Candle In The Wind

Chapter Nine

Needles

I balled my hands into fists at my side once I saw the nurse roll the IV bag in. My knees started to bounce with anxiety and fear. I don’t know what it was about needles but I couldn’t stand the sight of them, let alone let anyone pierce my skin with it.

I was also aware that I was too old to be dramatic, so I always tried my best not to seem shaken up about my fear of needles. But for as long as I could remember I’d always been afraid of needles.

I swallowed once the nurse parked the IV drip right next to me.

Suddenly it was getting really hard to breathe. And I hated how every visit was like this. I had thought I’d get used to it by now but nothing changed.

“I’ll get you set up in just a minute, Miss Rhodes,”

the nurse said.

She could take all day for all I care.

IV therapy was a nightmare to get through, but I was malnourished, well the baby was malnourished. It didn’t matter what I tried, he was still not getting enough of the vitamins he needed to be healthy—it’s been like that since the second trimester. Only Celeste knew about that part, so she would always attend these doctor visits with me when it came to the IV treatments.

She would hold my hand through the process, and we’d talk about something quick and meaningless, but something interesting enough to help me forget the fact that there was a needle piercing my skin in the process.

I didn’t want to risk having a still-birth, so the IV treatment was non-negotiable. I so badly needed vitamin B12, C, and zinc. At least twice a month, I was here, fighting my fear of needles.

The nurse moved to my side with her little rolling stool. She was a different nurse than last time, but she had done this with me before. And as crazy as it sounded, I’d never told anyone else about my fear of needles, not the doctors, not the nurses. If anyone knew it would only be because I looked visibly petrified listening to the countdown before they inserted the needle.

Emily, my nurse, started to squeeze my bicep with her cold sterile gloves on.

Instantly, goosebumps rose on my skin, I bit down to hold back my shudders.

“How are you doing?”

Emily asked with a smile.

I tried to force the exact same smile, “well, I’m here…”

She glanced down and looked at the spot she was squeezing over and over again, trying to find a vein. “You’re doing great, I just need you to relax a tad bit more for me.”

I nodded as I swallowed.

I inhaled a deep breath then slowly exhaled. I did that a couple more times with my eyes closed then once I felt her tie the familiar elastic band around my bicep. My eyes snapped open, and I watched her with an uneasy breath.

She cleaned the insertion site with alcohol and grabbed the IV catheter.

I’d seen them do this so much I memorized the routine.

Emily stretched my skin to stabilize the vein. She placed the IV catheter on top of my vein then pierced my skin. Unintentionally, I let out a shaky breath then quickly snapped my mouth shut as I chewed on my bottom lip.

I watched the blood flashback in the catheter, just as Emily did.

In just a few seconds she pulled the needle out and attached the tubing.

“All done!”

She rolled back in her chair and pulled her gloves off, throwing them in the nearest trash bin. She pumped a few drops of hand sanitizer in her hand then rubbed both hands together.

“I’ll see you in thirty minutes,” she said.

I nodded, my hands sweaty, my lips dry, and my head started to spin. “Thank you,”

I whispered as I closed my eyes and leaned my head back.

My back was sore and my head was still pounding. My whole body felt weird and heavy, as it usually did. Getting the treatment without Celeste was really weird, and I’d been postponing for far too long. I kept waiting to hear from Celeste, but I never did. I couldn’t skip this week’s treatment. That would have been very reckless. So I felt the difference between going with Celeste and going by myself. The shift was too hard to accept, specifically the part where I had to drive myself home.

It was hot out and that was certainly not helping my case. I was already severely exhausted, and my body was still taking some time to process and fully settle in all the vitamins that were just injected inside of me.

I sighed as I settled in my seat, starting the car then driving away.

I yawned as I blinked to force my eyes to stay open. When that wasn’t working, I shook my head to try to keep myself awake.

I managed to make it halfway home still awake because the clinic was a good drive away. I stopped at a red light and used the break as an advantage to shake some life into me. Right when I reached to squeeze my face, my ears rang and I flinched at the loud scraping sound. I exhaled a heavy breath, my breathing slowing down. I covered my ears as I squeezed my eyes shut before passing out.