Captive Heart (Club Risqué Book 6)

Chapter 24

Micah awoke with a start and wondered what it was that had disturbed his sleep. Senses sharpening, he listened keenly to the sounds that penetrated the calm blackness of the night.

The heating pipes gave the occasional gurgle, and he could hear the chill winter wind blowing through the eaves. Rain pattered incessantly but softly on the window, but other than that, everything seemed quiet.

He had just settled down to sleep again when he heard the noise once more.

Instinct had him out of bed and running down the hall, heedless of his state of undress, before his brain finished processing that the haunting, primal wail had come from the room where Melody slept.

He skidded to a stop just inside the doorway, realising in the nick of time that his presence might alarm her all the more. Taking a couple of deep breaths to steady himself after the mindless dash to her aid, he allowed his eyes to grow accustomed to the nocturnal gloom and shadows. There were no lights, and he had already surmised that Melody was well used to being in the dark after being kept in an underground basement for so many years.

When he softly called her name, and got no reply, Micah padded on silent feet across the room and realised she was still asleep. If the tossing and twisting in the blankets and the mournful whimpers that filled the room, now that he was close enough to detect them, could be described as sleep.

It was obvious she was in the throes of a night terror, and usually he would follow best advice and leave her to settle naturally. But even in the dim light, he could see by her thrashing, she was winding herself tighter and tighter in the bed sheets.

And the tighter they wound, the worse they constricted her, and the more distressed she became. Given her history of being forcibly restrained, he decided it was in Melody’s best interests to wake her up.

As he stood back at a distance so that his presence wouldn”t spook her when she came to, Micah started to call her name, keeping his voice low and calm, speaking softly as he attempted to soothe her with his tone.

At first, she was too agitated to respond, but gradually, she calmed enough that her thrashing ceased, and her harsh, sobbing breaths subsided. He thought he might have done enough to ease her angst without her waking and was preparing to leave the room when she spoke.

”I”m awake,” she revealed on a heaving, tortured breath. ”Please, could you help untangle me from these sheets. The tightness is making me want to panic.”

Her voice quivered erratically, and Micah knew she was grasping desperately at the ragged edges of control in an effort not to break down entirely.

”Of course. I”m coming closer on your right,” Micah warned so he didn”t scare her.

”I can s-see you.”

When he moved closer, Micah could see just how badly she trembled with the remnants of her fear.

”I”m going to turn on the lamp, then help you sit up first,” he told her in the same soothing voice as he prepared to lift her bodily into position.

”Now, we”ll work on getting your arms out,” he instructed, knowing that as soon as they were free, she would start to feel better.

He pushed the knotted jumble of sheets down her shoulders as gently as he could, murmuring reassuring nonsense words in an attempt to prevent her from trying to fight her way out and opening up some of her wounds in the process.

As he suspected, he felt her physically relax as soon as her arms were no longer pinned within the confines of the bedding. Still, he made his movements slow and cautious. She was jumpy enough as it was.

As soon as she had wiggled out of the entanglement, Micah passed her the glass of water that sat on the dresser and encouraged her to take a drink to soothe the hoarseness of her throat, but her hands still shook so badly that he had to help her hold it, to prevent the water from spilling all over the bed.

Micah straightened up the bedding, ignoring the fact that she was naked.

”Do you mind if I take a quick look to check your dressings are still intact?” he asked her.

Melody shook her head and sat quietly while he inspected for any recent damage. He smoothed down the sticky edges of a couple of the dressing pads which had been rubbed loose. They”d hold until morning.

There were a couple of smears of blood where she”d opened some of the lash wounds that hadn”t been covered, and he held a convenient tissue to them to stop the small dribbles that oozed out. Overall though, there was nothing that wouldn”t wait until the following day.

Finally encouraging her to settle back down, Micah pulled the sheets up around her and tucked them so they wouldn”t wrap around her again.

As he rose to leave, she surprised him by grasping his forearm in an unexpectedly strong grip, the lingering, residual quakes still trembling through her fingers.

”Don”t go!” she begged with a hint of panic in her voice. ”Please…” she trailed off as if remembering it wasn”t her place to make demands then collapsed back onto the bed and looked away.

”I”m sorry,” she murmured instead, repressing whatever it was she”d been about to ask. ”You must be tired. I”m sorry I disturbed your sleep.”

”Melody, are you okay?” Micah asked. He rubbed his hand over his face. Jeez! How trite did he sound? He knew she wasn”t okay; she”d just woken, panicked and terrified.

”I just…” she started. Melody took a shuddering breath and kept her eyes averted. ”I”m fine,” she said, but the words didn”t match the catch in her voice.

Micah sat down on the bed for the first time since he”d entered the room. He”d been trying to maintain a professional distance, but that wasn”t so easy when Melody was breaking apart right in front of him. She”d been so strong and stalwart in everything she”d dealt with so far, taking it all in her stride, with a matter-of-fact attitude which had astounded him, despite her obvious physical fragility.

It was clear raking everything up this afternoon had unsettled her mind, but it had been a necessary evil. Melody needed to air those vile experiences and let them go so she could heal mentally.

And the authorities needed the information so they could investigate her situation and try to offer some kind of legal conclusion for the criminal injustices she had suffered.

Melody needed to be able to find closure, so she could move forward with her life without the fear of always having to look over her shoulder for the rest of her days. Without having to be constantly scared that her captor might find her once again.

”I”m right here,” Micah promised her. ”I”ll look out for you and make sure you”re safe.”

She looked at him then, piercing him with those violet eyes, luminous with her tears. So beautiful and yet so tragic.

”Will you please stay with me?” she whispered, the tiny thread of forlorn hope in her voice effectively killing the automatic denial that was on the tip of his tongue.

Damn it, he knew damn well that she”d probably never asked for anything in her life. Either because it would have been denied, or worse, induce a punishment for her audacity.

How the hell could he deny her?

It cost him nothing to do so, except his own peace of mind which fought against Melody developing any kind of rescuer attachment, but only because he was well aware of the depth of his own saviour complex.

The two of them feeding off of each other could prove disastrous for Melody”s long-term emancipation.

His own ingrained aspiration to relieve tormented minds was what had enticed him into the field of psychology in the first place. But he’d learned the hard way that sometimes his own desire to help might be used as a crutch rather than a deliverance.

Melody”s desire to identify herself as his slave and have him as her master was a case in point, and Micah didn”t want to enable a mind-set that had been cruelly beaten into her.

But breaking her of it, without breaking her, was a fragile and delicate balance. One that had him measuring every step, every action and reaction, because he”d also learned the hard way that he couldn”t save everyone. It simply ravaged too much of his emotion. And the latent guilt, hanging over him from his past had burned him so savagely that he longer felt as if he could keep giving away little pieces of his soul.

Not if he wanted any left for himself.

But Melody? She called to him on a level that no other woman had ever done.

Maybe it was because she hadn”t deliberately sought him out. Maybe it was the strength and determination he saw in her, despite the way she”d been treated. Maybe it was because he knew she had absolutely no one else on her side. And maybe it was because the similarities between her situation and Sara”s had him wanting to make things right for her, so he could absolve himself of the guilt he felt at failing Sara.

Whatever the reasons, he knew that he was powerless to either deny her, or to defy his own need to help her.

Well, so be it. He”d just have to remain cautious in his actions and try to make sure that everything he did was truly for Melody’s own benefit, because the one thing he really didn”t want was to facilitate her dependence.

As he looked down at where she lay, engulfed in the huge bed, which was built to fit three or more people, he realised that she had started to visibly draw into herself at his continuing silence.

Damned if he did, and damned if he didn”t. The depiction flitted briefly through his mind as he gave in to both their needs and made his way around to the other side of the bed.

In all honesty, they could both sleep here without either of them being aware of the other one”s presence, it was so immense. But as soon as he settled under the covers, Melody scooted over and wrapped herself around him, clinging like she was scared to let go.

”What”s wrong with me, Micah?” she whispered, desperation coating her voice. ”I never needed anybody before. I was never scared of the dark, or the cage, or even the idea of what he might do to me. I wasn”t even afraid of dying. The reality made worrying about it futile. So why am I having these…these reactions, now that I”m safer than I have been for years? I feel so…anxious, so vulnerable, even though I know there”s no logical basis in any of that. I lived with the expectation of death for years. It doesn”t make any sense to find myself falling apart now that the threat is diminished. I don”t like it!” she admitted mournfully, burying her head in his shoulder.

She was scared of her own feelings, Micah realised. She”d kept them bottled up for years, simply enduring. But today”s events had shaken them up and let them loose. Now they were bubbling around in her head, unbalancing her emotions, and affecting the hard-won stability of what little peace of mind she had been able to engage during her incarceration.

”You”ve had a stressful few days,” Micah told her, giving in and putting his arm around her thin shoulders. She just needed a little human contact and reassurance. ”Despite the horrors of the past few years, your life had, at least, been constant. You had a roof over your head, enough food to keep you alive, and you knew pretty much what to expect from day to day, even if all those things were wretched and inadequate.”

As she settled, he pulled the thick brocade bedspread up around them and snuggled them in.

”Once you decided to run, you lost what tiny bit of stability and familiarity you had. You were running blind with literally nothing to your name and no idea where you were going. In the beginning, you would have been fuelled by the adrenaline of your flight response. That”s what gave you the energy to carry on despite your physical disadvantages. After that, your mind switched to survival instinct and all your thoughts and resources were concentrated on staying alive, on finding enough food, water, shelter, warmth, and safety.”

Melody didn”t interrupt, neither to agree or disagree and, at first, he thought she might be asleep, but a look at her face showed her eyes still open and alert, quietly drinking in every word.

”Eventually, your body hit saturation point, where it couldn”t take any more, and that”s when I found you. The shock of that, coupled with exhaustion and stress of the previous few days, caused both your body and mind to shut down, but once you accepted you were safe, things started to change.”

A tremor rippled through Melody”s slight frame, and she pressed closer to him. Micah couldn”t help but wonder what was running through her mind at that moment, but he wasn”t going to dredge up any more bad memories or risk unsettling her further by asking.

”I know that sounds like a bit of a contradiction, but, for the first time, your mind was able to …wander, if you like. To contemplate all of the other scenarios, all of the things that might have gone wrong.

On top of that, you”ve had your memories raked over, repeatedly, and you”ve been asked to delve deeper into them than you”re comfortable with, and that has brought all of the atrocities you”ve suffered right up to the surface. Your mind has had to unlock all of those things it would have preferred to keep sealed. Coupled with that is the fact that your brain has finally relaxed the fight or flight responses, now your subconscious understands it”s safe.”

Micah felt another quake tremor through her and hugged her close without even thinking about it, his protective instincts outweighing his reservations.

”And now that you are safe, your mind is giving in to the natural fear of being captured and hurt again, because you finally have something better to look forward to.”

Micah turned to face her properly and looked her straight in the eye. ”Remember when you told me you had no fear of death, because sometimes it felt like that would be a relief from your torment?

She nodded.

“I think, now that you’re safe, your mind suddenly has a different set of priorities because now that you”ve found freedom, you finally have something to live for. In psychological terms, your brain is cataloguing the past and the present. The terror you previously felt is weighed against liberation and safety, and is exhibited as fear, because you don”t want to go back to the way things were.”

Melody looked up at him with those huge, violet eyes which seemed far too innocent for all the atrocities she’d seen and experienced.

”I think I understand. You”re saying that while I lived it, I endured it because there was no other choice. But now I”ve escaped what my life had become, I”m scared of the idea of being forced back into that scenario, because I know how much better things could be.”

It wasn”t a question; it was a statement. Micah nodded and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

”Exactly! Now get some sleep. I”m right here, and I”ll keep you safe. The club has top notch security, and no one knows where you are but for a handful of completely trustworthy people. And even if anyone did find you, they”d have to go through me to get to you, and I”m not going to let that happen.”

Melody sighed and relaxed, closing her eyes obediently and tucking her head into the crook of his neck. Micah was glad she felt safe enough with him to do so.

He just wished he could relax as easily, but there was little chance of that when his body was experiencing some entirely inappropriate ideas of its own at having a naked and willing female body plastered so close that the only thing separating them was a skin-tight pair of boxers and his own moral values.