19. You Can’t Stop Me
Chapter 19
You Can’t Stop Me
Ori
Y ou know those days when all you want to do is go home, crawl under a blanket, and never emerge?
Well, stretch that out for a week, and you’ve got my life right now.
The past six days have been a special kind of hell—one long spiral of regret, anger, and heartbreak—ever since my final blow up with Ash.
But instead of escaping to a blanket fort, I’ve been bombarded by a rash of needy and clueless customers.
Most days, I love the people who frequent the store, along with their offbeat questions and requests. I really do.
Today is not one of those days.
Each person’s cheerfulness grates on me more than the last, shredding my nerves until there’s nothing left but a frayed, irritable mess.
Even with the onslaught of business, my brain refuses to stop spiraling over the pitiful state of my love life.
And if the chaos at the store and in my mind wasn’t enough, Eddie has been hounding me daily with one small issue after another on the Dean Estate restoration. A loose floorboard here, a door that won’t close there—little things that shouldn’t matter but somehow pile up into one big headache. Every time I think things are finally under control, the house finds a new way to mock me.
And I’m ready to throw in the towel on all of it.
You’d think someone as smart as I am could handle all this without losing it. Seriously, I’m a bright woman. Top of my class in college—okay, one of the top, but still, I’m damn smart. And sensible.
Then I met Asher Hammond and turned into a googly-eyed teenager, hopelessly mooning after the unattainable stud.
A man with a storied reputation that reaches well past the borders of Sparkwood. Everyone knows about Ash’s dating history—if you can call doing the horizontal mambo with six women in a week dating. Hell, even the elderly woman in the drugstore shot me a sympathetic look when she passed me in the aisle.
In Sparkwood, secrets travel faster than the speed of light.
Everyone knows.
And because it’s Sparkwood, no one can resist reminding me in the most passive-aggressive ways possible—pitying looks, fake concern, and thinly veiled gossip. It’s suffocating.
Somehow, though, despite being surrounded on all sides by the truth, I was the last to see it.
I believed it might be different for Ash and me.
That I was different. That he’d wake up one day, realize I was exactly what he wanted and needed, and we’d share a life together.
A life which didn’t include his former lover, their love child, and me as the third wheel on this cockamamie ride.
The worst part?
I can’t tell if I’m angry at Ash for breaking my heart—or at myself for giving it to him in the first place.
I glance at my phone when it rings. Speak of the devil.
Do I answer it or ignore it and let him stew? Trust me, my juvenile side begs for the second option. He’s been calling all week without leaving a single message—just letting my phone buzz as if I’ll chase after him like some lovesick puppy. Fat chance of that.
But maybe I need to remind him what the term cease and desist means. Otherwise, this game will never end.
“I told you to leave me alone,” I growl into the receiver.
Look at that, my voice sounds almost normal, as if the man on the other end of the line hasn't turned my entire life inside out.
“It’s about time you answered the damn phone.”
“I didn’t answer it because I didn’t want to talk to you.”
“How many times has Kevin Duncan been in your store?”
I pull the phone away from my ear, shooting it a curious look. Odd segue. “Who?”
“Kevin Duncan,” Ash snaps, his tone sharp enough to cut glass. “About our age, dark hair, spends more on his suits than most people make in a month, and always sniffing around first editions like he actually knows what the hell he’s looking at. That guy.”
I’m tempted to keep playing dumb, to frustrate Ash and make him sweat a little, but something in his tone warns me this isn’t the time for jokes. “A few times. Why?”
“I don’t want you helping him anymore. Read me?”
“He’s a customer, Ash. I can’t just ignore him.”
“Let Mina handle him. You see him walk in, and you go straight to your office. Promise me.”
“Why should I? He’s a nice guy?—”
“No, he isn’t,” Ash bellows, his voice reverberating through the phone like a thunderclap. “Just stay away from him.”
“I don’t need this shit. I’m hanging up.”
“Ori, wait. Please. I know he seems charming, and he’s got more money than God, and he’s interested in you. Plus, you’d love nothing more than to stick it to me by dating him, but I’m begging you to stay away from him.”
So, it’s not about me. Once again, it’s about Ash and his feelings. Well, fuck that.
“You don’t get to dictate who I do and do not see. Besides, what makes you think you were even a thought in my head when he asked me to dinner?”
Am I being nasty? Absolutely.
Silence rings out on the other side of the line. Seems I’ve finally stunned Ash into speechlessness.
“You’re not going to dinner with him,” he finally growls, his voice low and threatening.
“You can’t stop me.” Do I want to go on a date with Kevin? Not at all, but Ash doesn’t need to know that.
“Ori, I’ll handcuff you to me if that’s what it takes.”
“What would Lucille say?” My voice turns icy. “If you’ve said your piece, I’ve got a busy day.”
“Ori, don’t?—”
But I’ve already ended the call, and somehow, I’m even angrier than when the day started.
What did I expect? That he was calling to beg me back? No, all he did was beg me not to go out with another man.
Not that I had planned on dining with Kevin Duncan—though now, I might do it out of pure spite.
My phone rings again. Time for round two.
“What do you want?” I snap, my irritation carrying over from the last call.
“Is this Ms. Oriana Thorne?” an unfamiliar female voice asks.
Shit. I wince at my unprofessional greeting. “Yes, sorry. I thought you were someone else.”
“No problem. This is Dr. Mazer’s office calling regarding your test results. Can you please come into the office at your earliest convenience?”
Double shit. My day has officially gone from bad to worse. I shudder, my mind already spiraling. What could it be? Something serious? Something incurable? God help me—it’s another glaring reminder that men, specifically Asher Hammond, are hazardous to my health.
“That bad, huh?” I ask, managing a strangled laugh.
“Ma’am, we can’t disclose any information over the phone.”
“Got it. I’ll be right down.”
With a sigh, I lower the phone and turn my gaze to the ceiling. How much worse can today get? Probably best not to ask that question.
I head for the parking lot and slide into the driver’s seat of my truck, my mind a tangled mess of worst-case scenarios.
I swear, this is the last time I let a man anywhere near me.
A soft knock sounds at my passenger window, and I jump at the unexpected noise. Glancing over, I see Lucille motioning for me to lower the window.
Universe, are you fucking kidding me right now?
I unlock the door, and she climbs in, her movements tentative, like she knows she’s not welcome. She offers me a soft smile, which only increases my anxiety.
“Hi, Ori,” she says, her voice hesitant.
“You seriously need to learn the meaning of boundaries,” I grumble, gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles ache.
“You can hate me later, but I need to say this.”
Huffing out a breath, I lean my head back against the seat, staring at the ceiling. “I don’t hate you. Either of you. There. Feel better now? Can I go?”
Lucille reaches over and touches my arm. Her hand is cool, almost trembling. “There’s nothing between Ash and me. Not for years.”
I roll my eyes. “Except for a baby, which, last time I checked, isn’t nothing.”
“It’s complicated,” she whispers, looking away.
“Right. He stuck his dick into you, and you got pregnant. Seems pretty damn simple, actually.”
“That’s not how it is.” Her voice tightens, and her hand retreats as she clasps her fingers in her lap. “Don’t hold Ash accountable for my mistakes.”
“You’re both guilty on this charge,” I reply, my voice sharp, “but don’t worry. He’s got plenty more issues that belong solely to him. If you have something to say, just say it.”
“Give him a chance,” she blurts out, her voice trembling. “Let him love you.”
I release a bitter laugh, the sound scraping my throat. “Let him love me? That’s the trouble. He never loved me. I should know. I told him several times, and his response was always the same—he couldn’t say it back. You’re the only woman he’s ever loved, even though you don’t fucking deserve him.”
Her face crumples, and for a moment, she looks like she’s about to cry. “I never did,” she whispers, her voice barely audible. “And trust me, he doesn’t love me. He loves you.”
“No, he doesn’t.” How much longer is she going to subject me to this ridiculous argument?
Lucille shakes her head. “Just because he can’t say it doesn’t mean it’s not true. Besides,” she murmurs, “he told me he loves you.”
Another mirthless laugh escapes me. “Fucking figures. You get everything, don’t you? His heart, his love, his baby, hell, even his admission that he loves me. You get it all, and I get nothing.”
Lucille’s lips part, and she leans forward as if to argue, but I cut her off. “Don’t bother. Look, I appreciate you trying to keep the peace, but I’m not up for girl talk today. And we’re never going to be friends, Lucille. I don’t want to commiserate over shared dating disasters or braid each other’s hair. The best I can offer is that we coexist as cordially as possible.”
She averts her gaze, nodding. Her hands twist nervously in her lap. “I’m not worried about me. I’m worried about Ash.”
“And for the first time in a long time,” I reply, gripping the steering wheel tight, “I’m worried about me. And only me.”
I mean it, too. Ash has ruined my view of fairytales forever. From now on, I’ll align with the crusty witch hiding in the forest, far beyond the clutches of heartless men.
Fuck love.
Love is messy. Treacherous.
Mostly, love hurts, especially when someone you love with all your heart doesn’t love you with any of theirs.
So, no matter how many fuzzy kitten somersaults my heart does whenever I see Ash, it’s not love.
He was just a mistake I kept making.
An hour later, I walk back into my store and make a beeline for my office, shutting the door behind me.
I’m so over today. And this week. And this month.
I curl into a ball in the corner and bury my head in my hands, trying to rein in the emotions swirling inside me.
“Are you okay?”
“Nope,” I reply, my voice muffled. I don’t bother to look up as Mina’s footsteps echo across the room.
She crouches beside me, her concern palpable. “What’s going on? Are you sick?”
“Not at the moment, although I’ve felt flashes.”
“What?”
With a sharp exhale, I lift my head to meet her worried gaze. “I just got back from the doctor. I got tested for STDs after … Ash.”
Her expression hardens, and she stands abruptly. “What did that motherfucker give you?” she demands.
“A baby,” I mutter, dropping my head back into my hands.
“What?”
Groaning, I push my hair out of my face and sit up straighter. “I’m pregnant.”
Mina’s eyes widen, her jaw slackening. “You’re … wow. Holy … wow. Congratulations.”
“No, not congratulations,” I groan. At her confused expression, I release a heavy sigh. “It’s Ash’s baby.”
“Yeah, I figured that.”
“Did you forget he’s already got a baby mama? You know, his one true love? Well, now he’s got two. I’m the backup.”
“Stop it, that’s not true.”
“What part of what I said isn’t true? It’s all true. What am I supposed to do?”
Her voice softens. “What did Ash say?”
“I haven’t told him.” I hold up a hand to cut off her response. “Don’t give me that look, Mina. I will tell him, but I need time to figure out my approach and what I’m doing.”
“Are you keeping the baby?”
I nod, my hand resting instinctively on my stomach. “Yes. Even if Ash wants nothing to do with us, we’ll be okay.”
“Why don’t you think he’ll be happy?”
“We’ve gone over this,” I say, exasperated.
“Hear me out. He’s sent you over a dozen bouquets and called you a ton of times. He’s pretty damn determined to see you. Maybe you should spend some time with him. It’s obvious how he feels about you.”
But it’s not. Despite everyone—his baby mama included—telling me how much Ash cares, I’ve never heard the man utter a word.
Well, that’s not true. He spouted a bunch of shit when he was drunk. Lucky for him, I’m not holding him to it.
“I’m not hanging out with him again. I tried that once last week, and it didn’t end well.”
“What happened?”
“Lucille happened,” I bite out. “She walked in and asked Ash to drive her home. Their home.”
“What did Ash say?”
“Begged me to stay. Said he wanted to spend the night … you know.”
Mina’s eyebrows shoot up. “Ooh, give me all the juicy details.”
“Sorry to disappoint but all I did was kiss him and that was a dumb decision based on heartache and hormones. It won’t happen again.”
“Yeah, right.”
“No, it can’t. This situation is already so murky and muddy.”
“Is it, though? Look, I get that this baby mama drama is no fun, but Ash swore to me he’s not with Lucille. They don’t seem like they’re intimate.”
I groan, the thought making my stomach churn. “Can you not put that image in my head?”
“And all those notes with the flowers? So desperate to hang onto you.”
“So desperate he said a bunch of things he doesn’t mean.”
“How do you know?”
“He was drinking.”
“So? People tell the truth when they’re drunk. What did he say?”
I wave a hand dismissively. “Nothing.”
Mina shoots a narrowed glare at me. “What. Did. He. Say.”
Rolling my eyes, I relent. “He mentioned us having a family. Some crap about fairytale endings. Told me he’d only adored one woman in his life, and it wasn’t Lucille. But then he proceeded to go home with Lucille. So, yeah, I’m thinking he was full of shit. Oh, and copious amounts of whiskey.”
Mina crosses her arms. “I think he meant it.”
“Life with Asher Hammond has been a rollercoaster, and it has to end.”
“Or it continues forever, and you two get married and have a dozen kids, just like you wanted.”
Isn’t she adorable with her chronic optimism? “Can you get out of my office now?”
“Sure. By the way, Kevin Duncan called, looking for you.”
Only a day ago, her message wouldn’t have caused a ripple, but after Ash’s stern warning, I wonder if the man is up to something. “Likely wanted that book he ordered.”
“I mentioned the book, but he insisted you call him back personally.” She hands me a slip of paper with his number, her lips pressing into a thin line. “I don’t like him, and neither does Ash.”
That’s an understatement. Ash seems hellbent on killing the man if he so much as breathes too close to me.
“Noted. Anything else, or can I return to my pity party for one?”
“Go tell Ash.” Mina crosses her arms, her tone firm. “That way, you won’t have to worry about how he’ll react. If he’s a shit about it, then fine. You go on with your life and forget he ever existed while I fashion him some cement shoes. But if he’s great about the news, then you don’t have to do this alone.”
“I’m not ready.”
“You’ll never be ready, Ori. Doesn’t change the fact that you’re having a baby with him.”
“Give me an hour to process, and then I’ll talk to him. Fair enough?”
Mina skews her mouth to the side before relenting. “Fine.”
“Zip your lip until then.”
“Let me know when you tell him so I can start planning the baby shower.”
“I’ve only been pregnant five minutes. You’ve got time.”
How is she so damn excited? I’m terrified.
Mina winks before exiting my office, leaving me alone with my emotions. And trust me, I have all of them right now.
On the plus side, I have money and a successful business. I’m thirty-nine, and I’ve always wanted children. How many more chances will I have?
On the downside, the father is already expecting his first child with his first love, which leaves me—and our baby—a bit of nowhere.
Mina doesn’t understand why I’m hesitant to tell Ash. I know he’ll do the stand-up thing and be there for his child, but that’s not the point. It’s not because he wants a family. Hell, aside from that drunken tirade the other night, he’s always made it abundantly clear that settling down isn’t in his DNA.
Ash hates the idea of a white picket prison—or so he’s long claimed. Even though Lucille is carrying his child, he hasn’t shown a speck of excitement about it. I get men aren’t usually into the nitty-gritty details, but this is his first kid. You’d think he’d at least mention the baby or Lucille’s pregnancy. Instead, he damn near grimaces every time I bring them up.
Maybe he’s trying to spare me.
But now, instead of one child he didn’t plan for, he’s got two. From two different women. Talk about a juggling act in a circus he never wanted to attend.
Hence my hesitation.
So, I sip my herbal tea and wait for a sign from the universe—or at least the courage to approach my baby’s father.
Too bad whiskey isn’t an option while pregnant. I mentioned to the doctor that I’d had a few glasses over the past couple of weeks. She assured me it happens all the time with surprise pregnancies, but suggested I enjoy the memory of it because I’m on the wagon until my delivery date.
Which feels like a million years from now.
What to do? What to do?
My gaze lands on the book Ash bought me at the beginning of our relationship. We hadn’t gone on a single date yet, but he remembered how much I adored Jane Eyre and purchased a special edition copy.
Reaching out, I trace the hand-painted spine, the intricate design smooth beneath my fingertips.
Maybe he’ll be okay with the news. Maybe I won’t feel like a third wheel—or in this case, a fifth.
And it’s not like I can hide the pregnancy forever. He’ll find out eventually, unless I pack my things and return to the city.
I stand, a resolute feeling tearing through me. I’m going to tell him and rip off the bandage. Then, like Mina said, it’s done.
Not that I believe in fairytale endings anymore, anyway.
My phone buzzes. Damn Grand Central Station in here.
Ash: We’re ordering pizza over here, and I added a pie for you and Mina. The roads are getting icy, and I don’t want you driving out to get food.
Damn him for being so endearing. This is the side of Asher Hammond most people don’t see. Oh, they know he’s hot, charming, and wickedly funny, but they don’t get the cute moments where he’s this big, tatted teddy bear.
I lived for those moments.
Okay, universe, good enough.
I push myself to standing and suck in a deep breath. I can do this. I’ve done far harder things in my life.
Strolling over to Black Lotus , I grin at Zane as I walk through the door. “Where’s the boss hiding?”
“In his office. How are you doing?”
“Okay.” For the first time in a while, I mean it.
I’ve got this.
But as I round the corner and raise my hand to knock on Ash’s door, I pause. Voices filter through the other side. Two of them.
It doesn’t take long to identify the female voice.
Lucille.
Of course.
“At least you haven’t cracked any fat jokes,” she says, her laugh light and annoyingly flirtatious.
“How stupid do you think I am?” Ash asks with a chuckle.
There’s a pause, and then Lucille speaks again, softer this time. “I’m worried, Ash. How am I’m going to do this?”
His response is immediate. “You’re going to be fine. You’ve got me.”
My stomach twists, and I press a hand to it instinctively, as if that will somehow stop the hurt from spreading.
You’ve got me.
But where does that leave me?
I can’t compete with her. She has all his firsts, and now I’m more aware than ever that I’m relegated to the role of runner-up.
I back away from his office door, my pulse pounding in my ears as I pass Zane.
“Where you off to so fast?” he asks, his eyes narrowing at my hurried stride.
“Gotta go,” I mutter, keeping my head down as I push through the door of Black Lotus .
Maybe the universe thinks it’s time to tell Ash about the baby, but I’m not ready for that yet. Not now. Maybe not ever.
I just need space. Space to breathe, to think, to figure out how the hell I’m supposed to move forward when my heart feels like it’s barely holding together.
I’m so deep in thought that I don’t notice Eddie standing there until I collide with his chest.
“Hey, you okay?” He reaches out to steady me, his brow furrowing as he studies my face.
“I’m fine.” My voice is strained and quiet, and even those two words feel like an effort. “What’s up?”
“I wanted to talk to you.”
Something in me snaps, the frayed edges of my control unraveling all at once. I spin on my heel and toss my hands up. “Let me guess—there’s mold or fungus or some rare bacteria growing in the furthest reaches of the house. Something that will cost a mint and take a million years to repair. Am I close?”
“No, it’s not about?—”
“I’ve got an idea, Eddie. Just burn the fucking place down. I’ll buy you the matches.”
The words barely leave my mouth as the tears arrive, hot and relentless. Mumbling a broken apology, I race to my office and slump into my chair. My arms drop to the surface of the desk, my head falling forward to rest against them.
Maybe if I stay here long enough, I’ll melt into the wood and disappear.
I hear the heavy thud of Eddie’s boots as he enters, but I don’t look up. Eddie’s never been good at taking a hint. Why should today be any different?
He pulls up the chair across from me, the scrape of it loud in the silence. A box of tissues lands on the desk near my elbow. “Whose ass do I need to kick?”
I swipe at my face, still not looking up. “What makes you think it’s about a man?”
He barks out a laugh. “It’s not my first rodeo, Ori. Besides, anyone who hurts my big sister is going to have to tangle with me.”
“Thanks, Eddie, I …” I trail off as his words settle over me.
My heart stutters, disbelief cutting through the haze of my emotions.
What did he just say?
I lift my head, sniffing as I wipe my eyes. “Did you just call me your sister?”
He leans back in his chair as his lips twitch into a faint smile. “I did. And I’ve got a million things to tell you about our dad.”