Candle In The Wind

Chapter Nineteen

Sperm Donor

8 years ago

“What the fuck kind of dare is this? Donate our sperm?”

I turned to look at Ardley, “dude, this is crazy,” I slurred out drunkenly.

We had been drunk since the start of our pledge. It was completely out of our control. I’d honestly love to be sober right now, to get a good look at this damn list because there was no way in hell there was a number on the list that says Donate Sperm.

“Let’s just go back and pretend we did, I mean we did everything else on the list and besides there’s no way they’ll be able to check if we actually donated,”

Ardley said.

I rolled my eyes. Ardley was way smarter than me, but sometimes it was like he was illiterate. “Did you look at the fine print at the bottom?”

His eyes dropped to his crumpled piece of paper.

For the sperm donation come back with proof.

His eyes widened. “What are we supposed to do? I don’t want to donate my sperm, Celeste would kill me if someone showed up at our door later in the future and claimed I’m the father of their child.”

I ran a hand through my hair. “This is fucking crazy.”

“What if we just change our minds?”

My brows furrowed, “what do you mean? You don’t want to pledge anymore?”

“Cal,”

Ardley sent me a long look, “you just said this is fucking crazy. Donate our sperm?” he threw his hands up, “what the actual fuck.”

We had to successfully pledge to Kappa Sigma. I don’t know what’s my father’s weird obsession with that frat house but he wants both Ardley and I to pledge.

That was our deal. Get Ardley to pledge with me and he’d help me look for Juliette Simons.

Just last week my dad told me he found the foster home she used to live at after her parents passed. I was close, I was very close to finding my Juliette again.

The older I got the more I missed her. I miss the person she could’ve been by my side—I find myself curious, desperately wanting to know the kind of person she is now. Was she healthy? Was she still kind? Did she still have a hard time around new people, is she who she always wanted to be? And most of all, was she happy?

Juliette left like a reckoning. Without a trace, like she was never here.

The only way I knew she was here was by feeling the empty hole in my chest every time I thought of her. I’d spent every birthday, Christmas, New Year’s wishing for one thing: for my Juliette to come back to me.

And wishing for that felt more final than anything. It always made me realize that my Juliette would never come back. That I would never see her again—I would never get to know the woman that she was now, I wouldn’t know if she still had the same intense love she had for grapes or if she was still afraid of thunderstorms.

I couldn’t wait and wish for Juliette to come back to me anymore. I wanted to be the one who found her—even just to see how she was doing. Even if she forgot all about me… I wouldn’t mind that at all because I still remembered her and that was enough for me. She was still my favorite person, even if I don’t exist in her memories anymore.

I didn’t want to lose that hope and I didn’t want to lose her again, so I’d do whatever it took to get my father’s help, even if it meant donating my sperm.

I’d do whatever it took just to find Juliette.

“I’ll donate for the both of us,”

I said as I placed a hand on Ardley’s shoulder.

His mouth hanged open. “What?”

“I’ll do it, I don’t have a Celeste that would kill me in the future, so I’ll do it for you.”

He looked at me confused. “Cal, what’s so special about this frat house? Why would you donate sperm? We can just pledge to Tau Omega,”

he said as his hand clasped over my shoulder as he pressed, “they’re so nice and welcoming over there, they literally welcome you with a basket of goodies.”

I shook my head. “Kappa Sigma throws the best parties, and like I said, I don’t have a Celeste, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t see many hot girls at a Tau Omega party.”

Ardley grimaced as his shoulders sagged. “Whatever, it’s your sperm cells, they’re your children. Don’t say I didn’t warn you when you have two families rolling up to your doorstep in the near future.”

I sighed. “Whatever.”

We went to the first clinic in town. I didn’t know how hardcore frat houses at Duke University could be. Well, not hardcore, crazy. It felt like we were joining a cult. They got us fuckface drunk then gave us a stupid, crazy list to finish before the sun rises. And I really hope Ardley’s wrong about this. I hope in the near future no one shows up on my doorstep pregnant with my child.

“Hello,”

the front desk lady greeted us once we walked in.

“Hey,”

Ardley and I said in unison.

I took a step forward and leaned over the desk. “I was hoping to um,”

I looked around the place, “donate some sperm,” I whispered.

“Ah, semen donation.”

The lady spoke loudly, ignoring all my efforts to keep this hush-hush.

She clicked her mouse a couple of times then started typing something on the computer. “Are you boys in some sort of trouble?”

I shook my head.

“One cup is one-hundred bucks,”

she said as her eyes sliced to mine.

“Sounds great, two cups then.”

I almost shuddered because it sounded like I made an order.

“Anonymously, or do you want to have your information listed?”

I looked at Ardley as I thought about a way to get proof that we did in fact donate sperm. “Do I get a receipt for keeping my information posted?”

“Cal,”

Ardley pressed, warning me that this was a bad idea.

“Yes,”

the lady answered.

I nodded. “Information posted.”

She rolled her chair forward and grabbed a clipboard that had a paper on top. “Fill these out and come back for the cups.”

“Thank you,”

I mumbled as I grabbed the clipboard from her and walked to one of the chairs in the lounge.

“You’re fucking crazy,”

Ardley mumbled under his breath as he plopped in the seat right next to me.

I ignored him and started filling out both papers, one in my name, one in Ardley’s name. I was really going to do this because one day, I’d be standing in front of Juliette cradling her face, saying Juliette, my Juliette.