Bryce

Chapter 25

Samantha turned away from the window. Bryce’s curtains were thin, allowing the sun to shine through freely. As her only day off, she had planned on sleeping in. Opening one eye, she found Bryce sound asleep next to her with Asher asleep at his feet. As hard as she tried, there would be no falling back asleep. Rent had opened two weeks ago, and they fell into the routine of her spending two nights a week at Bryce’s house and the rest of the week in New York.

“You’re up early,” his sleep-filled voice said from beside her.

“Tell me about it,” she grumbled. “You need new curtains.”

“When we get our place, you can pick out the curtains.”

That had both of her eyes snapping open so she could look at him. He was lying there with his eyes closed as if he hadn’t just casually brought up moving in together. Not just moving in together but getting a place together. She knew he didn’t feel comfortable sleeping at her place, and she knew he wasn’t fond of the idea of them living in two different places once the baby arrived, but still.

“Come again?”

Lazily, he opened his eyes and met her gaze. “Let’s get a place together. I’m already tired of going to sleep without you next to me. I understand you have to work and I’m not saying that’s the issue. But we need to figure something out.”

“You could always just sleep—”

She didn’t get to finish the suggestion before he interrupted her. “You know I won’t sleep at your place. Now that I know what all happened, I can’t even stand being in there. Honestly, I’m not sure how you do it.”

Fighting the humiliation that washed over her, she cleared her throat and did her best to explain herself. She knew she didn’t have to explain anything to him. But she wanted to.

“I don’t love being there either. Everywhere I look is a memory. Not all the memories were bad. Sometimes I think of something from when we first moved in there, and I smile. It’s those memories that keep me going. Otherwise, I’d get swallowed up by grief, regret, and humiliation. I don’t really have a choice but to stay there, so I try to make the best of it,” she explained.

Obviously frustrated, Bryce got out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants. She stayed put when he walked out of the bedroom, calling Asher to follow him. Assuming he was taking the dog outside, she used the opportunity to use the bathroom, brush her teeth, and splash some cold water on her face. Bryce had danced around the subject of moving in together, but she could tell he was prepared for battle.

While in the bathroom, she gave herself a pep talk. She needed to give herself permission to hear him out, but also to stand her ground if she didn’t agree. She hadn’t been allowed to participate equally in conversations or to stand firm about anything in such a long time, she had nearly forgotten how.

When she emerged from the bathroom, Bryce was sitting on the edge of the bed, still wearing nothing but a pair of gray sweatpants. His arms were folded across his chest, and his expression unreadable. She stiffened at the sight, instantly going back to her past.

“Hey,” he breathed, standing from the bed. “Don’t freeze on me.”

She didn’t say anything in response. She was too busy trying to talk herself down from the mountain of anxiety. Reassessing the situation, she looked him over once more. He was standing with his arms unfolded and his palms up, almost as if she was a frightened animal. His neutral stance did help her to relax.

“I’m sorry—” she began to apologize.

“Don’t,” he said firmly, cutting her off. “Do not apologize for the way I made you feel. I’m not mad at you or anything, I’m just frustrated.”

Samantha snorted. “Isn’t that basically the same thing?”

“No,” he answered sincerely as he slowly made his way over to her. “Because I’m not frustrated with you. I’m just frustrated at the situation.”

“Oh, so I’m a situation?” She knew she was being difficult, but for some reason, she couldn’t stop herself. She really wanted to get a reaction out of him in hopes that he would say what he was really feeling.

“No. I’m frustrated that there are so many things that affect us, and I can’t control them. I’m frustrated that my brother treated you just as shitty as he did the rest of us, and I can’t go back and fix whatever pain he caused you. I’m frustrated because I just want to spend every night with you, and I can’t do that. So yeah, I’m frustrated; but I’m not angry.”

Of course, his response was perfect. Why she felt the need to constantly test him was beyond her. He’d already passed the test on day one. Never had he treated her anything like Brandon did, yet she found it so difficult to trust him. Looking into his warm gaze, she knew he wouldn’t hurt her. She knew he wasn’t trying to upset her. She knew he was speaking the truth.

“I’m sorry,” she said, stepping into his arms.

“Please stop apologizing.”

“Hear me out, please. I’m sorry for constantly trying to test you. I don’t realize that’s what I’m doing as I’m doing it. It’s like you’re too good to be true, and I need to keep proving to myself that you’re real,” she explained. “So, I do need to apologize for that. You’ve never done anything to make me doubt you. I used to do the same thing to Meka until she called me on it.”

“I understand why. It’s fine. We can talk about this later after you’ve had a chance to let what I said sink in.”

His embrace was strong but soothing. Being held like that, she understood what he was saying. She hated spending nights without him. She also hated her apartment, but it wasn’t as easy as just getting a place together. Was it? Maybe it could be that easy.

“Would you feel better about it if you were to sublet your apartment instead of getting rid of it?” he asked. “Not that you need to make a decision now. I’m just throwing it out there because I can see you thinking about it.”

“Oh, you can see my thoughts?” she teased with a short laugh.

“Yup. Right now, you’re thinking how much better I would look if I took my sweatpants off.” He waggled his eyebrows, which caused Samantha to laugh harder.

“Oh wow, you are good. Now what am I thinking?”

Running a hand over his beard, he looked her up and down as if he was really concentrating on reading her thoughts. “Now you’re wondering why I’m still wearing my sweatpants when I know you want me to take them off.”

She snorted with laughter, most of her worry gone. Being able to joke around with him was another novel experience. There was no need to walk on eggshells—no need to hold her tongue.

Taking his statement as an invitation, she captured his lips in a kiss. A kiss he immediately deepened, wrapping his arms around her as he slipped his tongue into her mouth. Moaning into him, she moved a hand to the back of his neck and held him in place as he claimed her mouth. Last night she was tired, on edge, and in no mood for sex. But that was last night.

After the heavy conversations, she needed to remind herself that they were okay. Especially since they hadn’t really come to a conclusion about moving in together. Sure, it was possible to have a disagreement, or have a discussion that didn’t necessarily end in a resolution, but she’d never experienced it.

When he moved back toward the bed, she followed him. He removed her clothing as they went, and by the time he laid her down on the bed, they were both naked. Their kisses had started off frantic, but when he made love to her, it was slow and gentle. Sweet touches and soft kisses. She felt safe and treasured, all of her insecurities far from her mind as they moved together as one. Cupping her face in his hand, he captured her mouth, swallowing her cry as they both came undone.

“What the fuck do you mean we have a problem?” Bryce barked into the phone. “You were supposed to meet me here at 7:00. It’s 10:00 and I have somewhere to be.”

Today was Samantha’s doctor’s appointment. He already hated the fact that he missed the ultrasound and wasn’t there when she was thrown for a loop when they told her the estimated gestational age. He had promised her he would be there for all of the appointments, and he hadn’t even made it to the very next one before some stupid work bullshit got in the way.

“Yeah, well, if you can’t be there when I show up then yeah. We have a problem. I’m booked for the next six weeks, so you can cancel if you want to but good luck explaining it to the property owner,” the smug voice on the other end of the line said. Bryce could practically hear his sneer.

“That’s bullshit. You’re the one who isn’t here,” Bryce retorted, knowing it wouldn’t do him any good.

“And when you scheduled, you were told the date was set, but the time was subject to change.”

“Fine,” Bryce snapped before ending the call.

He picked up the closest thing to him, a stapler, and threw it. It dented the wall before coming apart and crashing to the floor. Throwing things didn’t solve his problem, but it felt good. He had to call Samantha. Even if the inspector showed up right that second, there was no way he could make it back to New York in time for her appointment.

“Everything okay?” Lizzy asked, stepping out of her office.

Bryce heaved a sigh. “No.”

“Anything I can do to help?” she offered, genuine concern etched across her face.

“Nope. I left my house at four this morning so I could be here for the code inspector, and that mother fucker still isn’t here. Excuse my language.”

Lizzy took a step back. “Those guys always seem to run late. I can stick around for him if you want. I’ve never seen you pissed off like this.”

“Thanks, but no. I have to be here for this one. And I’m pissed because it was scheduled for first thing this morning and I need to be in New York in three hours. I missed the ultrasound, but swore I’d be there for all the other appointments.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized his mistake. With her history, they weren’t going to tell people she was pregnant until she was further along.

Lizzy had a stricken expression. “Oh? Samantha’s pregnant?”

Bryce ran his hand through his hair and sighed heavily before he responded. “Can you forget I said that? We weren’t planning on telling anyone since it’s early. But yeah. I missed the ultrasound because I was stuck down here, and I don’t want to miss any of the appointments. Now I have to tell her that I’m a deadbeat and won’t be at this appointment either.”

“You aren’t a deadbeat. She’ll know you tried your best to get there. If you were a deadbeat, you wouldn’t give a shit.”

“Are you okay?” Bryce asked after a long moment.

It was obvious something had upset her, but he had no idea what it could be. Her demeanor had changed as soon as she realized Samantha was pregnant. Assuming she had gone through her own fertility issues, he excused himself to step outside to call Samantha.

Releasing another sigh, he took out his phone and scrolled to Samantha’s name. She answered on the second ring, before he had a chance to figure out what he was going to say.

“Sam.” He sighed.

“What’s wrong?” she asked before he had a chance to continue.

He wished there was a way around what he had to tell her, but at that point, there wasn’t. “I’m so sorry.”

“Bryce? What is it? Is everything okay?”

The worry in her voice made him feel even worse than he already did. “I’m not going to make it into the city in time. I’m so sorry. I was supposed to be meeting an inspector first thing this morning and he’s still not here. I tried to reschedule, but he was dick about it—”

“Hey,” she interrupted. “It’s okay. There will be plenty more appointments.”

“I know, but this isn’t how I want it to happen. I want to be there. It’s bad enough that we don’t live in the same state, and I’m still pissed that I had to miss the ultrasound.”

“I know, and it’s okay. I’ll be fine. I can get Meka or Rayelle to go with me. It’s not a big deal.”

Her determination to make him feel better about the situation only made him feel worse. So willing to put her feelings aside to make him feel better. “It is a big deal. But I’ll make it up to you,” he promised.

“Bryce. It’s fine. I’ll update all my information while I’m there. It would feel weird explaining my new emergency contact information and everything with you there anyway. Trust me. I’m not upset.”

He didn’t trust that she wasn’t upset. He did, however, believe that she had become a pro at minimizing her own feelings. At making herself small. She’d wanted a baby for years, and now that she was finally getting it, she was going to appointments alone. That’s not the experience he wanted to give her, and he knew it wasn’t the experience she wanted to have. As much as he hated everything about her house, he decided to surprise her there after her appointment. He wouldn’t have much time to spend with her before she had to get ready for work, but she was worth it.