Chapter 4

Samantha tried her best to hold it together. As soon as she took notice of the other person in the room, she was struck by how much he looked like Brandon. His dark hair was cropped close to his head on the sides, with some length on top, and he had a neatly trimmed beard. Otherwise, he looked enough like Brandon that she could have guessed they were related. She was still coming to grips with Brandon having a brother she didn’t know about when the doctor entered the room.

“Yes? I’m Mrs. Tate,” she breathed. “What is it? What happened?”

She was vaguely aware of the man who introduced himself as Bryce taking her hand in his, but her attention was on the doctor. She tried to focus on what he was saying, but it all sounded like ringing in her ears. The only thing she heard clearly was the sound of her heartbeat. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and tried once again to hear what the doctor was saying.

“…despite our best efforts your husband died.”

The words hit her like a bucket of cold water. “I’m sorry, what?”

“We did everything we could,” the doctor repeated, “but your husband died.”

“I’m sorry,” Samantha said carefully, ignoring the squeeze Bryce gave her hand. “Could you please start from the beginning?”

Dr. Kimball cleared his throat and started over. “Mrs. Tate, your husband was in a very serious car accident…”

“He’s dead?” she interrupted.

“Yes,” the doctor confirmed. “We did everything we could, but your husband died.”

Samantha closed her eyes again and attempted to process what the doctor told her. Her husband was dead. He was no longer alive. She was a widow. She slowly looked to her right and met the gaze of the brother-in-law she never knew existed. He continued to hold her hand and his hazel eyes were filled with concern as he watched her.

“Would you like to see him?” The question dragged her attention back to the doctor.

“See him?” she repeated.

“Yes. Would you like to see him? He’s still in the trauma room. You can take all the time you need,” Dr. Kimball said with a nod indicating for her to follow.

Samantha stood without letting go of Bryce’s hand. He seemed to hesitate, but stood to follow when she continued to hold on. She needed to see him for herself to believe he was gone. She wondered if the sadness would hit once she saw his lifeless body. She wasn’t yet ready to put a name on the emotion that overwhelmed her.

Dr. Kimball stopped just outside of a hospital room. ”You should prepare yourself. We’ve disconnected all the tubes and cleaned him up the best we could, but due to the nature of the accident, the medical examiner needs things as undisturbed as possible.”

“Nature of the accident?” Samantha questioned.

“Yes. The other driver was intoxicated. There will be criminal charges and in order to do so an autopsy could be necessary,” the doctor explained.

Samantha nodded and headed into the room. When she was nearly through the doorway, she felt a tug on her hand. Turning, she found Bryce tugging her back to him.

“I’ll stay out here. You go ahead and take whatever time you need,” he said softly.

“But he’s your brother,” she objected.

“Yeah. And I’ll see him when you’re finished.”

Samantha took a slow breath to steel herself before walking into the room. The sheet was pulled up to his chest with his arms on the outside. Both arms had tape securing disconnected IV catheters on the inside of his elbows. An endotracheal tube was secured to his mouth, despite no longer being connected to anything. Noticeable bruising surrounded his closed eyes. The hair on the top of his head appeared caked with blood.

Samantha took several slow steps until she reached his bedside. Taking in the sight of him, she continued to wait for the sadness to hit. His hand was cold beneath hers when she touched it. Slowly, she moved her hand and placed it on his chest as she said a silent goodbye.

“Okay,” she whispered from the doorway.

Bryce quickly made his way over to her and gripped her elbow. “Okay?”

His firm touch shook her from her trance. “Yes. You go on in.”

“You don’t have to rush. Take all the time you need, Samantha.”

“I don’t need any more time. Go ahead and see your brother,” Samantha insisted.

She sat down and watched as Bryce finally made his way inside the room. The curtains were drawn so she couldn’t see past where he walked in, but she could imagine the shock he must have felt seeing his flesh and blood cold and lifeless before him. She had no idea what came next.

She leaned forward and rested her elbows on her legs, cradling her face in her hands. It had been a long day, and it wasn’t even close to over. Closing her eyes, she took several slow breaths to calm herself down. She still hadn’t felt the wave of sadness she was waiting for but figured it would show up once the anxiety waned.

When she heard someone take the seat next to her, she turned to see who it was. Expecting someone from the hospital, she was surprised to see Bryce. He couldn’t have taken long to say his goodbyes since it felt like she had just sat down. He sat with his eyes closed as he took several unsteady breaths.

“You okay?” she asked.

He took one more deep breath before he answered. “I will be. He’s my little brother, you know? I never thought he would go first. Even with him being a firefighter, the thought never really crossed my mind. As shitty as things were between us, I assumed there would be plenty of time to work things out if I wanted to.”

It was Samantha’s turn to take his hand. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Me too,” he said solemnly. “I can’t imagine what you must be going through.”

Samantha gave his hand a squeeze before returning her hand to her lap. “I don’t think it’s hit me yet. I mostly feel anxious knowing I have funeral arrangements to make. I don’t even know where to start.”

Bryce sat forward in his chair. “Don’t stress out over that. Not now. It’s late. Nothing has to happen right now. Go home and get some rest. Give yourself some time to feel.”

Samantha stared at him in disbelief. What he said wasn’t earth-shattering. He was being completely reasonable. She just wasn’t used to anyone reminding her to take care of herself. But he was absolutely correct. There was no emergency. She could go home, regroup, and then go back to iron out all the details.

She pulled him into an impromptu hug. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.”

“I’ll help you,” he offered. “Just tell me what you need.”

Before she could respond, she looked up to find two older gentleman approaching. They wore navy blue pants, a white button-down shirt with patches on each sleeve, pins in the collar, a navy blue tie, and held white hats in their hands.

“Mrs. Tate?” the younger of the men asked confidently. “Chief Barnes, and this is Monsignor Paul Santiago, the department chaplain. I’m very sorry for your loss. We can assist with anything you might need, including the funeral arrangements, if you would like. Even though his death was not in the line of duty, he was on his way to a department event. Many traditions are a part of the funeral for any actively serving firefighter. Unless you wish for a private service for family, which is also alright. Everything is up to you.”

“Thank you so much,” Samantha replied. “Do the arrangements need to be made tonight? I’m exhausted and just want to go home. Maybe tomorrow I can look at everything with fresh eyes and it won’t feel so overwhelming.”

“We got here as soon as possible hoping you wouldn’t be gone before we could offer our sincere condolences and offer any help on behalf of the department. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything,” the chaplain said as he fished his pockets for a business card. “Nothing has to be decided tonight. Please take my card and call if you need anything. Anything at all.”

Samantha nodded, accepting a card from each man.

“I can come to you within the next few days to go over the details of a department funeral, if you’d like,” Chief Barnes added. “And if you decide to go that direction, we can take over and get things started for you right away.”

“That sounds really good,” Samantha said. “Would it be okay if his brother sits in with me? He’s known him his entire life. He should have some say.”

She looked up to find Bryce observing the interaction. She probably could have asked if he was interested in the funeral arrangements, but she needed to know if it would be a problem. She hadn’t yet figured out his place in everything that was going on, but she was certain he belonged somewhere.

“I’m sorry,” she said after a tense silence. “I should have asked you if you wanted anything to do with this. I just don’t want to step on any toes. Things between Brandon and me have been… complicated. But he’s your brother. I don’t want you to feel like an outsider just because we had our problems.”

“Don’t apologize,” Bryce eventually said. “You have a lot going on. Would you like me to help with the arrangements? I will do whatever you need me to do to make this easier on you.”

Samantha tried to figure out if he was being sincere. He stood facing her with his hands in his pockets. His eyes searched her face as if he was honestly trying to figure out the best way to help her. Before she could respond to him, the chief spoke up.

“You can have anyone you want sit with you while we go over things,” Chief Barnes said earnestly. “Like he said, whatever we can do to make this easier on you.”

Bryce double checked the address on his phone before he entered the building. It seemed surreal that his brother had to die before he would see where he lived. His mind drifted to the past and how toxic things had become between them in the months before Brandon left. Regardless of their mother’s mental state, Bryce couldn’t allow Brandon to treat her like shit. Instead of treating their mother better, Brandon just became belligerent toward Bryce as well.

“Hi,” Samantha greeted him. “You didn’t have to bring anything.”

Bryce handed over the white paper bag filled with donuts and repositioned the large thermos of coffee, so he wasn’t in danger of dropping it. “Yes, I did. You need to eat something even if it is a donut and has nearly no nutritional value. And I brewed a fresh pot of coffee. The coffee at my local donut shop is terrible.”

He entered the apartment when Samantha stood back from the door and gestured with her free hand. The apartment was small, but still a decent size for New York City. Aside from a couple of framed certificates and a plaque issued by the FDNY, he didn’t see much that made him think of his brother. The décor was simple yet inviting.

Bryce headed for the kitchen, determined to make sure Samantha ate something and got some caffeine in her before facing the decisions that had to be made. He didn’t know if she was a coffee drinker, but he knew he couldn’t function well on an empty stomach or without coffee.

“Coffee cups?” he asked once inside the kitchen.

“You really don’t have to do all this,” Samantha said. She removed two mugs from the cabinet and set them on the counter.

Without another word, Bryce filled the two cups with the steaming hot liquid. He slid one closer to Samantha before picking the other one up and taking a sip. Closing his eyes, he took a moment to enjoy his first sip. Samantha opened the refrigerator and added some cream before she indulged.

“So, why didn’t I know about you?” she asked after a long silence.

“Wow. You really get to the point, huh.”

“I’ve been curious since last night. More than once, he made a big deal out of being an only child. You can imagine my surprise when I met you,” Samantha explained.

Bryce considered the best way to answer the question. He didn’t want to weigh her down with family drama, but he also didn’t want to pretend that everything was going great. The already complicated situation became even more complicated.

“We weren’t close. We had a falling out before he moved to the city, and we never really got over it,” he answered. “You never think time will run out…”

Samantha watched closely but didn’t interrupt.

“Our mom had issues,” he continued. “She was never diagnosed, but looking back I’m sure she suffered from depression. Most likely bipolar depression. Even when we were little, we knew that sometimes we had to take care of Mom. When Brandon got a little older, he started to resent her. When Mom was having a hard time, he treated her like absolute shit instead of trying to help her.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t feel sorry for us. It’s okay, really. I just want you to understand that however he treated you, and whatever secrets he kept, don’t take it personally.”

They both kept quiet as they sipped their coffee. Bryce hated not knowing much about her. It was hard to be there for someone without being able to anticipate their needs. She appeared to be holding up okay, considering, but it was impossible to know for certain.

“Was he good to you?” Bryce finally asked.

Samantha seemed surprised by that question. “No one has ever asked me that before.”

He said nothing while he waited for her to respond. She looked into her cup of coffee as if the answer might be hiding in there. After a long moment of worrying her bottom lip, she looked up and met his gaze. Her warm brown eyes searched his.

“No,” she answered so softly he nearly missed it.

She didn’t pull her hand back when he reached over and took it in his. He didn’t have an explanation, but he felt a connection to her. He had been drawn to her since the moment he saw her. Deep down he knew she likely suffered at the hands of his brother, and he couldn’t allow himself to just walk away knowing the carnage that had been left in Brandon’s wake.

“He never hit me,” she continued. “But he wasn’t good to me. And our last few interactions before he died weren’t good. I feel like a monster because I’m so pissed at him. Even though he’s dead.”

“You’re not a monster.”

“You don’t know that.” She swiped away a tear.

“Being angry doesn’t make you a monster. I’m still angry with him, too,” he admitted.

“Why?”

He wasn’t sure if he was ready to answer that question. She had enough demons she was fighting without him adding some of his. It was obvious Brandon had kept most of his past a secret from his wife. Before he could come up with a response, they were interrupted by a knock at the door. Samantha gave him a weary look before setting her cup on the counter and making her way to the door.

Bryce stayed put while Samantha opened the door. Chief Barnes followed her into the living room and took a seat on the sofa. Bryce drained his coffee and joined them. He chose to sit in the upholstered chair, leaving the sofa for Samantha and Chief Barnes. He was there for moral support. If they asked his opinion he would give it, but he wanted Samantha to have a chance to plan everything the way she wanted it.