By His Play

48. Kieran

48

KIERAN

“ F inally,” Mom breathes as soon as I step into her kitchen.

A wide smile spreads across her lips, and she walks toward me with her apron covering her designer dress.

She lives for our Sunday family meals.

Things haven’t always been easy for our family.

I was too young to remember when our parents separated and the details of that split, but Kingston wasn’t. He blamed and punished our mom for years for her infidelity.

I don’t want to say that I don’t care, because I do. Of course I do. But what happened in our parents’ relationship all those years ago is impossible to know. We don’t know how either of them felt or why they made the decisions they did.

Mom hurt Dad badly, but I refuse to believe he was innocent in the whole thing.

All that matters to me is that everyone is happy now.

Neil, our stepfather, is fantastic. He treats Mom well and is a great dad to our half-sisters.

I embrace Mom, taking a moment to absorb her love and support.

Am I still annoyed about her over-the-top reaction when she discovered my fake engagement? Yeah, a little. But time has given me a little perspective, and I know she was just excited.

Kingston’s wedding to Tatum was…controversial.

I understand why he didn’t invite her. She does, too. But I don’t think he was aware of just how much it hurt her.

When Kian and Lori got together, she was excited because she knew Kian would invite her. They’re so much closer. But that hasn’t happened yet.They’re keeping their plans under wraps at the moment.

And then the news broke about me and Effie, and her excitement just bubbled over.

I get it. She wants each of us to find our happily ever after. She’s nothing if not an old romantic.

Much like Grams, Mom has had these wild ideas for years that Effie is the woman for me. I’m pretty sure every time I mention her she holds her breath in case I’m about to tell her what she wants to hear. Obviously, it’s never happened.

After a long embrace, she pulls back and stares up at me.

All three of us tower over her, forcing her to crane her neck to meet our eyes.

“Oh, Kieran,” she sighs, a sad expression on her face. “What are you doing?”

I frown, confused by her words.

“Have you spoken to her?”

Those words only make my frown deepen.

“Can we not do this?” I ask as I pull the refrigerator open.

I’m going to need one of Neil’s beers if she’s insisting on having this conversation.

“Kieran, you’re not happy.”

Oh, Jesus.

“If you were, I’d let it go. But I can see in your eyes that you’re struggling.”

“It’s been a tough few months,” I explain.

Even if things were good with me and Effie, it would still be true. Losing Grams was hard. I smothered my own grief in order to look after Effie and support her through hers. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still suffering with her loss.

Abandoning her cooking duties, she grabs a glass of wine and takes a seat beside me.

“Talk to me, sweetie,” she says softly, reaching for my hand and squeezing encouragingly.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

She raises a brow, not believing a word of it.

“Mom,” I complain.

“Oh, Kieran. I know things are complicated, and I don’t expect you to give me all the details, but you and Effie…you’re too good together to throw it all away.”

“We’re just friends,” I argue.

Even saying the words hurts.

Losing her would always hurt. She’s been such a huge part of my life. But right now, it feels like a whole lot more than losing a friend.

“You two have never just been friends, Kieran. You’ve just been waiting for the right time.”

“There won’t be a right time. Effie deserves so much more than anything I could offer her.”

Mom’s lip purse with irritation. “That’s bullshit.”

My eyes widen in surprise. Mom hardly ever swears.

“Mom.”

Her shoulders widen. “No, I’m serious, Kieran. There isn’t anything that Effie wants that you can’t give her. She just wants you.”

“What?” I shake my head, unable to believe what she’s saying. “No, she doesn’t.”

Mom chuckles to herself. “Kieran, I love you, but you’re clueless. That girl has been in love with you for years. And in case you haven’t figured it out yet, the feeling is most definitely mutual.”

I stare at her, blinking, unable to find any words to respond.

Thankfully, there’s a commotion at the front door, and not two seconds later, Kingston, Tate, Prince, Kian, and Lori join us in the kitchen.

Mom hops up to greet everyone and leaves me with her words spinning around my head.

The rest of the day is a blur. Everyone talks to me, but no words really go in. Makenzie and Matilda are…well, as hyperactive as any teenage girls. They’re exhausting, Kenzie especially. I swear that kid never stops talking, ever. Tilly is a little calmer, more pensive.

By the time we’re saying our goodbyes, I’m more than ready to lock myself in my quiet apartment.

As per usual, King and Tate are the first to leave. He may be embracing family life a little more these days, but things are still strained. He’s trying, though, and that’s more than can be said for how things were before he married Tate. She’s a good influence on him.

Kenzie begs for Kian to stay longer, as she always does. She idolizes our big brother and has him on a pedestal, so high I’m amazed she can see him up there.

I’ll admit that I’m a little jealous.

Sure, I get plenty of attention. But most of it is surface level.

Other than my family, the only person who looks at me like I’m something special, something more than just a football player, is Effie.

That thought hits me hard in the chest.

I miss her.

I miss her so fucking much.

Mom tries talking to me again, but I let most of it go over my head.

She doesn’t know what our relationship is really like. She has no idea what it’s been like the past few weeks.

I drive home on autopilot, wishing things were different, wishing I could go to her place and spend the evening talking and laughing like old times.

And without realizing it, that’s exactly where I end up.

Idling on the side of the road, outside her apartment building, staring up at her windows.

As I sit there, rain begins hitting the windshield.

It gets harder and harder, cutting off my already terrible view of her apartment.

She’s right up there, or at least, I assume she is.

So close, and yet so far.

I need her.

“Fuck it,” I say to myself, pushing my door open before I can think better of it.

I’m soaked before I get even halfway across the street. It should be enough to make me turn back, but it’s not.

I need to see her.

I need to be near her.

Pulling my keys from my pocket, I let myself into her building just like I did the other night.

My heart is in my throat as I ride the elevator to the top floor of the building, and when I lift my hand to push the key into her lock, my hand is trembling.

I should have learned from last time.

She doesn’t want me here.

I should listen to that and respect her wishes. But I’m a selfish asshole, and my need for her is too strong.

Her apartment is silent as I slip inside and quietly close the door behind me.

My heart pounds, but the need rushing through my veins is too strong to ignore.

The large clock in her living room tells me that it’s a little after seven as I move through her apartment.

She’s here; I know she is.

There are signs everywhere. Her keys are sitting on the cabinet in the hallway. There are dirty dishes in the kitchen, an abandoned book on the couch. Her scent fills the air, and so does her presence.

As I close in on the bedroom, I hear something.

Running water.

My heart lurches, and my cock jerks.

As I move closer, her soft voice hits my ears.

She’s singing, but there’s no music.

Pressing my palm against the ajar door, I push it open.

Steam fills the room, cutting off some of my vision. But not enough to stop me from seeing her.

She’s lying in her bathtub surrounded by bubbles, and she’s got AirPods in.

Her head is resting back and her eyes are closed.

My head screams for me to leave. I’ve seen her; I can back away now and go home knowing that she’s okay.

But I can’t move.

I’m rooted to the spot.

Effie continues singing, and my heart continues to race, my need for her getting stronger and stronger.

My hands begin to tremble, before it spreads through the rest of my body.

Unfiltered, potent need.

Unable to turn back, I shove the door wider, letting it crash into the wall, and I step into the bathroom to announce my presence.