Chapter 27
MAMA RANG RIGHT when I walked back into my apartment and I instantly regretted picking up the call the second I heard her voice. I could tell by her tone that I needed to brace for impact. I knew in my belly that it was gonna be rough.
I didn’t bother flipping the lights on while she dug into me. I’ve never been scared of the dark, not when the monster I lived with liked to strike in broad daylight. Plus, when the lights are off, I don’t have to look at myself while she picks me apart.
I squeeze my left hand into a tight fist and feel the pinch of pain I need to ground myself for the remainder of this one-sided conversation.
She usually limits her time with me and I know we must be coming up to the end. She likes to get herself all worked up and into a tizzy over something I’ve done so Daddy doesn’t get mad when he finds her day drinking and going through pills like tic tacs.
She’ll call me right after she’s popped open a bottle or swallowed something, and our calls will last just long enough for her buzz to kick in. My own mother has to self-medicate to talk to me.
“Honestly, Sloane, I don’t know why I bother wastin’ my energy when ya just end up disappointin’ your father and I anyway.” The strike of her words has me squeezing my eyes shut and waiting for the next punch. “Thank the good Lord above, he gave me Davis.” I swear on a stack of bibles, I can feel how much she dislikes me when she says things like this.
She promptly says she has to go and now it’s my turn to thank the Lord that our phone calls don’t usually last any longer than fifteen minutes.
The relief that she’s gone is instant and I sag back into the sofa in our quiet living room. My phone buzzing is like a chainsaw cutting through the silence.
WILL:
What time you coming through, beautiful?
I start and stop typing out a message at least ten times but don’t end up sending anything. There isn’t one part of me that wants to go to this party with that man, and I need to get out of it. I’m sorry to up and cancel on him but I really am in no place to be going out let alone with him..
WILL:
I see you typing which means you”re either trying to let me down or you”re about to let me know how excited you are to see me.
Let’s go with option two.
I’m so stupid for agreeing to this. I should’ve thought about it with a clear head instead of thinking with a hurt heart. I see those three dots dancing and can tell he’s running outta patience. And I know I’m right when my phone rings.
“I’m starting to think you were gonna try to go with option one. Trying to break my heart, beautiful?” He says.
“Parties aren’t really my thing, sorry sugar,” I tell him and try to keep my voice friendly.
“Fuck the party. Come downstairs,” he says with a confident and commanding voice.
“Whatdoya mean come downstairs? Where are you?” I sit broomstick straight and switch on the tabletop lamp. It’s Evie’s old desk light and it gives off a soft glow for our end table.
“In your lobby, I told you I was counting on option two, now come sign me in.” He’s being bossy and not in the fun way. I don’t like it.
“How’d ya know I lived here?” I say and grip my feather necklace while my heckles rise.
“Lucky guess. Now come on, we can sit in the lobby if you want. I don’t give a shit I just want to see you.” I can’t imagine him making a lucky guess that Evie and I were granted special permission to live in one of the senior student apartment buildings as juniors.
This man seems to be a strong mix of both crass and charm and I like him less and less the more he talks. No matter how sweet he thinks he’s being, it’s all starting to sound sickly to me.
“You left your party with high hopes that I’d let you in.” I know how Greek life is. This guy is Vice President of his fraternity and it would be frowned upon for him to just up and leave. My spidey senses are tingling and there’s no mistaking that what I’m feeling isn’t sparks firing off between us.
I know plenty of girls would swoon over Will especially if he insisted he rather sit in a building lobby instead of being at a party on a Friday night. I don’t care one bit. I don’t have so much as a slight buzz in my body over this guy.
I read just as much romance and smut as Evie and if there was even a flicker I’d consider going downstairs. He’s not my fresh start. He’s not ever going to be my anything.
It feels like my heart isn’t ever gonna be available. It belongs to Chase. And no matter how mad I am right now, and how rejected I feel, my broken heart is still his.
“I told you today I can’t get you out of my head. If you weren’t coming to my place, I was coming to yours. So what’s it gonna be, beautiful? You gonna come sign me in?” I need to tell him that I’m nothing more than a waste of his time.
“I’ll be right down.”
Before I lose all my nerve I reach for my long cable knit cardigan sweater and stick my feet into a tall pair of Uggs. I’m not expecting to be downstairs for all that long, I just need to get myself off the hook with Will and then I can come right back up and lock myself away in my room.
I’m waiting for the elevator along with a group of people from the other side of the hall. They look like they’re going out tonight and with festivities happening on both Jock Row and Greek Lane, they’ll have their pick of parties.
The car arrives and I get in first. I’m now wedged into the back corner and can smell everyone. We’re packed in here like sardines and the unsavory mix of body sprays send me into a sneezing fit. I catch the attention of the girl in front of me and she turns her pretty head to look at me.
“Aren’t you that girl who sang last night?” she asks while her eyes dart around my face in a judgey way. Rude.
“Were you at the showcase, sugar?” I ask with a quick smile and keep my own eyes trained on her face. I don’t need to see the rest of her to square her up. I know how to handle girls like her, I was with a whole lot of ‘em on the pageant circuit.
“God no, I saw it on TikTok,” she says it like she wouldn’t be caught dead at something like that and it makes me mad before the embarrassment of last night takes over.
I feel it coat my belly before shooting up to the back of my throat like a geyser. It’s nauseating. It feels like I’m swallowing boiling water, and I somehow manage to keep it all down.
“Oh, I didn’t realize it was on TikTok,” I say, feeling stupider than ever. I hadn’t even considered social media. I’m such an idiot.
“Girl, it’s viral,” her tongue clicks before she continues, “I wasn’t sure if it was you. In the video you”re looking down at someone the whole time you”re singing.” Someone. I wanted him to be my someone, not someone who’s going to now turn back into a stranger. That word has so much potential. I thought we had so much potential.
She looks like she wants me to say something about my performance but I’m too caught up in my head to even respond to her. The elevator doors split open and before she steps out with the rest of her friends she says, “Your voice is amazing by the way.”
I’m still standing in the back of the elevator, processing what she went on about and cringe to myself. TikTok… viral… me singing to Chase. Someone back home is gonna get a hold of this and show Mama, I just know it. It makes me wanna curl up into a ball and roll away.
The elevator doors start to close and it snaps me out of my thoughts. They were moving a mile a minute through my head but made it hard for me to move. I extend my arm out to keep them open before walking out.
I immediately see one of the building directors and he gives me a slow and assessing nod before chin pointing toward Will.
He’s leaning up against the wall staring at his screen. He looks annoyed and outwardly scoffs before lifting his phone to his ear. Within two seconds my own phone is buzzing with his name displayed across the screen.
He doesn’t notice me approach. I feel absolutely nothing while I walk toward him. I know without a shred of doubt that I’m doing the right thing.
When he finally looks up, his whole face changes and he gives me a smile that looks downright unpleasant. I make sure to leave some space between us and I protectively cross my arms over myself.
“I don’t like to be kept waiting, but for you, beautiful, I would’ve waited all night.” Everything he says feels scripted, almost like he’s got something else up his sleeve. Bells are going off in my head that I shouldn’t trust him and I feel myself take another step back. He notices and raises his eyebrows before scowling at the growing space between us.
“No need to wait on me, sugar. I’m sure you’ll have no trouble making the most of your night.” I shift my weight from one hip to the other. Doesn’t he get the hint?
“Oh I plan on it,” his wolfish smile is back and he flashes his teeth when he reaches out to pull me into him. My body goes rigid at his touch and I jerk away before he can get a grip on my arm.
“Everything okay over here?” The building director asks just as the wall of windows in the lobby quakes under heavy fists that pound the glass from the outside. The angry vibrations send a ripple of awareness through my body and I turn my head so fast I give myself whiplash. I’d bet on my lucky stars that that’s him.
“We’re good, right Sloane?” Will insists in front of the building director. He tries to throw his arm over my shoulders and I step away as quick as I can just as his arm flops back down.
I reposition myself in a defensive stance that I learned in kickboxing and feel tingly all over. It’s my adrenaline spiking up and I know I’ll try to drop kick him if he tries anything.
The loud clinks and clanks of Chase rapidly pulling on the locked building doors is enough to now grab everyone’s attention.
“Don’t fucking touch her!” I hear his voice clear as day as his threat roars outta his throat and lands on the glass in front of him. It may slightly muffle how loud he is, but it doesn’t take away from the ferocity in his voice. He’s glaring at Will with those angry brown eyes and looks devil mad.
He’s outright defying the building director and shaking his head no when he shouts at him to take a step back from the door. “I’m not fucking going anywhere,” he yells with closed fists, wild eyes, and a laser focus on Will. He’s snarling like a grizzly bear and looks just as big.
Those butterflies swarm when they hear his voice boom. I feel one get stuck in my throat and I’m certain she’s perched on my vocal chords. That’s the only explanation I’ve got for why I sound like I’ve swallowed a frog.
My voice comes out with a croak when I say his name. It’s right above a whisper but I swear on the planets above he hears me. His whole face softens when his eyes find me and I’m grateful he’s here.
“Who the fuck is that?” Will steps to his left and is now directly in my space. He’s taking up most of my view, forcing me to look up at him.
He’s got a stone cold look on his face and I immediately miss the warmth of Chase’s hot chocolate eyes. Will may have broken our eye contact, but the thread between us is still pulled tight and double knotted around my heart. I’m so glad he’s here.
“You know that fucking lunatic?” I can barely hear him over Chase banging up the glass outside and him screaming his head off. I take a step back right into the building director who’s on the phone with campus security and he moves me behind him just as more building personnel walk outta the elevator.
All of a sudden Chase is being yanked around his middle by Drew and Max. Evie buzzes herself into the building and is at my side in two seconds flat, looping her arm with mine. She gives me a squeeze and I feel like I can take a breath.
“What’s g-g-going on? Are y-y-y-ou okay?” she asks and I can tell she’s on high alert and anxious as she looks around. I see what she sees and my own anxiety creeps up my spine. Security all around, a walking red flag standing in our lobby who looks like he wants to spit nails at me, and Chase getting in some sort of trouble while Max and Drew try to keep him calm.
“I’m okay, I’m okay,” I tell her and try to mean it.
I answer the campus officers” questions and tell them what”s happened in the last five minutes or so. When she asks if I want Will to stay or to go, I insist that I don’t want him here. I don’t want to ever see him after the way he acted tonight.
I feel a ton of satisfaction watching him walk outta the building and let out a breath that I was holding only to have it stolen right outta my lungs.
Chase’s hat goes flying off his head when he lunges for Will. He all out howls when his fist swings. Max and Drew don’t hesitate and pull him back just in time. That snake must’ve done something to bait him and I want nothing more than to cut out his tongue.
The boys don’t let him go and keep his arms immobilized. He struggles against them and looks downright wild as he shouts to Will’s back, “Stay the fuck away from my girl.”
It’s at this very second that I know nothing could keep me away from trying to be his. I nearly break out into a sprint and push through those glass doors.
Like last night on stage, I don’t take my eyes off of his when I move toward him. He knows I’m coming for him, and he’s ready for me when I throw my arms around his neck. His arms rip free from Max and Drew’s stronghold and lock around me in an embrace that feels like he never wants to let me go.
And it’s a good thing this man is strong because my knees buckle beneath me when he presses his cheek against mine and whispers in my ear, “This is me trying, Birdie.”