Captured Love (The Crestwood University #3)

3. Selene

3

SELENE

W hat the hell was that?

I still find myself saying those words as I make my way into the library to start my shift. I’ve replayed the scene in my mind again and again over the last week. However I still can’t make sense of how Knox could be so callous. Yes, we’d agreed to keep things casual, but with how quickly he ran away from me after we had sex, you would have thought I poisoned him or something.

I wish I could stop thinking about it, but the whole thing still feels like something out of a bad movie. For now though, it was time to focus on the reason I was here.

I hang my coat on the rack behind the circulation desk and take a seat at the table. Being here, even this late at night, usually comforts me, but not today. Sure, being here this late at night can suck, however I’m mostly a night owl and I make sure that my work schedule doesn’t interfere with my ability to party on weekends.

I have priorities and all that.

The library is nearly empty, as it usually is during my late-night shifts. A few die-hard studiers are working quietly and I’m sure there are several people on the upper and lower levels. My head snaps to look at this guy I might have seen on campus a few times before because he yawns so loud I can hear it from where I sit. With a quick shake of my head, I open my philosophy textbook, determined to do some homework until someone needs to check out or until I need to lock up the library. I end up staring at the first line of the assigned reading for a few moments before closing it again.

“Selene, you look like shit,” a familiar voice says.

I look up to see Isla Johnson, my beautiful blonde best friend standing in front of me.

I roll my eyes and cross my arms across my chest as I stare her down. “Well hello to you too. I had a feeling you would show up today.”

“Well you gave me no choice since you’ve been dodging my texts and calls.”

She has every right to call me out on that because it’s true. I didn’t want to have to deal with explaining exactly what she saw at the hockey house last week.

“I still don’t even know how to tell you what happened.”

Isla's nails tap out a random rhythm on the circulation desk. She cocks her head to the side, her expression softening just a fraction. “Babe, you don't have to tell me. I saw enough.” She pauses for a second before she continues. “Although I would like to know the details.”

With a heavy sigh I rub both hands across my face before tossing my hair to one side. Isla has seen me in every conceivable state—drunk, heartbroken, ecstatic—but this feels different, more raw. But that could be just because of how recent this all is.

“You sure you want to know?” I say, though I know Isla is never one to back down from the gritty details of my life—or anyone else's for that matter.

“Spill it,” she says, as she walks around the desk and drops her bag at the other desk. “Are you working alone tonight?”

“Yeah, Seth called out tonight.”

“Excellent.” Isla pulls up a chair and sits in it backward. She rests her arms on the top of the backrest. “I mean, only tell me about what happened if it's going to make you feel better. If not, we can just talk about something else.”

I appreciate her effort to be understanding, but I know she’s dying to know. Heck, if it hadn’t happened to me, I would want to know too.

“Okay, well,” I say, and it’s followed by a short pause. I lean closer to her in an effort to keep this all quiet. “When you, Asher, and I ran into each other in the hallway, Knox and I had just gotten done having sex.”

Isla raises an eyebrow but stays silent, encouraging me to continue.

I take a deep breath, bracing myself for her reaction to the next part because if anyone will understand how deeply it hurt me, it's Isla.

“It was... I thought it was great. Like, really great. But then he just got up and walked to his closet to get dressed and told me not to get any ideas because this doesn’t change anything. No cuddling, no chatting—nothing.”

Isla's eyes widen. “He what?! What a dick.”

“Right?” I say, feeling a small surge of relief that she's on my side because she easily could have thrown out the fact that she told me so. “I wasn’t expecting things to end that…abruptly.”

“And cold,” Isla adds. “What the hell…I know Jade and Hailey said he was an ass, but I didn’t think he would do that.”

I shrug, not wanting to admit that I thought the same thing. Knox and I had been talking and texting for a little while. It wasn't like we'd hooked up out of nowhere, not to mention my best friend is dating one of his teammates. This means we’ll probably run into each other. But what hurts the most is realizing that maybe he never actually cared at all.

“He’s a guy,” I say, attempting to keep my emotions at bay. “Maybe I just misread everything. At least now I know where we stand.”

“Where you stand is that you're done with him,” Isla says firmly. “You deserve someone who actually gives a shit, not some hot-and-cold douchebag who only wants you on his terms.”

I want to believe her. No—I do believe her. But knowing something and feeling it are two different things.

“So that's why you've been hiding?” she asks. “Because you’re afraid to run into him?”

“No, I just didn’t want to hear ‘I told you so.’”

“Selene, come on,” Isla says a little louder than she should. “You know I’d never rub it in like that. I'm your best friend first and foremost.”

A wave of guilt washes over me. Isla's been nothing but supportive, even when she has her own stuff going on. I glance around to see if anyone is paying attention to us before letting out a long, deep breath.

“I know,” I say quietly. “I'm sorry. It's just...hard right now.”

Isla leans over to give me a big hug. “We love you, you know that, right? Me, Asher…we want what's best for you.”

After a few more seconds, Isla pulls back, and her eyes search mine. I can see the concern for me in her gaze. “So what now?” she asks.

“I don't know,” I admit. “I guess I’ll just ignore him if I see him on campus.”

“And delete his number,” Isla says with a small nod, as if she's already made the decision for me.

“Yeah, that too,” I lie.

The thought of erasing Knox from my phone feels weird, but I know she's right. Keeping his contact is just holding onto false hope. And it sucks because our conversations were actually entertaining.

I unlock my phone and pull up Knox's contact, staring at his name for a long moment. My thumb hovers over the delete button, but I can’t bring myself to press it. Instead, I lock the screen and slip the phone back into my pocket.

“I’m here for you,” Isla says, her tone softening. “You’re not alone in this.”

I nod, grateful for her friendship even if I'm not ready to let go of Knox completely. Why is it so hard to move on from something that wasn’t even a real relationship?

“Enough about me,” I say, desperate to shift the focus. “How’s Asher? Are you guys still good?”

“We're great,” Isla says with a smile. “He's been busy with practice, but he still makes time for me. We had the cutest date night a couple of weeks ago. He cooked dinner at his place, and we binge-watched a couple of old horror movies.”

“That's awesome,” I say, genuinely happy for her. Isla's relationship with him when we were seniors in high school ended with him breaking up with her, so seeing it be more stable this time around makes me believe that maybe it’s possible for the rest of us too.

Isla's smile lingers and I assume she’s thinking about her boyfriend. I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy—not because I want what she has with Asher, but because I long for that kind of stability and warmth. Something consistent, where I don’t have to question how the other person feels.

I force a smile even though I am truly happy for her. “I'm really glad you guys worked things out.”

Isla's eyes soften. “I’ve learned that relationships take work. It's not always easy, but if both people are willing...it can be worth it.”

I nod, digesting her words. Relationships take work. It echoes in my mind like a mantra I need to believe in. Maybe that's what I had been hoping for and that has mixed with my thoughts about Knox. Maybe we could have put in the effort and made something worthwhile. But that made me do something a little foolish and hope for more.

And hope, I realize, is the real enemy here.

“Do you want me to grab you a drink? I think I’m going to refill my water bottle.”

Isla’s voice brings me back to the present. “Sure,” I say, handing her my empty bottle. “Thanks.”

While Isla walks away, I pull out my phone again, unable to resist the urge to check it. No new messages. Part of me hopes that Knox will text with an explanation or even an apology, but the rational side of me knows better. He’s probably already moved on to the next girl.

“Here,” Isla says as she returns, handing me my water bottle. She quickly covers her mouth as she yawns. “I’m not sure how you manage to stay awake to work here this late.”

“It’s a gift—much like me in your life.”

That makes Isla snicker. “Now you sound more like yourself.”

I smile, taking a big sip of water. “Seriously though, you can head out if you're tired. I know you have an early class.”

Isla hesitates. “Are you sure? I don't want to leave you alone like this.”

“I'll be fine,” I assure her. “Plus, I need to finish up this reading anyway and we are probably going to end up making too much noise in the library if we keep this up. I’m glad you stopped by.”

She studies me for a moment longer, then sighs. “Okay, but text me if you need anything.”

“Absolutely,” I say, standing up to give her a hug.

Isla gathers her things, and I watch her walk toward the library's exit. The silence that follows is both a relief and a weight. I glance at my phone one more time—still nothing from Knox. Not that I was expecting anything, yet I’m still annoyed. Sighing, I open my textbook and try to immerse myself in the words, because right now, it feels as if it’s the only steady thing in my life.