Chapter 24
Marcela
L ocking myself up in my room to write during a visit home to see my mom sounds like a typical night for me when I’m home. Especially because my stepdad is here, and I’d prefer to limit my interactions with him. I told them I had a headache from the school day and needed to lay down for a bit.
Meanwhile, I’ve been in my room finishing the spicy scene between Marissa and Dom.
My writing has been seamless lately as the creative flow is hitting me like it never has before. I’m almost done with my novel—seventy-five percent finished, which is something I never thought I’d say. I’ve always wanted to write a book, but I never thought I’d actually finish one.
I’m about to start a new chapter when I hear footsteps coming up the staircase, just outside my room.
Seconds later, I hear, “Ohhh, Mar!” as Jade sing-songs while she knocks on my door.
“Come in,” I call out to her as I set my phone down.
Jade comes in and closes the door behind her, then plops down onto my bed.
“Why are you hiding in here?” she asks, flipping her blonde-highlighted hair over her sun-kissed shoulder.
“Why do you think?”
Her shoulders deflate, a knowing look in her brown eyes. “Sometimes when I’m away for so long, I forget what it’s like to be here day in and day out.”
When there were really bad fights, Jade and I would hide in my room together, our ears firmly pressed against the door. I’ll never forget the way my legs would shake from fear as my stepdad’s voice would rise in anger. But despite how afraid we were, we wanted to make sure my mom was safe.
My mother has always considered Jade one of her own, especially since Jade’s mother disappeared after she was born, claiming she never wanted to be a mom. In a way, it’s like it’s been the three of us against him for our whole lives.
We always promised to stick together.
“He’s been fine so far, but I still don’t like to be around him, you know?”
She nods along. “I get it,” she blows out a breath. “It sucks, because he’s not an awful person when he’s sober. But when he’s drunk … he becomes someone else entirely.”
I play with the ends of my hair, my eyes fixated on the pink florals on my comforter. “I don’t know how Mom has put up with it this long.”
“Do you ever think maybe it’s because she knows how messy leaving would be? Sometimes it’s easier to stay,” she says, her voice going quiet.
“How is it easier to stay with someone who treats you and your kids that way?” I counter, feeling myself getting upset.
“It’s easier said when you’re not so deeply involved. Love changes your perception. Trust me, I’ve watched and studied movies my entire life. You learn a thing or two about how love controls everything, including people. It makes what seems like easy solutions not so easy.”
“You really think she still loves him?”
Jade’s quiet for a moment before she speaks up. “I’m not sure, honestly. Part of me thinks yes, because she’s still here. But then there’s a part of me … I don’t know.”
“No, say it.” That usually means she knows something .
Jade eyes me with caution, and that has me sitting up straight. “Jade,” I say, urging her on .
“It’s only a hunch,” she warns, holding up a hand to me. “But last year, Dad was at work and I was alone with Mom all day. She took a phone call from your aunt, and I may have eavesdropped. While my Spanish isn’t great, I could understand some of what she was saying. It sounded like Tía Isabella was asking her why she’s still with him. I don’t know if I’m right, because like I said, my translation isn’t great, but she said something about waiting until we had our careers established. She didn’t want him interfering with us in any way.”
My stomach drops. My mom has been sacrificing her own happiness for us over the fear of what my stepdad might do if she tried to leave him.
“So it’s our fault,” I mumble, feeling frozen to the bone.
“No,” Jade says firmly, grabbing my hand in hers. “This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”
“How is it not our fault if she’s literally waiting for us to be independent?”
“Because what if I misheard or misinterpreted what she said?”
“So then why say anything to me now?” I ask, feeling confused and sad. My mom should have left him years ago if that’s what she wanted. It’s what we’ve all wanted.
“You’re almost done with school, and I wanted you to be aware of what might happen after.”
“What do you mean?” I ask cautiously.
Jade sighs. “You know what my dad is like. If she tries to leave him … he’s going to destroy her … and you. Because he knows that’s what will hurt her the most. He’ll freeze her out of the bank accounts and ensure she doesn’t get a cent of his money in the divorce. He’ll ruin your reputation and you’ll never be able to outrun his influence. He’ll take everything you love and drain it dry.”
I swallow as the reality of what could happen sets in. I know Chris Bass is a powerful man, yet I’d let him ruin me if it meant my mom could live a life where she doesn’t have to fear her husband. Especially when he’s had one too many drinks. A life where she isn’t free to be herself.
I don’t care what happens to me, so long as my mom is happy.
It’s all worth it to me. No matter how terrifying that all seems.
“I hear what you’re saying, Jade. But if she is willing to leave him, I’m going to support her and encourage it. I don’t care if he tries to ruin my future.”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We don’t even know if what I heard was correct. But if it was, who’s to say she’ll actually go through with it?” Jade points out.
“True,” I sigh in agreement.
“At least you know we will have options if he does anything. It’s a good thing I just got a job and can afford a good lawyer,” she teases, trying to lighten the mood.
“We?”
Jade looks at me as if I’ve grown a second head. “Well, duh. You two are my family, I don’t care what biology has to say about it.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” I say back, my voice growing thick with emotion.
“Nope, no getting sappy with me,” she flails her arms, searching for a pillow which she tosses at my head.
That earns a genuine giggle from me as I take it and throw it back at her.
Her mouth gapes, followed by a boisterous laugh. It reminds me of when we were kids and we do this in the forts we used to make.
“I’ve missed you,” I tell her once we stop laughing.
“Me too. Tell me what’s new with you? I heard you have a new man?” She wiggles her brows at me.
I faceplant into a pillow and groan. The last thing I want to do is to talk about how much I like Theo, when I need to keep the lines clear between what’s fake and what’s real. Especially with everything that’s been happening between us recently.
Because at least for that part, I know it’s very real. The way my body burns for his touch, the way my stomach leaps whenever I’m with him. That can’t be faked.
At least, I couldn’t fake it that well.
Jade pulls the pillow out from under me, forcing me to snap back up.
“You like this one, don’t you?” she drawls, rubbing her palms together like she’s uncovered a secret.
I push whatever I really feel for him to the side and slip back into the role of the perfect girlfriend.
“I do. He’s my best friend too, and it just feels so natural. I even enjoy talking to him, which isn’t common for me,” I say, putting some of my hair behind my ear. “It’s different than it was with Hunter. Theo is calm, understanding, and thoughtful. Hunter was never any of those things. I don’t think I realized all of the things he wasn’t, until Theo came and gave me all the things I should’ve had.”
“Hunter is a piece of shit.” Jade crosses her arms against her chest. “As much as what happened sucked, I was relieved that he was finally gone.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t like him?”
“Because you were young and thought you were in love. You had the rose-colored glasses on, and I didn’t want to be the one that took them off for you. But looking back, maybe I should’ve said something so things didn’t end the way they did. I’m sorry,” she apologizes.
I reach for her hand, giving it a squeeze. “Don’t feel bad. Oddly enough, everything worked out the way it was supposed to. I’m much happier now.”
Jade grins at me. “I know you are, I can see it. I’m proud of you.”
Tears prick my eyes, because hearing those words never fail to stir emotions within me. I’ve been through a lot this year—hell, my entire life—and I’m pretty proud of the life I’m making for myself too.
“Thank you,” I sniffle. “I’m proud of you too. My sister is about to be famous soon.”
She rolls her eyes, but I don’t miss the excited smile she wears. “Yeah, yeah.”
Suddenly, my mom’s voice is booming up the stairs, “Girls, dinner!”
Jade and I stare at one another as we inhale and exhale, ready to take on whatever happens at dinner.
Things have been fine … so far.
Chris hasn’t lashed out and or said anything hurtful, since he doesn’t appear to be drunk. Yet, my mind adds, as I watch him signal the staff for another drink.
“It is so nice to have you both home with us,” my mom gushes as she takes a bite of rice and black beans.
“I agree,” Chris clears his throat. “The Bass family needs to get together more often. Especially now that Jade is in the public eye, we can use it to further promote the business.”
As if our five-star hotels needed any more promotion. They’re already well-known across the globe and are sometimes booked out years in advance.
“I can’t wait to watch you on TV and brag to all my girlfriends that my daughter is a movie star,” my mom gushes.
“Oh, stop,” Jade blushes as she downs a mouthful of steak.
“Then my Marcie’s graduating so soon. I couldn’t be more excited,” my mother continues.
“And what exactly do you plan on doing with a degree in literature?” Chris eyes me over the rim of his glass.
“Just like we talked about, Dad,” my words are slow and practiced, careful not to upset him.
“Good, I’m glad you’re sticking to that plan. Darla, our marketing coordinator will be more than happy to sit down with you after graduation and talk about how your … way with words can be used in our company.”
“Of course,” I agree, nerves pricking my stomach. I don’t want any part of this plan.
I twirl my fork around my plate, mixing the beans, rice, and veggies together as I hope the attention shifts away from me. Jade and my mom talk while my dad continues to drink, throwing back two more glasses of whiskey. Each one makes me more on edge.
Dessert is brought out, making me nearly sigh in relief that this dinner is almost over. My mom made arroz con leche , and Jade and I always liked to add our own twist to the dessert, drizzling Nutella on top of it, so I’m not surprised when a squeeze bottle of it is placed between us.
Excitement bubbles to the surface as I reach for the bottle, only to knock over the pitcher of water, spilling it right onto my dad and soaking his shirt.
“Are you fucking kidding me!?” he shouts, and I flinch from the force of it.
“I—I’m sorry,” I stutter as my nerves turn into full-fledged nausea.
“It’s okay. It was just an accident,” my mom tries to calm the chaos.
“All because your daughter needed some extra calories on her dessert. Neither she nor Jade needs to gain any more weight. In fact, take it off the table,” he scoffs as he tosses it.
The bottle clatters against the wooden floor. I wrap my arms around my waist, suddenly feeling self-conscious.
“Dad, stop,” Jade cries out.
“Put your fucking tears away, you little shit. It’s the truth. You think the network will keep you on if you gain weight? I’m trying to help,” he shouts even louder as the waitstaff dabs at his shirt.
My entire body tenses as my breathing becomes erratic.
“Chris, it’s okay. Let it go. This is silly,” my mom says as she tries to talk him down.
“Fuck this,” he stands and whips his empty glass at the wall, making the entire room go still. “I’ll be in my study.”
We sit in silence as he exits the room. Once we hear the slam of the door upstairs, we collectively sigh and sag back in our chairs.
My mom waves his tantrum off. “Ignore him. Now we can have girl time.”
My eye meets Jade. How can she not say anything after that? How can she be this calm?
“Mom,” my voice is tight with emotion.
“What’s wrong, Marcie?”
“What’s wrong?” I repeat her words, baffled that she even has to ask.
“Marcela …” Jade warns me, but I don’t think I care much anymore.
“Mom, how can you not see what’s wrong?” I crack, not able to hold it back.
Her face softens, her eyes closing briefly, and when they reopen, I see sadness in them. “Marcela … It’s complicated.”
“What is so complicated? Chris is an alcoholic who treats all of us like shit. He’s abusive, Mom. We all deserve better,” I plead, feeling a tear roll down my cheek.
“She’s right, Mom. Hell, he’s my own dad and I agree with her. I don’t know why you haven’t left him yet,” Jade chimes in.
My mom lets out a shaky breath.
“I know that, girls. I do, but it’s complicated.”
My fork clatters to my plate at her admission. So she is aware of the abuse that we’ve all tolerated for years, yet has never talked to us about it? Why?
Sadness and anger consume me, not just because of what we’ve been through, but because of how hard this must have been on my mom to stay silent all these years.
But there’s also an overwhelming amount of shock I’m feeling, because I have no idea how she put up with this and it seems like nothing is wrong.
“What’s so complicated? Would you want me or Jade to be with someone like that?” I ask quietly.
My mom’s eyes well with tears as she shakes her head.
“Then why?”
“Because I wanted to make sure the two of you were off living your own lives before I made any changes to mine,” she says, confirming what Jade said.
The room is quiet for a moment before my mother speaks up again.
“It wasn’t until you were ten years old, Marcela, that I noticed his drinking problem. But by then, I was so in love with him, I thought that it was something I could look past. When it became worse and he started to be verbally abusive, that’s when I started to question if I wanted to stay. I made a plan to start my own private catering business, which he has no idea about. That way I’d have my own money in case I ever did leave.”
Shock ricochets through me at the news.
I was wrong.
This whole time I thought my mom needed saving, and that I needed to be the one to do it. It’s why I played by the rules and agreed to anything my stepdad ever asked of me. So I could be successful and eventually help her leave.
But it turns out, she’s saving herself.
A sense of pride washes over me because my mom is the strongest person I know. She’s been through so much and I wish I’d talked to her sooner. I wish I’d been able to be there for her more.
“Once I realized how powerful he was … I will admit I was afraid to leave. I didn’t want him ruining your lives before they even started. So I made a promise to myself that once the both of you graduated and settled into your adult lives, I would leave him, and that way he couldn’t hurt either of you, because you would be independent from him.”
My heart aches for my mom at what she’s gone through to protect my sister and me.
“Mom, you didn’t have to do that for us.” I sniffle, wiping away another tear.
“You girls are my life. I needed to make sure you were both okay before I did anything,” she takes a drink of her water, her hand slightly shaking the glass as she sets it down. “Marcela, do not take that job at Bass Hotels unless you really want it. If you do, I will support you and stay with him.”
I fumble over my words. “I … I don’t want to take it, I never have. My plan was to get my master’s in English literature and work at a publishing house while I worked for him. And then maybe one day …”
“What?” my mom and Jade both ask at the same time.
My stomach sinks at the fact that I’m about to share this part of myself with them, but if we’re all being honest here, I might as well join in.
“One day, I’d like to publish a book. I love writing,” I say, my voice growing more confident as I think of how awestruck Theo was when I told him. “I’m really good at it—at least, that’s what over fifty thousand people on the internet think.”
My mom’s hand flies to her mouth. “Oh my, Marcie, that is wonderful. I’m so proud of my little girl.”
“That’s amazing, sis. Proud of you.” Jade smiles, her eyes watery.
“Sí, I’m so proud of you both,” My mom says, her voice fading at the end as she begins to cry.
It instantly breaks my heart, making my own eyes well up with tears.
She begins to sob into her hands, her body shaking as her emotions take over. Jade and I get out of our seats, rushing to her as we envelop her in a hug between us.
“You’re so strong, Mami,” I tell her as I breathe in her comforting scent of apples.
“I can finally leave,” she says between her cries. “I never thought I’d see the day.”
“We will be here for you,” Jade tells her. “And support you in any way you need. I’ll have my own money soon from this job. You can stay with me.”
“Thank you, Jade,” she says. “I don’t know how or when, but I will do it. Even if it will break my heart, because for whatever reason, a part of me still loves your father.”
“I get it. Love isn’t always easy. But you can’t live like this forever,” I tell her.
With what I learned today, I know it’s not an easy thing to do. But it’s time for her to have her happiness back.
“I know,” my mom affirms.
“There’s no rush or pressure. We just want you to be happy,” Jade says.
“You deserve it,” I add.
“I love you both very much. Thank you for understanding,” my mom says, wiping her eyes.
“We love you, Mom,” Jade and I say in unison, squeezing her tightly between us.
Seeing that my mom has a plan and is going to go after her own happiness inspires me. It makes me wonder if I could do the same. Maybe, just maybe, I could actually publish this book I’m writing. Just like I’ve always dreamed.
Why wait years to try? Life is unpredictable, and anything can happen. And I know that at the end of my life, I want to be certain I’ve done everything I could possibly want to do.
No matter how it turns out, I want to say I did it. All by myself, for myself.
I think it’s time I start creating the life I want to live.