Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Jude was devastated. There was no other word for it.
Fear shadowed him, a constant presence. But he fought like hell because he couldn’t give in to it. Not when he had a little boy in his care.
They’d been living with his dad for two days now, and they’d kept busy, ice-skating in Wild Wolff Village and grabbing milk-shakes at the Hole in the Wall diner. Today, he’d built a bonfire for the two of them in the backyard, and they were making s’mores.
Even bundled up in parkas and wool hats and the blankets Jude had thrown over them, it was still freezing.
With a sticky hand, Cody tapped his leg. “Mister?”
“Yeah?”
“What happens when you go?”
“Go where?” When he prodded the fire with a long stick, sparks flew into the frigid air. Because of all the changes—moving and not living with Finlay anymore—he’d decided to work from home till after the New Year. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“You know, like Grandpa’s gone and Miss O’Neill’s gone. When you’re gone, who do I have?”
It hit so hard, it knocked the air out of his lungs.
He was stunned. He couldn’t answer. A dozen thoughts came to mind—all of them empty words of reassurance.
But he’d worked hard to earn this boy’s trust, and he couldn’t promise a future with any of them.
He didn’t know his future with Finlay or whether he’d get to adopt Cody.
But damn, the idea that his little boy lived with such frightening thoughts tore him up inside.
Heart aching, he hauled the boy onto his lap.
“Your grandpa’s getting better every day, and I know he can’t wait to get back to you.
And Miss O’Neill’s not gone. You see her and talk to her every day.
” And while he couldn’t make promises, there was one thing he knew to be true.
“And me? I don’t want to be anywhere else but with you. ”
The boy sat perfectly still, and Jude wished he knew what he was thinking.
It didn’t seem like he’d soothed Cody’s worries.
He tipped the boy’s chin so he could look into his eyes and feel the sincerity of his words.
“I love you, Cody. I don’t know what the future holds, but I can promise you, I will do everything in my power to keep us together forever. ”
The boy held his gaze, studying, weighing, deciding. Finally, he gave a barely noticeable nod.
“And I’d sure appreciate it if you didn’t call me Mister anymore.”
“What should I call you?”
“It’s up to you. You can call me Jude…”
The little boy cocked his head. “Can I call you Dad? Like I did that guy who’s you ’cept in another place?”
Whoever got to raise this beautiful, sensitive, smart boy would be the luckiest guy in the world. It better be me. “Yeah, Cody. You can call me Dad. I’d like that a lot.” He hugged him and kissed his temple.
“Is it time to go to Amy’s yet?”
Jude burst out laughing. Guess he’s okay. “No, not yet.” When he’d brought him onto his lap, the blankets had slipped off, so he snatched them from the ground and settled them over them again. “Is it too cold? Do you want to go in?”
“No. I just don’t want to be late.”
“I won’t get you there late. We’ll leave in half an hour.” As hard as he tried, he couldn’t stop thinking about Finlay. He held on to hope by his fingernails. He would not succumb to doubt. He wouldn’t allow himself to entertain the idea that she’d decide to move on without him.
She wouldn’t. A love like theirs? Not a chance.
Still, every second that ticked by without a call from her threatened his sanity. Taking care of Cody tethered him, but it was hard because everything in this town reminded him of her. Of them.
Us.
There will always be an us. There’s no world where Jude and Finlay aren’t living in it as one.
Boots crunched on fresh snow, and a bag came flying, landing in his lap. Wyatt dropped into the Adirondack chair next to him.
Jude held up the beef jerky. “Thanks.”
“You’ve been out here a long time. Don’t want you two starving to death.”
“I’m heading into town to pick up some groceries,” his dad said, lagging a few steps behind. “Want me to drop Cody off for his playdate?”
“It’s early, isn’t it?” Jude asked, but Cody was already scrambling off his lap.
“Yeah, Grampa. Good idea. Let’s go.”
The moment his dad clasped Cody’s sticky hand, he grimaced and shot Jude a look that said, Thanks for the warning.
Jude laughed. “Be sure to wash up before you go.”
“I will,” Cody called.
His brother shuddered. “My nuts’re gonna freeze off out here.”
“Didn’t invite you.”
“Can we at least be sad inside?” Wyatt leaned closer to the fire.
“Again, didn’t invite you.”
“Fine. But if I get frostbite—”
Jude whipped off the blanket and tossed it at his brother to shut him up.
They sat in silence for a few moments. Wind whistled through the branches, and the fire popped and crackled. “She’s coming back,” Wyatt said.
“I know that. I just don’t know what to do in the meantime. Do I text her?” He wrote her messages all the time but stopped himself from hitting Send. “She’s at her mom’s, and I know she hates it there. Can I send her cookies? Chocolate-covered strawberries?”
A bag hit the back of his head and dropped to the ground. “No, dumbass. Leave her alone.” Boone plunked his ass into the chair on Jude’s other side. “Damn, it’s cold.” He opened the bottle of whiskey.
Jude pulled three red plastic cups out of the bag and held them out one at a time so his brother could pour into them. Once filled, they tapped them together and knocked them back.
Instantly, his blood warmed, and his skin prickled. Which matched his internal situation. Because as much as he didn’t want company at the moment, he appreciated his brothers’ support.
“What went wrong?” Boone asked.
“I left her money. For a spa day.” He paused before adding the kicker. “With Ava.”
Both his brothers gave him a side-eye. “Our former nanny?” Wyatt asked.
“I know. You think I don’t know? I was in a hurry to leave, and I wanted to do something nice for her. Instead, I made her feel like a babysitter.” He tipped his head back. “I fucked up.”
“I don’t think she broke up with you over that.” Boone poured more whiskey. “Finlay’s not like that. She’d have just called you out on it.”
True. But it was the final push. “Acts of service, quality time, and words of affirmation. Those work. But receiving gifts? I don’t think that’s one of hers.”
“What’re you talking about?” Boone set his cup in the snow and reached for the beef jerky.
“Love languages.”
“How about you just speak the English language?” Boone tore the bag open. “I don’t know what you’re saying right now.”
“I love her. And I can’t lose her.”
“You’re not going to.” Wyatt sounded awfully sure about that. “This doesn’t have to do with money or gifts. She needs time, that’s all. But she’s not going anywhere. You guys are great together.”
“She sold her house. I don’t think you get how big a deal that is. She’s always wanted to live on Bloom Lane.”
“That’s the house she bought with her ex,” Boone said. “Why would she want to live there with you and Cody?”
Jude held his brother’s gaze, the whiskey making his nerves jangly. “I get that, but she was crying. She was upset. And I couldn’t help her. She didn’t want me to.”
“I think…” Wyatt stared at the fire. “She’s got to get through this on her own, and you’ve got to trust she’ll come back to you.”
I hope he’s right.
“Can we go inside now?” Boone said. “I can’t feel my nuts.” He grabbed the shovel and dumped snow over the flames.
As Jude got up, he snatched the paper bag off the ground and stuffed the graham crackers, chocolate, and marshmallows inside.
“Can you ever feel your nut sac?” Wyatt asked as they headed into the house.
“Why would you even ask that?” Boone said. “Obviously, no one’s ever licked your balls.”
“I’m talking about in general,” Wyatt said. “Just in daily life. You don’t feel them any more than you feel your toes or fingers.”
“Dude, I feel my balls.” Boone opened the door, and they all filed into the house. “When my jeans ride up, or I run too fast. You never had a dog ram his face into your junk?”
The heat inside the house made his skin burn. Jude sat on the bench in the mudroom and untied his boots, kicking them off. “When she’s sad, she likes sweets. I want to send her some of that Harley and Lu’s fancy ice cream she likes.”
“Or you can give her the space she asked for.” Boone hung his jacket on a hook.
“It’s a tough call.” Wyatt led the way into the kitchen. “You don’t want silence to come across like you don’t care.”
Oh shit. He couldn’t let her think that. Not for a second. “Then I’m going to do it. I’ll send her—”
The doorbell rang.
Finlay? Yes. He knew it. In his socks, Jude took off, nearly sliding and falling on his ass, but he righted himself in the need to get to her. He threw the door open, shocked to see the sheriff.
It was the apology in the woman’s eyes that gave his stomach a hard twist. She held out an envelope. “Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there’s been a motion filed about Cody. You’ll need to appear before Judge Adams to sort it out.”
“What is this?” Jude took the envelope and tore it open. Notice to Appear.
“It’s a hearing to determine guardianship,” the sheriff said. “Because of a material representation to the court.”
“What the fuck?” Boone muttered under his breath.
“Will he take Cody from us?” Wyatt asked.
“It’s possible.” She studied the three of them as if deciding how much to say. “Look, it’s a small town. People talk, and the judge’s wife has lots of friends. Someone told her you and Finlay aren’t really engaged. Whoever it was contacted Family Services.”
“Shit.” Who would do something like that? “He can’t revoke custody. Cody’s happy here. We take good care of him. We’re his home.”
“Tell that to the judge tomorrow morning at nine,” the sheriff said.
“Is there anything I can do?” Jude asked.
“Show him the man you’ve become, not the kid you used to be. And it wouldn’t hurt to get Finlay there.”