Burning the Midnight Oil: A Single Dad Small Town Romance

Chapter 26

Deep breath in through my nose… The early morning air is crisp as it fills my lungs.

Exhale through my mouth… My heart is beating a mile a minute as my feet pound against the dirt-packed trail.

In through my nose… Try to let go of the knot twisting in my gut. The sour taste on the back of my tongue. The weight sitting on my chest that I know isn’t from the exertion of this run.

Out through my mouth… The wind whips past my face, lips and cheeks feeling chapped. Legs so tired, they feel like they could explode.

The steady pounding of my footsteps echoes in my ears, beads of sweat dripping down my forehead. I’m gasping for air, my lungs screaming at me to stop. I’m not a runner; I can’t even remember the last time I ran like this. I was up with the sun this morning. Woke up wide awake, guilt eating at the lining of my stomach. Boone was still sound asleep when I slipped out of bed, grabbed a change of clothes, and went into the bathroom to change. He was still passed out when I came back to drop off my dirty clothes, and I left the camper without a backward glance.

I don’t know where this trail leads, but I need to put some serious distance between me and Boone. I need to process what happened last night, and I can’t do that if he’s near me. His proximity has a way of fogging my brain, making me simply forget what’s right and wrong. And last night was the furthest thing from right…even if in the moment I would’ve surely disagreed.

Coming to an abrupt stop, my hands come to my knees as I lean over, sucking in gulp after gulp of oxygen. The early morning sun peeks through the trees, washing my body in warmth, the chirping of birds in the distance the only sound outside of my heavy breathing as I fight to steady it.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

As if the making out in the woods wasn’t bad enough, I had to go and make everything exponentially worse in the camper when I dropped to my goddamn knees for Boone. Fuck! We had stopped it. We had put a stop to the kissing. We had said it shouldn’t go further. We agreed. Shit, what have I done? Jade will never forgive me if she finds out.

She can’t find out. She can’t. And to ensure that, I need to talk to Boone. What happened last night can never happen again.

A pang in my chest hits me, knowing that last night was my one and only time to have Boone in that way. Then the guilt runs me over and erases any other feelings. He’s my sister’s ex-husband and the father of my niece. It’s so fucked up, but having him like that…seeing him so turned on, so uninhibited, because of me was an experience all on its own. It was liberating and unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed. How much he wanted me—that he wanted me just as much as I wanted him—was empowering. And the way we moved together…the way our bodies molded on the floor of the woods last night, the way his thick cock slid across my tongue, the weight of him in my mouth, the feel of his hands in my hair was explosive.

The shittiest part about all of this is that I truly think if the situation were different, if Boone wasn’t who he is to me, if I didn’t have so much to lose, we’d probably be amazing together. But things aren’t different, and I do have so much to lose. Mainly, my sister, which given the fact that my parents aren’t exactly active members in my life, I don’t really want to lose the only family I have left.

Wiping the sweat off my brow with the back of my hand, I jog back to the campsite at a much less erratic pace this time, knowing the conversation I’m about to have is going to suck. But it has to happen. Once back, I open one of the coolers that was left out last night, grabbing out a water bottle and uncapping it. I guzzle most of it in one go, glancing around the empty space like something around me may hold the answers or somehow get me out of having to do this. Maybe a time machine to go back and not do what I did last night?

My gaze shifts to the door of the camper, a sense of dread settling low in my gut. I finish off the water bottle, tossing it into the garbage, and put one foot in front of the other, and let them lead me inside. The inside of the camper smells like Boone. It makes my head swim with memories of last night. Of the way his scent enveloped me. Of his taste on my tongue, down my throat. His eyes on me. The hunger in them, the lust.

Fuck, knock it off.

Glancing toward the back of the camper, he’s still in bed, but he’s awake, scrolling through his phone. Boone sits up when he sees me and, of fucking course, he’s shirtless. Offering me a weak smile, he drops the phone in his lap, like he somehow knows exactly what’s about to go down.

I groan, looking away. Scrubbing a hand down my face, I mutter, “Can you put some damn clothes on? We need to talk.”

Five minutes later, he’s fully dressed down to the socks on his feet and propped up on his bed, while I’m sitting a safe distance away at the table. The air in here is tense, and I don’t know where to start, so I just kind of…wing it. “Listen, this is really fucking awkward, but we have to talk about what happened last night.”

Boone nods. “Yes, we do.”

“It cannot happen ever again,” I blurt out.

His gaze snaps to mine, and a look crosses over his eyes. It’s one I can’t place, but if I had to guess, I’d say he wasn’t expecting me to say that. Maybe he didn’t expect me to be responsible and put a stop to it.

Hmm, wonder where we got that idea, dipshit. Maybe when you dropped to your fucking knees like a hungry little slut and gobbled him up like you were starving.

I clench my jaw, forcing myself to hold his gaze while I wait for him to respond. Thankfully, he doesn’t make me wait long.

“I completely agree with you,” he says. “I think it was a lapse in judgement on both of our parts, and I think it was something that needed to happen, was bound to happen, but we can’t do it again. It’s too messy.”

“Jade’s the only family I’ve got,” I say. “I can’t do that to her.”

“Me neither. We may not be married anymore, but I’d never want to hurt her intentionally or cause any sort of a rift between you two. Not only that, but I respect you, and I’d never want to do anything to make situations harder for you.”

I nod, a sense of pride filling my chest at hearing Boone say he respects me. Especially after he so kindly disrespected me in the best way last night. Stop. It. “Okay, glad we have that settled.”

“But I’d still like to be friends,” he goes on. My chest aches hearing him say that. “And don’t even think about trying to sleep in that damn tent again. There’s no reason we can’t be mature about this and sleep in the same area without mauling each other.”

I want to fight him on this. Want to tell him he’s wrong, and that we can’t, but for the sake of being mature, I nod. “Okay, yeah. Besides, we got it out of our systems. I’m sure we’ll be fine.” Lies.

Boone nods, a small smile tugging on his lips. It doesn’t reach his eyes, and I have a feeling he knows how full of shit we are just as much I do. “Glad that’s settled.”

The crew heads back home for Stampede Days in a few weeks, and this is for the best. Even if it doesn’t feel like it. There’s no way I can live in the same house as Boone and Jade, while trying to hide a secret relationship. Not that we would ever be in a relationship, but this is for the best. I’m also going to need to find my own place when the season is over. I can’t live with them anymore. It’s too weird. But I also don’t have the time to find a place when we’re home for the week either.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I glance back over at Boone. “You know, even though we aren’t going to hook up anymore, I’m here if you want to talk things out.”

His brows scrunch together. “What do you mean?”

“I could be way off base, but I’m assuming you’ve never hooked up with a guy before, and if you’re kind of freaking out or you’re confused, or whatever, you can talk to me. I won’t make it weird. I know you have Shooter, Sterling, Colt, and literally any other queer man in our town, but I’m here too.”

I’m half expecting him to tell me to fuck off. Truthfully, I don’t know why I even said that. For all I know, I’m not his first queer experience, and I just made an ass of myself.

Surprising me, he asks, “How’d you know?”

Letting out the breath I’d been holding, I say, “Just a feeling I had. And with how close you and the guys are, and how open they are with their sexuality, I figured it may have come up if you had also, you know, been there.” My pulse kicks up when I realize how fucking ridiculous and ignorant I sound. “Not that you owe anybody your sexuality, and not that everybody has to come out just because their friends are out. Fuck, not saying?—”

“Grady, calm down.” Boone breathes out a laugh. “You’re rambling, but I know what you mean.”

“Oh, okay.” I exhale. “Well, good.”

Boone shifts, and he suddenly looks a little more…sheepish? Uncomfortable? “The truth is, I didn’t know.”

“Oh…when did you realize?” Even from all the way over here, I can see the color stain his cheeks. “You don’t have to tell me, Boone. I’m sorry for asking.”

“No, it’s fine.” He glances over at me, but only for a moment. “I think it mostly occurred to me that I may not be as straight as I originally thought when, uh…you caught me that night. In my room.”

Heat floods my body, pooling low in my groin. Fuck, I did not intend for this conversation to go here. “You liked it?” My voice doesn’t even sound like my own.

He nods. “Looking back in hindsight, there were things that I noticed or felt before that night that should’ve been a dead giveaway, but I was oblivious.”

I’m trying not to read too much into everything he’s saying. Just because he’s having his queer discovery now because of something that has to do with me, it doesn’t mean anything. And it certainly doesn’t change our situation. Pushing past that, I ask, “How are you feeling about it all?”

“I don’t know, confused, mostly.” Boone meets my gaze. “I’m not freaking out in a bad way, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“If you were, that would be okay,” I say.

“Have you always known?”

“That I was gay?” I ask. When he nods, I do the same. “Yeah, pretty much. But look at Cope. He’s not much younger than you, and he just discovered this part of himself too.”

“Yeah…” A beat of silence passes over us. It feels like I should say something to fill it, but I don’t know what. Finally, he quietly says, “Can I say something that I probably shouldn’t?”

My throat tightens and my heart pounds against my ribs. “Sure,” I breathe out.

He pauses, and the anticipation grows in my stomach. “I kind of wish things were different because it feels easy and comfortable exploring this new discovery with you.”

Boone’s words hang in the air. I don’t know what to do with them. They twist my gut and make the back of my throat ache. It’s the exact thought I had on my run this morning. It’s not fair, but I guess life isn’t always fair now, is it?

“Me too.” Those two words are all I can manage right now.

Thankfully, a knock sounds from the door before either of us can say anything else. “Yo, you guys up?” It’s Shooter. “Breakfast is ready. Get your asses up and get out here. We got a busy day!”

A smile tugs at my lips. “What are we doing today?” I ask Boone as we both stand up.

“Fuck if I know.” He laughs, and suddenly, the mood feels lighter.

I’m glad we talked, because it all needed to be said, but it doesn’t make it suck any less. I’m just hoping we can finish out the season without any other incidents. I really love this job and getting to come on the road, and I’d hate for whatever this is—or was—between us to mess that up. Next year, I’ll have to come up with another plan, though. Buy my own camper or something.

Everyone is already outside by the time we get out there. Colt’s grilled some breakfast burritos for all of us, and they’re actually really fucking good. Sometimes the food on the road can be kind of lacking, but this hits the spot this morning.

“So, what kind of busy day do you have planned for us?” I ask Shooter.

He beams. “I thought you’d never ask.”

“Oh, boy,” Cope grumbles nearby.

“I thought it would be fun to go for a little hike up to a spot where we can zipline.”

“What?” I hiss. “No way. I’ll stay back.”

“Nobody’s staying back, little Wilde,” he growls. “We’re all going to zipline, and we’re going to have tons of fun.”

“That’s dangerous,” I say, already feeling nauseas at the thought of it.

“No more dangerous than riding broncs and bulls,” he retorts.

“Yeah, well, I don’t do either of those things, so I’m good.”

Boone chuckles beside me, and I shoot him a glare. He shrugs innocently. “He’s not going to let you get out of this.”

“You’re a part of us now, little Wilde,” Shooter says in a soft, yet domineering tone. “We’re all family, and family sticks together always.” It’s a sweet thing to say that hits me right in the chest. But then he has to ruin it by adding, “Including ziplining. You’re fucking coming with us if I have to strap you to my back and force you.”

“For fuck’s sake,” I mutter.

As much as I don’t want to do this, because me and heights do not get along, I can’t help but lean into the part where he said I was a part of them. That we were family. And after the falling out I’ve had with my parents, that means more to me than I think any of these guys realize.

This was a terrible idea. Horrible. We’re all on a fucking cliff, wearing helmets, harnesses, and Go-Pro cameras attached to our heads, ready to jump to our fucking death. Daisy, Jessie, and Sterling have already ziplined away. The sounds of their screams echoed off the mountain, and it did nothing to ease my nerves.

Who the fuck actually does this shit for fun?

Shooter steps up to me, a cocky smirk on his face as he pats my cheek with his palm. “You’re white as a ghost, little Wilde,” he muses. “Relax.”

“You relax,” I spit out. “This was your dumbass idea, and I don’t even want to be here.”

“Oh, he’s feisty,” Shooter teases with a chuckle. “Come on, Grady. You know we wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you. Daddy over here”—he nods toward Boone, a smirk playing on his lips—“would never allow it.”

Without my permission, my gaze flits to Boone, the way Shooter referred to him as Daddy rolling through me like molten lava. That really shouldn’t turn me on, yet here I am, strapped up, about to soar twenty-three hundred feet across a canyon, and my dick is twitching inside my pants.

My face warms, and I swallow thickly as our gaze connects. I quickly look away, like if I look at him too long, he’ll be able to read what’s going through my mind, and hell, maybe he can.

Shooter glances between me and Boone, an amused look on his face. “You’re up, little Wilde,” he mutters.

“I am not going next.”

“Yes, you are,” he counters. “It’s time to get it over with. It’ll be fun, trust me. We do this every year.”

“Then you go next,” I say, standing my ground, really, really not wanting to do this. The pit of dread in my stomach grows and I feel like I’m going to be sick. Why the fuck did I agree to this? Oh, that’s right…I didn’t. I was forced. Against my will.

Shooter steps closer to me, and my palms start to sweat. He wouldn’t like…push me off the cliff, would he? But then his features soften, and with a lowered voice, he says, “All joking aside, Grady, this is going to be fine. I’m sure it’s hard to believe, but the first year we did this, I was feeling exactly like you are now and, once it was done, I was so glad I did it because it’s fun, it’s exhilarating, and the rush that comes with it is too good to pass up.”

“Why do I have to go next?” I ask, somehow feeling a little less anxious after what he just said.

He smirks, lowering his voice even more. “Because I like to go last, and Daddy Boone will go right after you.”

I feel the blood rush to the surface of my face again. “Why do you keep calling him that today?”

Shooter shrugs, lip tugged into a crooked grin as he leans in and whispers next to the shell of my ear, “You got a little something right here on your neck.” I suck in a breath as I feel the pad of his finger brush over a spot right below my ear…a spot I know Boone had his mouth on last night. How did I miss that?

Before I can even think of formulating a response—an excuse—Shooter is pulled off me. My gaze swings to Boone, who’s now watching Shooter with narrowed eyes. “Get the fuck off him,” he growls.

My eyes go wide, and I swallow hard. I don’t think Boone heard what Shooter said, but he looks pissed regardless.

“What’s the matter, Booney boy?” Shooter drawls. “Don’t like me touching little Wilde?”

Boone takes a step toward Shooter, but before he can get any closer, Colt inserts himself between the two of them. “Alright, guys,” he mutters. “Calm down.”

Shooter steps back, shaking his head with a chuckle. Colt glances over at me, and I watch in horror as his gaze dips to the spot Shooter touched a moment ago before he looks up at Boone, a grin sliding on his face. “Hmm, would you look at that,” he muses, patting Boone on the chest as he breathes out a laugh and walks away.

What the actual fuck is happening right now? It feels like I’m the odd man out on some inside joke between the three of them.

Boone works his jaw, the muscle clenching, before he looks over at me. “You’re going to be fine, G,” he says, tone much softer than it was when he was talking to Shooter. “And I’m going right after you. I promise, you’ll be glad you did it when you’re done.”

I nod, letting out a deep breath. “I know, I’m good. Let’s do this.”

And I do it… I take a few centering breaths, and I jump off the huge, tall, scary cliff and soar through the sky. The wind whips around me, and my stomach bottoms out. A scream rips from my throat, but I also can’t deny, like Shooter said, how exhilarating this is. By the time my feet are planted on solid ground again, my chest is heaving, and I feel high. I feel good. I feel proud because I fucking did that.

Sterling, Daisy, and Jessie all high-five me, and the entire time, I’m now hyper-aware of the hickey on my neck. I can’t help but wonder if everybody can see it. Trying to adjust the collar of my shirt, visions of Boone pulling Shooter away from me replay in my mind. It almost looked like…jealousy. But that can’t be right…