Candy Hearts, Vol. 2

Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Happiness had become a foreign concept to Ean in the last few months. Or maybe the last few years. Everything was starting to meld together in his head, like his experiences over the last stretch of his life were like the basil, garlic, and everything else he’d blended in the food processor to make pesto. His life was pesto, but he’d never been happier.

It was that unfamiliar happiness that caused him to jump to what his scrambled but grateful brain told him he wanted. Cock. He wanted cock. Specifically, Leland’s cock. Not in a selfish or horny way, although he was definitely horny, what with his stomach full, his body clean, and a warm home around him. He was just so happy that he wanted to make the man who had given him that happiness feel good.

But Leland had other ideas.

“Whoa, whoa! Hold up there,” he said, dropping the remote and placing a hand on Ean’s shoulder to push him back just as Ean had started to lean forward and down.

Leland could have thrown the hot tea on him and he wouldn’t have felt more scalded. He pulled back, nearly falling off the couch in his efforts to cover for the horrible mistake he’d just made.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he gasped, tears stinging in his eyes. Bloody hell, was he going to cry every time something happened to him now? “I thought you wanted it. I thought I could pay you back. It was a stupid idea. I’ll just go now.”

He leaped off the couch and stumbled over his feet as he launched himself toward the door.

“Ean, hold on, wait!”

Leland put his tea down, splashing it as he did, then jumped up and chased after him. He caught Ean before he made it to the door and pulled him into an embrace.

The embrace was enough to both freeze Ean in his tracks and melt his brain with confusion.

“Take it easy,” Leland said, shifting his initial tight hug into a gentler hold. He rubbed Ean’s back with one hand as he did. “Breathe, sweetie. I’ve got you.”

That did it. Ean didn’t know shit about the world or how he was supposed to function in it, but he knew he was quiet and bottomy, and probably subby while he was at it, even though he didn’t think he was particularly kinky. There was just something about having a kind, older, bigger man who he really, really liked calling him “sweetie” and holding him that made the cold, cruel, too-fast world stop for a second.

“That’s better,” Leland said, then kissed the top of Ean’s head.

Ean closed his eyes and leaned into him. It was so, so wrong to let his guard down and believe that he’d found a savior. He’d fostered hope that someone might swoop in and be able to save him before, but that definitely hadn’t happened. Leland was different, though. Leland was the real deal.

“Let’s just sit down again and drink our tea and talk about this, okay?” Leland let go and turned him gently to walk him back to the couch.

Even though he wasn’t trying to run anymore, Ean’s heart pounded hard against his ribs. His emotions were all over the place. That old traitor, hope, pulsed loudly inside him, but he was so ashamed of his behavior. At the same time, when Leland sat again and pulled him down to sit beside him, so close their sides smushed up against each other, feelings of comfort and trust started to grow and overtake the spikier emotions.

“Alright, let’s deal with this one bit at a time,” Leland said. He leaned across Ean and reached for his mug, then handed it to him before grabbing his own. “I don’t expect anything from you and I’m definitely not making any demands. We’re just two mates sitting around, drinking tea, and working through a problem.”

“Okay,” Ean said, then hid his red face by taking a long drink from his mug. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a good cup of tea. He closed his eyes and let it wash through him, making the world better.

“Right,” Leland said after swallowing. “Now, tell me more about your parents kicking you out. You said it was because you’re gay?”

Ean nodded, his heart sinking. Leland probably hated him because he was gay, too.

Then again, that didn’t make sense. He’d been honest with Leland about his sexuality from the start and Leland hadn’t pushed him away or sneered at him. The way he’d touched his hand down in the kitchen a few times, the way he’d hugged him several times now….

“I wish I could say I was surprised,” Leland said, resting a hand on Ean’s leg, “but I should have known. When I came out to Davie, he ended our friendship then and there.”

Ean’s eyes went wide as the very thing he’d just been wondering about was proven true.

“You’re gay?” he asked.

Leland had gone to take another sip of tea and nearly choked on it. “You didn’t know?”

Ean blinked, then shook his head. Then his face pinched as he felt unbelievably stupid. “How did I not know?”

“I have no idea,” Leland laughed. “I’ve always been pretty open. But it sounds like you’ve been dealing with so much of your own stuff that you might not have thought about me at all.”

“That’s not true,” Ean said before he could stop himself. “I used to think about you all the time. I thought you were wonderful. I had such a crush on you when you came to hang out at our house. I…I even thought of you after I was kicked out, when I needed to remind myself that there are good people in the world.”

Leland looked so sad for a moment before reaching for Ean’s free hand and squeezing it.

A moment later, he let go and said, “I hope this doesn’t change things. I don’t want you to see me as threatening or like I’m after something with you. I’ve always liked you, too, and right now, I just want to help you, no strings attached.”

“No, no this is good,” Ean said. He had to take another gulp of tea to swallow the lump in his throat, but then he put his mug aside and twisted to face Leland more fully. “You understand, you know? I mean, I’m not the same as you. I’m pretty pitiful, actually. I can’t really take care of myself, I’m kind of an idiot, and I can’t read when I get stressed out.”

“Shush,” Leland stopped him, raising a hand. “I don’t want to hear that. You’ve always been one of the kindest, sweetest people I know. Dyslexia is just a circumstance. It doesn’t make you stupid. And it’s not a bad thing to be the sort of person who does better in partnership with others instead of on your own.”

Ean could hardly believe his ears. No one had ever said anything half so nice to him before. “I don’t want to be a burden,” he said quietly, lowering his eyes.

Leland surprised him by cupping the side of his face and tilting it up to look at him.

“You’re not a burden,” he said. “I don’t see helping you as you burdening me at all. I like helping people.”

“Oh,” Ean said, lowering his eyes, even though he couldn’t tilt his face down.

“Hey. What’s that about?” Leland asked with a slight frown.

Ean wished he hadn’t made a sound. He wished he could lie and pretend it was nothing, but he was just so tired and weak that he didn’t have the energy to make up lies.

“You like helping people,” he said. “That’s great. I bet you’d help anyone who couldn’t manage to keep themselves off the streets.”

Leland hummed like he understood. “But I don’t help everyone,” he said, a small sparkle in his eyes, his cheeks flushing. “I helped you. I want to continue helping you. Because you’re Ean Jones, the sweetest young man I know. So sweet you’re like sugar.”

Ean couldn’t help but smile as he felt his face flood with heat.

“I had a crush on you back in the day, too, you know,” Leland said.

Ean jerked his head up and gaped at him. “No! You couldn’t have. I was such a miserable, scrawny kid. I’m still absolute rubbish.”

“You’re definitely not,” Leland said firmly. “You’re beautiful. And you’re trying so hard.” He paused, grinned, and said, “But yes, you were too young for me back then.”

“But now?”

Ean wanted to kick himself for letting those two words out.

“Now,” Leland said, putting his mug down and moving in to clasp both sides of Ean’s face.

He leaned in until their faces were only inches apart. Ean breathed in, loving the scent of the kitchen that seemed to envelop Leland. He loved the dark depths of his eyes and the flush of his cheeks. His eyes dropped to stare at Leland’s lips. They were so soft and inviting. All he could think about was that Leland Page was going to kiss him.

Except he didn’t.

“Now,” Leland repeated, his voice rougher, sitting straight again, “I don’t want to take advantage of someone in a difficult spot who really needs my help.”

“You can take advantage of me, I don’t mind,” Ean said in a rush.

Leland laughed and leaned back, taking one of Ean’s hands. “I’ll think about it. But right now, I think it’s more important that we talk about how to get you back on your feet instead of how I can get in your pants.”

A fresh wave of heat and embarrassment swept through Ean. “Anytime you want me, I’m yours,” he said solemnly. He wanted to make sure Leland knew he wasn’t joking or being flippant.

“I know,” Leland answered, just as seriously. That had Ean’s heart racing all over again. “And the same goes for me. Anytime you want me, I will absolutely give you what you need.”

Ean smiled. He debated telling Leland that he wanted him right now in all the sexual ways.

Leland nipped that in the bud by saying, “I think it’s more important to sort out your safety and security than it is for us to follow our libidos right now.”

“Aw, shucks,” Ean said with what he was certain was a cheesy grin. It was the first time he’d tried to make a joke in months.

Fortunately, Leland laughed. Ean loved the sound.

“Yes,” Leland said, rolling his eyes comically. “We have to be grown-ups and talk about ways to fix your situation. Like finding you a place to live, for example.”

Every drop of playfulness Ean had vanished. Leland wanted to get rid of him already. Of course, it was way too much to ask if he could just stay where he was, living with Leland at Hawthorne House, so that he could have someone he trusted to take care of him.

As if Leland could read his thoughts, he said, “You don’t have to go anywhere for now. There’s more than enough room at Hawthorne House for anyone who needs to stay here. I’m sure if I talk to Robert Hawthorne, he’d be okay with you staying with me until we can get something else sorted.”

“Okay,” Ean said, managing a tentative smile.

“Besides, you’re such a natural in the kitchen and I’ve got this Valentine’s Day supper coming,” he went on. “I need someone to take over making the cakes and desserts. I bet you’re a natural at baking, sugar.”

Ean’s face flushed so hot that he thought it might burn off. That might just have been the nicest thing anyone had ever said to him. “I’ll do my best,” he said.

“I’m certain you will,” Leland said. He reached out and brushed a hand over Ean’s blazing-hot cheek. He spent a moment thinking, then nodded and said, “Tomorrow, you can sit in on all my cooking and baking classes. I’ll make sure you have all the skills you need to help with everything this weekend. Who knows? You might even pick up enough skills to get a job in a kitchen somewhere.”

“But I can’t read when I’m under a lot of stress,” Ean said, his shoulders sinking. “Aren’t kitchens stressful?”

Leland shrugged. “Depending on the job. You might not need to read, depending on what you’re doing. Most of the chefs I’ve worked with want people with talent who can listen to instructions and work hard.”

“I can do those things,” Ean said.

“Which is why I think working in a restaurant would be a perfect job for you.”

Ean continued to falter. “I don’t know how to get a job like that. I don’t have anywhere to stay in the meantime. It’s so hard to get started when you’ve got absolutely nothing at all.”

“But you don’t have nothing,” Leland said, squeezing his hand. When Ean glanced up at him doubtfully, he said, “You have me.”

Ean’s heart nearly burst with affection and with longing. Leland was his hero in so many ways. He was so overcome with gratitude that he threw himself forward, hugging Leland hard and hiding his face against the crook of his neck.

“It’s okay, sugar,” Leland said, hugging him back and rubbing his back. “If you can’t go it alone, then I’ll stand beside you. If you’ll let me, I’ll take care of you. At least until you feel like you’re ready to take care of yourself.”

Ean nearly burst into tears again. Leland was so much more than he ever could have asked for. He might have had a losing lottery ticket, but he was starting to feel like he’d won the best prize of all.