8. Find Your Place—Now
Chapter 8
Find Your Place—Now
Ash
I now understand how people must have felt as they crossed the threshold to certain death.
Am I being dramatic? Obviously. But there’s a chill to the air surrounding Black Lotus, and it’s more than the arctic temperatures outside.
I’m jonesing for coffee, but I’m fairly certain my favorite java haunt won’t be too amenable to me this morning.
And then there’s Ori. I’m desperate to speak to her, although I have zero idea how to broach the topic of last night.
Nothing happened. Sure, Casey threw out a few more offers before I dropped her at her hotel, but I held firm. For the first time in forever, I had no urge to take a beautiful woman up on her offer of illicit fun.
Why?
Because Casey, although sexy as fuck, isn’t Oriana Thorne. That woman has invaded every corner of my psyche.
The thought running on repeat in my brain isn’t a ready-and-willing Casey handcuffed to a bed; it’s Ori’s face when I introduced her as my friend. The look of dejection that washed over her has lodged in my heart like a splinter I can’t remove, no matter how many needles or tweezers I try.
What a fucking disaster.
And I know I’m in the doghouse with my petite librarian because the texts I sent her last night are still unanswered more than twelve hours later.
Yes, texts. As in more than one.
When I neared Ori’s apartment en route to the farm, I texted her—again—and told her I was around the corner and would love to drop by for some late-night snuggling.
I used the term snuggling , for Christ’s sake.
I figured my message was twofold: reassure Ori I wasn’t sleeping with Casey and earn some face time with my favorite lady.
But it was radio silence from her end. Not even a thumbs-up to acknowledge the text, which, in hindsight, is a loud enough message on its own.
With a final glance through One More Page’s windows, I walk into Black Lotus, rubbing my hands together to ward off the chill.
Braden looks up from the desk, shooting me a gaze that’s equal parts irritation and curiosity. “Look what the cat dragged in.”
“Cut the shit. I was home before nine, which you damn well know.”
Yes, I’m speaking at an abnormally loud volume. I want the entire shop to hear me, so I can deaden this issue right now.
“Much to Casey’s chagrin, no doubt.” Braden smirks, motioning toward a cup of coffee. “Grabbed you one while I was next door. Figured it might be safer for you that way.”
I release a groan, dragging a hand through my hair. Some part of me had hoped I was imagining the severity of my situation.
No such luck.
“That bad?”
Braden holds out the coffee, motioning to the empty seat next to him. “What did you expect? You and I both know that even if nothing happened with Casey, it looks bad, man. Really bad.”
Funny, I never pegged Ori for a gossip, but it doesn’t take much in a town like Sparkwood. Small towns are powder kegs, and a lover’s quarrel is the match to set the whole damn thing alight.
Plus, hell hath no fury, right?
I settle into the chair with a grunt. “That’s the thing, Braden. Ori knows the score with me. I’ve been upfront since the beginning about my stance on dating.”
I can’t be sure if Braden meant for me to see the eye roll or not, but I’m tiring of the nth degree.
That, and the more I think about the situation, the worse I feel … about hurting Ori and possibly losing her in my life.
“You act like I’m the asshole, but I didn’t do anything. Hell, I’ve only slept with Ori since that first night, and that hasn’t happened in forever. Give me some credit.”
“For keeping your dick out of other women and being monogamous?”
“Exactly.”
I’ve been asked. I’ve said no.
In my book, that counts for something.
Apparently, Ori disagrees with my sentiment, considering she’s spouting off to my brother about what a lech I am.
Judging by the flash of exasperation crossing Braden’s face, he agrees with her take. With a snort and a shake of his head, he returns his gaze to his current project, thus ending our conversation.
But I’m nowhere near done.
“What?” I bark. “Just say it.”
Braden sighs and sets down his tablet. “Ash, I’ve seen countless women dog you, but this time, I thought it was different. You two had something together. Fuck, you were content and settled for the first time in years. I figured it was because of her and how you felt about her.”
The truth? I feel so much for Oriana Thorne, but no one, and I mean no one, will hear me admit that fact.
I don’t even like admitting it to myself. The last time I dared to care about someone, I got my heart returned to me on a bloody platter.
Since then, my heart has been safe.
At least until that night, with Ori in the basement.
Now, up is down, wrong is right, and those settled feelings my brother mentioned are all but gone, replaced by a nagging suspicion that I’ve fucked up so badly I can’t repair the damage.
I avert my gaze, focusing on the trees swaying in the wind outside. “I’ll speak to Ori. Hopefully, she’ll understand and stop dragging my name through the mud to anyone who’ll listen.”
Do I deserve said treatment? Probably. Although for business’s sake, I hope she might cease and desist.
Braden’s brow furrows. “Ori hasn’t said a word about you.”
Wait just a damn minute.
I toss up a hand, my gaze snapping over to my brother. “Then who?—”
“Mina would like to see you drawn and quartered. That’s the only reason I know anything about last night.”
“Ori didn’t say anything?”
“She waved and said good morning. Does that count?”
All these dramatics, and Ori hasn’t said a word about running into me.
Now, why doesn’t that make me feel better?
I run a hand over my beard, releasing an annoyed huff. “Huh. She didn’t say anything ?”
Braden smirks at my continued digging. “Who knows? Maybe she’s not that into you , either.”
I click my tongue against my teeth, shooting daggers at my younger brother. “Go fuck yourself.”
“Love you too, brother.” Braden swigs the last of his coffee and tosses the cup into the trash. “So, are you ever going to tell me about Casey’s business proposal, or was it all just a front to get laid?”
“Well, she asked, but I let her down gently.”
“You’re such a dick.”
I roll my eyes, snorting out a laugh. “I speak the truth. Anyway, that interview in Ink Spot garnered crazy attention. Worldwide attention. They want to send us on a tour to some of the finest tattoo parlors around the globe to work as traveling artists.”
Braden bolts upright in his chair, his booted feet hitting the ground with a thud. “Us? As in, all of us?”
Not exactly, but I’m not disclosing that piece of information.
Yet.
What I told Casey, in no uncertain terms, is that my decision hinges on Braden and Zane tagging along. They’re my guys, my chosen family, and I wouldn’t be here without them.
Either we all go, or none of us do.
Casey figures the bigwigs will need some convincing, but I told her that with Zane’s black-and-gray, Braden’s neo-traditional, and my photorealism, we’d cover all the bases.
A tattoo lover’s wet dream. Or orgy, whatever they prefer.
“That’s the goal, but there are a ton of moving parts, and who knows if it’ll come to fruition.”
A ridiculous grin breaks across my brother’s face. “Holy shit, that’s huge! When do we leave? How long would we be gone? What countries are we hitting? Are we going to Italy because I’d kill to see Rome.”
The questions fly from Braden’s mouth like bullets, his excitement impossible to miss.
No doubt Zane will be equally enthused.
Too bad I don’t feel one iota of their ardor. The idea of leaving Sparkwood doesn’t sit right with me—something about uprooting everything, even for a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, just feels off.
Or maybe my head is still screwed from last night.
“Try to curb your enthusiasm,” Braden remarks, pushing himself to his feet. “I’m grabbing a refill. You want to come along? Face the firing squad?”
With a snort and a light smack to the back of his head, I trail him into the bookstore.
Mina glances up as soon as we cross the threshold, her face lighting up with a smile when she sees Braden.
That same smile morphs into a scowl the second her gaze lands on me.
“Back again so soon?”
“You make excellent coffee,” Braden replies, settling onto a stool. “Plus, I’m starving.”
Mina leans against the coffee counter, her smile once again front and center for my brother. “We make pretty good food, too. What can I get you?”
She takes his order, her demeanor warm and inviting, before turning away.
Guess I’m not eligible for service.
“What do you want?” she hisses, not bothering to face me.
“Just your sunny smile,” I volley back.
I get it. Mina loves her boss like a sister, and in her eyes, I’m a bona fide asshole.
Still sucks to be on the receiving end of Mina’s anger. I much prefer the googly eyes she normally shoots in my direction, even if she’d rather die than admit to it.
“I’m not a mind reader, Ash. What do you want?”
Suddenly, coffee is the last thing on my mind.
Something else has caught my attention.
Or should I say someone.
Across the store, seated on one of the overstuffed sofas, is Ori.
Right next to her? Some young punk who’s way too close for my liking.
They’re leaning over a book, smiles lighting up both of their faces as Ori flips the pages, carefree as can be.
When her lilting laugh reaches my ears, I see red.
Ori has the best laugh on the planet, bar none. It’s deep and husky and washes over you like salted caramel. Absolute perfection.
It’s also mine, and I don’t give a damn how ridiculous that sounds.
“Who the fuck is that?” I mutter, earning a snort from Mina when she follows my gaze.
“No idea. They’ve been back there for over an hour, but when he’s that hot, who cares?” Her smirk tells me she knows exactly what she’s doing, and it’s grinding me further.
Enough of this crap.
I clap my brother on the shoulder and make a beeline across the floor, catching the smirk dancing on Braden’s face out of the corner of my eye.
Fuck you, man. You’d do the same damn thing if it was your woman.
And she is my woman, even if she doesn’t realize it yet.
“Hey,” I say, stopping a few feet away from Ori.
Best to start simple, right? Feel out the situation before knocking this guy on his ass.
Ori glances up, the smile faltering on her lips. “Hello, Ash. Come for your coffee fix?”
At least she’s speaking to me, though I can feel the chill from six feet away.
Baby steps.
“Can’t live without your coffee.”
Normally, that line would earn me a smile or a sexy smirk.
Not today.
Strike one.
“I’ve got some free time this weekend,” I murmur, stepping closer to her side, my voice easy, like I’m testing the waters.
Ori nods, her lips thinning into a hard line. “How odd for you.”
And there’s strike two.
Managing an uneasy chuckle, I run my hand over my beard. That frosty temperature is dropping by the second.
Time to break out the big guns.
“You and your smart mouth. I figured if the weather clears like they say, I’ll be able to get the sheetrock up in the carriage house.”
Ori takes the book from the guy seated next to her and pushes herself to standing. “Thanks. That’s a really kind offer.”
“I have my moments.”
She snorts, waving her hand at me in a dismissive fashion. “We’ll talk about this later. Eddie and I are heading out for an early lunch.”
So that’s his name.
My glare fixes on the guy as I thrust out my hand, all the while willing down the anger boiling inside me. “I assume you’re Eddie.”
He stands, shaking my hand with a calm, measured grip. “You assume correctly.”
“I’m Ash.”
Then I wait for the flicker of recognition to cross his face, proof that Ori has mentioned me.
I’ll be waiting a long damn time.
“Nice to meet you.”
Nothing in his tone, not a single glimmer of interest, indicates he has the slightest clue who I am.
And that knowledge makes my blood boil.
“How do you know Ori?”
Am I pressing? Damn right I am. That lump lodged in my throat since last night is growing by the second, and if I don’t get some answers—and fast—I’ll have no problem laying this kid out.
“Eddie owns a contracting company that specializes in old house restoration,” Ori interjects, her tone clipped but composed. “When he learned I’d bought the Dean Estate, he reached out to see how I was faring. I’ve hired him and his team to finish the repairs.”
Shaking my head, I pin my gaze on Ori. “What the hell? Without mentioning it to me?”
I know I have zero claim to her house, or the work being done there, but until this morning, Ori and I discussed every facet of the repairs. She ran everything by me, respected my input.
We were a team dedicated to restoring that home to its original glory.
What a difference a day makes.
“Eddie, would you give us a moment?” Ori grits her teeth, though her smile never falters.
“Sure. I’ll meet you in the car.” With a last nod in my direction, he exits the building.
If he’s smart, he won’t come back.
The second Eddie steps away, Ori lets her exasperation loose from its cage. Her jaw tightens, and her arms cross over her chest as her steely gaze meets mine.
“What was that?”
“I was about to ask you the same thing. Who the fuck is that guy?”
“Like I told you, he’s a reputable contractor. He’s worked on dozens of homes like the Dean Estate.”
“So he claims.”
“I’ve checked his references, and they’re impeccable. He helped restore Benjamin Hartwood’s estate and consulted on Aurum Ridge. If a billionaire tycoon can trust the man, so can I. Anything else, or are we done with this lecture?”
Time to try another tack.
I grasp her shoulder, giving it an affectionate squeeze. “I worry, Ori. The last thing I want is for some guy to take advantage of you.”
You know those moments when you realize one second too late that you’ve said the worst possible thing on the face of the planet?
This would be one of those moments.
Ori’s gaze hardens, and she shirks from my grasp. “Funny how that’s a concern to you now.”
“Ori—”
“I’m not having this argument. I need to get that house restored. The longer it sits, the worse the damage. Those are your words. Now, I may not be an expert in the field of construction, but I’m a damn fine businesswoman, and I checked this guy out. Thoroughly.”
I can keep pushing, but Ori’s emotional walls rival my own, and every word I say will only make them higher.
“Like I said, I worry about you.” My voice is softer now, gentler, an attempt to reassure her that my concern is genuine.
But it’s a moot point.
“Well, don’t. I’m a big girl, Ash.” She forces a smile as she pats my arm in an awkward, dismissive gesture. “I have to go. Eddie is waiting.”
Releasing a noisy sigh, I shove my hands in my pockets. “Where are you two eating? The burger joint?”
Ori shakes her head, grabbing her coat from the hook behind the counter. “We’re headed to La Belle étoile .”
Any semblance of calm washes away the second she mentions the French bistro.
Why? Because I planned on taking Ori there. Hell, the woman’s been talking nonstop about it since it opened a few weeks ago. Per her, she was a French food virgin, and I was all too happy to pop her cherry.
“That’s fucking great,” I bark, dragging a hand through my hair.
Her eyes narrow. “What’s your problem now?”
“You know I wanted to eat there.”
“I planned on taking us this weekend.”
Instead of softening, her expression grows colder. “Sure, you did. Just like you promised to take me to that seafood restaurant, only instead of me, you took another woman.”
“It was a business dinner,” I hiss, my composure slipping with every word.
“One that involves handcuffs and lube? Spare me your bullshit stories, Ash. I don’t believe a word out of your mouth.”
“I’ve never lied to you,” I snap, fully aware Mina and Braden are both watching from the sidelines.
Normally, I keep my personal life under wraps, but the anger coursing through me has taken on a life of its own.
“You’re right. You told me from the beginning who you were. I was a fool to believe anything different. There, I admitted it. Are you happy now?”
“Not fucking hardly.”
Suddenly, we’re right back where we started months ago—nose to nose, toe to toe, glaring holes into each other.
And I want her now as badly as I did that first day.
I want to swallow her kiss, wrap those slender legs around me, and back her against the picture window in full view of the street so everyone in Sparkwood knows she’s taken.
They’ll know Oriana Thorne belongs to me, and any man who steps too close will get their bones broken at every joint.
But before I can make good on that internalized threat, my phone rings.
With a huff, I pull it from my pocket and groan. It’s Casey. “Fucking perfect timing.”
Once again, I step right into it.
I silence the call, but not before Ori’s expression shutters. She knows exactly who’s calling, and it’s salt in a festering wound.
“I have to go,” she says, turning toward the door.
“We’re not done talking, Ori.”
My phone rings again, and Ori’s glare sharpens like a blade. “Better answer that. Seems Casey doesn’t take silence as an answer. She’s probably ready for round two with you … or is it round ten by now?”
“Nothing happened. It was business.” I lean in, my mouth hovering against hers, the energy between us crackling like a live wire.
Blood pounds in my ears, and I’m two seconds away from dragging her to her office, ripping every stitch of clothing from her body, and sinking so deep inside her that the only words Ori can form are my name as I make her come again and again.
But I don’t get the chance.
Ori steps back, throwing her hands up in surrender. “Not my business who you’re doing business with, Ash. You reminded me of my place last night. Kindly find yours.”
She turns on her heel and storms out the front door, the bells clanging against the wood.
With a strangled grunt, I smack the counter before stalking outside to my bike.
No idea where I’m headed, but I need some air.
For the first time in forever, I can’t breathe.
After freezing my ass off on an hour-long ride, I return to Black Lotus. This time, Braden doesn’t bother to hide his amusement at my predicament, but I’m not in the mood to talk.
I’m still too damn mad.
Thankfully, I have a packed afternoon, which keeps me physically occupied.
My brain? That’s another story.
Sometimes, I want to call my ex, Lucille, and ream her out for what she did to me—how she tore me apart and left the pieces to rot.
But that would mean admitting how she broke me, and I’m damn sure not walking that path. Never again.
Hell, I never even heard from the woman again after that random, late-night phone call. Should’ve known she was drunk dialing, because after our brief chat, she promptly fell off the map.
She’s good at that. Really good.
Not that I care. I feel nothing for Lucille.
But it’s easier to focus on my ex than on my current situation.
Why?
Because I feel too damn much for Ori.
And that idea scares the hell out of me.
Ori gave me an out earlier, so why don’t I take it? Return to the life I’ve led for the last decade and forget the one hot month with the petite bookshop owner.
Because I never want to forget a moment with Ori.
I want more moments, tons of them, all centered on her—her laugh, her scent, the feel of her body against mine.
I want them all. But that means giving up the life I knew before and diving headfirst into the unknown. An unknown I swore I’d never enter again.
Is Ori worth that risk?
Hell, for all I know, she’s relieved by my stupid antics from the night before.
But I need to know for certain.
“Fuck this,” I mutter, peeling off my gloves after finishing with my last client.
Luckily, I’m not known for much bedside conversation. Still, a bit of small talk might’ve helped fill the abyss of my current mindset.
“Hey. Phone call for you.” Braden taps me on the arm, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Who is it?”
“Casey. She’s still in town. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to talk to her, so I said I had to check to see if you’d left. Are you still here?”
Glancing outside, I spot Ori’s truck in the lot. “No, I’m gone.”
Braden smiles knowingly. “I kind of figured. Good luck.”
“Think I’ll need it?”
“I think you both will. Either that or a little less stubbornness.”
Mina manages another scowl when I walk into One More Page , but I’m in no mood for her extended grudge.
I smack the coffee counter with my gloves, locking eyes with her. “Nothing happened. Stop acting like something did.”
“Ori told me to forget about it, but I’m still mad at you.”
“That’s apparent.”
Mina huffs out a breath before sliding a cup of coffee down the bar to me. “Why Ori? Why did you have to choose her?”
“Why the hell not? She’s gorgeous, brilliant, an all-around amazing person. Why wouldn’t I choose her?”
“Because she’s too good to be part of your harem.”
“My what?”
“Don’t act like you’ve never heard that term used in conjunction with you before.”
“Never from you.”
But Mina barely hears me as she barrels on with her diatribe. “I stood up for you. When Ori figured she meant nothing to you, I negated her statements because I saw how you looked at her. I pushed her to pursue you, and I feel terrible about it.”
“Wait just a damn minute. She didn’t want to pursue me?”
What the fuck?
Mina manages a strangled laugh. “She thought you were hot, but so does everyone. And after that night together, she was prepared for it to be the end. Not because she didn’t want more, but because she knew how you were—per your own admission. I convinced her it was different with her. Imagine my surprise when I see you dining with another woman.”
“Nothing happened.”
“But would it have happened if we hadn’t shown up? That’s the rub, Ash.”
Her words stop me cold as they sink in.
Would I have slept with Casey if Ori had never walked through the restaurant door?
If I knew Ori would never find out, would I have acted on Casey’s offer?
It only takes a second to know my answer.
“Where is she?”
“Out.”
“A few more details, please.”
“Why? So you can lure her back only to hurt her again? Ash, I should have listened to everyone in town when it came to you.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I’m a good guy, Mina. I don’t hit women, abuse animals, or even drive above the speed limit, for Christ’s sake.”
“I know. You are a good guy. A hell of a nice guy. But you don’t believe in love or relationships. You’ve always been that way for as long as I can remember, and you have zero plans to change. I see that now, but more importantly, Ori does, too.”
“Fucking hell,” I grunt, tempted to smash the glass counter with my fist. “Please, just tell me where she is.”
Mina crosses her arms, her glare unwavering. “Give me one good reason.”
I realize that if I don’t bare my soul to Mina, she won’t tell me where to find Ori—and I can’t go another minute without knowing where she is.
I meet her gaze, my voice low but resolute. “Because I can’t lose her. Not like this.”