Chapter 15
“Are you sure you’re okay? You look like shit,” Brittney asked Samantha once she returned to the dressing room.
“Yes,” Samantha lied. “I’m fine.”
Samantha barely made it to the lunch break before she ran to the restroom. Her stomach had been upset since the night before, and she really hoped it was something she ate. She couldn’t afford to be sick when she had dinner plans in two days. She hadn’t actually gotten sick once she got to the restroom, but she felt terrible.
“You should go home. I’m sure they’ll understand,” Brittney suggested.
Going home and getting in bed sounded amazing, but she couldn’t. Chances were, she was just feeling run down due to the busy schedule. Opening night would be just one week after the Christmas break, so they were rehearsing with the minimum amount of stopping.
“I can’t. We only have one full day and then half day Saturday. I can stick it out. I’ve been eating clean since rehearsals began, but I had a few cheat meals over the weekend. I’ll get to bed early tonight and be fine,” Samantha insisted. She was trying to convince herself as much as she was trying to convince her friend.
Closing her eyes, she leaned her back against the exposed brick wall as she sat on the floor of the dressing room. The nausea was beginning to subside, but the warning pains of a migraine were trying hard to take its place. Brittney sat beside her in supportive silence.
“You okay, girl?” Kim, a member of the ensemble, asked as she walked into the dressing room and saw the pair sitting on the floor. It must have been obvious that one of them wasn’t feeling well.
“Yes. Just paying the price for eating like crap over the weekend,” Samantha answered without opening her eyes.
“You sure you aren’t knocked up?”
Samantha’s eyes snapped open. “Actually, I am sure. Several months of doctors’ appointments and fertility treatments would say that’s not possible.”
“I’m sorry. I was just joking,” Kim back peddled. “I didn’t realize you and your husband were trying. I’m an asshole. Please ignore me.”
Samantha hadn’t expected that small bit of honesty to open such a large can of worms. The timing of everything made it possible for Samantha to fly under the radar at rehearsal. Other than Brittney, no one knew she buried a husband right before rehearsals began.
“It’s fine, Kim,” Brittney interjected. “She did come in here for some quiet time during lunch, though.”
Kim quickly picked up her coat and bag from her dressing area and left after a quick wide-eyed glance at Samantha.
“Thanks,” Samantha mumbled.
“Don’t mention it. The last thing you need to do is explain yourself to her. She never even talks to you. It serves her right to feel like a jackass,” she said with a satisfied smile. “Can I get you anything?”
Samantha released a heavy sigh. In a few short minutes, the migraine was beginning to move beyond the warning phase. She really needed to push through. Only a couple more rehearsals before a week off.
“Could you turn off the lights in here? I need to keep this migraine from taking hold. You can stay if you want, but I need to sit in dark silence.”
“I won’t bother you,” Brittney whispered. “I’ll see you in an hour.”
Once the lights were off, Samantha closed her eyes and tried some of the breathing exercises a doctor once suggested. Ordinarily, she would skip the breathing exercises and take her migraine meds, but it had been so long since she’d suffered a migraine that she no longer carried her meds with her.
In through the nose, out through the mouth. She concentrated on slowing her breathing and the feel of the cold floor beneath her as she allowed the exercises to soothe her. It wasn’t long before she drifted off to sleep.
She wasn’t sure how long she’d been asleep, but before she knew it Brittney’s voice pushed through the sleepy haze. “Sam? Are you coming back to rehearsal, or should I let them know you’re going home sick?”
Samantha sat up straight. Her head was feeling much better. “Am I late? I’m on my way.”
“Not yet,” she reassured her. “You have five minutes still. And I brought you some soup from the deli next door.”
She accepted the cup that her friend was holding out. “Thank you so much. I’m hungry now that I’m feeling a little better.”
“It’s chicken and rice soup. I hope that’s okay.”
Samantha took a careful sip. “It’s perfect, thank you. I’ll buy lunch tomorrow.”
She stood and stretched before heading out of the dressing room. Her back protested her short nap while sitting on the floor, but her headache was better and that’s all she was worried about. She brought her cup with her and sat down on the floor backstage since she wasn’t in the scene they were set to rehearse next.
“So, you’re feeling a little better?” Brittney asked from beside her.
“Yes, thank goodness. I can’t be sick, I have plans this weekend.”
“Nice! Anything exciting?”
Samantha hadn’t considered the follow-up questions her statement would bring on, or the likely judgment that would result from her response. Brittney had always been kind to her, so she figured it wouldn’t hurt to let her in on her taboo relationship.
“Actually, I’m heading down to Delaware to spend time with my boyfriend.”
Brittney didn’t bat an eye. Before she could respond, the director stepped on stage and demanded everyone’s attention. Brittney made her way to the stage to rehearse. Samantha wasn’t in the Life Support scene, so she stayed put and finished her lunch.
The scene was one of Samantha’s favorites, so she was happy to not be a part of it so that she could sit back and enjoy it. The break was also welcomed. By the time the scene was over she had finished her soup and was feeling mostly human again. The fatigue still lingered in the background, but she was able to function.
The rest of the rehearsal went much better than the first half. She was able to focus on her scenes and give them her all, instead of barely going through the motions. Brittney was waiting for her in the green room once rehearsal was over and she’d picked up her bag from the dressing room.
“So, Delaware?” she immediately asked.
“Yes. It’s only a few hours away. He’s working out of town and it’s easier for me to go to him. Traffic isn’t bad since it’s winter.”
“I hope you have an amazing time,” Brittney gushed as they walked out the door and toward the subway.
“You don’t think it’s strange that I’m seeing someone?”
Cold air blasted them as soon as they walked outside. Samantha pulled her coat tightly around herself in an attempt to block some of the frigid wind. Brittney did the same as they walked faster.
“No, why? Your late husband isn’t coming back. I’m just glad you seem happier than when we first began rehearsals.”
Samantha turned to Brittney in surprise. Was everything really that simple? It was amazing how hearing one person’s perspective could completely change hers. She had spent so much time feeling guilty about her feelings.
“I’m so glad you said that. Even though I’ve been happy, I’ve been anxious over what other people might think,” Samantha admitted.
They descended the stairs to the subway station and Samantha immediately felt relief from the harsh wind. The after-work crowd made for a hectic commute home. People filled nearly every space as they made their way toward their train or waited in place for a train to arrive. The two women stayed close together since they lived only one stop apart.
“Unless I’m missing something, I don’t see what you’re so worried about. No one expects you to grow old and die alone. Men remarry quickly all the time. You do you, girl,” Brittney said, playfully bumping Samantha’s shoulder.
“Well, there is more.”
Brittney turned to face her, obviously excited to hear the dirty little secret. Samantha hated to say it out loud, but there was no way to whisper a secret in a crowded subway station.
“It’s Brandon’s brother. I’m sleeping with my brother-in-law.”
Brittney grabbed Samantha’s shoulders and turned her so they faced each other. “Come again?”
“You heard me. But it’s not as bad as it sounds. I never even knew he existed before my husband died. We helped each other through everything, and things just moved from there,” Samantha said before covering her face with her hands. “My god, it sounds worse the more I try to justify it.”
Brittney laughed. She surprised Samantha by pulling her into a hug. “Stop worrying so much. The people who love you just want you to be happy. One of these days we’ll have to get together and you can tell me the whole story. Not tonight, because you need to get some rest so you’ll feel up to driving to see your man.”
One day Samantha would tell Brittney how much her words meant. But Brittney was right. It was not the night for hard conversations. They weren’t able to find seats together on the train anyway, so any conversations would have to wait. Samantha closed her eyes, leaned her head back, relaxing into the movement of the train.
It was silly to spend so much time cleaning a temporary home, but Bryce wanted it to be perfect since this time he knew Samantha was coming. He didn’t want her to feel obligated to get the place ready for the little dinner party she insisted he set up. Samantha had to be the only person on the planet who made dinner plans days before Christmas.
Asher ran to the door, his tail wagging his entire body, signaling Samantha’s arrival. Bryce dried his hands on his jeans before rushing out to help her carry her bags inside. The wind blowing in from the ocean made the cold night feel even colder as he stepped outside wearing just his jeans and a flannel shirt.
“Get inside where it’s warm. I’ll carry your stuff in,” Bryce said once he reached her car.
She smiled gratefully and headed inside carrying only a few shopping bags. Bryce sensed something was wrong, but decided to hold off until they were inside with the car unloaded. She’d only packed a suitcase and two large totes which he was able to carry inside in one trip.
Samantha was already getting comfortable on the couch when he met her inside with her bags. “Do all of these go in the bedroom?”
“Yes, thank you,” she said before nodding toward the shopping bags. “It doesn’t look like Christmas in here, so I did buy a few things. We can’t have a dinner guest and look like a bunch of Scrooges.”
“Wouldn’t it be easier to get rid of the dinner guest?”
“Bryce, I was being serious. I want to meet her. You’re stuck here for however long, at least you two can be comfortable around each other.”
“You went grocery shopping?” he asked after he got back from putting her bags into the bedroom.
“Yeah. I passed by a grocery store on the way here and figured I’d stop instead of making a special trip tomorrow. I knew I wouldn’t want to do a single thing once I got here.”
Bryce took a moment to look her over. She was looking even more tired than she had the previous week. He was no medical professional, but she didn’t look like she felt well. He wouldn’t comment on the dark circles under her eyes. He knew better.
“You feeling okay?” he asked simply.
Her shoulders slumped as she looked at him with large sad eyes. He wasn’t expecting those eyes to be brimming with tears.
“Sam?” he asked again.
“No. I’m really not,” she admitted. “But I’ll be okay, don’t worry.”
Bryce fought down the worry that crept up. “What’s wrong? And why didn’t you say something? I could have come to you. You shouldn’t have made the long trip if you feel bad.”
“I didn’t want you to worry,” she said, leaning into him as soon as he sat down beside her. “And I wanted the whole week with you, not just a couple days over the weekend.”
Draping an arm around her, he pulled her back to his chest, absently stroking her collarbone. Same as every other time he was near her, he needed to touch her. It wasn’t necessarily sexual; he just craved the closeness of touch. Especially when he didn’t get to see her as often as he would have liked.
“I’m glad you’re here. I still say if you aren’t feeling up to it there’s no reason we can’t cancel the dinner tomorrow or at least put it off for a few days,” he reiterated.
“I’ll be okay. I think between the cold and the crazy rehearsal schedule, I’m just run down. I’ll be fine after I sleep in tomorrow.”
She opened her arms, inviting him to move closer on the couch. If he sat down for much longer, there would be no getting up. He nodded toward the kitchen before walking out of the room to put the grocery items away. By the time he rejoined her in the living room, her eyes were closed, and her breathing had slowed. If she wasn’t asleep, she would be soon.
“Hey,” he said quietly as he placed a hand on her shoulder.
Blinking several times, she looked up at him. “Sorry,” she mumbled. “Long drive.”
“Let’s go to bed,” he suggested. “You know I only sleep well when you’re here.”
Wordlessly, they made their way to the bedroom, all of the Christmas decorations left in the living room for the next day. Even though he’d complained about her suggestion to decorate, the gesture sent a feeling of warmth through him. Christmas had lost its magic once his mother died. Samantha was the first person to make him consider getting into the spirit of the season. The realization should have made him nervous, but instead, it made him smile as he stripped off his clothes and climbed into the bed beside her.
Samantha had stripped her clothes off and gotten into bed without bothering with pajamas, showing just how exhausted she was. With little effort, he pulled her close and wrapped her in his arms, his body relaxing against her smooth skin.
“Get some sleep,” he said before placing a kiss on top of her head. He then followed his own suggestion.