Candle In The Wind

Chapter Twenty Five

The Not-So-Date

Cal said he’d surprise me so the second I woke up today the only thing that’d been on my mind was how terrible my back pain has gotten since I started sleeping on the couch in my office, and trying to figure out what Cal could have planned for us. Whatever it would be, I swore that I would not be impressed because that was how it started—whatever it was he wanted to happen between us anyways.

Today was the big day. Ava agreed to close the shop in my place because Cal said we’d have to leave before five p.m.

I finished getting ready before Ava and Ben-Ben came in—nobody knew I’d been sleeping in my office—nobody knew I’d fully moved into my shop and have been secretly living in my office for a full week now. And I planned to keep it that way until the baby got here.

I put on some lip gloss then dropped the tube on my desk to fold the covers on the couch, then stuff them into the storage closet. I glanced at my blue birthing ball and sighed.

Only one month and a few weeks until my due date.

I couldn’t stop time, all I could do was stress.

I grabbed my iPad and opened Spotify, connecting my bluetooth to the store and pressing play on my playlist.

Ava was in charge of the menu this week. She came up with a raspberry croissant. The smell of Ava’s raspberry croissants drifted through the crack beneath the office door, making my mouth water.

“You look beautiful,”

Ben-Ben said as he watched me walk out of my office.

“I agree with Ben-Ben, you look stunning,”

Ava added, smiling as she wiped her hands with a towel. I walked down the little hallway listening to my flats click against the ground.

I smiled as I fully saw the look on their faces, glimmering eyes looking at me from head to toe. Well, Ben-Ben and Ava were staring. Bailey was just glaring at me from a distance.

I wore a long baby pink tube top, but it looked like a crop top, and with the long white skirt, my pregnant belly was out. My hair was down in curls—I kept my makeup light, and I had a simple necklace on along with a couple rings on my fingers. I fixed the straps of my bag over my shoulder.

“This is not extra right?”

I asked as I shared a look with Ava, “and I have a cardigan in my bag in case it gets cold or something.”

Ava nodded. “No, yeah, you look good.”

I walked to Bailey by the door and shared a look with him. “Val said he’d stop by, tell him to help Ava close, and not to go into my office, but there’s a box in the art room. It’s a shelf, and if he could just start building that for me it would be great, I know—”

“Should I be writing this down?”

he cut me off with a head tilt.

Cal’s loud beep from outside meant I had to get going.

“Just tell him,”

I pressed.

“I like your hairpin,”

he said in a low tone. If I wasn’t right next to him I would have missed it.

“What was that?”

I squinted at him, “will it be raining today?” I asked as my brows dipped.

Bailey brows furrowed. “What?”

“Well, considering this is the first nice thing you said to me in months I’m afraid I’ll get struck by lightning.”

Bailey rolled his eyes. “You’re so dramatic.”

“And you care too little.”

I pulled my lips into a thin line then walked out of the Barn and was warmly greeted by Cal who stood by his truck with a bouquet in hand.

He looked handsome. Perfect.

Light wash jeans, a white shirt, cowboy boots and everything.

Every girl’s dream guy.

Though I wasn’t sure he could ever be mine. Maybe going out with him to God knew where was the worst idea I’d ever had but I couldn’t help it.

Callum had an addictive kind of personality. When he looked at me it was like nothing I’d ever experienced before and when he laughed, oh god, it made you want to do it too because the sound of his laughter carried so much joy. He was silly and such a relief. Some people were naturally intense, and being around them only made you feel heavy and empty. Their presence alone was a pillar to all the baggage and weight on your shoulders.

Callum made me feel like I could just melt and not feel anything else. You’d always want more when it came to him. And at the end of the day I was just a girl. I wasn’t immune to his good looks, irresistible charms, and his unflinching ability to listen to me talk for hours on end.

I could live a million lives and never deserve everything he’d done for me so far.

“Hi Julie.”

He grinned.

“Hi Callum.”

I smiled back as I approached him by the truck.

“You look beautiful,”

he said as his eyes read my face, then his gaze dropped to my stomach, “pink looks good on you, sweetheart.”

My cheeks burned just a pinch, “thank you.”

I looked down, feeling self-aware because Cal still stared at me.

I hooked my foot behind the heel of my other foot and kicked down. It was a terrible habit I’ve developed when it comes to flirting or whenever I was shy in a situation.

“You’re still staring.” I hummed.

Callum handed me the flowers, it looked like it was crafted and put together with effort and care—it wasn’t store-bought or a random rose bouquet. It was a beautiful assortment of pink flowers.

“Sorry, you’re just the prettiest woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on.”

I swallowed. “This is not a date, Callum.”

“I never said it was,”

he moved an inch and pulled the door of his truck open, it was the passenger side, “I just pointed out the obvious. I told a truth,” he said as he offered me a hand to help me get in the truck.

After closing my door Cal ran to his side and got in the truck. I turned on the radio to kill the tension between us because I wasn’t sure I could survive a silent car ride with him without telling him about how good he looks.

I’d rather jump out of the moving car before telling him anything that involved warm feelings.

“Here,”

he said as he placed a box on my lap.

I looked back at him with wide eyes, my brain was racing, thinking about a million dangerous things that could be in that box.

A snake for instance.

I forced a sigh as I came to my senses because I did realize I was being dramatic, why would Callum put a snake in the box? That didn’t make any sense.

Maybe it was a hex. A cursed object.

“What is it?”

I finally asked.

“A snake,” he said.

My brows furrowed as I glared at him—he began to chuckle.

“I’m kidding,”

he glanced at me then looked back at the road, “wait— did you really think it’s a snake?” He glanced at me again. “Why would I—”

“I don’t know, Cal. You said it, not me.”

“Just open the box, Juliette.”

“Fine.”

I slowly opened the box and saw a beautiful pair of dark red cowboy boots.

“Maybe I should’ve put a snake in the box as well,”

Cal whispered to himself, “there would’ve been a snake in your boots.”

“They’re beautiful, Cal,”

I gushed as I flipped the boots and looked at the small number eight at the bottom of the boot, “how’d you even get my shoe size?”

“Val,”

he simply said.

“Thank you,”

I swallowed, “but why?”

“You’ll need them.”

“Where are we going?” I asked.

Cal looked at me with a smile, “you’ll see.”

After another fifteen minutes of driving, I learned that Cal fostered three horses, Bpo, Sugar, and Jet. And like every other animal enthusiast, he claimed his horses had real personalities and he’d like me to meet them someday.

They would love you.

His exact words. Not mine.

And the strangest thing was how Bpo felt familiar, the name, the idea. It was weird because up until today I’ve never heard of the name, I wasn’t even sure if it was a real name—it sounded like something Cal made up as a kid.

He lived on a ranch, but he’d been crashing at his brother’s place. Apparently, besides him, someone else has been tending to his horses.

I didn’t ask any questions, I just listened. He didn’t ask me any questions either, he just talked and filled the silence between us.

I changed my flats and put on the boots, and I was surprised to see my swollen feet fit in those boots. I’d only been able to wear flats because my feet had been swelling excessively. But I could wear the boots fine.

Cal abandoned the road a long time ago. We’d been driving in the middle of nowhere through the forest for a while now but we finally made it out—he drove between two green fields now. The sun was a beautiful soft setting orange, and the sky was clear—so clear that if you looked hard enough you could spot the moon.

I rolled down my window and stuck my hand out as a Cigarettes After Sex song started playing on the radio.

I closed my eyes, felt the breeze and the quietness. I sighed as the baby kicked in my stomach. I placed my hand over the spot he was most active at and waited for another strong kick. Sometimes he felt like a miracle. Something good and innocent.

It has been him and I for eight months now.

The only person that hadn’t left my side yet.

Made from my bones and blood.

I sighed as the truck came to a stop. I opened my eyes and looked at Cal.

“We’re here.”

I looked around, trying to figure out where here was.

We stopped in front of a hill in the middle of a field where wildflowers grew. The sun had softened a little bit, getting ready to set. I really was trying my best not to seem too impressed because this didn’t seem usual, to take someone all the way out into these beautiful fields as a not-so-date.

There was an intense feeling in my heart, a wave of sadness and happiness at the same time.

Cal opened his door and rushed to my side then opened my door.

“We gotta get moving, sweetheart, we have to make it to that tree up there.”

“What?”

My mouth dropped open when I spotted the tree at the top of the hill. It was the only tree up there.

I held his hand and hopped out of the truck, taking a better look at the tree and the hill. And it was huge…Or maybe I was being dramatic but still—I was sure we were miles out of town.

“I can’t climb this hill, Cal. I don’t know if you haven’t noticed but I’m eight months pregnant.”

I sent him a long look. “This kind of hike can induce an early labor in the middle of no fucking where—”

“I’ll carry you,”

he blurted out.

I was taken aback. “What?”

was all I could produce. My brain was still processing. And clearly Cal had already decided—suddenly he approached me and leaned in like he was about to scoop me up.

I squealed and took a few steps back. “I’ll walk, it’s fine—no need to carry me.”

My chest heaved at the thought—maybe my skin would burst into fire if he touched me, or worse I’d like it. “Yeah I’ll be fine,” I whispered the last part to myself as I headed for the hills.

“Julie,”

Cal chased after me, “slow down, if you’re worried about me—I’ll be okay, trust me, I can carry you up there without breaking a sweat.”

“Thank you, but no thank you!”

My knees and my back started to burn halfway up the hill, and I started to wonder if it would be too late to take Cal on his offer.

“I didn’t realize you were this stubborn,”

Cal said when we almost reached the tree.

“No,”

I let out a breath, “you just didn’t think I could do it.”

“I was worried for you,”

he corrected.

“Thank you.”

I sighed, looking up as I reached the tree—it was a weeping willow tree, so gorgeous and green.

I sucked in a breath as I stared at the huge tree that may hold many memories. It was healthy, full, and huge. Beautiful. I turned around and my eyes widened as I looked at the view from the top of the hill. The sun was still soft and the sky was a light shade of blue. I heard the birds flapping their wings as they flew. I could hear the wind dance with the trees, falling branches, and the sound the field made, everything felt like one here. This place felt like a hideaway, somewhere you could easily give your love into.

I was surrounded by life that existed before me and would exist after me.

How could I be so insignificant?

I didn’t exist before 1998 and I wouldn’t exist a hundred years from now, yet somehow it felt like I would, just like it felt like I’d lived long before I was born. That eerie feeling of déjà vu that felt like a connection or a small blur of a reminder that I existed before now and will exist forever. I’d always been comforted by that feeling. To me, it meant I at least lived one life where I had everything I’d ever wanted.

I released a breath I didn’t realize I was still holding in—my chest felt lighter and everything else felt easier.

I slowly smiled. “It’s beautiful here.”

“Yeah,”

I heard Cal’s voice next to me, “it’s beautiful.”

I left my childhood in a neglected garden once, withered roses turned into deadly thorns, poison ivy grew on the walls and thrived on suffocating the innocent dew that was often left on anything that tried to come into life in my garden—until one day, it all stopped, everything died, even the thorned roses. The poison ivy that took over the garden dried up and perished.

My garden became an empty hole.

I was born in a broken home, left behind in a neglected garden—everything was tainted and deadly.

I’d only recently started to revive my garden again. Last time I tried, my petals were cut by a broken glass and crushed by the boots that belonged to someone I trusted. Part of me changed since then—the part of me he knew was all gone and blown away by the wind in spring.

This field was untouched. It reminded me of how cruel people could be and how much of a bad effect someone’s touch could have.

“Juliette?”

Cal’s voice pulled me out of my trance.

“Sorry, yes?”

I mumbled.

“Your eyes were closed for a while, is everything alright?”

I nodded. “The breeze felt nice.”

“C’mon,”

He wrapped his arm over my shoulder and walked me closer to the tree until I saw it—there was a little set up—a blanket on the grass, a basket, more flowers, and a checkerboard.

“Cal,”

I said in awe, “you did all of this?” I turned to look at him. He grinned from ear to ear.

“Maybe,”

he whispered over my shoulder.

I smiled as the breeze picked up and Cal helped me sit down on the ground. He took a seat next to me and opened the big basket that was next to us. He pulled out a bowl of those big green grapes he got for me last time.

“Where do you get these?”

I immediately asked.

“There’s a H-mart couple miles away—”

“Out of town,”

I cut him off.

He nodded and pulled out napkins. “Yeah, something like that.”

“You drove out of town to get grapes?”

He shrugged. “Yeah.”

His eyes hadn’t found mine since he started digging through the basket. “You like them.”

My brows furrowed as I felt a weight on my chest, specifically my heart. “Yeah, but you don’t have to drive all the way out of town for some grapes.”

I tried to laugh but it died short in my throat when his eyes finally found mine.

There was a half-smile on his face as he looked at me softly. “You like the grapes, Juliette.”

I was left dumbfounded.

I lifted my arms. “I also like this field—”

“Done.”

I sucked in a harsh breath as my brows pulled together—Cal still stared at me but there was determination in his eyes.

“Done?”

I repeated, “what do you mean done?”

“You like the field then it’s yours.”

I laughed because obviously he was joking. “You’re crazy.”

“Would you like that?”

“Callum,”

I pressed with a long look.

He passed me a bowl of grapes he carefully wiped clean. “Here.”

I grabbed the bowl. “Thank you.”

He opened a water bottle and handed it to me as well. There were cheese and crackers in the basket, a few pastries that looked like they was from my Barn, and I was sure I saw two wrapped sandwiches, but God, the grapes were something else. They were absolutely worth that drive out of town.

I looked at the view from the top of the hill. It smelled like fresh grass, and the breeze was nice. The field was so big that if you walked down where the wildflowers grew they could probably reach the waist.

This felt like a great spot to read, or to just sleep. I felt unreachable. No car horns, no sirens, or the indistinct chatter that seemed to follow me everywhere. If I could just pack everything and move under this beautiful willow tree I would.

“Can I ask you a question?”

Cal asked.

I nodded, still staring at the beautiful green field popping a few delicious grapes in my mouth.

“Where are your parents?”

I stopped chewing and froze as I blinked, once, twice.

I guess I could never really escape, could I? Even there in that beautiful moment, I couldn’t escape.

I cast my eyes down for a single second then resumed chewing as I looked at the view again. I popped another grape in my mouth. “Dead,”

I said as I chewed.

“Yours?”

I asked because it was only fair.

“Abroad. Traveling and stuff.”

My brows furrowed. “They’re still traveling?”

Cal went silent and I could feel his gaze on me—it felt like he could cut through me with just his glare. My eyes bounced around nervously, I didn’t want to look at Cal—it felt like he’d read me entirely if I did. But my heart raced and my palms started to sweat.

“What do you mean still?”

he finally said.

My body went still as chills went down my spine.

My eyes widened as I blinked. I cleared my throat. “I mean like,”

I sucked in a breath, “at their age, I thought they would’ve been done exploring the world and settled down to be grandparents, you know?” I released my breath.

“Oh,”

Cal’s tone softened.

“Yeah.” I nodded.

Cal finally looked away and looked at the view. “They don’t know about the baby yet.”

“Right,”

I glanced at him, “are we gonna wait until the baby’s born?”

He shrugged as he looked down. “I don’t know what Ardley’s doing.”

“You guys haven’t talked about it?”

He ran his hand over the grass on the ground and sighed. “He’s not speaking to me.”

Before I could ask for more context his blue eyes met mine. “He knows I lied to him about Celeste.”

I melted. “Oh, Cal,”

I whispered as I placed the bowl of grapes down and moved closer next to him, I dropped my hand on his back and rubbed him softly, trying to comfort him.

“He will understand one day, and he’ll forgive you.”

I dropped my chin over his shoulder as I pulled him into a hug.

“He’s not—”

his voice shook, “he won’t forgive me, he’ll never forgive me, and I don’t blame him, Juliette—”

I shook my head and held him tighter. “He will.”

I whispered. “And none of it’s your fault. Celeste is not like that because of you so he’ll understand,” I said and he finally turned to face me as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight.

“I know it, Cal. It’s what brothers do,”

I murmured against his skin listening to his soft breaths. He was finally calming down again.

“Thank you,”

he whispered.

I nodded.

“Wow.”

He chuckled. “He’s really kicking,” Cal said as he felt the strong kicks against him. The baby was really moving stronger than it has ever been before.

“He likes your voice.”

I laughed.

Cal pulled away from our hug. “Me? My voice?”

I nodded.

He laughed as he reached a hand towards me. I thought he’d touch my face, but he touched my hair and traced the hairpin. His laugh died in his throat as his brows furrowed and he had this serious look on his face—examining my hairpin.

“Where’d you get this?”

I swallowed. “A friend, um, gave it to me.”

“How long—”

he cleared his throat, “how long ago?”

I pulled away. “Why?”

His eyes sliced to mine then back to the hairpin. “This piece is rare, it was part of a collection imported from Italy. I know this because my mother had the last of it.”

I shrugged. “It’s probably a dupe.”

“It’s not.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “How long have you had this?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes.”

“To who?”

“To me. It matters to me.”

“Why?”

I pressed.

“Because I gave my mother’s piece to Juliette Simons.”

I swallowed. “You said—”

I sucked in a breath, “you said there were a few left in the world. Well, my ex-boyfriend gave this to me a couple years ago.”

His eyes found mine again with disbelief written all over his face. It felt like I crushed any hopes he had left. When he didn’t say anything, I spoke again. “I always thought it looked expensive, so I kept it just in case.”

Cal nodded. “I get it.”

He grabbed the basket and grabbed the sandwiches. “Sorry I was prying,” he handed me a sandwich, “sandwich?”

I nodded and mumbled a silent thank you as I grabbed the sandwich.

We ate the sandwiches as the sun finally set and the wind began to feel chilly. The view was even more gorgeous than it was before. The moon was finally taking over. It was a clear sky full of stars—I could hear the crickets and other animals moving. I still felt the magic in this field.

Cal was still next to me, and I kept stealing little glimpses of him, his face, his broad shoulders, his muscular biceps. I really couldn’t undermine how well he looked physically. I just knew under that shirt was rigid abs.

It made my heart skip a beat just thinking about it.

I ate my last bite of my sandwich and grabbed the water bottle I’d been nursing, then took a sip. “It’s even more beautiful at night,”

I said as I shuddered.

“Are you cold?”

I smiled. “A little bit. I forgot my cardigan in the car, but I don’t want to leave just yet.”

“I’ll grab it,”

he said as he pushed himself up and his shirt was lifted up—from my view I could see the veins near his V line, and the abs peeking at me. I wish I had the courage to tear my eyes away, but I was fresh out of that.

Instead, I stared shamefully, undressing him with my eyes.

Cal caught on the moment he stood, but he didn’t say a word.

He chuckled. “Scream if you see anything.”

Should I scream now?

“Juliette?”

he called out when I didn’t give him a response.

My eyes snapped to meet his eyes. “Scream if I see anything, got it.”

I bit my lips.

I watched him walk away and that pulled me out of my unholy trance.

I slapped my forehead and forced myself to stand up so I could see how far down Cal had gotten because he practically jogged down the hill.

I stared at him from afar until I didn’t see him anymore and I could only hear the sound of the trees moving with the wind.

I wondered what it would cost to be like this. To stand still without knowing what I was and act as if I did. To put all the questions past me and live life happily and healthily because I thought those who did question the way life worked always got frustrated without finding the answers and settled with the lie that’s just the way life goes.

So, I wondered what it would be like to just stay still and just put all the questions behind and just live life as if I knew the answers.

I got frustrated because in my heart, it felt like I’ve never felt what it felt like to be settled—now that the feeling finally washed over me, it scared me, it frustrated me because I couldn’t trust it.

The feelings could leave at any moment.

It felt like waiting at the railroad and the train I’d been waiting for finally came—yet somehow it still felt like I took the wrong train, that I’d already missed the right train. And that was the funny thing about life, in a couple days, that moment would be nothing but a memory, just like the many moments that came before that one, so it truly didn’t matter if the feeling felt right or wrong. I’d only experience it tonight anyway, so if it was nice, I might as well enjoy it without the worry.

All my life I’d been waiting for life and it felt like it has just been passing me by and I wanted a way out. I wanted to live instead of waiting for life to come by, because life was coming from me.

Callum came back into view with my cardigan. He smiled from afar until he reached me. My arms were wrapped over my chest to keep myself warm, but I didn’t have to do that anymore, I could let go because Callum was here. He would keep me warm.

He would be here with me. To stand still without asking any questions.

We could exist in this moment.

He placed the cardigan over my shoulders and didn’t say a word. He stood next to me and looked out into the field as he rubbed my back trying to help me keep warm.

This is the lightest I’ve felt in years.

I turned to look at him as the wind picked up again, my hair went with the wind as he turned to look at me.

Our eyes locked, his blue ones were glazed but soft and vulnerable. My lips parted open as I leaned in.

Under the moonlight, I watched his pupils dilated, then I crashed my lips against his