Bully Alpha Daddy (Gold Wolves Black Ops #1)

Chapter 6 - Declan

Mira was lying. I knew it the instant the words came out of her mouth. The tension in her shoulders and her slightly wide-eyed stare would have been enough to tell me something was wrong without her obvious skirting and the way she had scurried out of the room.

I stared after her, my own thoughts swirling. I thought back to the way she had arrived. She had left her old pack out of the blue and applied to the position under a fake name. Something was going on, something bad. She needed help; that much was obvious. And I wanted to give it to her. But I also knew that she wasn’t going to tell me anything. She still didn’t trust me.

After everything we had gone through, it was hard to blame her.

If she was going to open up to me and tell me what was really going on, I needed to prove to her that she could trust me. And it was more than the fact that she was obviously struggling with something she refused to tell anyone about. It was also because she was Dani’s nanny. Mira needed to feel like I had her back for that reason, if no other.

I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out how to get her to open up, but it wasn’t until the next day after work that I put a plan into action.

Mira glanced up when I walked into the kitchen. Her jeans clung to her legs in a way that complimented her curves, giving them an alluring appeal that made my wolf growl in approval. It made me think of what lay under those clothes, and how her flesh would feel grasped in my hands. I forced myself to focus on her face as she gave a warm but hesitant smile.

“Hi,” she said. “You just missed Dani, but she should be down in a few minutes. Her friend Heidi invited her over for the afternoon, so I was about to walk her over there.”

I nodded. “Heidi and Dani became friends almost immediately when they met,” I explained. “She’s got a mischievous streak almost as big as Dani’s, so be careful whenever those two are over together. You never know what you’re going to have to deal with.”

Mira gave an amused snort. “Two Danis definitely sounds like a handful.”

“You seem to be handling her well enough,” I said.

She blushed at the praise. “I’m trying at least,” she said. “Though the respite this afternoon will be nice.” Her eyes widened in panic. “Not that I don’t enjoy Dani or find her too much to handle,” she babbled. “I’m just tired—not that she’s exhausting, I’m just… I mean…”

She faltered, then ultimately trailed off as she realized I was laughing. Her cheeks turned an even deeper shade of pink, giving her an attractively flushed look, as though she was doing something else entirely.

“I get it,” I reassured her. I glanced around, an idea entering my head. “When do you have to get Dani?”

“Heidi’s mom offered to let her stay through dinner,” Mira said. “So not until this evening. Why?”

“I was wondering if, since you have the afternoon off, you might be interested in going on a hunt.”

She blinked. “Together?”

“That was the intention, yes.” My lip quirked upward. “I enjoy going on solo hunts, but I was hoping you and I could get some quality time together.”

She hesitated, chewing her lip as she stared at the floor. “I’m not sure,” she said.

“Come on.” I jerked my head toward the window, where the trees and the autumn-colored leaves swayed in the wind as the sun shone high overhead. “It’s the perfect day for a hunt, and you haven’t had the chance to get out and explore the woods yet.”

She glanced out at the woods, her longing obvious. Finally, she gave a timid smile. “Oh, all right.”

A few minutes later, we stood outside, the wind ruffling our fur. Mira’s wolf was a pale blond, small in frame, but I could see the power lurking in her muscles. My wolf’s tail swished. He was excited to see Mira’s wolf. It had been too long.

I tried to push those thoughts down. They would only complicate things.

I jerked my head into the trees, and we started our hunt, charging through the woods. Mira’s scent mixed and blended with the smells of the forest. Running along beside her felt right somehow, as if we had done it a thousand times before. She responded to my movements a split-second after I made them as if reading my mind.

It wasn’t until the scent of prey wafted toward us that she took off ahead of me, moving through the brush. A moment later, before I had even caught up with her, she reemerged with a rabbit dangling from her mouth.

We kept hunting, gathering prey until there was enough to fill the pack designed to go on my wolf’s back when I shifted. I turned back into a human, slipping off the pouch as Mira shifted as well, crouching to help.

“Nice job,” I said, continuing to put the hares and other prey in the bag. “I didn’t realize you were that good of a hunter.”

“Years of being on my own meant I had to be,” she said.

“I’m honestly surprised you’re not married,” I said. “I figured someone would have snatched you up by now.”

She winced. Barely, but I caught it. I frowned. Something I said had put her on edge.

Before I could ask her about it, she shrugged. “It happens.” There was a pause as she looked away, then back at me. “Can I ask something?”

I raised an eyebrow, my lip quirking upward. “You’ve already asked a question right there,” I teased. “But I guess I can give you another.”

“Why did you leave the old pack?” she asked. “I mean, you were going to be alpha. Instead, you effectively ran away with the circus by joining the military.”

I barked out a laugh. “At one point, I might have taken offense at that comparison, but it’s more accurate than you know.”

She cracked a shy grin, and another flash of attraction washed over me. I pushed it down, not wanting to add that complication to an already bizarre situation. Best to just ignore it.

“To answer your question…” I paused, scratching behind my ear as I tried to parse out the words. I’d never been great at expressing emotions or conveying things remotely related to them, so attempting to explain my reasoning felt foreign and unnatural. “Basically, it just felt like the right thing to do. Staying in that pack wasn’t great for me, and it just didn’t feel like that was where I was supposed to end up.”

That was about as shitty an explanation as I could give, but I didn’t know how to articulate the real reasons. I didn’t like who I was becoming there. I felt spoiled and entitled, honestly a bit like an asshole. That wasn’t who I wanted to be. Beyond that, I didn’t appreciate my father pigeonholing me from birth with his constant expectation I would take over after him. I wanted to forge my own path and live my life. Joining the military was the easiest and most honorable way out that my father could spin as a noble sacrifice to everyone else—a son who gave up personal gain and ambition to serve the greater good. It was a win-win. My father had died a couple of years after I left, still singing those praises. Everyone had ended up happy.

“Then, when I got tagged for the Gold Wolves, I figured why not?” I said. “More interesting than being a normal foot soldier.”

“And Jackson went with you,” she said, more as a statement than a question.

I nodded. “Why is this so weird for you?”

“I guess I just never expected you would leave like that,” she muttered. “I think I always saw you and Jackson staying at the pack forever. I mean, you were supposed to be alpha. You seemed happy there.”

I wanted to tell her how trapped I had felt, how I hadn’t liked my life in our old pack. But I had never been good at expressing those things. Instead, I said, “You’re not the only one who wanted out,” I said. “Though, not going to lie, I was surprised when Jackson told me you had run off.”

Her shoulders tensed, her eyes glazing over as a small frown creased her face. She looked like she was remembering something unpleasant. “Why’s that?”

I shrugged, scratching the back of my neck. “Didn’t think you had it in you,” I admitted. “You were always on the timid side.”

She shrugged. “I always tried to just let things play themselves out and not interfere, at least until I didn’t have any other options. I don’t know if I would consider that timid.”

“Regardless, it takes guts to leave your pack,” I said. “I know I had my qualms about leaving. I have to imagine you felt the same.”

She went quiet. “Not really. I didn’t have any reason to stay, so I didn’t have any qualms.”

“Do you ever miss the old pack?” I asked.

She gave a derisive snort. “Of course not,” she said dismissively. “Otherwise, I wouldn’t have left. My life was hell there.”

My brow furrowed, and I turned to glance at her. “Really?” I asked.

She frowned at me. “Of course.”

“Why?”

She froze for a moment, eyes wide as if realizing she had said something she hadn’t meant to say. When she did move again, she bit the inside of her cheek as her eyes darted toward the woods.

“I mean…” she hesitated as if trying to pick the right words. “I was bullied a lot. I was pretty much the laughing stock-slash-punching bag of the pack. But you know that.”

I didn’t answer for a moment, trying to parse out what she was saying. “I mean, I know we picked on you a bit, but—”

She barked out a laugh, then immediately covered her mouth, eyes growing wide again.

“What?” I demanded.

Giving a guilty look, she lowered her hands. “I wouldn’t use those exact words,” she said. “It was more than a bit. And the day I left…”

She trailed off, as though lost in thought. I knew if I didn’t prod her, she wouldn’t say anything else. And I couldn’t let her go quiet, not about this.

“What about it?” I pressed.

She gave me a speculative look, her brow furrowed. “Why do you think I left, Declan? It wasn’t exactly on a whim. What, did you think the timing was a coincidence?”

I didn’t answer for a long moment as the memory wormed its way back into my head, though I’m not sure if it ever left. It had always been there, lingering. I remembered her telling me she loved me, how I hadn’t known how to react, so I’d done what I always did—made light of it. I remembered the hurt in her eyes, and how she had run away. I remembered the guilt I’d felt about the whole thing because I hadn’t accepted the truth back then.

There were so many things I wanted to tell her about that day. But the words stuck in my throat, and I couldn’t figure out how to articulate them. I got as close as I could.

“When Jackson told me you left, I didn’t think it had to do with the rejection. Not initially, at least,” I said. “I just figured you wanted to leave for whatever reason. Not my smartest moment, I know. It took me a few days to wonder if maybe you had left because of that. By that point, it was too late to find out, since you didn’t really leave much of an explanation in your note.”

“You hurt me a lot. Not just that day, though that was definitely the worst.”

I didn’t answer right away. I didn’t know exactly what to say. The guilt that had always lingered wormed its way deeper inside me. I knew I hadn’t been exactly great to Mira, but hearing it from her own lips made it feel infinitely worse.

“I didn’t realize you would take it that hard,” I said.

I immediately winced, knowing that was the wrong thing to say, but not sure how else to say it. The way I phrased it made it seem like it was her fault for getting hurt, which I knew wasn’t the case. I wanted to find a way to take the statement back, or at least apologize for the wording, but I couldn’t figure out how to do it. I didn’t want to look weak by apologizing for anything.

“Well, I did,” she said bluntly. “I trusted you enough to admit the truth and trust that you wouldn’t hurt me with that information, whether or not you returned my feelings. I thought you were a decent enough guy to keep it to yourself even if you did reject me.” She glanced up at me, her beautiful face blazing with anger and defiance. “And it turned out I was wrong.”

Part of me wanted to apologize. Part of me knew I was at least partially, if not entirely, responsible for a lot of the hurt Mira had experienced. But the same problem as before occurred. Admitting I’d been wrong, showing that kind of emotion, made me vulnerable. I was an alpha. I had to stay strong.

“Right,” I said, unsure what else to say. What else I could say.

When I didn’t say anything else, Mira took a deep breath and said, “So you’ll have to give me some slack if I’m a bit guarded around you.”

I nodded, letting the words settle into my mind as I mulled them over. The truth was, Mira wasn’t the only one who was guarded and kept things close to the chest. I had always been that way, too. It was one of the reasons Dani’s mother and I hadn’t worked out.

I had a lot of thoughts and emotions about that day between Mira and me, and a lot of regrets. Truth was, it was never too far from my mind.

Mira stood, dusting off her thighs. “I should probably get back soon,” she said, indicating an obvious end to the conversation.

I nodded, standing. “After you.”