Changing the Stars (Matters of the Heart #2)

Chapter 1 MAEVYN

“Seriously, bro, you’re so cringe,” Aurora groans as I snap a selfie of us.

“Excuse me, it’s Mum. Please respect the title.” I push the shorter strands of her hair that refuse to stay in their ponytail behind her ear.

“Mother. Please do not primp me.” My daughter, at twelve years old, has mastered a level of sass and confidence I didn’t learn until I was well into my twenties.

“Sorry. I’m nervous.”

“You’re nervous?” she sputters. “It’s my first day of high school, and I literally know no one.”

“Yeah, but you’re so much braver than I am. Cooler, too. You’ll be good.”

She arches an eyebrow at me. The same deep brown eyes as mine assess me from head to toe.

The black Doc Martens on my feet, ripped black jeans, a denim jacket tied around my waist, the sleeve of constellations inked on one arm.

Okay, maybe I don’t look like your average thirty-year-old mum at school drop off.

I had to grow up young. I had to give up everything, but there were some things I wanted to keep, like my awesome fashion sense.

There were things I had to do in life, with no clue how to fucking do them, survive them.

But I’ll be damned if I don’t at least look like I’m hot enough to have my shit together while figuring them out.

“Mum, you’re like the definition of cool. Most kids think you’re my sister.” Aurora huffs out a breath as she hitches her backpack higher on her shoulder, looking around as kids move past us into the prestigious school.

That plunging gut feeling that I’m not doing enough anchors me as I lift my head.

Dads in suits wave to their kids as they jump out of their perfectly shiny cars.

A gaggle of meticulously put-together mums stand on the footpath, waving to their kids while simultaneously talking out the side of their mouths, silently judging everyone who passes.

I tug on the hem of my cropped white tee, hiding another tattoo that sits under my breasts, stretching down my stomach.

Not that I haven’t already given them enough to judge from the parts of me they can easily see.

I’m proud of what I’ve made for myself and my daughter.

Not every day has been easy—some have been downright petrifying.

On occasion, I make hot mess look like a work of art.

But every day, I give it my all. I do anything and everything in my power to make sure nothing from my former life touches Aurora.

I won’t let her grow up like I did. Considering she got into this fancy school based on a scholarship that had absolutely nothing to do with my help, but her natural ability to be a genius and all-around amazing young woman, I like to think I’m doing okay on that front.

Giving her the safety and stability I never had.

I’ve never been one of those mums who host sleepovers or mingle with the other parents.

From day one, it’s been Aurora and me, and I’ve been content with that.

It’s safer. But as I watch my daughter take in yet another new school in her short life, I wonder if this is one of those times I fucked up.

It’s in the way her eyes blink and shift rapidly over every new person.

The way she bites down on her lower lip, and her hand tightens around the strap of her bag.

I’ve never let her settle; my own fears kept us moving.

Staying here, setting up in Heart City, it’s a new concept for both of us.

I grab onto her arm, squeezing gently. “Hey, you’re gonna be fine. The good news is everyone you meet today is having their first day.”

“Yeah, but they probably know some people if they went to the same primary school.”

“Betcha they’re still nervous.” I lighten my tone, trying to inject it with encouragement.

My phone pings in my back pocket. I pull it out, seeing a text from my boss and new friend, Claire.

CLAIRE:

Tell Aurora I said knock em dead! Also, bring me a lamington when you stop at Sweet Escape, thank uuuuuu kiss-face-emoji

ME:

You got it. I’ll be there soon

I tuck my phone away and hug Aurora to my chest. “Claire said knock ’em dead.”

Aurora’s arms circle my waist, and she takes a deep breath, inhaling my perfume. The one she picked out for me at eight years old because it smelt like chocolate. I drop a kiss on top of her head.

“You sure you’re okay to catch the bus to Parlour Tricks after school? I’ll be done by four.”

She squeezes me tighter. “Yep. All good.”

“And your phone’s fully charged?”

“Yep.” She nods. “I’ll message you when I’m on the bus.”

I tuck the wayward strands behind her ear yet again. “Okay. I’ll see you later.”

Aurora nods and starts to back away. “Love you.”

“Love you, Superstar.”

She turns quickly and races up the steps, out of sight. My hand finds the bangles at my wrist, spinning them as I muster up my own courage to move. I count to three before I make myself walk back to my beat-up, army green Jeep parked along the sidewalk.

I can feel eyes on me as I round the hood. The attention grabs at me like a hand hovering over a hot plate that’s getting warmer. Don’t give in. Don’t look up at them. It’ll only burn.

I pull on the door and lift myself into the driver’s seat, buckling my seatbelt and turning the keys in the ignition.

The feeling of their eyes on me still lingers.

Is it their judgement I feel? Or is it the years of paranoia, of constantly looking over my shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the glass to shatter, that’s rearing its ugly head?

I reach for my phone, pulling up the text thread that mostly remains dormant.

ME:

Anything?

I watch as the message goes through, chewing on my thumb as I wait.

He doesn’t normally take long to answer, but when you’re the one running, every second feels like forever.

That’s why I look up. Just as I thought, the Stepford wives all stare in my direction, but I see right through those fake smiles.

I jump when the message comes through with a loud buzz, almost dropping my phone in the process.

ROYAL:

Nothing out of the ordinary. You’re good.

I close my eyes, leaning my head against the seat and sinking into it as I breathe out in relief.

We’re good.

I turn up the radio, check behind me, then pull away, making the short drive to Parlour Tricks.

I don’t normally work Wednesdays but I needed the distraction today.

I’m slowly getting familiar with the streets of Heart City.

We’ve only been here for six weeks after leaving our last town behind.

I reached out to Royal as soon as I got the news of Aurora’s acceptance to Heart City Secondary College, and he helped us get set up.

Again. He was able to get me a few nights’ work with one of his contacts, but I didn’t exactly want erotic dancer as my sole occupation when filling out any parental forms for this fancy school.

The week before we moved, I scrolled past Claire’s ad for a manager position at Parlour Tricks.

I’d just completed my certificate in beauty therapy, but I didn’t hold out hope for such a senior role with no in-salon experience.

I applied anyway, I had nothing to lose, and Claire requested a video interview.

We hit it off straight away. Her salon had only just opened so she was still developing her managing style, she was excited to learn together, and she loved my background in dance.

I’m not ashamed of what I’ve had to do to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads.

Aurora has grown up around confident women and an open understanding of safety and acceptance when it comes to sexuality.

I was lucky to fall into dancing the way I did, meeting Presley, another dancer and my only true friend, who not only taught me everything she knew, but was there to watch Aurora when I had to work.

All the women in those rooms behind the stage, before the makeup and fishnets, would come together for each other.

All understanding of the various circumstances that led us there.

I wasn’t the only one with a child to look after on my own.

In the back of those clubs, with those ladies, I never felt alone.

They gave me something I never had growing up, but still, it felt like something was missing.

Something deep inside me that I’d searched for my whole childhood.

Something that only slipped further from my grasp when I ran away.

How do you find something you’ve never had to begin with?

If it were just me, I wouldn’t worry. I’d try to be like some of the other dancers who are just there for the love of it.

Who move with confidence, their spirit full of a contagious zest for life.

I try to learn from them as much as I can, knowing it’s me who has the power to make my life anything I want it to be, and sometimes, it works.

In a way, Aurora saved me. Without her, I wouldn’t have the life I have now. I’m glad I didn’t leave sooner. I’m glad I waited until the stars aligned and lit up the path I was meant to follow.

I pass the candy pink facade of my day job and pull into the car park behind the building.

With my bag in hand, I step out of my Jeep and lock it behind me.

The purple jacarandas looming overhead scatter sunlight over Main Street as I check both ways before crossing over to Sweet Escape.

A white ute is parked right in front of the store.

All the windows are cracked, and there’s a note stuck to the front passenger window.

My dad’s inside. I have water and a treat. I would follow him but health codes say dogs aren’t allowed in the kitchen, no matter how cute I am. If you think I need help, ask for Westley at the front counter.