Chapter 2
CHAPTER 2
Ean couldn’t believe his eyes. Of all the people who could have ended up standing behind him, witnessing the most humiliating and defeated moment of his life, it had to be Leland Page.
“I—”
He tried to say something, to explain why he was standing in a tiny off-license, dressed in the only clothes he currently owned, which smelled as unwashed as he did, holding onto a useless lottery ticked and the last shreds of his dignity, but nothing would come out of his mouth.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Leland said, stepping forward slightly.
Ean flinched back on instinct, but immediately felt terrible. Leland wasn’t one of the nasty predators who had reached out to him with pretend care only to offer him a lousy fiver to suck his cock. And Leland didn’t deserve to be sullied by touching someone who had accepted that fiver and sucked that cock so he could afford to pay for a sandwich instead of taking the risk of stealing one.
Whether Leland had intended to touch him or not, he changed his motion to picking up his basket of groceries and setting it on the counter. “Thanks, Javed,” he said to the man who had crushed his hopes of getting out of the mess he’d fallen into by refusing the lottery ticket.
Except the guy behind the counter looked sad and embarrassed instead of smug. It wasn’t his fault Ean had been duped.
He took another look at the lottery ticket that he still clutched as if it were more than a useless shred of paper. It wasn’t just a symbol of the end of his hopes, it was a sign of just how low he’d fallen now. He’d accepted what he’d been promised was a winning lottery ticket to let his friend Jimmy’s uncle fuck him.
Of course, neither he nor Jimmy had known that’s what would happen. Jimmy had been trying to help him, but his mum said Ean couldn’t stay on her couch anymore. That was when the uncle had casually mentioned he had a spare bedroom at his place, if Ean was interested. Ean had jumped at the chance to have a real bed to sleep in. He should have known it would come with strings attached.
It had been a nightmare, but at least it was over. At least that part of it was over. He’d done what he’d thought he had to do willingly, taken the lottery ticket as payment, packed his bag and left. He’d sworn to himself that as bad as things got, he would never trade sex for money again.
But he hadn’t had anywhere to go. Jimmy hadn’t been home when he’d dropped by, his mum had chased him away and called him names, and the nearest shelter was not only full, it was scary as hell. Ean had spent the last two weeks sleeping rough, no money for food, too afraid to beg, and resorting to earning barely enough to keep himself from passing out from hunger with his mouth.
He'd finally broken down and taken the lottery ticket to the off-license to cash in when hunger overcame his fear of people asking him how he’d ended up with something so magical. He’d been afraid someone would steal the ticket, afraid they’d say he had no right to win the lottery because of how he’d ended up with the magic numbers. Honestly, he was afraid of exactly what had just happened, too, that the ticket was a fake.
“Ean? You alright?”
Ean snapped out of the paralysis he’d been stuck in and looked up at Leland. His face was itchy with drying tears and dirt, and his stomach chose just that moment to growl.
Leland took a deep, angry breath and puffed it out through his nose. “Throw in a couple sandwiches and a bottle of water, too,” he told the man behind the counter, then stepped to the case where lunch things were on display. “Which is your favorite?”
It took Ean a second to figure out that Leland was talking to him. “Me?” he asked, his voice small and shaky.
“Yes,” Leland said. “Something tells me you need a sandwich. You probably need a lot more than that.”
Ean started trembling. It was a stupid reaction, one that would make him look weak and vulnerable.
Sudden memories of his dad yelling at him, calling him weak and prissy and a lot of other bad names rang in his head. All because he’d been caught looking at porn online. What twenty year old didn’t look on porn online? Only with him, it had been gay porn, and that had been the last straw where his dad, his entire family, was concerned.
“Ean?”
Ean blinked. “Sorry. Um, anything is fine, I’m not picky.”
Leland studied him for a few seconds with a frown, then grabbed two sandwiches and took them to the counter, where the cashier guy was bagging his things. He handed one of the sandwiches directly to Ean.
Ean burst into tears again as he stared at the boxed sandwich. It was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. All food was beautiful to him now. Just the other day, he’d stood in front of the window at Kokoro Sushi looking at everything inside like he was at a museum.
“I can’t pay you back,” he sniffled through his tears.
“That’s okay,” Leland said with a smile. “We’ll think of something.”
Ean swallowed hard and glanced up at Leland again. He knew what that meant. He’d heard it a few too many times in the last six months of couch surfing and sleeping out.
Then again, how many times had he fantasized about Leland Page finally taking notice of him as someone other than the kid who hung around him and Davie? How many times had he wanked in the shower while trying to picture what Leland looked like naked? Leland was still so handsome and built. He radiated kindness. Ean was sure he was gross and dirty. He was so far beneath Leland’s notice, but not only had Leland bought him a sandwich, once he’d paid for everything, he handed Ean one of the shopping bags and told him to follow him out to the car.
“Where are you staying?” Leland asked once they were driving down the main road.
Ean swallowed hard and fought not to cry again. “Nowhere,” he forced himself to croak out.
“Nowhere?” Leland glanced at him in concern.
Ean shook his head and stared down at the sandwich that he still hadn’t opened and the bottle of water in his lap.
“As in homeless?” Leland asked carefully.
Ean squeezed his eyes shut and nodded.
“How is that possible?” Leland growled. “What about your parents? What about Davie?”
Drawing in a breath, Ean forced himself to raise his head and look at Leland. “Dad kicked me out when he…when he caught me watching gay porn,” he confessed honestly. “He kicked me out for being gay.” That was the real reason.
“What?” Leland said, nearly shouting. “That’s so wrong. And Davie?”
“Called me…the F-word and slammed the door in my face,” Ean said.
Leland went very quiet. “That explains a few things,” he mumbled to himself.
A few seconds later, he peeked at Ean as he made a turn then asked, “Where have you been all this time?”
“Couch surfing,” Ean said. “And…just…around.”
Leland nodded but didn’t say anything else about it. “Eat your sandwich,” he said when Ean’s stomach growled again.
Ean did as he was told. He tore into the box then grabbed half of the chicken sandwich and started eating it like the whole thing would evaporate if he didn’t get it down fast enough. There was something magical and wonderful about food, especially when you hadn’t eaten in a while. The flavors were like notes in a melody that formed a perfect song. He tried to savor every bite, guessing which seasonings whoever had made it had used, but he was too hungry.
“Easy there,” Leland told him. “There’s more where that came from.”
“No, there isn’t,” Ean whispered.
He froze as soon as he realized he’d spoken out loud. Leland sent him a concerned look but kept driving. Ean couldn’t imagine what his brother’s best friend thought of him. Probably that he was disgusting and that he deserved to end up in an off-license with a lottery ticket full of the wrong numbers. He was ashamed of how he looked, how he smelled.
“You can let me off wherever,” he said when he finished the rest of his sandwich and half the bottle of water. “It doesn’t really matter where.”
It wasn’t like he had anywhere to go anyhow. He could try the shelter again, maybe find some social services program that would take him in. He’d tried to get a job after being kicked out, but most places required him to have an address and some sort of skill. He’d had a job at a supermarket when he was still living at home, but he’d been too embarrassed to go back to that after the first few nights on his own.
It was all just so stupid. He’d gotten himself into his own mess. He didn’t deserve whatever help Leland wanted to give him now.
Unless Leland was helping him because he expected something in return.
“Nonsense,” Leland said as they stopped at a red light. “I’m not dropping you back on the street. You’re coming home with me.”
There it was. Exactly as Ean expected. He took a deep breath and tried to figure out how he felt about being picked up by Leland. Not as bad as he could have felt, that much was certain. Leland wasn’t dangerous. He wasn’t risking his life. It wouldn’t be as bad as Jimmy’s uncle.
“I can’t believe your parents would throw you out of the house like that,” Leland went on as they continued to drive. “It’s unforgivable. I’m surprised that things like that happen in this day and age in the UK. Next time I see them, I’m going to give them a piece of my mind.”
He went on, but as soon as Ean’s stomach had something in it, the stress and strain of the last few weeks started to melt away and he turned sleepy. He felt safe for the first time in months. Something about Leland reminded him of better days, of a time when he was loved and accepted just as he was. Leland had always been nice to him. If he was going to have to break his no sex for money rule again, at least it would be with someone he liked.
He must have dozed off, because the next thing Ean knew, Leland had pulled onto the drive for one of the huge, old estates in the area. It took Ean a second to figure out they were at Hawthorne House, but that made no sense to him. He’d taken an art class at Hawthorne House through school years ago, but he hadn’t been back since.
“Here we are,” Leland said once he’d pulled into a parking space in a lot at the back of the house. “Home at last.”
Ean frowned as he looked through the windshield. “But it’s Hawthorne House,” he said.
“You know it?” Leland asked.
“From a long time ago.”
Ean scrambled out of the car when he realized he was just sitting there, stinking up the inside, and grabbed the bag he’d carried earlier from the backseat. He then followed Leland into the building through a back entrance.
“I’m currently teaching culinary classes for the arts center,” Leland explained as they headed down what felt like a private hallway. “They’re letting me live in one of the family flats for a while, too.”
“Oh yeah. I forgot the Hawthorne family still lived here.” It felt like a silly thing to say, but everything had turned so surreal for Ean.
They headed up a staircase then down the hall to a door at the end. Leland took out a key to open it, then gestured for Ean to go inside with a smile. It was a nice place, too. Small but clean. It looked like it had everything anyone could ever need in a home, from a television to a nice kitchen.
“You can put the bag anywhere in here,” Leland said as they walked into the kitchen. “Half of this stuff needs to go down to the big kitchen, but it’ll be okay in my fridge while we get you sorted.”
Ean took a quick breath, starting to tremble again as he slid his bag onto the small kitchen table. “Do you want me to take a shower first?” he asked hopefully, though he couldn’t bring himself to speak louder than a whisper.
“Sorry?” Leland asked like he didn’t understand.
Ean squirmed and winced. “I haven’t showered for a few days. You probably want me clean when you….” He swallowed hard. “Unless you have a thing for dirty…boys. Some people do.”
Leland continued to stare at him like he’d grown another head.
Then he took a sharp breath as understanding hit him.
“Ean, I didn’t bring you here to…take advantage of you,” he said in a grave voice. “I just want to help you. I mean that. And I don’t expect anything in return.”
Ean’s eyes started to sting with tears of embarrassment and relief, so he lowered his head.
“Is that what you’ve been doing?” Leland asked quietly and with far too much care.
He was so kind and genuine that Ean failed to stifle the sob that welled up in him.
“Hey, hey,” Leland said, shifting forward and pulling Ean into his arms. “It’s okay. You’re okay. I’ve got you.”
It was so wonderful that all Ean could do was wrap his arms around Leland and hug him back as he cried on Leland’s shoulder. At the same time, it sucked so hard. He was a grown man, someone who should already have been out on his own, taking care of himself and not screwing up so badly that he had to turn tricks to eat. Once Leland knew the full story, he probably wouldn’t want anything to do with him.
“Take a deep breath,” Leland told him, rubbing his back. “You’re going to be okay now. I’ve got you, and I’m not going to let things fall apart for you again.”
“But you don’t even know me,” Ean sniffled against Leland’s shoulder.
“Of course I do,” Leland laughed hugging him tighter. “You’re Ean Jones. You draw fantastic pictures and you have a beautiful laugh.”
Ean snapped his head up to gape at Leland. “You remember my pictures?”
“I sure do,” Leland said. “I was always a little jealous of your talent.”
Ean blinked in surprise. He didn’t know what to say. About anything. At all.
“I tell you what,” Leland said, letting him go. “Why don’t you shower. Not because of anything I want but because you want to. I’ll find something clean for you to wear while you’re in there. Hawthorne House has a huge room upstairs called the clothes room that’s filled with everything you could possibly ask for in every size imaginable. I have a class to teach in forty-five minutes, but you’re welcome to sit in until we have a chance to talk about what’s going on and how to fix it.”
“Okay,” Ean said, sniffling and wiping his face as his tears changed from despair to hope. It was the first real hope he’d felt in months.
“Go on, then,” Leland said with his warmest smile. “Everything you need including towels is in the bathroom already. It’s right through there.”
Ean turned to see where Leland was pointing, then nearly tripped over his own feet in his haste to reach the bathroom. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt really clean.
The shower was every bit as wonderful as he’d dreamed it would be. Ean washed his hair with the best smelling shampoo and probably used too much body wash, but he couldn’t help it. The bubbles made him laugh with pure joy as he watched them swirl away down the drain, taking the dirt and his feeling of hopelessness with them.
Once he was out of the shower, he took the liberty of using Leland’s razor to shave, even though he barely grew any facial hair at all. It just felt good to do. He didn’t want to put his filthy clothes on again, ever, but there was a bathrobe hanging from a hook behind the door, so he donned that before going in search of Leland.
Leland was waiting for him in the flat’s main room with a small pile of clothes.
“I hope these will fit,” he said, holding up a pair of jeans in one hand and a jumper in the other. “If not, there’s a bunch more upstairs.”
“I’m sure they’ll be fine,” Ean said, breathless with relief at the good turn his luck had taken.
“I hate to rush you, but my class starts in ten minutes,” Leland went on.
Ean jumped forward to take the clothes, then retreated to the bathroom again so he could put them on. Everything fit well enough, even though Leland had forgotten to get him underwear. He’d remembered socks and even shoes, though. Within five minutes, Ean looked and felt better than he had in ages.
“I hope you don’t mind sitting in on my class,” Leland said as they headed downstairs. “You can even participate if you’d like.”
“In a cooking class?”
The idea was thrilling. Food had become something deeply special to Ean. The idea of learning how to make it took his breath away.
“Yeah, sure,” Leland smiled and ruffled his damp hair. It didn’t feel like a condescending gesture, even though Ean was a good foot shorter than him. It just felt cozy and welcoming, like Leland had always been with him. “I bet you’d make a great cook.”
“I don’t know about that,” Ean said with a bashful smile. “I’d like to try, though.”
“Be my guest,” Leland said as they turned a corner into a massive, industrial kitchen.
Ean smiled up at his savior. He would try anything, do anything for Leland, and he would be happy to do it. Even if Leland tried to make sure he paid for everything with his body, Ean wouldn’t mind at all. Maybe it would just be for one night and everything would turn to shit again in the morning, but if one night was all they had, he intended to enjoy every second of it.