By His Play

1. Kieran

1

KIERAN

I walk down the quiet hallway with my arms full of gifts.

I may not have been here before, but after listening to Effie talk about it so much over the past few months, everything feels very familiar.

She even managed to describe the scent pretty accurately.

It’s not a hospital. But also…it kinda is.

A nurse darts across the hallway ahead of me, but she doesn’t look up.

Continuing forward, I take note of each door number, my heart rate increasing with each one.

I haven’t told her that I’m coming.

Sure, I said that I’d see her after the season ended, but I never gave dates. Hell, I’m glad I didn’t.

The past couple of months have been hard.

It doesn’t matter how many times my teammates, my friends, my brothers, tell me that my performance wasn’t what lost the playoff game, I still feel the weight of that crushing loss on my shoulders as if it happened just yesterday.

I wasn’t at my best. And as much as I hate to lay the reason for that at my best friend’s feet, I am. I feel guilty as fuck for it, but I can’t help it.

She wasn’t there.

My lucky charm wasn’t there when I needed her the most.

She was right not to be. She needed to be here with Grams. But fuck…I needed her.

When I called before the game, she answered. She was there with me in spirit. I knew she was watching the game, cheering me on. But not being able to look up and see her in the stands…it knocked me off-kilter.

It’s stupid. Really fucking stupid. But I can’t help it.

I need her.

I always have, and something tells me that I always will, too.

I come to a stop outside Gram’s room.

I haven’t seen her for too long. Far too fucking long. And I can’t lie…I’m terrified of what I’m going to find.

Growing up, she was there for me almost as much as she was for Effie. Seeing her decline—or more so, hearing about it more recently—has been hard. Not as hard as being here, though…

Guilt slams into me with the force of an eighteen-wheeler, causing me to suck in a sharp breath.

What I’ve been going through is nothing compared to what my best friend has been dealing with.

I hate that I haven’t been able to get out of my head sooner and be the friend she needs me to be.

Being the reason we lost that game is going to live with me for quite some time, but nowhere near as long as if I'm not here for Effie.

For almost as long as I can remember, she’s been my lucky charm, my biggest supporter, and the best friend I could ever ask for. She deserves for me to try to be even a fraction of the friend she is.

Forcing down my guilt and regrets, I shuffle the things in my arms and reach for the door handle.

There’s no time like the present.

Nothing but the sound of an old gameshow on the TV greets me. Not immediately hearing her voice makes me realize how much I’ve missed her.

It’s been too long. Far too fucking long.

Moving into the room, I find the two of them sitting in matching floral armchairs.

“Time for tea,” Grams says lightly.

Hearing her sound like herself makes my heart sing, but I’m not naive enough to think that’s how it always is these days. I know better than that.

“I’ve got quite a few things here, but tea isn’t one of them,” I confess.

There’s a beat of silence before Effie squeals and launches herself from the armchair.

“Oh fuck,” I grunt, dropping everything in my arms just in time to catch her as she flies at me.

“You’re here,” she sings, wrapping her arms around my shoulders, clinging to me as if she hasn’t seen me in a decade, not a couple of months.

“Aw, look at you two,” Grams says, watching us closely.

Effie tenses in my arms, but she doesn’t let me go.

“Hi, Grams,” I say as Effie continues to cling to me. “Looking as beautiful as ever.”

Proving to me that she’s still the same woman I’ve always loved, her cheeks burn scarlet at my compliment.

She might play the innocent, but she’s told us enough stories from her past that would prove otherwise.

Finally, Effie releases me, and after rescuing the bouquet of flowers that hit the floor not so long ago, I walk over to greet Grams.

Her eyes are glassy when I crouch down in front of her.

“It’s so good to see you in person. I thought I was only ever going to see you on a screen again,” she confesses, making my chest ache.

“It’s been a busy few months,” I explain.

“So I hear,” Grams says coyly.

“I’m going to go and get a vase for these,” Effie says before rushing out of the room as if she’s being chased.

Concern fills my veins.

Sure, she was excited to see me, but something isn’t quite right.

Even more guilt floods me. While I’ve been drowning in my own bullshit, I haven’t been there for her in the way I usually would.

“She’s missed you so much,” Grams says as I perch my ass on the edge of the coffee table before her.

I hang my head in shame for a moment.

“I’ve missed her too. And you. How are you doing?” I ask, unsure of how she’s going to respond.

She seems lucid, like her old self right now, but I know from talking to Effie that it can change all too quickly.

It’s selfish, but I can’t help but hope I can get more time with her.

“I’m fantastic. This place? It’s great. The food is outstanding. Better than Effie’s cooking, that’s for sure. Don’t tell her that,” she adds quickly, making me laugh.

I wink. “It can be our secret.” Although, really, it’s no secret. Even Effie knows she’s a terrible cook.

“Are the nurses nice?”

“Everyone is so lovely. And they take good care of our girl.”

I smile.

For as long as I can remember, Grams has been trying to get us together. She doesn’t even try to cover up the fact that she dreams of watching Effie walk down the aisle toward…well, me.

I swallow thickly.

It’s not that I don’t want to settle down one day. I’m sure it’ll be…lovely.

King and Kian are sure doing a good job of making a long-term relationship look kinda fun.

But I see enough of my teammates trying to juggle football and family life to know that I don’t want to deal with that anytime soon.

My focus needs to be football. I don’t want the distraction of a woman for more than a few hours at a time.

The ones I spend time with now know exactly what I’m willing to offer, and it’s never more than a fun night before I send them on their way.

Other than my mom and sisters, Effie has been the only woman who’s had a permanent place in my life, and I’m more than happy for that to continue.

“I’m glad you both had people looking out for you,” I say, my heart aching, knowing that it should have been me.

“Don’t give me that, young man,” Grams teases, making my brows pinch together.

“Here we go,” Effie announces, reappearing with a vase that’s almost bigger than her. Her blonde hair is pulled back into a tight ponytail and she’s wearing her thick-rimmed glasses. One look at her and I’m taken straight back to school.

Effie and I were—and still are—the most unlikely of friends. I was the bad boy player and she was the nerdy good girl.

I guess some things never change.

“Grams, I hope you’re behaving yourself,” she warns lightly, but there is a tightness to her expression I don’t like.

Grams lets out a full belly laugh. The sound of it lights me up inside, although not as much as hearing Effie laugh will.

She’s struggling. I don’t need to see the dark circles under her eyes and the worry lines etching her face to know that. I could hear it in her voice during our calls, sense it in her messages.

Picking up the flowers, I take them over and help her unwrap and arrange them.

I have no fucking clue what I’m doing, but I try to make myself useful by cutting stems and handing them over.

“They’re so beautiful,” Grams sighs when we place them on the dresser beside the television for her to enjoy. “Just like my Effie.”

“Grams,” Effie warns.

“What? It’s true. Isn’t it, Kieran? Our Effie is the most beautiful girl in the world.”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Effie states.

I glance over at my best friend to find her cheeks blazing pink as she stares down at her feet. She never has been very good with compliments, even if they are from her sweet grandmother.

“She’s right and you know it,” I say, returning to my seat on the coffee table so Effie can take the armchair.

“Sit here,” she argues, happily changing the subject.

I give her a hard glare, silently letting her know that her argument is futile. After a few seconds, she lowers herself to the chair.

I watch her for a moment longer, taking in the way she chews her nail, her body continuously moving.

She’s nervous.

“Eff, what’s?—"

“So, what have you been up to recently? You’ve been very quiet,” she blurts, unwilling to hear my question.

Grams watches us closely with a slight frown on her brow.

“Not much, really. It’s been pretty quiet.” It’s not a lie. Sure, there has been plenty going on, but I’ve excused myself from pretty much everything in favor of locking myself in my apartment.

My brothers and my teammates have tried to pull me out of it and force me back into real life, but I’ve been too happy in my own miserable company.

Okay, “happy” might be the wrong word.

“I don’t believe that for a moment,” Effie laughs.

“He’s been busy, dear,” Grams pipes up. “Just look at all the gifts he brought you. He’s missed you as much as you’ve missed him.”

Effie’s eyes widen and her cheeks burn brightly all over again.

“Ah, Eff. You missing me?” I tease.

I know she has been; the words didn’t need saying. I’ve missed her too. But something feels off with Gram’s comment, add that to the shifty way that Effie is acting and my curiosity is piqued.

Silence hangs in the air between us. There’s noise from the corridor, but no one pops their head into our room, and the TV continues to play behind me.

“I love those flowers so much,” Grams finally says. “And those sunflowers. I really do think you should have a sunflower bouquet at the wedding, Effie. They’re your flowers. Don’t you think, Kieran?”

“U-uh,” I stutter, unsure what to say to that.

Effie, on the other hand, hops out of her chair like her ass is on fire.

“We should probably get going, let you have your afternoon nap.”

Grams’ face drops, but she quickly covers it.

“I guess you two don’t want to be spending your afternoon with me when you could be getting reacquainted.”

Grams wiggles her brows, her smile getting wider.

I frown. I know we haven’t seen each other as much as we usually would, but we’re not exactly long, lost friends.

When I glance back at Effie, I find her shaking her head at me, silently asking me just to go along with it all.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Effie says to Grams before leaning down to kiss her cheek.

“Okay, sweetie. Enjoy him, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

What the ? —

Before I have a chance to question Grams, Effie grabs my hand and attempts to drag me out of the room.

Seeing as she’s barely five foot and I’m six-four and well over two hundred pounds, she doesn’t stand a chance. That doesn’t stop her from trying, though.

“Rock her world, Kieran. She needs it,” Grams calls, despite the fact we’re now in the hallway.

“What the hell was that?”

“Nothing,” Effie says tightly, her little legs taking on a life of their own as she practically races for the exit.

“Eff, wait,” I demand, eating up the space between us in just a handful of easy strides, although I don’t stop her until we’re out of the building.

It’s a gorgeous, sunny day in St. Louis. The warmth of the sun wraps around me, but it doesn’t relax me in the way it usually would.

Finding her wrist, I pull her to a stop and step in front of her.

“What’s going on?”

Effie’s eyes fill with tears, and she looks away, trying to hide them.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” she blurts, her voice cracked with emotion. “It’s been…It’s been really hard,” she confesses before falling into my arms.