Chapter Eleven
chapter eleven
MAY
“I’m fine. Look at her first.”
“Sir, we need to check out your hand,” a paramedic says from behind me while another grabs my arm under my elbow and leads me from Rafael’s car towards the ambulance.
The firefighters showed up within five minutes of Rafael’s call—perks of living in a small town, I guess—and all I could do was sit there and watch through the window as the one place that felt like my home went up in flames. I’ve never truly felt like I had a place I could call home, a place that felt right, like I belonged there. Nowhere except in the pages of a book. Not until this cottage. And now it’s gone.
I watched as the firefighters hosed gallons of water onto the fire, drowning my home. Maybe this is the universe's sick way of telling me I don’t deserve to have a place of my own, that maybe I don’t belong here after all.
“I don’t care,” Rafael spits, bringing my focus back to the moment. The paramedics arrived soon after the firefighters, and now that the cottage is singed to black on one side, they want to check us out.
“We have someone looking after your friend, she?—”
“She’s not my friend. She’s…”
I look over my shoulder to see him looking at me with such conflict in his eyes. I’ve never seen this look on him. Just like I’ve never seen the look he gave me in the house. I’ve never heard such words come off his tongue.
It’s alright. You’re alright, I’ve got you.
You’re safe. You’re safe.
“Okay, whatever she is to you, my friend is looking after her. You really need to let me get a look at that hand.”
As we sat waiting in his truck, I noticed the blisters forming on the palm of his hand. He must have burnt his palm when he opened the front door. That’s what I’m assuming, at least. He didn’t say anything about it. In fact, he hasn’t said much at all.
The paramedic that has his hand under my arm turns me around, helping me sit down, and I hate to admit I need his help. My body feels so weak, my legs feel like jelly in a bowl that is being shaken around, and my hands won’t stop trembling. I’m afraid if I tried to take a step on my own, I might collapse.
I catch Rafael’s gaze. I don’t try to use my eyes to convince him that I’m okay, because I think he knows I won’t be for a while. I don’t think he will be either.
“Stop fighting with the paramedic, Rafael,” I say before I cough.
Rafael takes an instinctive step forward. Two, before he’s in front of me, pushing the paramedic aside and crouching down before me.
His hands rest on the tops of my thighs as he inspects me, his eyes raking over every single inch of my skin, taking in the soot that I can feel in my hair, and that I’m sure is smudged across my face.
Our eyes meet, and I hold my breath. Something feels different all of a sudden, like this might be the thing that changes things between us. Because in this moment, I can’t feel anything other than gratitude towards Rafael .
I cough, forgetting to breathe when he’s this close to me. When I can feel his fingertips on the warm skin of my thighs.
“She’s inhaled so much smoke. You need to give her oxygen or something.”
The paramedic leans down next to him, getting on his level. “I was just about to give her a check over. If you move aside, I can do that for her.”
Rafael looks back at me, his eyes pleading, but I don’t know what for. A deep rumbling interrupts us and my eyes drift to where Marina’s bike rolls around the corner towards us.
When I look back at Rafael, he’s still looking at me, the sound not dragging his attention away from me. He blinks, as if clearing his mind before he stands, finally moving away, the paramedic filling his spot in front of me, and I can’t help but wish he’d stayed for a few seconds more.
“It looks like most of the damage is in the kitchen,” the inspector says. “You’ve got the all-clear to get in there today. I’d say the damage will take around two months to get everything cleared away and then get your kitchen fixed up, but that’s just a guess. You’ll need to talk to a contractor about that.”
“Thank you,” Marina says, walking the guy over to his car.
I finally let out the breath I feel like I’ve been holding since last night. I close my eyes, but they snap open a second later. Every time I blink, I can see flames flaring in the darkness behind my eyes. Every time I swallow, I can taste fear and ash, and it burns as it goes down.
“What am I going to do?” I ask Isla, who’s standing next to me, surveying the damage. My voice is a bit more watery than I intended.
She wraps her arm around my side. “You know I would always offer a room at Hotel Dolce, but we have been completely booked up since mid-August with Ferragosto and everything…”
I grab her hand in mine. “It’s fine, I get it.”
“You could always stay in our spare bedroom?”
“I think I’d rather stay on the street,” I laugh.
“Oh, come on,” she says. “We aren’t that awful to be around.”
“You know that’s not it,” I give her a nudge, “but you guys are finally settled. I don’t want to disturb that. I’ll talk to Marina. She might know of somewhere.”
The rumble of a car engine sounds, and the surveyor drives away. Marina sighs as she walks up to us. “Well, should we go in?”
The first person I called was Marina, my heart breaking as I told her the beautiful home she provided me with was now charred. “I am so, so sorry, Marina?—”
“Stop apologizing,” she sighs, before her eyes soften as she looks at me. She grabs my hand in hers. “It’s okay. It was a mistake.”
A mistake. The fire started because I fell asleep with the kettle on the stove. I was out so deep that I didn’t even hear it whistling. I didn’t wake up until my lungs were fighting the smoke that was thick in the air, and the kitchen was swallowed by flames. I’ve never felt the rush of fear pulsing through my veins the way I did last night. I’ve never felt the equal rush of relief the way I did when I saw Rafael standing in the doorway.
I never thought I’d say that sentence, but he didn’t hesitate a second to help me, and in that moment, I couldn’t imagine anyone I wanted to see more. He was so steady, his voice so strong, his decisions so sure. The only time I saw him falter was when he called the fire department. I saw the tremble in his hands, and in that moment, all I wanted to do was wrap him in a hug. And again when I coughed in the back of the ambulance, the look in his eyes…he looked so scared.
“Let’s go together.” Isla grabs my hand from beside me, giving me a tug towards the cottage .
I rip the tape off the doorframe and take a step inside. Debris crunches beneath my feet with every step I take, and the sound reminds me of that fear once again. Of the place collapsing around me, and all I could do was cry. I’ve never felt so helpless. All those self-defense classes Isla’s brother Miles made us take back in college couldn’t help me then.
“Shit,” Isla curses.
I step over the big beam blocking our path. The beam that nearly kept me stuck in here, if not for Rafael. Rafael, the man who hates me with a passion, but who didn’t hesitate for a single second to jump over that beam smothered in flames to save me.
“Well, he was right,” Marina says. “The kitchen is gone. But everything else looks alright.”
My eyes roam the rest of the space. The dining room and chairs are nothing more than charred splinters scattered across the floor. The couch has a hole burnt in the back, but other than that, the living room is still somehow in one piece, and my bedroom was untouched by the flames. The firefighters got here just in time to contain the flames before they spread even further.
My attention is brought back to the kitchen. To the one coal-colored mug hanging on a now black metal hook. I walk over to it, trying to carefully take the mug off the hook, but it crumbles in my palm. My collection is nothing but ashes now.
Tears well in my eyes as I look over the ruins that were my sanctuary less than twenty-four hours ago. The sanctuary I ruined.
Marina lets out a sigh from behind me. “Come on then, let’s get you packed up.”
“To go where?”
“Let’s start with the bar.”
When we walk through the door to Marina’s, I’m immediately swept into big arms. “Oh my god, I was so worried about you.” Heath’s deep voice infiltrates my system.
I sink into his warm embrace. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” He pulls away. “No bruises or cuts?”
“All good,” I say. How could I get a bruise when all I did was freeze?
“I thought you could do with one of these,” Caio says from where he’s sitting at the bar, a beer sitting cracked open in front of him. Isla moves over to him, and he gathers her into his arms before pressing a kiss to her forehead.
I let out a breath and sit down on the stool next to him. “You have no idea.”
I delight in the feeling of the cold liquid trailing down my throat, cooling me from the inside out. I’ve been hot since last night, and I haven’t been able to shake the feeling that my skin is on fire.
“Where the hell do I go from here?” I put my head in my hands, threading my fingers in my hair.
“You could stay with us,” Caio says.
“Already tried that,” Isla sighs.
“You could come stay with me, you know I’ve got the space,” Heath suggests.
“I hate to squash the idea, but that’s gonna be a pain when you have split shifts,” Marina says.
“Well, it’s kind of the only option I’ve got.”
“ Merda ,” Caio curses.
The bell above the door sounds, and everyone’s attention drags to Rafael walking through the door. My heart sinks at the darkness laying under his eyes, knowing the reason for their appearance.
His eyes flick between all of us looking over at him. “ Ciao ?”
“There’s one other option,” Marina whispers.
Rafael’s eyes meet mine before he quickly looks away, and it feels like a dismissal .
The way his eyes didn’t linger for even a second, as if he wasn’t the one to hold me tightly in his arms and tell me I was going to be okay. As if he didn’t force a paramedic aside when I so much as coughed.
Any glimpse of the man that held me together last night is long gone. After the way he so fiercely protected me, in the house and in the ambulance, somehow, I thought something might’ve changed between us. That after everything that happened, we could be different, but apparently not.
“What are we talking about?” Rafael asks. Kind of a dumb question, in my opinion.
“We are talking about where May is going to live now that the cottage is…no longer inhabitable.”
I shake my head. “Marina, don’t.”
“Right,” he murmurs, looking lost in thought. It’s like he’s not fully here, like his mind is someplace else. I know exactly where, because my mind is there too.
“I’ll get you a drink,” Marina says to him, going behind the bar to crack one open for him as he takes a seat in front of her.
I don’t know where to go from here.
Heath sidles up beside me. “He helped you out last night?”
I nod, taking another gulp of beer. That’s a mild way to put it.
“Why is he looking at you like nothing happened?”
“Back to business as usual, I guess.” I don’t know why I’m upset. It’s not like I ever had a problem with the usual between us, but now…I don’t know. I guess trauma bonding is not his thing.
I look over to where Marina and Rafael are now quietly arguing in the corner. His eyes flick to mine. I swear I see a hint of sympathy in them, and I hate it. I don’t want his sympathy, so I just look away. Last night the way he acted…it didn’t seem like sympathy, it seemed like worry, like care. But maybe I misread things.
“Come on then,” Heath says. “I’ll help you pack your stuff into my car. ”
“No, you won’t,” Rafael says, finally facing us.
“And why is that?” I ask.
“You’re staying with me.” He speaks with such authority, and I fucking hate it.
“I don’t want to stay with you.”
“Tough shit, March.”
I stand up out of my seat, bristling at the new nickname I’m sure he’s super proud of. I am not in the mood today.
“Woah okay,” Heath stands in front of me. “Maybe it’s not the best idea that she stays with you,” he says to Rafael over his shoulder.
“She’s not going to make a forty-minute drive multiple times a day for her shifts in town.” I can see the way his eyes are piercing Heath’s over his shoulder.
“Why not?” I spit, rising up on my tiptoes to meet his eyes.
“You don’t have a car.”
I glare him down over Heath’s shoulder. “Heath will bring me, right?” I look up at him.
“Uhh…”
“That’s a no,” Rafael interrupts. “I’ll start loading your stuff into my truck.” He pushes the door open and walks out.
“Thanks for the help.” I lightly push on Heath’s chest. I can feel my face heating. Feel myself panicking as my mind tries to run through other options.
There’s the Lost and Found. But from what Leo said, there aren’t any empty rooms. I could sleep on the couch? I could call Miles, see if the renovations of his house in Sorrento are done? It’s far away, but all of a sudden, I feel like my world is caving in on me. I don’t know where I’m supposed to be anymore. The one place that finally felt right to me is just…gone.
Heath holds his hands up. “In all honesty, I probably couldn’t be driving you in and out all the time.”
“I could’ve taken a horse.”
“Do you even know how to ride?”
“Not horses, specifically.” I smirk .
“Alright, let’s go. I’ll help you guys pack up the car.” He pushes me towards the door. “And we need to remedy that.”
“Good luck!” Isla yells.
I give her a salute before walking out the door. This might be the worst situation I've ever been in. Even worse than last night.