Burning the Midnight Oil: A Single Dad Small Town Romance

Chapter 23

Tonight can fucking suck it. Actually, this entire day can. I rode like absolute garbage earlier at the rodeo. We all have our days, and not every night is going to be a winner, but fuck, I haven’t ridden that badly in years. It was like I was fresh faced out there. Like I’d never ridden on the back of a bucking bull before. I’m drinking my sorrows away tonight, which is a terrible idea since we have to compete again tomorrow, but ask me if I fucking care.

Spoiler alert: I don’t.

Things between Grady and me have been going pretty well. Not excellent, but not horrible either. That is, until this afternoon when I walked into the camper completely naked except for the towel tied around my waist and ran into a wide-eyed Grady. The way his hungry eyes danced over my wet body was like a physical touch. They danced over every inch of exposed skin, drinking me in. It was a heady experience, and my body reacted.

When he brushed past me in his hasty attempt at an escape, I got a whiff of him, which didn’t help matters. His masculine scent made me dizzy. My mouth watered, and an urge to grab him by the arm and haul his body into mine came over me something fierce. I don’t fucking understand the way my body is reacting to him. The way my mind is constantly overcome with this carnal need to do…something. I don’t even know what. Own him? Consume him?

He’s in my head, and he won’t leave.

It’s a little after ten o’clock, and a bunch of us are gathered around the campfire, tossing back beers and shooting the shit. Well, everyone else is shooting the shit. I’m mostly sitting here licking my wounds after how terribly I performed tonight. And when I say “everyone,” I mean everyone besides Grady, who went straight to the camper and passed out as soon as the rodeo ended. I can’t help but wonder what’s been going through his mind since our little post-shower run in. Has he been thinking about it all day too?

If what Shooter said at the end of last season is any indication, I’d say he probably has. Do I like that? My gut is telling me yes, but my mind fucking hates that answer. Why do I like knowing he thinks about me? Why was it so rousing having his eyes on me earlier today in the camper?

Why, why, why?

It seems like it’s all I ask myself anymore.

Directing my attention to Xander who’s sitting directly across from me, he’s pulling up pictures on his phone to show us the new animals he and Cope just got.

“What are their names?” Colt asks, as Xander shows everyone a picture of the two baby pigs.

“Peanut and Pixie.” Xander grins widely.

Colt chuckles before taking a drink. “How many animals is that now?”

Xander starts counting with his fingers. “Well, we have the three highlands, two goats, Jerry, the donkey, the six chickens, and now the two pigs. So, fourteen.”

“Who’s watching all of them while you’re here?” Sterling asks Xander. “Your aunt?”

Xander originally came to Copper Lake from Washington State to help his aunt when she had hip surgery. He ended up falling in love—with the town, but also with Cope, who happened to be Xander’s aunt’s neighbor—and he moved there. It didn’t take long for Xander to move out of his aunt’s house and into Cope’s, where they both live together now. Xander is a city boy who took to farm life very easily. Cope’s always telling us about all the animals Xander wants to get, and Cope likes to pretend like he hates it, but I know he secretly loves it.

He bought his house originally with the plan to one day fill it with a family and a ton of animals, and now he’s halfway there. I’m just waiting for the day that Xander and Cope tell us they’re adding a baby to all the chaos. I’m sure it’s coming.

“We have a farm hand for my aunt. When I leave town, he just helps over at our house too, since it’s right next door.”

Finishing off the beer in my hand, I get up and toss it in the trash before heading toward the camper. I tell myself it’s to grab a hoodie to slip on since it’s a bit chilly tonight, but I know better than that. It’s because I can’t help myself. I need to have eyes on him, even if only for a moment. It’s pathetic, and each step closer to the door pisses me off even more.

The inside of the camper is blanketed in darkness, but with the moonlight peeking in through the blinds, it doesn’t take long for my eyes to adjust. My bed and all my stuff are off to the right, and Grady’s bed is to the left. I cross the small space, where the hoodie I want is already sitting on the bed. Slipping it on, I sit on the edge of the mattress, elbows to my knees as a war rages on inside of me. As if I have no say in the matter, my gaze automatically drags over to Grady’s sleeping form. He’s rolled onto his side, facing me, one hand under his cheek, the other sprawled out in front of him. Lips slightly parted, long, dark eyelashes fanning the apples of his cheeks.

Memories flood my mind as I watch him sleep so peacefully. Memories of my cock in my hand. Him in my doorway, watching me. How it felt to have his attention on me as I did something meant only for me to see. I loved it. As much as I want to pretend it revolted me, it didn’t. I felt alive. Free. Desired.

Then there’s the memory of us outside of the bar. His lips pressed up against mine. My tongue rolling with his. His sweet, forbidden taste. The feel of our bodies aligned.

Fuck. That goddamn kiss.

It’s seared into my memory. It’s become a part of me. And fuck if I don’t desperately want a repeat.

Huffing out a breath through my nose, I stand up and, without a second glance, leave the camper. I grab another beer from the cooler before sitting back down by the fire, where everybody else is still talking and laughing about who knows what, completely oblivious to my inner turmoil.

I crack open the beer and take a few pulls, wishing I could drink away all of the memories of Grady and me.

“What’s your problem, man?”

Turning my head, my gaze connects with Shooter. He’s sitting on the other side of Sterling, who’s right beside me. Something about the smirk on his face as he waits for my answer grates my nerves. It’s like he’s not asking because he’s concerned. It’s almost like he’s asking because he knows and, honestly, he probably does. All of this is his fault anyway.

I take another drink, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. “You know what, Shooter? You. You’re my problem.”

He snorts. “Me? What the fuck did I do?”

“You just never know when to mind your own fucking business,” I spit out. “You’re always meddling in other people’s shit, giving opinions no one asked for. Why don’t you ever just shut the fuck up and mind your own every once in a while?”

All chatter has gone silent around the fire. Sterling is looking between the two of us, equal parts amused and confused.

Shooter glances around the fire for a moment before his eyes find mine again. They’re fucking twinkling, and it makes me want to fucking deck him. “Wait a minute,” he says, smirk plastered on his face. “Is this about Grady?”

“What about Grady?” Colt asks from beside Shooter.

Ignoring him, I say, “It’s about your smartass mouth never knowing when to shut the fuck up.”

“Aw, is somebody bothered by the revelation I dropped on you all those months ago?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Oh, but I think I do,” he teases. “I think I know pretty well. I also think I know how much it’s gotten to you. What’s wrong, Booney boy? You feeling some type of way now that your eyes have been opened? Seeing him in a new light, maybe?”

“Fuck you,” I grit out, nostrils flaring. “You don’t have a fucking clue!”

Shooter shrugs. “Can’t say I really blame you. He is a cutie.” He nudges Sterling’s arm before adding, “Isn’t he, baby?”

“Shooter, knock it off,” Sterling hisses.

That only makes his smirk grow. “You wanna keep it in the family, Boone?” he taunts. “You’ve already had Jade. Maybe you wanna give Grady a taste next. I’ll be honest,” he goes on. “I’ll bet Grady gives real nice head. That need-to-please attitude. Those lips…”

My vision goes red as I lunge out of my seat, tackling him to the ground before he can get another word out. We roll around a few times, both of us trying to get the upper hand. Finally, I find myself on top of him, and my blood is running hot as I rear my fist back, clocking him right in the mouth. It’s the only hit I’m able to get in before he rolls us, putting him with the upper hand. His lip is bleeding, but he’s smiling like a maniacal asshole.

“Man, this is really fucking with you, isn’t it?” he says before spitting out some blood beside us.

“Jesus Christ,” I hear Sterling mutter.

Shifting my weight, I roll us again, bringing me back on top as I fist his shirt. “I was perfectly fucking fine being in the dark, and then you had to go and open your big fucking mouth, and now I’m confused!” I shout, feeling just as infuriated as I am desperate to understand.

“Is somebody not as straight as they thought they were?” he taunts, laughing as he reaches up to pat my cheek in the most condescending way. It pisses me the fuck off, and I land another blow to his jaw. He hooks his leg behind mine, using his weight to throw me off of him. “The first time you hit me, I let it slide, fucker. Not this time.”

Pain explodes in my cheek, radiating through my face, but before I have time to react, he’s pulled off me. I stand up, finding Colt in between the two of us, and everybody else watching us.

“That’s e-fucking-nough!” Colt pushes Shooter in the chest toward Sterling. “You, go get yourself cleaned up.” Then he looks back at me, shoving me too. “And you, come with me.”

“Leave me the fuck?—”

“Now!” Colt cuts me off.

He leads me farther into the campgrounds to a picnic table near the water. I sit on the top of the table while he takes a seat on the bench. My cheek throbs, and I’m sure there’ll be a bruise tomorrow. Colt doesn’t press me for information right away, instead letting us sit in silence. I appreciate him for it, but I know the questions are coming.

A few minutes later, I’m proven right when he asks, “What the hell was that about?”

Lifting one of my shoulders in a shrug, I mutter, “Shooter pissed me off.”

“Yeah, I gathered that.” He laughs. “But why? I’ve never seen you lose your temper like that, especially with one of us.”

Elbows resting on my knees, I blow out a breath, head dropping into my palms. I consider blowing him off, not giving him anything, but maybe getting this shit off my chest will help. Maybe having someone to talk to, who I know won’t judge me, is what I need right now. I scrub a hand over my face as I glance over and meet his gaze.

Dragging in a deep breath, I hold it for a moment before exhaling. Then I tell him everything. The jacking off. The kiss. The way it all is making me feel. Everything. And the whole time, he listens without an ounce of humor or judgement on his face, and I gotta admit…it feels really fucking good saying this all out loud after all this time.

“Damn,” he mutters when I finally finish.

Laughing, I say, “Yeah, I know.”

“I’ll be honest with you, man,” Colt starts. “Didn’t think you had it in you.”

My brows pinch as I regard him. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Breathing out a laugh, he says, “For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been this huge people pleaser. Whether you see it or not, you’re always putting the needs of others above yourself. For years, it was Jade. Which, fine, whatever, she was your wife. But aside from bull riding, you never, ever did anything for yourself. Your whole life was about Jade, and then Suzy, but you never do anything just for you.”

“That’s not true,” I reply dismissively, even though, deep in my gut, I have a feeling he’s right.

“It is, and you’re an amazing dad, and from what I can tell, you were a great husband, but you’re allowed to put yourself first every once in a while. You’re allowed to do things that make you happy, that may not make sense to everybody else. You’re also allowed to explore this part of you that I’m assuming you didn’t realize existed before now. Am I right?”

I look down at my hands in my lap and nod. “I don’t understand what’s going on inside my head lately.”

“Because of who Grady is to you, or because he’s a man?”

Peering over at Colt, I say, “Both.”

“That’s fair. I’m the wrong person to dissuade you from making any potentially bad decisions when it comes to sex and relationships, but I can try to help with the latter.” Colt pulls out a pack of smokes, offering me one. I shake my head as he lights one for himself, taking a drag. “Sexuality is a spectrum, my friend,” he goes on. “And just because you’ve lived your entire life being only attracted to women, that doesn’t mean a man will never come along and make you question that. Hence Grady.”

“Yeah, but why the fuck does it have to be Grady? My ex-wife’s brother?”

“That, I don’t have the answer for.” He chuckles, taking another long drag. “Look at me, for example. I’m bisexual, but my preference is usually women. However, some of the best sex I’ve ever had, and some of the deepest connections I’ve ever felt, have been with men. Sexuality is rarely something that can fit neatly into a box for most people. We don’t get a say in who we want.”

I sit with what he said for a moment, trying to make sense of all of this. “Have you ever hooked up with—or wanted to hook up with—someone you really shouldn’t?”

Colt snorts. “Uh, yeah, have I ever.”

“Care to share?” I ask with a laugh. “Since I’ve shared a whole lot tonight with you.”

Colt watches me out of the corner of his eye for a moment as he finishes the cigarette. He looks hesitant and unsure—two things I’m not used to seeing from him. Finally, he nods. “Okay, but this stays between you and I only, understood?”

I nod. “Of course. You don’t even need to say that.”

“I hooked up with my dad’s best friend once.”

My eyes widen, eyebrows lifting into my hairline. “You, what? How old were you?”

“It was last year.”

“Damn, suddenly my issues don’t seem so wild.”

Colt shoves my knee playfully. “Fuck you.” He laughs. “The guy’s really fucking hot.”

“How long have you known him? How old is he?”

“He’s been friends with my dad since I was a kid. He’s in his early forties, I think.”

“Does he live in Copper Lake?” I ask, the questions piling up in my mind.

“Nah, he used to, but he lives on the West Coast now.”

“Do I know him?”

Colt’s face scrunches up and it makes me laugh. “Maybe, but his dad is Roger Andino.”

I nearly choke on my own spit. “As in Dr. Andino, the owner of Andino Family Medicine?”

“That’s the one.”

Throwing my head back onto my shoulders, I laugh, feeling lighter than I have all week. “Fuck, that’s good,” I mutter in between laughter.

“When did this turn into you poking fun at me? You’re the one wanting to fuck your ex-brother-in-law. Let’s get back to that.”

Wiping the moisture from my eyes, I shake my head, meeting his gaze. “Let’s not. And I don’t want to fuck him.”

“Yes, you do,” he states plainly. “Deny it all you want, but you do. And if I had to guess, I’d say it’s going to happen.”

“No, it’s not. It can’t.” I do my best to shove away the visual of me doing just that, but I can’t deny how intrigued the idea has me.

“Yes, it can, if you want it to. You guys are staying in the same camper for the whole season, and we all know how he feels about you, and now that I know you’re feeling it too, it’s only a matter of time.”

“Don’t tell me you’re on the same bullshit Shooter is?” I grumble.

“While he’s being a dick about it all to mess with you, he’s spot on. There’s no way Grady hasn’t had a crush on you since he was a teenager. We all see it. I don’t understand how you don’t.”

“I guess I’m just fucking stupid.”

“Blind, maybe. But stupid, no. And like I said before, you’ve been so lost trying to please everybody else in your life, it makes sense you wouldn’t see what’s right in front of your face.”

Fuck… Is Colt right? Have I lost myself trying to be everything to everyone? Is that what’s happening? As we stand up and head back to the campsite, I feel no less confused than I was before.