6. Chapter Six
Chapter Six
Shira
Twice a month, I met Clara and Bea for pedicures. The two of them had no trouble spilling their latest news, no matter how salacious, in front of our nail techs and whoever else in the salon, but I was a little—no, a lot—more circumspect.
I wasn’t sure a picnic table at the farmers’ market was the best place to have the “ I had an anonymous hookup at a sex club and now I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant but too scared to take the test” conversation, but we had far more privacy than the salon, and after biting my tongue for the last month, I couldn’t keep it in any longer.
Fortunately, Clara’s three-year-old, Nellie, had passed out in her stroller while we’d been walking around the market, so I didn’t have to spell the words out. Instead, I blurted them in one fell swoop.
“I think I’m pregnant.”
Bea paused, a honey stick halfway to her mouth. Clara’s eyes went comically round.
“Repeat that,” Bea instructed.
“I think I’m pregnant. I’ve been allowing myself to be in denial and haven’t taken a test, but the signs are all there—”
Clara, the COO of Rossi Motors and most levelheaded woman I knew, stopped me with a slice of her hand through the air.
“Let’s back up a step. Are you sleeping with someone?”
I shook my head. “I slept with someone…almost two months ago.”
“Who was it?” Bea put her hand on mine, leaning forward with keen interest. “And was it good?”
Patches of heat landed on my cheeks. “It was amazing, and…I don’t know. I used the app you told me about, the one connected to the club—”
“The club?” Clara’s brow furrowed. “Which club?”
Bea and I exchanged glances.
The three of us were quite different. Clara was thirty-seven, divorced, a mom, and an executive at a Fortune 500 company. Bea, an ultra-curvy, blue-haired goth babe, was a decade younger and ran her own small catering company. And I was…well, me. The quiet one with such extreme social anxiety, I was astonished I’d made and kept these two gorgeous friends.
As close as we were, Clara was now in a serious relationship with her boyfriend, Jake, and Bea and I were as single as humanly possible. Sometimes, there were things we talked about apart from Clara, namely our lack of sex lives and the dating scene. Although, Bea was the only one actually going on dates. From how skeevy the men she went out with were, it would remain that way.
That and the bean very possibly growing inside me.
Bea took over for me. “The Mile High Club. It’s a sex club with a corresponding app. You can talk to people with common…interests and meet them at the club. I told Shira about it a few months ago. I never thought the little minx would actually go through with it.” She squeezed my hand. “I have to say, I’m getting a little choked up here. I’d say I was a proud mama, but you know how I feel about kids—with the exception of Nell-belle and the little gummy bear growing in your belly.”
Clara pressed a hand to her forehead. “Slow down, please. There’s a sex club in Denver? And, Shira, you went to it? And had sex with someone?”
Bea wagged her honey stick. “Honestly, there are probably a few sex clubs in the city. MHC is the only one I personally know about, but even I haven’t been to it.”
Clara tried to school her expression, but the little line between her brows couldn’t be smoothed. “You met a man…and didn’t use a condom?” she whispered.
“Of course we used condoms,” I rushed out.
“Oh, multiple ?” Bea grinned. “Good for you.”
“It was good for me.” I sighed, the ghost of Wim still present if I moved my legs just right. “The last time, the condom broke. I know I should have taken Plan B, and I can’t even tell you why I didn’t, but it was dumb. Now, I’ve been nauseous for weeks, my breasts ache, and my period has gone on hiatus.”
Clara took my other hand. “That sounds an awful lot like you’re pregnant.”
I nodded. “I think I am.”
“Okay.” Clara straightened, her eyes going cloudy for a moment, then she launched into executive mode. “You’ve told us now, so there’s no more denial. First things first, you’re going to take a test. Once we have a definite answer, we’ll make a plan.”
There were a million questions still up in the air, but having Bea and Clara on my side made me feel so much better.
I wanted to kick myself for waiting so long to tell them.
We ended up at Bea’s house after dropping Nellie off with her grandparents. I’d taken three tests, and now we were standing in Bea’s bathroom, watching each of them change.
Pregnant.
Pregnant.
Pregnant.
“Wow,” I breathed, a bubble of panic working its way up my chest, escaping in the form of a maniacal giggle. “This is real.”
Bea wrapped her arm around my shoulders, and Clara stroked my back.
“It’ll be okay,” Clara murmured. “Whatever you decide, we’ll be with you.”
“Mmhmm. And you don’t have to decide anything today,” Bea added. “Now that you have the information, you can really think about it.”
I walked out of the bathroom and sank down on Bea’s bed, where her dog, Benjamin, was curled up. He lifted his head, raised one brow, then dropped it back to his paws, unthreatened by my presence.
My friends followed, sitting on either side of me. For once, I wasn’t nauseous. My thoughts were a jumbled mess, but I didn’t feel sick.
“I don’t know who the father is.”
It sounded awful when I said it like that, but neither of my friends seemed to be judging me. I mean, I hadn’t expected Bea to even blink when I told her, but Clara was more conservative and had been married for a long time before Jake. I should have known she would have been staunchly by my side, though. It was who she was.
“That’s okay,” Clara said. “We can find that out if we need to.”
“Do we need to?” Bea asked softly.
I lifted my head, glancing between her and Clara, and nodded. If Frank were alive, this wouldn’t have been a possibility. At nineteen, too young to really comprehend the impact of the decision, I’d accepted I’d most likely not have children. But Frank had been gone for over a year, and here I was, on the brink of having something I’d denied myself. The circumstances weren’t perfect by any means. A partner to share this with would have been ideal, but since the idea of dating sent shivers down my spine, that wasn’t going to happen.
So, here I was, pregnant, with more money in the bank than I ever could have dreamed and a support system I was confident wouldn’t let me down. No partner, but life wasn’t perfect, and if I didn’t embrace this now, later might be too late.
“I’ve always wanted to be a mom, and I don’t know if I’ll have another chance. This seems…well, I don’t believe in fate, but this situation feels like it was meant to be.” I pressed a hand to my abdomen and sighed. “This is my baby.”
Clara kissed the side of my head. “You’re going to be an incredible mother, Shir. I don’t know anyone with a bigger heart than you.”
Bea nodded. “If I could pick my mom, I’d pick you.”
I laughed. “Thanks. That makes me feel really good. I think I’ll do an all right job. My mom was the best a kid could have asked for. I wish she were here, but she taught me well.”
That last part, I had to whisper around the knot in my throat. It had been a long time since I’d lost my mom, but right about now, I wanted nothing more than to curl up in her arms and fall asleep to her stroking my hair like she used to.
As if reading my mind, Clara’s fingers slid through the back of my hair, dragging from my scalp to the ends. The slow, steady movement relaxed me. I leaned into her, my head on her shoulder.
“So…can I ask if he was hot?”
I snickered. Leave it to Bea to ask the pertinent questions.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “His body was out of this world, but he kept his face covered, and so did I. It was really, really anonymous.”
“Whoa.” Her brows popped. “You could pass this man on the street and have no idea.”
“Right.” I rubbed my lips together. “He said he would leave his information with management so I could contact him if, and I quote, ‘the worst happened.’”
“Are you going to?” Clara smoothed her hand down my back. “Realistically, you don’t have to tell him. He’d never know, and you’d never have to worry about potentially sharing custody with a stranger.”
Another shot of panic hit me square in the chest. I’d just accepted this pregnancy, so the thought of giving up any part of this bean made my stomach lurch. Except I didn’t have any family to speak of, and it wouldn’t be fair to deny this child the chance to have as many people to love them as possible.
Bea bumped my shoulder. “It’ll be okay if you tell him. If he turns out to be a dickhead, I know people…”
I snorted a laugh. “I can’t become a mother and a murderer in one year. It’s too much.”
Bea patted my head. “I wouldn’t even tell you it was happening. One day, he’d be here, and the next, he’d simply be gone. Poof.”
“How do you know hitmen?” Clara asked, her lips curled in amusement.
“I like to talk to people. Sometimes they’re hitmen. It’s a crapshoot.” Bea batted her long lashes. The crazy thing was I couldn’t tell if she was serious or making a joke. With Bea, both were equally possible.
I took a deep breath and released it. “I’ll tell him. We talked, you know, before, and he seemed decent. Anyway, it’s only fair. I am choosing to go through with this pregnancy, so he should be allowed to choose if he wants to parent or not.” I looked at my friends, unsure despite my conviction. I wasn’t even certain I could tell him since he’d deleted his account after our night together. But I had to try… “Right?”
“If that’s what you want, honey,” Clara said. “It’s your decision. I’m here, no matter what.”
“Me too. I need to be Aunt Bea, though, okay? Nellie just laughed when I told her to call me that. Your sweetheart is my last hope.”
Tears pricked my eyes, and my nose stung. “Oh no.”
Bea’s eyes went wide. “I don’t have to be Aunt Bea if it upsets you. Oh god, Clara, what did I do?”
I shook my head as the first tear fell. “No, I love Aunt Bea.” I fanned my face, trying to dry up the silly, unnecessary tears. “I think it’s the hormones. You two are being so incredible. I’ve been so scared and feeling like crap all by myself. I just got a little overwhelmed with relief and gratitude.”
Bea huffed like she was annoyed then wrapped me in the tightest hug. “God, you’re sweet, Shir. You aren’t by yourself. Not anymore.”
“No, you aren’t, and you won't be.” Clara hugged me from the other side.
A heavy weight landed on my legs, and I looked down, finding Benjamin’s big, gray head on my legs, his watery eyes watching our hugfest.
“Hi, Benjamin,” I cooed. “I met a man named Ben recently. I bet you’d like each other.”
Bea scratched behind her dog’s ear, but he stayed firmly planted on my lap as if he sensed I needed the extra snuggles. And I really did. My cat, Mary, wasn’t going to appreciate a dog’s scent all over me, but she’d live.
“Who’s Ben?” she asked.
“Roman’s twin brother,” I said.
“Hmm.” Clara folded her arms. “Is Ben as rude as Roman?”
“Roman’s not rude.” I bit down on my lip, no clue why I’d rushed to defend the man who had been determined to dislike me since day one. Clara and Bea had been ready to storm GoldMed when I told them what I’d overheard Roman saying to Francesca. They weren’t fans. “But from what I saw, they’re not really alike.”
“Good. I don’t want to add another member of that family to my shit list,” Bea stated.
Laughing, I assured her she didn’t have to. Roman seemed to be the only Wells who had ill feelings toward me. It was a shame, but I had other things to think about now. Much more important things.
As soon as I got in my car, I gathered up all my courage and called the Mile High Club.
“You’ve reached MHC. This is Samantha.”
“Oh. Hi,” I stammered.
“Hi,” she chirped, as cheerful as the night I met her. “How can I help you?”
“Well, I was there a few weeks ago. In room ten. I was hoping I could pass a message along to the club member I was with that night.”
I told her the date and heard her typing on her computer. “Ah, is this Goldie?”
“Yes. You remember me?” I asked.
“Of course. I saw you leaving…many hours later. You had fun, huh?”
“I did.”
“And you want to do it again? With the same mystery man?”
I licked my dry lips, nausea nearly overtaking me. But I could vomit later. I had to get this over with.
“Can you get a message to him? Is that possible?”
“I can’t tell you any personal information, or vice versa, but I can certainly pass a message along. What do you want to say?”
“Please tell him…” I pressed the heel of my hand to my forehead. What could I say? I wasn’t ready for a perfect stranger to know I got pregnant at a sex club, even though I had a feeling Samantha wouldn’t judge. “Please say, ‘The worst happened, and I’m happy with the result. Call me if you want to talk about it.’ And please give him my phone number. And my real name—Shira.”
“Shira,” she repeated. “What a pretty name, although Goldie is cute as a button too.”
“Thank you.” I heaved a breath, battling my roiling stomach. “It was good to talk to you again.”
“You too, Shira. I’ll pass your message along ASAP. Hopefully I’ll see you at MHC again soon.”
We said our goodbyes, and I sat there for a minute, willing my insides to settle. I’d done the first series of hard things—taking the test, telling my friends, contacting Wim. There were plenty of hardships ahead of me, but for tonight, I could breathe a sigh of relief.
I touched my stomach again, and a twinge of excitement fluttered instead of the panic I’d been drowning in. I was going to do this. With or without Wim, I wouldn’t be alone.