By His Play

24. Kieran

24

KIERAN

“ S hit,” I hiss as the sound of her retreating footsteps fills the air before her bedroom door slams hard enough to shake the entire house. “Fuuuuck.”

My kneejerk reaction is to jump and run after her. But no sooner am I on my feet, do I second-guess myself.

She doesn’t want me right now. That realization hurts. But not as much as knowing that I’m the reason.

Last night, I…

Last night, I clearly fucked up.

I fall back on the stool and stare down at my breakfast.

If I weren’t so fucking confused and lost, I’d be impressed. I even made waffles.

I thought it was time to break free from the cinnamon buns.

As hard as it is to accept, Grams is at peace now, and it’s time to help Effie move on so she can return to her life.

Her team misses her in Chicago.

I miss her.

I know she feels at home here, but it’s not her home. It’s Grams’.

Her life is in Chicago. It’s where she needs to be.

She’s going to drown if she stays here. And I refuse to let that happen.

Ignoring my instincts to go after her, I force myself to eat some of my breakfast before I finally push the plate away.

Just like earlier, my footsteps slow as I get to her door, but I don’t stop. I can’t. If I hear her crying inside, it’ll shatter my resolve to give her a moment.

My fists curl at my sides. Walking away from her feels wrong.

So wrong.

But getting close was also wrong.

I’ll stand by my decision. In the moment, it helped.

And fuck, it was everything I didn’t know I was missing in my life.

Combing my fingers through my hair, I haul my ass to the guest room, stuff my feet into my sneakers, and drag a hoodie over my head.

If I can’t be with her, then I need to move.

Standing at the front door with my muscles screaming for me to do something, I debate how to leave.

Maybe I should have left a note or knocked to tell her I was going for a run.

Shaking my head, I force myself to slam the front door so she stands a chance of realizing I’ve left.

However, as I jog down the driveway, I question that decision.

What if she thinks I’ve left? Not just for a run, but for good?

“Get a fucking grip, Callahan,” I mutter to myself before taking off.

I push myself as hard as I can in some kind of fucked-up punishment for last night.

What the fuck was I thinking kissing her?

I should have known that it was a bad idea.

Did I really think she’d wake up this morning, turn to me and everything would be okay?

I’m such a fucking moron.

A moron who is now hard as fuck for his best friend.

Jesus, she was incredible.

The way she accepted everything...how her insecurities fell away and she embraced the incredibly sexy woman I’ve always known her to be.

She was perfect, and something tells me that she has no idea.

Being with her was so easy, but not in a boring kind of way.

I’m so used to fucking strangers that I wasn’t expecting the connection.

One look at her and I knew what she wanted, what she needed...and fuck did it bring me to my knees when I realized it was what I needed as well.

Everyone has been telling you for years that she’s your perfect woman…

Shaking that thought from my head, I keep running.

By the time I get to the top of the hill, sweat runs down the side of my face and my hoodie sticks to my back.

The sun is now high in the sky and beating down on me. I love it just as much as I hate it.

Mornings like these bring hope.

I just wish Effie could feel it.

Something tells me that she’s currently locked inside her dark bedroom, refusing to feel any kind of hope.

I bring myself to a stop and press my palm against my pounding heart as my chest tightens.

“Fuck,” I pant, tipping my face toward the sun and sucking in deep lungfuls of air.

Spotting a small park on the other side of the road, I cross over and walk through the gates.

Dropping my ass onto a bench, I stare ahead of me as my brain runs at a mile a minute.

People come and go, but I don’t see any of them as I relive last night and this morning over and over in my head.

What I wouldn’t give to have a do-over.

I consider all the things I’d do differently. All the different ways I could pleasure her. All the things I could teach her…

Dragging my hand down my face, I pull my hoodie up, slump lower, and spread my legs wider, trying to ignore the fact I’m rocking a semi while sitting alone in a park.

The minutes tick by, but they don’t help. They don’t give me any clarity.

In the end, I don’t have any other choice, and I pull my cell from my pocket.

Ignoring all my notifications, I pull up the contact I need and hit call.

It rings twice before the line connects. I don’t give him a chance to speak before I blurt, “I fucked up.”

A deep chuckle fills the line.

“Good morning to you too, little brother.”

I groan, questioning my life choices.

“What did you do?” he asks when I don’t expand on my opening line.

Dragging my hand down my face, I close my eyes and spill.

“I slept with Effie.”

Silence.

“And now she’s hiding in her bedroom refusing to talk to me.”

“Honestly, Bro. I’m not sure you’re talking to the right person. But thankfully, you’re on speaker, and I’ve got just the woman for the job.”

“Hey, Kieran,” Lori says.

“Hey,” I say, cringing. It’s bad enough I’m confessing to Kian. Sure, he’d have told Lori the second we got off the phone, but still.

“I’m going to need more details,” Lori says innocently.

“Really?” I ask.

“Really. I need to know what I’m dealing with.”

“Okay so, she was sad and wanted to down a bottle of vodka. I decided that I had a better way to distract her, and I fucked her with her hands bound behind her back while I choked her.”

Lori splutters on the other end of the line.

“My little brother, ladies and gentlemen,” Kian announces like an asshole.

“I didn’t mean quite that many details, but thanks.”

“I just wanted to help,” I explain. “She’s so sad, and I hate it. Getting drunk isn’t going to do anything.”

“But pushing your penis inside her will?” Kian quips.

“I knew I should have called Kingston,” I hiss.

“Charming.”

“Ignore him,” Lori mutters, her voice getting louder as she moves closer to the phone. “Go and get us some coffee.”

Assuming she’s not talking to me, I remain quiet.

“Me? Go and get coffee? I think you’re forgetting who’s in charge here,” Kian scoffs.

“A grande caramel macchiato would be fantastic. Thank you.”

I shake my head, picturing them glaring at each other inside Kian’s office.

After a few seconds, he huffs. “Fine. Would you like anything else?”

“Surprise me.”

“Trust me, Temptress, you already do. Daily.” He continues muttering for a few seconds before the door slams closed and Lori laughs.

“Okay,” she says. “Let’s figure this out.”

I want to say that talking to Lori helped. But…I’m still just as confused as ever when I hang up and drop my cell to my lap.

She asked me if I wanted a serious relationship with Effie.

No. I don’t want a serious relationship with anyone.

She asked if I was happy to walk away and let her meet someone else.

Secretly, my answer was no. After last night, I don’t want any man seeing her like that. She’s mine.

But I lied and said yes.

I told Lori I thought Effie deserved to find a decent man who could give her the world.

That’s not a lie. But right now, I’d kill any motherfucker who tried to give her anything.

I’ve never been a jealous man, but I’m pretty sure that is what bubbles up inside me every time I think about her with someone else.

Ultimately, Lori told me that I needed to figure out exactly what I want and then talk to Effie.

Not exactly the kind of rocket science advice I was hoping for that would fix all this, but I guess the most logical.

Knowing that I’m not going to find the answers I need in a park, I push to my feet and walk back toward the street.

It’s lined with shops, and after grabbing a coffee, I begin wandering in and out of them in the hope inspiration might strike.

And it does—just not in the way I was hoping for.

I stop in a deli to buy ingredients for lunch. Effie will probably refuse to eat it, but I have to try.

As I begin walking back toward the house, my cell dings.

Hoping it’s going to be Effie, I pull it free.

Sadly, the name I find staring back at me isn’t her; instead, it’s my agent.

Daniel: Can I trust that you’ll be in town for the photoshoot Tuesday?

My heart slams against my chest. Fear that Effie isn’t ready to leave yet flooding through my veins.

I have to go back though. I have a life and commitments I need to see through. And if I’m being honest, she needs to return too.

It’s time.

The trip back to Grams’ house takes a lot longer than I was expecting, but the time away doesn’t bring me any clarity.

I still feel the same way I did when I slammed the front door hours ago.

Confused and horny.

She blew me away last night to the point that a part of me thinks I may have dreamed it.

That’s why I did what I did this morning.

I couldn’t help myself. I woke up with her hot little body pinned against mine. For a second, I thought she was still, but then her hips moved and I discovered that my hard cock was between her thighs and she was grinding down on it. Not only that, but she was soaked.

It seemed that it didn’t matter how many times I made her come the night before; my dirty girl was still desperate for me.

I was too.

It was a risk. I knew that when I slipped inside her.

Hell, everything we’d done the night before was a massive fucking risk, but if we’d already fucked everything up, what was one more time?

I can’t lie, sliding back inside her was pure bliss.

I felt like I belonged in a way I’ve never experienced before.

Hearing her moan, feeling her body shudder…

I’m never going to forget last night or this morning.

It doesn’t matter how much she regrets it. I’m pretty sure it’ll forever be the best night of my life.

Do I want more? Of course I fucking do.

But I’m not stupid. I can’t offer her the life or the kind of relationship she wants.

Even at my best, I’d be a part-time boyfriend.

Things could be great during the off-season, but then the season would kick off and she’d no longer be my priority, and that would fucking kill me.

But football is my life. I made that decision a long time ago.

I was happy to forfeit anything for it.

I still am.

It’s the reason I was put on this Earth.

I have to be honest, though...this is the first time ever that I’ve questioned my decision.

If things were different and I had a normal job, would things between me and Effie be different?

Could I be that man for her?

As I approach the house, I figure that it doesn’t really matter.

They’re bullshit questions.

That isn’t my life.

My life is football and fucking random women, because having anything serious is terrifying.

It’s just the way it is.