Captive Heart (Club Risqué Book 6)

Chapter 32

Silence hung around the room for a moment before Laurel cheerfully filled the awkward void again.

”Well, it”s about time we found him something else to concentrate on then,” she decided. ”And I think Melody”s up for the job.”

Melody gave a noncommittal shrug and mentally braced to put herself out there. ”He thinks anything I offer is out of gratitude,” she admitted reluctantly.

”Is it?” Charlotte entered the conversation for the first time, though Melody was aware that her speculative gaze had never wavered.

”Maybe in the beginning,” she conceded, looking from woman to woman so they could see her sincerity. ”I wanted to repay him for everything he”s done for me, and I had nothing else to give except myself.”

Melody paused, embarrassed at how it sounded when she said it out loud. It was different, somehow, when the idea had just been in her head, but now that it was out there, she sounded like a prostitute, trading favours. No wonder Micah didn”t want her!

God, sharing this had been a bad idea after all. Melody drew up her legs and wrapped her arms around them, dipping her head until her forehead touched her knees.

”God damn!” she cursed, muffled in the protective cocoon she had created. ”I sound like a whore!”

A gentle hand rubbed her shoulder, and Luanna”s soothing, modulated voice cut through her mortification. ”Of course you don”t,” she assured comfortingly. ”You sound like someone who has been through a nightmare and is thankful to have survived. One who is willing to reward her saviour with the ultimate gift. There”s no shame in that, Melody, although I can well understand why Micah would refuse. He”d be the first person who would consider that acting on that offer to be taking advantage, and he would be right.”

Melody lifted her head. Put like that, her humiliation took on a completely different flavour.

”But things changed,” she insisted, raising her head but still hugging her knees tightly for support. ”I can”t really explain it, because I”ve never felt like this before, but I know it isn”t gratitude I’m feeling now. If it was, then I’d happily be able to put it aside and feel that I had made the offer and it had been declined, and that would be fine because it”s the thought that counts and all that.”

Melody swallowed and, with some effort, uncurled herself from the ball she had wrapped herself into, clasping her hands together instead.

”Now it”s something far more driven. What I feel when I look at Micah makes my heart beat faster and my palms feel sweaty. I look at him, and I feel an awareness I”ve never known with a man before and it makes me want to…do things.”

Jeez, she still didn”t know how to explain this. Was what she was saying making any sense to these women? Or was she just making a fool of herself?

”Do things?” Trinity questioned, one eyebrow raised in query. ”What sort of things?”

”Things like lick him all over to see if he tastes as good as he looks!” Melody replied in a rush, then slapped her hand over her mouth as she realised what she had said. Her eyes grew round, and her cheeks heated along with her confession.

Thankfully, the four women all just burst out laughing.

”Ah! Good old-fashioned lust!” Laurel grinned, waggling her eyebrows comically.

”Is that what it is?” Melody asked seriously, staring at the woman in front of her.

”Attraction,” Charlotte qualified, nodding her head thoughtfully. ”It”s sad that you don”t recognise it for what it is, but good that you feel it. It proves that your experiences haven”t affected you too detrimentally if you are able to look at a man and fantasise over him. And that is perfectly healthy, so don”t be embarrassed by it.”

”Good grief, now you sound like Micah, yourself!” Laurel accused, rolling her eyes. Charlotte eyed the younger girl tolerantly. ”Yeah? Well, I”ve had enough counselling because of my past that I”m almost a damn expert!” she retorted.

Melody tipped her head to one side and looked at Charlotte with frank consideration. Did she dare ask? Charlotte had brought it up herself, after all, and Melody was curious about what they had in common. She decided to hedge her bets instead of prying outright.

”Were you in the same situation as I was?”

Charlotte shook her head. ”Not exactly, but there were similarities.” Her eyes took on that look of one reflecting back on the past. ”My mother voluntarily moved us to a commune after the death of my father when I was thirteen,” she revealed. ”It all seemed rosy on the outside, but once we were there, it became clear that it was actually a cult, and nobody really had the choice to leave. They were controlling and mercilessly punishing if you broke the rules.”

Melody drew in a sharp breath and even the effusive Laurel was quiet. ”But you managed to walk away?” It was part question, part statement, because, obviously, Charlotte was sitting with them now and was no longer under the control of any fanatical religious sect.

”The Disciples of Modesty were proponents of arranged marriages. As I approached my eighteenth birthday, my own pairing was being decided without any agreement from me. I realised that if I didn”t want to end up tied to the cult in even more complicated ways, like having a baby someone else could lay claim to, then I needed to get out of there before that happened. So I planned and made my escape.”

The mention of babies catapulted Melody back to a dark and unhappy place and she absently rubbed her stomach as introspection clouded her mind and mired her into a bleak and ugly memory. It was some minutes before she realised she’d blanked the conversation, which had continued around her. Now the women had gathered closer in obvious alarm when their repeated concerns had been ignored.

Melody shook herself out of the dark reverie and sucked in a deep breath, looking around at the worried faces crowding closer to her in surprise.

”I”m s-sorry,” she stammered, her voice hoarse, causing her to reach for her drink to help ease the sudden dryness in her throat.

”Now that is what a psychologist would refer to as a ”trigger”.” Charlotte frowned. ”You want to tell us what was going on in that head of yours the past few minutes?” she encouraged. ”It”s supposed to help you unburden those difficult reminders if you share.”

Melody closed her eyes against the prickle of tears she could feel forming behind them and tried to swallow past the ache in her throat.

”When I was with Daddy, I had a contraceptive implant in my arm. I guess it must have expired, because a while after V took me, I got pregnant,” she whispered haltingly. ”I didn”t even know it at first, not for a long time. But then I got a little belly and started to feel movement, and about the same time as it occurred to me, V must have realised, too.” Melody swallowed, the memory haunting her.

“He became enraged… even more than usual,” Her voice broke over the words and she had to stop and clear her throat, palming the tears that now poured down her cheeks at the same time.

”He punched and beat me so bad, I thought I was going to die. And even when I lay on the floor in agony, he kicked me over and over in my stomach, cursing all the while, until I finally passed out.”

Comforting arms enveloped Melody and she found her cheek pressed to the ample bosom of Luanna Morgan while the maternal, older woman stroked her hair and mouthed calming whispers.

After what seemed like an eternity, while Melody sobbed for the pain and loss of her child, a tissue was waved in front of her face and Melody took it gratefully and sat up to blow her nose.

Charlotte had squeezed in next to her on the sofa and was holding her hand.

”I”m sorry,” Melody sniffled as she composed herself and wiped her eyes with trembling hands.

”Don”t be sorry, honey,” Trinity soothed. ”Let it all out. It”s good for you to get it out in the open and grieve.”

”I came to in a huge puddle of blood, but I never really mourned the loss of the baby,” Melody confided. ”If anything, I was relieved that the poor little mite was gone and wouldn”t have to be subjected to the dreadful things that V was capable of. As much as I would have loved the child, I would never have wished that life on any living thing, not even an animal.”

As she turned brimming eyes on the women around her, she tentatively asked, ”Does that make me an awful person?”

”Of course it doesn”t!” Charlotte sympathised. ”Having been in a situation in which I wouldn”t want to bring up a child, I know exactly how you feel. Having a child within the cult was one of my worst nightmares.”

”It might have been my only chance, though.” Melody snuggled back into the sanctuary of Luanna”s arms, her hand absently rubbing at her abdomen. ”I think something inside me was damaged, because I never got pregnant again, and V and his cronies weren”t the type to bother with protection.”

There was silence while the women contemplated everything she had said.

”I”m guessing it”s stupid to ask if you were offered any medical assistance,” Luanna surmised quietly. ”But it would probably be a good idea to mention this incident to Xavier and get yourself checked out properly.”

The others nodded their agreement, and things were subdued after that.

”Well, I hate to break up the girl time, but I have work to do, ladies.” Trinity uncurled from her office chair and stretched, before pushing the wheeled seat back behind her desk.

”But we never got around to the matchmaking!” Laurel argued with a pout, remaining obstinately seated on the coffee table.

Charlotte stood, giving the other two a little more room on the small couch. ”Well, I hate to be the one to say it, but it”s hardly surprising that Micah feels the way he does. Melody has been through a lot and it”s all rather recent. She needs to recover.”

”No! That”s my point.” Melody surprised them all, herself included, by springing up from the sofa and shaking off her melancholy to get her point across.

”I want to know what it”s like!” She opened her arms and gestured. ”I want to know how it feels to give myself to a man of my own free will and learn what it”s like to be cherished and fulfilled.” Feeling hopeless, Melody collapsed back into the chair behind her.

”And I”m also going to need someone to spank me again, so I can free myself of the guilt about the baby, now that it”s filling my head,” she sighed softly.

”Again?” It was Trinity who picked up on that. The girl was sharp as a needle.

”Yes, Micah spanked me the last time, after I got all wound up about stealing the boots and the scarf when I escaped from V. But he got kind of distant after, and I don”t want to ask him to do it if it”s just going to make him feel bad,” she said sadly. ”I owe him so much… whatever it is I feel for him, I don”t want to be a burden.”

Trinity looked at Melody long and hard, and the other three women looked interestedly from one of them to the other while Trinity came to a decision.

”Okay,” she announced, placing her hands on her hips and pursing her lips. ”I can probably swing getting you into the dungeon as long as I can find a suitable chaperone and you promise me you”ll spend the first hour just looking around.”

”I can take her in as a guest on my membership,” Laurel piped up, rubbing her hands in glee.

“Not tonight, though,” Trinity decreed. “Emotions are too volatile, and I want Melody to give it some thought and be certain it’s what she wants first.”