6. Lilah
LILAH
I don’t fear being alone. I fear being in a room surrounded by people I don’t trust.
—Lilah’s Secret Thoughts
I made sure I was out of the house this morning before Noah woke up, not wanting to test my loyalty and love for my brother. Because I swear to everything I love, I may have killed him if I had to see him before I had caffeine, and then I’d have had to deal with my mother. Instead, I snuck out like a child. Not gonna lie either, it made me happier than I’ve been since I got home. And when my best friend opens her front door, her baby girl, Lennox, on her hip and a look of exhaustion on her face, I know it was worth it.
“Lilah— What are you doing here? Oh my goodness, did we have plans?” Addie pushes the door open and steps aside for me to walk in, and as I do, she tracks the goodies I picked up from Sweet Temptations on my way over here. “If that’s coffee, I may just leave your cousin for you.”
“You are pretty hot,” I giggle and triumphantly hold up the cup carrier. “Coffee for you, tea for me, and chocolate chip muffins for both of us because I may need to eat my feelings this morning.”
“That’s it. Screw Leo. I’m yours.”
I scoop Lennox out of her arms and inhale her sweet baby scent as she smacks my cheeks and opens her mouth for a sloppy, wet kiss. “Hey, baby girl. Did you miss me?”
“Not as much as her momma did.” Addie lifts the first lid, sees that it’s tea and frowns as she hands it to me before she happily picks up her own cup. “How are you holding up?”
I bounce back and forth until I’ve got Lennox giggling, then look over at her momma. “Ask me again in a few hours after we meet with the label.”
“That’s today?” She sits down at the kitchen table, sets out two napkins, and places a muffin on each one. “Is that in town or in New York?”
“In town. They have studio space in New York, but their main offices are still on the outskirts of Kroydon Hills. It’s why they noticed me in the first place. Local girl making way too much noise to ignore.” They had no chance. I was determined to make them notice. Refused to accept anything less. And once they did, I had them. I was the fifth act that signed to their label, and now it’s one of the biggest labels in the world.
They helped me, and I helped them.
We’ve grown together.
But if we can’t come to an agreement, there’s no way I’ll be signing a new contract when mine runs out.
I break off a piece of muffin, and Lennox opens her mouth. “Umm... can baby girl have muffin?”
“She shouldn’t have sugar yet, but Leo doesn’t listen, so you might as well give up the goods. He spoils her.” She talks about my cousin with such adoration in her voice that my heart feels full. They haven’t had the easiest road, but after the hell they went through last month, everything seems to have calmed down, and even exhausted, she looks genuinely happy.
“Where is my cousin?” I ask as I place the tiniest piece of muffin in Lennox’s mouth, laughing as she gums it with a toothless grin.
“Away game,” is all the answer she needs to give. Leo and his brothers, Hendrix and Nixon, are all professional hockey players. My family is full of athletes. Football players, hockey players, dancers... and then there’s me. The dreamer. That’s what they always called me. Everyone else in the family played some kind of sport at some point in their lives, but not me. Give me a piano and a notebook. I never needed a ball or a puck or a pair of pointe shoes. Just words and music.
“Okay, lay it on me. You didn’t stop by at eight a.m. just to surprise me with coffee. Although I will love you forever for it. I swear, Lennox goes on sleep strike when Leo is gone, and Izzy was a bear to get up and dressed for school this morning. I haven’t known you that long, Lilah, but I know you well enough to know something is eating at you.”
Addie’s hair is up in a messy bun, and her sweats look a day or two old, but somehow my friend still looks beautiful. Natural. Comfortable in her own skin. I’m not sure I remember what it’s like to be comfortable in my skin. “I’ve known you long enough to consider you one of my best friends, Adelaide. And I don’t have a whole lot of people I trust or let in.”
“Don’t make me cry, Lilah. It’s too early for tears.” She reaches out and takes my hand. “I’m so lucky to have met you. Definitely a perk of marrying Leo.”
“Ha. I’m a perk. I’m so holding that over his head,” I tease and give Lennox more muffin when she nips at my fingers. Pretty sure that was her way of saying, hey lady, don’t forget about me. “I don’t know, I just wanted to see you and this little girl. I wanted to talk to someone for a few minutes who wasn’t going to tell me how to live my life.”
“Good lord. If you could please figure out how I should live mine and let me know, I’d love you forever. I’d never dare to tell you how to live yours when I can’t figure out my own. Anything I can do to help?”
I snuggle Lennox a little tighter and relax the way I swear Killian did when he held me last night. “Nope. Not unless you tell me how to deal with overbearing, overprotective men.”
“Sex,” she deadpans. “After an orgasm or two, I forget about how overbearing and overprotective Leo is. Well, I forget it annoys me and let it turn me on instead. Add possessive, and you’ve got yourself hot sex.”
“Eww,” I gag. “My cousin used to eat bugs. And one of the overbearing men is my brother.”
Addie looks over the lid of her pink paper coffee cup at me, not convinced. “One of them may be, but you love Noah. He’s not what’s bothering you. There’s another man bothering you. You wouldn’t come here to bitch about Noah.”
I sip my tea instead of answering, and she points her finger in my face. “Well, now I know there’s someone.” Her eyes light up with excitement. “Who? Is he from town or the tour? You’ve been holding out on me, Ryan.”
Lennox grabs the muffin from my hand and tries to shove it in her mouth, and I take the distraction as a reprieve, unsure of what I want to admit to her mother... Or myself.
“ Y ou’ve got to be kidding me,” I declare with all seriousness, not finding any of this funny.
The head of my label sits across from me at the table, with my tour manager on one side and her VP of marketing on the other. She doesn’t smile. Hell, she looks as pissed as I feel. “Not even a little bit, Lilah. We can’t even get insurance to cover the rest of the tour. We’ve got to cancel the remaining eight venues and refund the tickets.”
“No. I’ll insure it myself before I’ll do that.” I refuse to let some unknown creep control my life and my career that I’ve worked my ass off for.
“Lilah,” my manager, Scottie, blurts out. “We should discuss this.”
I glance her way, then let my eyes stop briefly on my publicist, Zoe, before I turn back to Iris. No need to even look at Noah. I may be pissed at him over last night, but he’s a steady, supporting force to my left. A united front, as always. “I will not cancel eight stops.”
“Your safety and the safety of everyone in the venues has to come first,” Iris tells me calmly, like she’s rehearsed it. “Tell me you understand that.”
“Don’t talk to me like I’m a green newbie getting ready for her first tour, Iris. I understand safety. I also understand refusing to allow some crazy person to dictate my life and my tour. I didn’t even want to do this tour in the first place, but you insisted. Now there is absolutely no way I’m going to disappoint thousands of fans and tell the world that I’m too scared to do my job all in one fell swoop. Find insurance, or I’ll fund it myself.” I push back from the enormous boardroom table and rise with my head held as high as I can. “This is my life.”
“I’ll keep working on it on one condition,” Iris stops me. She waits until I give her my full attention. “You agree to increase security.”
I open my mouth, but she shakes her head. “I mean it, Lilah. I need someone on you at all times. No sneaking off like you did this morning.”
“What the fuck?” I look from her to Noah, but my brother shakes his head. “Xander called you?” Blood roars in my ears. Guess that means I’m firing Xander.
“Of course, he advised me. He works for me.” She bristles, closing the black leather folio in front of her with a slap. “Everyone out. I want to talk to Lilah alone.”
“You okay?” Scottie asks and waits for my okay before she packs up and walks out with Zoe. Noah, however, doesn’t move.
“I’m sorry, Noah. Did you think that meant you could stay?” Iris snaps, and my brother doesn’t even flinch.
He crosses his arms and leans back in the chair. “I’d like to see you try to move me, Iris. Anything you say to her, you can say in front of me.”
“You heard him,” I echo and wait.
“You two drive me absolutely fucking crazy. You know that, right?” It’s not the first time she’s told us that. “Fine. Like I said, if you agree to an increased security presence, I’ll continue exploring insurance options. But only if you agree, Lilah. This isn’t about the money. It’s about your life.”
“Fine. But I want them to work for me, not you. A family friend owns a security company,” I argue, thinking of Maddox’s dad.
“No. Hard no. Your security team works for us. Nonnegotiable.”
“Nothing is nonnegotiable, Iris. If you want my security increased, I’ll agree to one more man.” I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I’m not sure I have a better option either. Better to deal with the devil you know. Noah squeezes my hand, and the overwhelming urge to kick him in the balls comes hard and fast. I debate it for all of thirty seconds before I hear Iris’s sigh. Fuck . “One man.” I cannot believe I’m saying this, but I’ve laid it down now. Might as well commit. “He can live inside my house. He can go everywhere with me. And he can basically beat anyone to death with his bare hands.”
I drop Noah’s hand and focus on Iris. She’s got to buy into this. She has to. I don’t have a better option... even if I know I’m going to regret it. “To the world, we’ll look like a couple in love. But he’ll never let anyone near me.”
“And does this magical man have a name?” Intrigued, she lowers her chin and waits me out as my heart and head wage an internal battle big enough to put Game Of Thrones to shame.
“He’s the UFC World Heavyweight Champion.”
“Killian St. James,” she scoffs. “You want me to put Scarlet Kingston’s son in danger?”
“Scarlet St. James,” I correct her.
“I don’t give a flying fuck who she married. She’s still Scarlet Kingston, and she’s never going to agree to this,” Iris argues, clearly having come across Killian’s formidable mother before.
“It was Killian’s idea, and he’s a grown man with a mind of his own. I promise you he’s in, and this won’t backfire.” I leave off the part where I think it won’t backfire on her because this crazy scheme is absolutely going to bite me in the ass.
Iris finally sits down and opens her folio, tapping her pen as she considers what I just laid out. Eventually, a small smile creeps up on her lips. “This could work. It would be great PR for both of you, and no one would even think to step up to that mountain of a man. But you still have to let me increase your other team. They don’t have to be inside your house or inside the events with you if he is, but they check it all out and stay outside the entire time.”
When I open my mouth, she stops me. “No. Lilah, he’s not trained for this the way they are. He can be your body man, but I want professionals checking locations. I want them driving. I want them armed. Don’t fight me on this. You will not win.”
“Not in my house. That’s nonnegotiable.” My nerves and my anger tumble with my growing frustration, along with the unbelievable hurt that mixes in whenever Killian is involved, and I have no doubt I just made a deal with the devil because there’s no way I’m getting out of this unscathed.
Alive isn’t the same as unhurt.