Cage Me: A Wolf Shifter Romantasy (Immortal Vices and Virtues: Shadow Shifter Bonds Book 1)

Chapter 12

Sitting next to my mother feels almost surreal. I’ve been working toward having her back in my life for so long that it’s hard to believe the moment is finally here. Though, she doesn’t seem to be in the same awe as me.

“You’ve disappointed me, Spencer,” she says first, and I choke on air.

I guess she’s done pulling her verbal punches with me.

“Excuse me?”

She looks around the small living room, then back at me. “Why have you denied yourself these things? Why have you chosen to separate yourself from every other soul on this earth? All that seems to have done is cause you harm, and I don’t understand why you’d do that to yourself.”

I laugh harshly and can’t stop my voice from turning sharp. “Because that’s what you taught me. To never be myself, not to show myself, not to trust others.”

Tears shine in her eyes as she shakes her head. “I didn’t intend for those things to go hand in hand or to extend outside of our pack. When I told you not to trust people, I didn’t mean that you shouldn’t ever do so. I just didn’t want you to give your trust too easily to the wrong people. By hiding yourself and never allowing your true wolf to be seen, it was only to protect you, but I can see now how that notion has only hurt you.”

Mom clears her throat and wipes at her wet cheeks as she takes another drink before continuing. I could say something, but the more I’m around her, the more my heart hurts for the last twenty-something years that I’ve lived with this pain, these secrets.

“I never got the chance to show you the right way to live,” she says. “We were always so focused on being careful that you never did get to the fun parts of life and I’m sorry for that. More sorry than I think I’ll ever be able to show you, but it’s not too late to make changes, to teach you now.”

“To teach me what?” I ask, my voice cracking because I don’t want to be angry with her. I don’t want to hold on to all the negativity that I’ve been gripping like a lifeline and using as a shield.

“How to let people love you the right way.”

I open my mouth to speak, but she holds her hand up. “I know you’ve loved me and your brother all these years, and you’ve been living for us, but that’s not the same as letting us love you. We haven’t done that in the way you needed. Peter because he’s too young and me because I was waiting for… Well, that doesn’t matter. What does is you understanding that it’s better to take a chance than live in fear. Though, seeing you now and knowing you’ve found your mate, I have a hard time regretting all my choices, because they’ve led us right to this moment. One that isn’t all bad.”

My shoulders start to shake from the weight I’ve carried over them for as long as I can remember. I hear my mother’s words, I understand them, and hell, I’ve even been trying to tell myself some of the same things already tonight, but that doesn’t mean the pain of my past has disappeared.

Mom wraps her arms around me, encasing me in her love just as a rumble builds inside my chest from my wolf, her personal way of attempting to soothe me.

The love from the two closest beings in my life consumes me, smothering all the hurt and helping me heal. Not entirely, but enough that I hope I can get my emotions in check.

“You shouldn’t regret any of your choices, Mom,” I finally tell her. “I know you did your best with the cards we were dealt, and I don’t hold anything against you.”

She pulls back and holds my face between her warm hands. “Oh, my sweet Spencer. That’s part of the problem. You should be angry with me. You should yell or cry or whatever it is you need to let it all out once and for all. More than that, you should have other people in your life that you can count on besides thinking that me and your brother are all you have. I’ve only spoken with Kasha briefly, but I can already tell that you shouldn’t be sleeping outside like an animal.”

For the first time in much too long, I snort and genuinely laugh. “I am an animal.”

She shoves at my shoulder, but also cracks a smile. “You know what I mean.”

That I do, and between my own epiphanies, the earlier words of the unknown woman Lia, and this conversation with my mom—hell, even meeting Drake—maybe there’s a chance that I can change without losing myself in the process.

Normally, I’d dig in my heels even further, just like I had when I chose to sleep in the shed, but I know I need to be done with that part of my life. Maybe it’s because I’m just so fucking tired of it all or maybe it’s just today, but I fall back onto the couch with a heavy sigh.

“I’m done.” My head leans against the cushions, and I close my eyes, taking a deep inhale. I need this moment to myself, to reflect on the day, my heart, my mind, all of it.

The couch shifts, and I listen to my mother’s footfalls as she silently exits the living room. I don’t pay attention to where she goes. I stay right where I am with my eyes still closed.

My wolf is quiet but present, and I lean into her strength that has become my own in the years since I was old enough to understand that I would never be alone, not truly.

Am I really going to be someone’s mate? Allow the need to protect him to come before everything else?

Instead of a direct answer, I hear Lia’s words repeat inside my head.

Once you quit running, you just might find that you’ve attracted all the right people into your life.

There have been brief moments over the last couple of months being in Crossroads that I’ve considered staying right here, bringing my mother and brother here and building a home within this town instead of hiding away from the world.

Have I already stopped running and didn’t realize it? And if I have, are those who I’ve disregarded as annoying or as having ulterior motives the ones I should have been trusting all along?

I’ve always had one foot out the door even when I’ve been stationary, but after today, I’m over it. There’s a possibility in the morning that I’ll go back to being the distrusting shifter I’ve been for years, but as the essence of Drake beats inside my cold heart, warming it from the inside out, I don’t want to go back to that dark and lonely place I’ve been hiding in.

Today, my world was turned upside down. I can keep fighting against literally everyone in my life, or for the first time ever, I can put trust in someone other than myself and start really fighting for the people I care about most.

I realize now that I’ve been telling myself that I’ve been doing everything I can to save my family, but really, I couldn’t stand the thought of living alone for the rest of my life.

I needed them more than they ever needed me.

Minutes pass, and I stay right where I am on the couch, unmoving with my eyes still closed. The sounds of Peter’s laughter begin to fade, as do the voices of the other adults in the house until there is only silence.

I begin to think that I’m on the verge of falling asleep right where I sit, but as time continues to tick by, I find myself in a state of suspended being that I’ve never experienced before.

I’m free of all my worries. There’s nothing I need to fix or acquire. There’s nobody waiting on me. There’s just me and my peace.

Yet, I’m not alone.

It takes more concentration to sort out who’s with me, but the more I search for the presence of others waiting for me just beyond the wall of my own mind, the brighter their lights become.

Mom and Peter appear to me first, likely because they’re most familiar to me, but Drake is an immediate third. The second his essence is recognized, his glow intensifies in my mind even more than my own family. I want to reject that notion, but I stop myself. The more I just let things be instead of trying to control them, the calmer my heart is.

Next—and this surprises me—is Kasha. Her light is dim, but she’s there, waiting. She’s followed by Natalia and even Corvin, the alpha whose pack I’ve rejected more times than he deserves. His kindness is something I’ve shunned like a disease, but I’m starting to see that I’ve been wrong.

I don’t know what any of this means or how I even got to this state of being, but now that I’m here, I don’t ever want to leave. This is the happiness I’ve been fighting for, and if I open my eyes, I’m afraid it will all slip away.

The shape of a wolf appears next, her light as white as my own wolf’s natural fur. It isn’t until she’s closer and I can see her eyes through the brightness that I realize it is my wolf.

What are you doing here?I ask, the calmness in my voice not sounding at all like the woman I’ve been for too long now.

Our fight is far from over, but this peace you feel? We can have that and so much more, she replies with reverence, though her mouth never moves. Hearing her voice, a softer version of my own, makes my heart race. She’s never spoken to me with words, only growls and through my own intuition, which I very well could have been getting wrong for some time now.

She continues, not acknowledging my shock. Just because you’ve resisted doesn’t mean you’ve lost. Keep your heart open, Spencer. Listen to those around you and we’ll be home before you even realize it.

I try to ask her how this is possible, but as I think the words, no sounds reiterate them and the space I’ve only just found begins to fade away.

The harder I try to grasp it, the quicker the light dims until it’s gone completely and I’m back on the couch, alone in the living room of a hybrid I don’t really know. Though, my interest in changing that has increased tenfold.

Voices from the kitchen filter back into my thoughts, and I catch Drake say “Kel.” That’s all it takes to have me standing up, but I move too fast and the room spins.

I reach out for the couch to steady me, and my stomach churns, forcing me to close my eyes. The action immediately calms me, and I hear the faint echo of my wolf’s rumblings.

Think before I act.

That’s not anything she’s just said, but it’s also not something I often do. I’m always triggered to deflect and run, right into or away from things. Maybe it’s time I pause first.

With that notion at the forefront of my mind, I walk calmly into the kitchen, no longer feeling weak. In fact, I’m the complete opposite. My heart beats with a renewed purpose, my breathing is deeper, and my eyes are seeing things in a whole new way.

Hell, even my skin seems brighter than ever before, just like the glow I was seeing of those I’ve been trying to push away.

When I enter the small kitchen, I glance to the right. There at the wooden dinner table are Drake, my mother, and Kasha.

“Where’s Peter?” I ask, glancing around and even under the table. He is only eight.

“I sent him to bed,” Mom says. “Kasha gave him the room she’s had set up for you.”

I don’t miss her pointed tone, but I also don’t acknowledge it. Though, I do something that seems to take them each by surprise.

“Thank you, Kasha,” I tell her sincerely. “He needs a safe place to lie his head tonight. Now, what have I missed?”

Each of them, even Drake, blink at me, but don’t respond right away. I take a seat next to my mate, allowing my knee to brush against his under the table and grin when I hear his sharp intake of breath.

Maybe letting people in won’t be pure insanity. Maybe I can also have some fun in the process.