By His Play

50. Effie

50

EFFIE

I t was a pair of my panties.

That’s what Kieran stuffed in my mouth to stop me from talking as he fucked me.

He kept me pinned against the window, staring into my eyes until I came around his dick again. And only when I had, did he let himself go.

The groan he let out as he spilled inside me still echoes around my apartment all these hours later.

It was so erotic. So hot.

But as perfect as that moment was, it wasn’t meant to last.

He left me there naked in front of the window.

I watched as he took a step back and tucked himself away.

He ran his eyes over my naked body with a mixture of heat, disappointment and anger in his dark gaze.

And then he took two steps back.

I wanted to beg him to stay. To tell him we could go back to how things were that weekend.

But my fear stopped me.

It might be good for four days, a week, maybe even a month.

But then what?

I wouldn’t survive if he dropped me for someone else.

With my gag still in place stopping me from saying a single word, I had little choice but to watch as he walked away from me again.

This time was worse because I didn’t tell him to go.

He wanted to go.

He’d gotten what he came for and he left me in a used heap on the floor.

I don’t know how long I stayed there for, silently hoping he’d realize his mistake and come back.

But he didn’t. So in the end, I climbed onto my weak, shaky legs and returned to my bathroom.

I climbed back into the tub and sat in that cold water until my teeth were chattering, running the events of the evening over and over in my head.

I should have done something to stop him.

But I never have had the strength to say no to Kieran.

My tears splashed into the water as I purged the frustration and sadness his visit left me with.

How hard would it have been for him to carry me to my bed and crawl in with me instead?

At some point, with shivers racking my body and regrets eating me up, I managed to dry myself off and slip between the covers. There was nothing comforting about the warmth though.

Rolling onto my back, I stare up at my ceiling.

I should have gotten up almost an hour ago to do my yoga, but I haven’t been able to find the strength or inclination to do it.

So instead, I continue to lie here, replaying last night over and over.

I’m only punishing myself, but I can’t help it.

He probably went home having scratched his itch and forgot all about it.

Makes me wonder why he came to me and didn’t call on one of his usual hookups.

Maybe he thought I’d be less work.

I cringe.

That can’t be right. I’ve seen how shameless and desperate the women he usually spends time with can be.

He had no idea how I’d react to him turning up.

Maybe that was the point. Maybe it was a test.

I drive myself crazy, thinking up a million different reasons why last night happened. None of them make me feel any better about it.

What happened is obvious.

He played me. And I let him.

I wonder how it makes him feel to know he has that much control over me.

I told him to leave only a week ago, but yet, he can turn up and get exactly what he wants.

Fuck. I’m pathetic.

And…I really need to change my locks.

I really can’t risk that happening again.

Kieran Callahan is going to break me.

No, he’s going to shatter me to smithereens. And I can’t let that happen.Not when I’ve worked so hard.

Finally, I throw the covers back and get to my feet with a new strength fueling me.

Or at least I do until my thighs pull and my pussy aches in a way that reminds me all too vividly about the events of the night before.

I can’t let him do this.

He can’t infiltrate every inch of my life.

He makes me want him in a way I’ve never wanted anyone before.

It’s not fair.

I refuse to be the kind of woman who mopes around because a man doesn’t want her.

Kieran and I have managed for years without me losing my mind over him.

I can go back to that…can’t I?

Shutting down my thoughts about the man who may or may not still be my best friend, I set out to get ready for work.

By the time I leave my apartment, my hair has been styled to perfection, and my makeup is flawless. On the outside, I look like I’m coping. But on the inside, I’m about to fall apart at any moment.

I don’t look at my cell all the way to the office. I tell myself to stay strong because I’ll either have nothing from him, which will hurt, or I’ll have a message...and something tells me that will be the most painful of all.

Seeing his face, his words...I’m not sure I can deal with that right now.

But despite telling myself all this, I can’t stop myself from reaching into my purse and pulling it out.

I hold my breath as I wake it up and stare down at my notifications.

I have quite a few, but as I scroll through them, my heart sinks when I discover that not a single one is from him.

A pained sigh passes my lips, and I stuff it back into my purse and try to put everything about Kieran Callahan to the back of my mind.

It works for two hours before I find myself face-to-face with the man I’m trying my hardest to forget.

I’m sitting in our monthly management meeting, trying to keep up with everything, frantically scribbling into my notebook when the office door opens, and a deep, familiar voice fills the room.

My entire body freezes, and I have to fight to keep my eyes on the paper before me.

I can’t look up and see him. If I do, I have no doubt that I’ll embarrass myself in front of my colleagues.

I already wonder what they see now when they look at me. Can they tell that I’m as broken as I feel?

“Kieran, it’s good to see you,” Henry sings.

Not only is Henry our CEO, but he’s a huge Chiefs fan and gets stars in his eyes every time Kieran steps inside the office.

Usually, I find it endearing to watch the man who’s always in control lose grip on everything in the presence of one of his favorite players, but not today.

Today, I just need to survive his presence.

It’s not unheard of for Kieran or one of his brothers to attend, seeing as they’re all on the board of directors. But it didn’t occur to me that today might be the day that Kieran decided to continue messing with my head and my body.

It would have been too easy to send Kingston or Kian.

Sucking in a deep breath, I try to school my features.

Of course, everyone knows we’re friends, and I’m sure they’re all more than aware of the recent scandal involving our fake engagement. But thankfully, everyone here is too professional to mention it. Although, I’m sure the gossip was rife when it first hit the press.

My skin tingles with awareness, letting me know where Kieran’s attention is long before my eyes find him.

But despite knowing, my breath still catches in my throat.

Just like last night, his expression is blank, not allowing anyone to get a read on him.

“Do you mind?” Kieran says after a beat of silence, gesturing to an empty seat.

“No, of course not. You’re always welcome. We’re just discussing plans for next year.”

“Fantastic,” Kieran says with a wide smile.

The sight of it would be enough to knock me on my ass if I weren’t already sitting down.

The second he lowers himself into the chair, I look down again, although not before I notice the attention of Alison, our fundraising manager opposite me.

“You okay?” she mouths.

I smile politely and nod once before returning to my notes.

I like Alison; she’s fantastic at her job and a really lovely person. But just like everyone else I work with, we’re nothing more than colleagues.

The meeting continues, and everyone discusses the fresh ideas that are thrown around, but while they’re all passionate about our future endeavors, I barely hear a word.

Kieran might have put himself at the other end of the table, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel his heated stare every time he turns it on me.

By the time Henry brings the meeting to a close, my need to get out of the room and breathe in some fresh air is out of control.

“Excuse me,” I say, squeezing past a couple of the guys who’ve decided to stop and have a conversation right in front of the exit.

Blood rushes past my ears as I slip out of the room and make a beeline for the bathroom. It might not provide me with the fresh air I need, but at least I’ll have a few moments alone.

The instant I’m inside, I lock myself in a cubicle and just take a breath.

My heart is racing and my hands are shaking.

This is his foundation. He has every right to be here.

But he isn’t here for any kind of update on how things are going. He’s here for me.

He fucked me up last night and walked away.

The only reason he’s here is to see how much damage he’s caused.

And like fuck am I going to let him see the truth.

It might already be too late for that , a little voice points out.

As much as I might think I acted indifferently in that meeting, Alison noticed I was out of sorts with his arrival. And if she noticed, then there’s no way that Kieran didn’t.

Eventually, I make use of the facilities and step out of my hiding place to wash my hands and freshen up.

With a new coat of gloss on my lips and my hair smoothed over, I hold my head high and walk out of the room.

Best case scenario, Kieran has already left, probably feeling smug that he forced me to flee the meeting room and hide in the bathroom. Worst case, he’s still here talking to everyone just to taunt me.

Trying to focus on what I need to do this afternoon, I push thoughts of his whereabouts from my mind and head to my office.

The second I step inside, I discover just how naive I was only moments ago.

Kieran hasn’t left, and he isn’t making small talk with any staff.

He’s standing in the middle of my office looking like a GQ model.

The scent of his cologne hits me before I’m even inside my space.

Everything in me screams to run, but I can’t.

So instead, I channel what little strength I have left and lift my eyes from the wooden floor, focusing on him.

“I have a lot of work to do,” I explain in the hope it’s enough to send him on his way.

He certainly didn’t feel the need to hang around and discuss things last night.

“I’m sure it can wait ten minutes,” he says, pushing from my desk and taking a step toward me.

I sidestep around him, needing to put something between us.

He glances at the desk that separates us with a smirk.

“Effie,” he starts, his smile growing.

“No, Kieran. You don’t get to come here, give me that smile, and expect everything to be okay.”

His expression falters.

Oh my god...he really did think that.

“I don’t have time to talk about this now,” I say, dismissing him.

“Have you had a lunch break yet?”

I haven’t, but like hell am I telling him that.

“Yes, and I have a lot to do. If you want to talk, then?—”

“I’ll meet you when you’re done?”

I shake my head, and before I can think better of it, words that I instantly regret spill from my lips.

“I’ve got a date.”