Burning the Midnight Oil: A Single Dad Small Town Romance

Chapter 38

Last night was…incredible. After we got out of the shower, we ordered food, ate it in our underwear while we talked and laughed, and then we got each other off one more time before we passed out in each other’s arms. I’ve been awake for the last half an hour, replaying every single moment while I wait for Boone to wake up. I don’t know what comes after this, but I do know we have to talk more seriously once he’s awake.

My mind is a mess. On the one hand, I’m on cloud nine. The way Boone said I was his…it was possessive and growly and so fucking hot. But on the other hand, there’s still the issue of my sister. I can’t stand the thought of her being hurt because of me. Haven’t I done enough damage? Shouldn’t I be able to move on and find somebody who isn’t connected to her?

I huff to myself, because yeah, wouldn’t that be easy.

Currently, I’m lying on my side with Boone’s hard body plastered to my back. His leg is wrapped around my body and he’s got his arm draped across my middle. Hot breath fans the back of my neck. I’m sweating, the blankets pushed completely off of me. As delicately as I can, I slip out from his hold and roll off the bed, heading into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. By the time I’m finished and head back into the room, Boone is awake, scrolling on his phone.

“Morning,” he mumbles as soon as he sees me.

“Good morning. How’d you sleep?”

A sleepy grin slides onto his face. “Great. You?”

“Me too.” Reaching into my duffle, I pull out a pair of boxers and a shirt, tugging them both on. “Want to go get breakfast? I think there’s a café down the road.”

Boone scrubs a hand over his face before he nods and jumps out of bed. One look at his naked, cut body has me wanting to abandon our breakfast plans and climb back into bed with him, but I know we have a lot to talk about, and if we stay here, we won’t get much talking done.

Not more than twenty minutes later, we’re being sat in the café. It’s cute in here, and not very busy which is nice. The hostess brings us each a coffee and an ice water, letting us know our server will be by shortly.

“Everything on this menu looks delicious,” I mutter as my eyes peruse all the items listed. “What do you think you’ll get?”

“Probably the meat and veggie scramble.”

My gaze lifts from the menu to him. “Well, that’s boring.”

He chuckles. “How is that boring?”

I drop the menu onto the table, gesturing toward it with my hand. “Look at all these pastries! There’re muffins, croissants, Danishes. Not to mention, look at how fucking good that French toast looks, but you’re going to have scrambled eggs, sausage, ham, and bacon mixed up together with vegetables? Boring.”

That only makes Boone laugh harder. His smile is wide and bright, and the lines around his eyes crinkle. He looks stunning. “I’m competing tonight,” he explains. “On rodeo days, I try not to eat anything too heavy. Although, if you get that French toast, I’ll probably steal a bite.”

Rolling my eyes dramatically, my lips tip up into a small grin as I mutter, “Whatever. Still boring.”

Our server stops by and takes our order, and once she leaves, I drag in a deep breath, blowing it out through my mouth, knowing we need to get this chat over with. I don’t want to leave here without having some sort of understanding of one another. Still, my stomach is in knots as I glance over at Boone, who’s already watching me, and say, “Can we talk? About last night, and well…everything.”

Boone arches a brow as he clasps his hands together on top of the table. “Only if you promise to not immediately shut me down because it’s the easier option.”

Heart thumping, I reply, “You think that was the easier option?”

“Well, wasn’t it?” he asks, not unkindly.

“Not at all.” I shake my head. “I don’t think any option was an easy one. Was cutting off what we had going on what I thought was what needed to happen? Yes. But it wasn’t easy, Boone.”

He’s quiet for a moment, as if taking in everything I said. “Do you still feel like that’s what needs to happen?”

“I…” Running my fingers through my hair, I try to slow down my racing pulse. “I don’t know,” I admit honestly. “But it’s not what I want. The last month has been miserable.”

“For me too,” he says, his expression soft as he meets my gaze.

“So, then what?” I ask Boone, desperately wanting him to magically have all the answers because I sure as hell don’t.

Surprising me, he reaches over and covers my hand with his. It’s warm and steadies my breath. “I can’t make this call for you, G. I know what I want, but it’s up to you to decide what you want.”

I chew on the inside of my cheek, my stomach in knots. That’s the thing… I know exactly what I want, but isn’t it selfish of me to go after it?

“You know,” I start. “I’ve replayed everything that’s happened between us since it very first started. Every interaction, every touch, every look, every feeling. In the moment, I think it was easy for us to forget about the ramifications, about who we’d be hurting with our actions—or that we’d be hurting anyone at all. It was easy for us to give into the desire and the need we both had because we’d put ourselves in this little bubble. Jade was gone at first, and then we were on the road where she wasn’t, so it was easy for us to take on this mentality of out of sight, out of mind.”

Blowing out a shaky breath, I glance up, meeting Boone’s gaze.

“I think in my head, deep, deep down, I always knew she’d find out.” I continue, my eyes never leaving his. “We wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret forever. But I was so wrapped up in this protective, fun bubble we were in that I basically gaslit myself into believing the opposite. Believing that we were invincible. That I’d never have to answer for what I’d done—for what we’d done. So when Jade found out, and the consequences for our actions hit us in the face, I panicked. The thought of losing Jade terrified me, of losing what little family I had left. But I think…” My voice cracks, emotion thick in my throat. “I think what I’ve come to realize is that the thought of losing you terrifies me more, Boone.”

“So, what are you saying?” he asks, his voice rough and filled with hope that makes me teary.

“I’m saying that I care deeply for you, and I don’t think I can walk away. I don’t want to.”

A grin splits Boone’s face as he lets out what I can only describe as a sigh of relief. “Me either. What about Jade?”

Guilt threatens to take over again. “I don’t know. I hope she’ll eventually come around, but I also understand why she’s hurt.”

“She loves you, G,” he says softly. “She could never hate you.”

“What about you guys? And Suzy?”

“We’ll be fine. I’d like to think we’re both mature enough to realize that Suzy comes before anything, including any issues we may have with each other. Jade and I may not be in love anymore, but there will always be one thing we will forever agree on, and that’s Suzy and what’s best for her. I don’t doubt that for a second.”

I wish I could be as assured as Boone is. On the inside, I’m a fucking wreck. I want him, but I’m also still so scared about where that will leave me.

Our food comes, and all heavy conversation falls to the wayside. After we finish, Boone pays the bill, and we go our separate ways. He has to get ready for tonight, and I want to head back to the hotel room to decompress and have a hot shower. The whole time I’m standing under the scalding hot stream, the same thought runs through my mind over and over again. Once I’m out, I get dressed in a t-shirt and a pair of sweats, grab my phone, and plop down on the bed.

“Just do it, Grady,” I mumble to myself, nerves eating away at my stomach.

With shaky hands, I find my sister’s contact in my phone and hit the FaceTime button. It rings a few times, and I start to think she might not answer. Until she does.

Jade appears on the screen, fresh-faced with her hair tossed up into a bun on the top of her head. She’s in the laundry room, and she props the phone on what I can only assume is the shelf behind the washer and dryer.

“Hey,” she greets. “Suzy’s not home.”

“Oh, where is she?”

“With Boone’s folks. They’re keeping her for the weekend.”

“Well, that’s fun,” I mutter. “But I actually called to talk to you, if that’s okay.”

Jade sets the purple towel down that she was in the middle of folding. “Oh, uh…yeah, that’s fine.” Grabbing the phone, she leaves the laundry room. I don’t quite know where she’s going until she sits down on the couch and the living room comes into view behind her. “So, what’s up?”

Suddenly, it feels like I could throw up. My stomach clenches, and there’s a lump in my throat, making it hard to swallow. I should’ve called her instead of doing FaceTime so I wouldn’t have to look at her for this. Why is it so hard?

“Jade, I hate this. Not talking to you and knowing you’re mad at me. I know I deserve it, what I did was fucked up, but I need you to know I never did it wanting to hurt you.”

Her eyes soften. “I know you didn’t.”

My brows pinch together. “You do?”

“Yes, Grady. You’re one of the most caring people I’ve ever known. You don’t have it in you to purposely hurt somebody, especially your family.” She pauses, taking a deep breath in, then out. “But that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt me anyway. My divorce with Boone is still so fresh, and I always knew there would come a time when he’d move on—when we’d both move on—and I wanted that for him. He deserves it. But to find out it was my brother who he moved on with, and so soon…it stung, Grady. It really fucking hurt.”

Chest tight and aching, I try to blink away the pressure building behind my eyes. My vision blurs. “I’m sorry,” I croak.

Jade sniffles, biting the inside of her cheek. “I know Boone was faithful to me,” she goes on. “I’ve never once questioned that. He isn’t the type of man to cheat. He’s a good man, and I know this. But I would be lying if I said all of this didn’t make me second guess myself, even if only for a second. It felt like shit not only finding out he moved on with you, but that I had to find out by catching you guys. Neither of you even felt like you could come to me and tell me. That’s probably what hurt the worst.”

Tears stream down my face, unable to hold it back. I hate this. Hate knowing I hurt her. Knowing I can’t take it back. Knowing that I can’t bring myself to walk away from Boone.

“Are you in love with him?” she asks softly. There’s no malice in her voice at the question. No anger.

A choked sob gets lodged in my throat, moisture continuing to spill out of my eyes. Jade’s face is red, eyes glassy too. The answer comes to me easily. It’s instant. Of course, I’m in love with him. But how can I say that? It feels like the moment I say it out loud, it’s done. She’ll write me off.

Unable to voice my truth, instead I say, “Jade, I can’t lose you. You are o-one of the m-most important p-people in my life. I cannot lose you.”

“Grady,” she breathes, a single tear falling down her cheek. “You’re never going to lose me. You’re my brother, and I love you so much.”

For some reason, that makes the sobs wrack through me harder. “Even if I’m in love with Boone?”

Jade wipes her face, her eyebrows knit together. “Grady, my love for you isn’t conditional. That’s not how this works. Yes, I’m hurt and, to be honest, I’m still pissed about it all, but that doesn’t mean I love you any less. You’re my family, no matter what. Nothing changes that.”

Neither of us says anything for a moment. I soak in the reassurance she just gave me that I don’t even think she realizes I desperately needed.

“So, where do we go from here?” I ask after a moment.

Jade gives me a sad sort of smile. “I don’t know. I think I may just need some time to process it all. To come to terms with everything.”

“I can do that,” I murmur. “Give you space, that is.”

“I love you, Grady. I may be hurt, but that doesn’t change how much I love you.”

“I love you too.”

We hang up, and despite the fact that we are far from back to normal and okay, I feel lighter and more at ease than I’ve felt in a while. I don’t know what the future holds, but at least now I feel like there’s a chance that someday Jade and I can be back to what we used to be.