Candle In The Wind

Chapter Forty Two

Years Gone

Since I’d been back at work, everything was different. It wasn’t the fact that I was working way more than I was before when I was pregnant. That part was good, that part I liked.

Since the whole town found out Clay was one of the Oakes, the Barn was busy. Sometimes there would be a line outside and we would have to cut customers’ time inside to make room for the people waiting outside. For that Ava had been suggesting that we should add patio tables outside. The ones with the big umbrellas and everything—it was a good idea, but I wasn’t sure about making that kind of change when I knew the source of why my Barn was becoming a hotspot. It wasn’t for the coffee, it wasn’t for the food, or the classes that everyone seemed to want to book.

It was about gossip. People were bored with their lives, so bored that they would rather come here and ask me a series of inappropriate questions that I’d never answer.

I mean it was so bad that people were calling in to make reservations like this was some sort of restaurant. My workshop classes were barely for kids now. Their parents had replaced them.

For the past few weeks now, work has been draining me for all I’m worth and when I get home I spend a few peaceful hours with Clay until I fall asleep. Then, I wake up and do it all over again.

“Table two is asking for you,”

Ava whispered over my shoulder.

I sighed, then nodded as I dusted the flour on the apron. Most of these days I baked in the kitchen with Ben-Ben while he made sandwiches—it was the only way I could avoid everyone, but now they’d been asking for me.

I sighed even louder as I walked out of the kitchen. They were forcing me to see them and talk to them.

“Juliette!”

somebody from the table quickly shouted. I didn’t recognize anyone from the table. Or maybe I’d seen them before but couldn’t bother to remember their faces.

I approached the table with a tight smile on my face, “hi ladies, enjoying everything so far?”

They nodded as they smiled. “Yes the coffee is great, we were just curious about the classes here.”

“It’s strictly for beginners and then we work up from there—great for kids—”

“I’ve always wanted a mug!”

one of them said and they all started to agree with each other one by one.

I turned around and pointed at the mug I had for sale on display, even those were selling out fast. “I have—”

“No silly,”

the brunette middle-aged woman grabbed my elbow, “we want to learn how to make our own.”

I nodded, holding back my sigh as I pulled my elbow from her grip. “Ava can help you sign up.”

I pointed to Ava by the register. Bailey didn’t come in until his afternoon shift so I couldn’t point a finger at him too.

“That’s great.”

That’s all I needed to hear to turn around and leave them be, but the lady grabbed my shoulder again. The same lady.

“Are you and Ardley getting married?”

she asked as I pulled my elbow from her.

“Interesting,”

a deep voice rumbled from afar.

I looked up and met his dark eyes. Christian.

My stomach dropped. “Enjoy the rest of your stay ladies,”

I said to the group before turning around, but their attention was already pinned on Christian.

I walked back to my office with Christian on my tail and everyone’s eyes burning holes in our backs until I entered the office.

“Why are you here?”

I snapped at him.

His eyes glazed over my face with an amused look. “Are you gonna have to take off your shirt?”

he asked as he smiled.

My brows pulled together. “What?”

His eyes slowly glazed down on my chest. I immediately looked down in horror. My shirt was wet with milk.

I was leaking.

I pumped every two hours when I couldn’t breastfeed Clay because he was home and I was at work. I’d been in the kitchen baking and time went by quicker than expected.

I quickly turned around and grabbed my purse on the couch, pulling out my large sweater and yanking it over my head as I grabbed the breast pump.

“Are you gonna marry him, sweet pea?”

As cliche as it probably sounded, I met Christian at a coffee shop. We bumped into each other when I was in my way out and he was coming in—I spilled cold coffee on his expensive suit. I begged to have it dry cleaned as an apology, which I couldn’t even afford to do because I was busy texting back and forth with my landlord begging for an extension before I was thrown out.

Christian was kind, funny, and romantic. He embodied the whole Prince Charming persona, so it was easy to fall for him, it felt comfortable and safe. He made me feel like I needed saving. He started taking care of me, his friends became my friends and he shared everything that was his with me. He even helped me, or should I say loaned me a large sum of money, to open my very first pottery shop.

Muddy Hands.

Suddenly we got engaged, we were moving way too fast, and I couldn’t say anything. All I could do was accept everything, reminding myself there was still time was the only way I could stay sane.

I had time to change my mind.

I had time to turn back.

I had time…

Or so I thought.

I watched every trait I liked about Christian become an ugly part of him. His words became a weapon to manipulate and control. And he grew colder but still…I knew he’d never let me go.

It took me four years to realize I’d wasted too much time thinking I’d always have time.

All that stuff people said about moving at your own time is a lie. If you kept thinking that way you’d miss your time before you could even realize it.

The scary fact was there was such a thing as too late.

You became so completely deluded with the idea that you would always have time, that years went by in a blink without notice. You’d just wake up one day and find out your whole life had gone by and you’d done nothing.

Seize your time, make the right moment. Don’t waste any of your precious time doing anything or becoming anyone you don’t want to be at someone else’s expense.

Time wasted was time you’d never get back.

It took me four years of enduring Christian’s cruelty to realize that I’d already wasted four years of my life on him. Four years I’d never get back.

I couldn’t stand by and give him any more of my time, so I ran.

“Do you know how much shit my parents have been giving me since you ran off?”

I scoffed. “Stop bullshitting me, Christian.”

I nearly laughed as I fixed the nursing bra and turned on the electric pump.

I adjusted my sweatshirt. “Your parents were beyond delighted to hear I’d finally left. To them I was…”

I sucked in a harsh breath as I recalled how much his mother hated me, “I was this parasite they couldn’t shake off you.” I laughed as I turned around to face him. “This poor selfish and greedy girl you’ve been helping—they were probably hoping I was a phase to you. Like I was this toy you could toss to the side once you’re done with me.”

I bit my lips as I smiled, “you wanted that wedding so badly and that’s the only reason why they went along with our wedding in the first place.”

His jaw clenched.

“And I had no choice but to go along with the engagement because you had me in your pockets. I owed you.”

He took a quick step forward and I immediately recoiled back.

“Is this how you’re gonna treat me? After coming all this way to find you?”

His brows shot up and there was a crazy look in his eyes. “Do you know the amount of money I’ve spent looking for you?”

“Do I have to know?”

I replied dryly. “Did it look like I wanted you to come find me when I left?”

He tilted his head back with a scoff of his own, then dragged his tongue over his lip as he nodded. “Okay. I get it.”

He laughed as he took his hands out of his pockets.

“It’s been almost two years since you left, you’ve had a taste of freedom and independence, hell—”

he kissed his teeth, “you even fell in love.”

His eyes leveled with mine with intensity, “but c’mon, sweet pea,”

his eyes softened—it was evil and patronizing, “ you didn’t think I’d spend a whole month in this lifeless town and suddenly leave because you finally grew a pair and shared all that pent up anger that’s been tightly bottled up inside of you.”

He shook his head and took a step back, slowly circling my desk as he looked at the papers sprawled all over the table. “You ever had a dog?”

he asked, his tone had completely changed. He was calmer and more collected—it was starting to work up my nerves.

There was a gentle tug and pressure on my chest as the electric breast pump worked its magic—though it felt like more weight was added to my chest.

“Anyways,”

he dragged a finger over my desk, “they’re loyal, they’re gullible, they would do anything if you make them.” He finally glanced at me over his shoulder, “that’s what you were to me.” He turned around and dropped his filthy ass hand on the edge of my desk.

My desk!

I balled my hand into a fist as my nose flared.

“A loyal dog,”

he said vaguely, as if I was too dense to understand what he’s been saying.

“But then you started thinking for yourself, you started to desire things—a different life I suppose.”

He titled his head to the side as he frowned, “how would you feel if the dog you’ve had for years just…left?”

My chest heaved and I could feel how heavy the breast pump had been feeling. It was almost full now.

“Not only that,”

Christian continued, “they belonged to someone else now.”

“I…I don’t belong to anyone.”

My voice broke.

He ignored me as he stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets, “betrayed.”

He glared at me. “You’d feel betrayed right?”

When I didn’t say anything, his eyes dropped to my chest and he chuckled, “now you really need to change.”