Burly and Rugged (The Men of Silver Pine Ridge #3)

Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

LINDY

I shift the strap of my bag higher on my shoulder, my chest tightening with something I don’t want to name. This is my last day here. The survival course is over. In a few minutes, I’ll be heading home.

Unless Cody stops me.

Across the room at The Lodge, Cody stands behind a long wooden table, his back partially turned as he scribbles something in an old-fashioned ledger. His broad shoulders shift beneath his worn T-shirt. I want to reach out and touch him again, but he’s been distant since the night we made love. Things have been…comfortable, but he put up some walls, and we haven’t spoken about what happened that night. That perfect, passionate night.

I exhale slowly, willing myself to keep my emotions in check.

I clear my throat and step forward. “So, is this where I get my official certificate for ‘Not Dying in the Woods’?”

My attempt at a joke falls flat. Cody glances up, his expression guarded. “It is.”

My stomach twists. Why is he so distant?

I stop on the opposite side of the table, watching as he finishes signing his name at the bottom of a thick piece of parchment. My name is scrawled in bold letters at the top. A stamp seals the corner.

Cody slides it across the table. “You did good out there, Lindy.”

I hate how indifferent he sounds. How could I have been so wrong about him?

Before I can respond, heavy footsteps sound behind me.

“Hello,” a deep, commanding voice says. “Glad to see you made it back in one piece.”

I turn as a tall, muscular man enters the room, moving with easy confidence.

“This her?” he asks Cody, jerking his chin in my direction.

Cody nods. “This is Lindy. Lindy, this is Jax. I told you about him.”

“Nice to meet you,” I say, extending my hand. Jax grips it tightly and studies me.

“Jax. Good to meet you. How’d it go?”

I pause for a moment, trying to find words that won’t betray the ache in my heart. “It went well.”

“She’s downplaying everything,” Cody says. “She was excellent. A real natural.”

Jax looks from me to Cody and back to me, turning his head toward the woman who steps into the room. Jax’s face lights up as he introduces her as Leesa, his fiancée.

“I thought I heard voices out here. How do you do?” she asks, her smile warm and inviting as she shakes my hand. “Can I get you anything? Coffee? A sandwich?”

I smile at her warmth and generosity. Coffee or a sandwich would be amazing, but with the vibe the way it is with Cody right now, I’m more interested in putting some distance between us and getting home.

“No, thank you. I’d love to, but I should head home before it gets too late.”

Leesa returns to stand by Jax, smiling as she leans into him. Jax shifts slightly, wrapping an arm around her waist possessively. Leesa looks up at him and beams.

The moment hits me harder than I expected.

It’s a simple thing. But it reminds me of the love I yearn for and how I thought I might have that kind of connection with Cody. I know it would be most direct to just ask him about what happened and why he’s being distant, but my pride is getting in the way. If I have to hear, “You’re a great girl, Lindy, but…” again, I might die—especially coming from Cody.

But now I’m convinced I misread everything that happened between us. I grab my pack as I say my goodbyes, then head out to my car.

Cody walks me outside and it’s awkward as hell. He stands a few steps away as I put my pack in the trunk, and he watches me like this is just another day. Like I’m just another client packing up and heading back to real life.

I hesitate. Just for a second.

If he asked me to stay—even for another day, another hour, forever—I would.

I should say something else. He should say something.

But neither of us does.

Heartache lances through me, and I push my feelings down. I thought there was something real between us. I thought the way he kissed me, the way he held me that night, making love to me under the stars—I thought it meant something.

Clearly, I was wrong. This is yet another misjudgment to add to the growing list of men I’ve been mistaken about.

The thought stings because Cody wasn’t supposed to be like the others. He wasn’t supposed to be another mistake.

The moment I step into my apartment, sadness overcomes me. I went on the survival course to prove something to myself by doing something completely out of my comfort zone. I never expected to enjoy it. I certainly didn’t expect to leave a piece of my heart behind with Cody.

Tears prick at my eyes, but I shake myself. No. If he wanted something, he would have stopped me from leaving.

When I finally get home, I should feel comfortable, but my apartment just feels empty. It’s the same space I left a week ago—clean, everything the same as when I left. The throw blanket bunched up on my corner of the couch. The dishes on the rack by the sink.

After I take a long, hot shower, I drop my backpack by my washing machine and start unloading my laundry into the machine. The scent of campfire smoke floats around me, and I close my eyes as I inhale the now-familiar scent.

It smells like Cody.

I press my lips together and chastise myself. Don’t do this. Don’t make it something it wasn’t. Don’t torture yourself thinking about What Ifs.

With the wash running, I pull my phone from my bag and plug it in by the kitchen counter. It vibrates immediately, buzzing with notifications. Missed texts, voicemails, emails.

I scroll through the messages, barely reading them. I pause when I see a text from my best friend.

Rebecca: You back yet? Ready to celebrate?

I hesitate, my fingers hovering over the keyboard.

Am I ready to celebrate?

I don’t think celebrate is the right word, but getting out of this apartment and getting out of my head is what I need right now.

Me: Yeah. Let’s meet up at Uncle Joe’s.

An hour later, I’m stirring a vodka tonic with my straw while Rebecca chatters excitedly across from me. She’s been talking for the last ten minutes—about work, a new Pilates class she’s trying, and how proud she is of me for doing the survival course.

I nod along, forcing a smile, but my mind keeps drifting.

Back to The Lodge, to the way Cody’s eyes barely met mine when he handed me my certificate. Back to his stony expression as he watched me drive away but made no move to stop me.

“Okay, so,” Rebecca says suddenly, leaning forward with a wicked grin. “Now that you’ve survived the wilderness and are officially a badass, are you game for another blind date? I know a guy—he’s cute, works in finance, owns a condo. Very stable. I think you’d like him.”

The words hit wrong.

Another date. Another stranger. Another forced conversation where I nod and smile and pretend to be interested in a man who is not interested in me. Rebecca means well, but her idea of a great guy and mine are very different.

I shake and respond quickly. “No.”

Rebecca raises an eyebrow. “That was definitive. Are you okay?”

I swallow, suddenly restless, my fingers tapping against the glass. “I just—” I break off, exhaling slowly. “I don’t want that.”

“What do you want?”

I think about all the dates I’ve been on over the past few years. The polite smiles, the rehearsed small talk, the men who never felt like more than a checklist of what I should want in a man. They all felt like settling.

But Cody?

Cody didn’t feel like settling. Cody felt like everything. The way we made love? It was a deeper connection than I knew was possible to share with another person. Like we fit together perfectly despite being so different. I wanted to stay in his arms forever.

Cody is the kind of man I could stand beside, not just settle for. Someone strong enough to hold me, steady enough to love me exactly as I am. The kind of man who doesn’t make me shrink my life but encourages me to be me and be everything I want to be.

For one night, I had him. I thought there was something real and deep between us. Maybe I was wrong about everything.

But my heart doesn’t believe that.

Rebecca nudges me, snapping me back to the moment. “Lindy. Come on. What’s going on?”

I force a smile, shaking my head. “I’m just tired.” The excuse feels thin, even though it’s true. I already know I’m going to sleep like the dead in my bed tonight.

Rebecca’s gaze sharpens, but after a moment, she sighs, picking up her drink. “Fine. I’ll let you off the hook—for now.”

She clinks her glass against mine, and I take a sip of my drink, but I barely taste it.

I don’t want to go back to the way things were. I don’t want to be the woman who settles for a man who checks the “right” boxes but never ignites anything inside me. I don’t want to sit across from some guy in finance who talks about investment portfolios and weekend golf trips to Palm Springs and how he likes to ‘keep things casual.’

I don’t want casual.

I want Cody.