Bryce

Chapter 22

Samantha stepped out of the subway station right as Meka was rounding the corner. She had tried to back out of having Meka go with her to the ultrasound, but Bryce was adamant. He threatened to send Rayelle to her house if she didn’t bring Meka. He probably hadn’t realized the reason Samantha didn’t want to bring Meka with her to the appointment was because she hadn’t told her about the baby yet.

“Sam!” Meka shouted as she practically sprinted toward her. “You look amazing. How do you feel?”

Samantha wrapped her arms around herself. She was still getting used to the idea of being pregnant, and talking about it felt like reality smacking her in the face. “I feel pretty good. How have you been?”

Meka pulled her into a hug before holding her at a distance while she looked her over. Her kind eyes searched her face before looking her up and down. When she had finished her examination, she linked arms with her as they made their way toward the doctor’s office.

“I can’t believe this is finally happening for you,” Meka said, completely ignoring the question. “Is Bryce freaking out?”

Bryce was not freaking out. Not the way he probably should have been. He’d been everything she should have assumed he would be and more. Unfortunately, she was still having a hard time accepting that he could be so good to her and found herself waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Byrce has been amazing, actually.”

“So, you have the man, the dream job, and now the baby.” Meka stopped them on the sidewalk so she could pull her into her arms for another hug. “I don’t think you understand how happy I am for you. You deserve this.”

Warmth spread through her body at her friend’s words. She deserved this? She was in a relationship with her brother-in-law and now she was pregnant after only a matter of weeks. It still felt like a strange situation to celebrate. Without speaking, she returned her hug and then continued the walk to the building that housed her doctor’s office.

“Mrs. Tate?” the receptionist greeted her.

Hearing her name made her feel like she was lying to the staff. As silly as that sounded…

“Yes,” Samantha answered.

“Okay, you’re checked in. They should be with you in a few. Is your bladder full?”

She was afraid to laugh for fear that her bladder would fail. “Yes. I drank the water before I came just like the instructions said. Will it be a long wait?”

“Nope. You’re the first appointment so she should be right out.”

Before Samantha’s butt hit the seat, her name was being called from the open automatic doors. “Samantha Tate?” the woman asked, making eye contact. Follow me back.

They walked down a different hallway from the last appointment and into a large dark room. There was a blank screen mounted on the wall, an examination table, and what appeared to be an ultrasound machine.

“Undress from the waist down, hop on the table and cover yourself with the blanket. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Samantha did as she was told, stepping out of her leggings and panties while Meka turned around to give her some privacy. Shaking from nerves, she climbed onto the table and covered herself with the blanket that had been provided.

“Are you excited?” Meka asked.

“Yeah, I guess. I know there won’t be much to see, but it’ll be nice to see it. I don’t think I’ll believe it’s real until I see it with my own eyes.”

“Make sure you ask for the printout so you can show Bryce,” Meka reminded her.

“I will… even though there won’t be much to see. We’re just here so they can calculate my due date.”

“Any questions for me?” the radiology tech asked as she squirted warm gel onto her stomach. “We’ll probably have to do one vaginally since you aren’t very far along, but I always like to first try the regular way.”

“Sounds good to me,” Samantha said as they all stared at the screen waiting to see if a baby would appear.

A baby did appear. Samantha and Meka stared at the screen as small black and white images appeared. It took a while before Samantha was able to make out what was on the screen. Eventually one of the blips on the screen began to take shape.

“Is that the baby?” Samantha asked as Meka took her hand.

“Yes,” the ultrasound tech said, pointing at the screen. “There’s the head. There’s the body. And there,” she said, clicking on the screen to zoom in, “There’s the heart.”

Tears stung Samantha’s eyes and she squeezed her friend’s hand tighter. “So, it is real,” she breathed.

She studied the screen as the tech clicked on different areas and typed notes on the screen. She was looking at her baby. Her baby. She knew it would be an amazing experience to see her baby for the first time, but she hadn’t expected the emotions to hit her the way they did. Tears streamed down her face and onto the pillow behind her as she choked back sobs.

“It’s real,” the tech said as she wiped the gel from Samantha’s abdomen with a towel. “Looks like you are right at nine weeks. I’ll print some pictures for you to take home.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Samantha asked, sitting up abruptly. “I’m around six weeks, if that.”

The tech stared in silence for a moment before responding. “Well, they’ll likely go by this for dates, even if you are pretty sure you know the date of conception. Sometimes the ultrasound can be off by a little bit, but it’s accurate for development and estimating your due date.”

“So, it could be off by a few weeks?” Samantha asked.

“Sure,” she answered with a shrug.

Samantha got dressed in silence once they were alone in the room. She could feel Meka watching her, but she wasn’t ready to talk about it. She was too busy trying to digest everything that happened during the appointment. She looked down at the black and white printout of their little bean. After carefully placing it in her bag, she opened the door and walked out of the office with Meka following behind her. The next OB appointment had already been scheduled, so she bypassed the front desk and headed straight for the elevator.

“Are you okay?” Meka asked once the elevator doors closed.

Samantha’s breath caught and she was unable to control the waver in her voice. “No.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I need a minute. Just—please give me a minute.”

Samantha pushed the lobby doors open and rushed outside to the sidewalk, the cold air a welcome distraction. She took a few deep breaths until the chill made it hard to breathe. Once they made their way to the corner, Samantha stopped and turned to her friend.

“I didn’t know Bryce nine weeks ago.”

Meka gaped at her, confusion written all over her face. “Okay, then the ultrasound is wrong. You and Brandon hadn’t been on good terms for a while before he died.”

Flashbacks of being bent over the table as he forced himself on her paralyzed her. She choked out a sob at the possibility that she was carrying that man’s child.

“Samantha? The tech was wrong, right?” Meka asked nervously.

Samantha did everything possible to ignore the nagging feeling that there was more to it than the ultrasound dates being slightly off. Silence did nothing to minimize the situation.

“It could be Brandon’s baby,” Samantha breathed, uttering the truth for the first time. “I didn’t want to—but—oh my god, what am I going to do?”

Stunned, Meka stared at her in silence. Her body began to tremble as she waited for Meka to say something. Anything. Anything that would make the nightmare stay just a nightmare. Closing her eyes, she took another calming breath, but when her eyes were closed, she was back in the kitchen with Brandon.

“I’m going to be sick,” Samantha said before running to a nearby trash can where she proceeded to vomit the small amount of food she had forced down before her appointment.

“It’s okay,” Meka said from behind her as she held her braids back and rubbed her back soothingly.

Once she was sure she wouldn’t be sick anymore, she turned to look at her friend through the sting of fresh tears. “It’s not okay. What am I going to do?”

“You do have options… you know that, right?”

Confused, she looked at Meka and waited for her to continue.

“You have a right to choose what to do with your body. This may feel like the end of the world, but I promise you, it isn’t. I’ll be here for you no matter what you decide.”

Samantha wasn’t expecting that to be what Meka was getting at. She had tried so hard for a baby and been devastated with each negative test. And she knew how Bryce felt about having children. Sure, she had a right to choose, but it wasn’t that simple.

“Bryce would be devastated,” she breathed. “I couldn’t do that to him.”

“If he loves you, he’ll respect your choice, even if it’s a difficult one.”

Bryce was finishing up some work on his computer when he heard the bells on the door of the trailer jingle. Assuming it was one of the guys finishing his day early, he didn’t bother looking up. He had been distracted all day and needed to finish up what he was doing. Samantha hadn’t called or responded to his text messages asking how the ultrasound went. He was terrified that there was no baby. If that was the case, it was no wonder he hadn’t heard from her. She would be devastated, and dealing with it without him.

“Hey,” he heard a soft voice from a few feet away.

He looked up to see Samantha watching him, her eyes weary and red-rimmed. She seemed to crumble under his gaze, and he stood, his blood running cold with fear. She shouldn’t be there. A glance at his phone told him she should have been at rehearsal.

“What’s wrong?”

The words had barely left his mouth when her lip began to tremble, and tears ran down her face. Sobs wracked her body and she held on to his desk. On instinct, he stood and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him. She was shaking so violently, that he was worried she would never stop.

“Sweetheart? What is it? Is it the baby?”

At the word baby, she began to cry harder. They were alone for the time being, but he didn’t want anyone walking in, interrupting the conversation they clearly needed to have. Using one hand, he closed his laptop and picked his keys up from his desk.

“Let’s get you to the house so we can talk. My truck is right out front.”

She didn’t respond to his suggestion, but she followed him to his truck where he helped her inside. She spent the short ride silently crying beside him. He hated not knowing what was wrong. Hated not being able to comfort her as he paid attention to the road.

Once they got to the house, he opened her door and helped her out before leading the way inside. She hadn’t spoken more than one word since arriving at his job site unannounced.

“Sam?” he asked hesitantly, once they were inside. “What is it? Please talk to me.”

“I’m so sorry,” she sobbed, the tears resuming their steady path down her face.

She looked terrible. Her normally rich brown complexion was washed out and pale. Her eyes were bloodshot and lined with dark circles. Somehow, she looked as though she hadn’t slept in weeks. Whatever pain and worries she was being bogged down with, he wanted to take away from her.

“Why are you sorry? What happened?” He directed her to sit on the couch before taking a seat next to her.

She choked back a sob before taking several slow breaths. He knew she was doing her best to pull herself together, but it didn’t seem to be helping. The tears still flowed freely, and she was nearly hyperventilating.

“The ultrasound said I’m nine weeks along,” she managed between sobs.

“Okay?”

“I didn’t know you nine weeks ago!” she sobbed. “It hasn’t been nine weeks since that night. Since the community center dance.”

Realization struck him. He fought to maintain a neutral expression as he began to put the pieces together. It might not be his baby. But she said she hadn’t been on good terms with Brandon. Whose baby was it? All sorts of questions raced through his mind.

“I didn’t lie to you, I promise. Our marriage was terrible. We hadn’t been on good terms for some time before he died. I didn’t just say that because I was interested in you,” Samantha explained.

“Okay. So, the ultrasound is wrong? Why are you so upset?” he asked calmly. “It’s not a miracle child, no matter what their equipment said.”

Samantha studied him in silence. She said nothing. It didn’t take a genius to know there was more to this story. There was something she wasn’t telling him. He felt like an ass before he even asked the question, but for some reason, that feeling didn’t stop him.

“So, whose baby do you think it is? What aren’t you telling me?”

She wrapped her arms around him, and he held her, comforting himself as much as he was attempting to comfort her. Her spine was stiff and she remained rod-straight in his arms before leaning back to look at him.

“We were actively trying for a baby for a while. We went to doctor’s appointments, I took injections, we had sex on my supposed fertile days. We kept that up for several months. Then, when it didn’t work, we decided it wasn’t meant to be. He decided it wasn’t meant to be. I was devastated.

“Once that was over, he didn’t touch me. He didn’t look at me. We hadn’t had much of a physical relationship before we started trying for a baby, so it wasn’t much of an adjustment.”

Bryce shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He didn’t want to hear about her and Brandon’s fertility journey. And he didn’t want to hear her apologies. Whatever happened in their marriage had nothing to do with him.

“You don’t need to apologize for being married and behaving like a married person before I met you. Before you knew I existed.”

“I wasn’t finished,” she croaked. “A week or so before he died—sorry, those days all run together—he cooked breakfast. I figured it was because he felt bad about being a jerk the night before.”

He had already decided he didn’t like where she was going with her story. It was obvious that she needed to get whatever it was off her chest, so he didn’t interrupt her. As much as every word felt like a knife through his chest, he let her finish.

“I tried to stop him. I swear I did.” Her words came out in choked sobs, furthering the lump in his throat. “I told him I didn’t want to. I told him I was tired—”

She didn’t need to finish. He knew where she was going. White hot rage coursed through him, nearly taking his breath away. He’d only been able to get over the things that happened when his mother was alive because he didn’t have to face it. With Brandon gone from his life, he was able to bury his feelings and emotions and move forward. But this rage wasn’t going away anytime soon. The rage he worked so hard to stuff down had come back the moment Samantha described what Brandon had done to her.

Forcing his anger to the side, he cupped her cheek in his hand and redirected her attention to him. “You don’t owe me any explanations, and you sure as hell don’t owe me an apology. You haven’t done anything wrong. It’s okay. Just tell me what you want to do, and I will respect whatever it is. Do you want to keep the baby?”

He regretted asking the question as soon as her gasp echoed through the room. “I wasn’t saying it with any judgment. I know how much you want kids, but I also know how difficult it would be to raise your rapist’s baby. So just tell me what you want to do and I’m here.”

She looked up at him with eyes filled with regret. She’d stopped crying, and her breathing had nearly returned to normal. After shuddering out a breath, she spoke. “Okay. I can do that. I’ll tell you everything once I figure it out. Right now, I just want to go to sleep. Can we go to sleep?”