10. Chapter 7
T he happiness I feel at Fern’s joy over my job is short-lived when I glance back at Banks. All the excitement and trepidation I had about the job bubbled up and out at the severe look on his face. Talon leans over and whispers something I can’t make out, which makes Banks’s face twist in disgust? Irritation?
“I’m sorry, what?” I shake away the feeling of wanting to explain myself and focus on Fern and Candy, who’s stuffing her face with mashed potatoes.
Fern laughs as Candy hurries to finish her mouthful. “What she said was, don’t go getting any ideas about leaving us.”
“I could never,” I chuckle and roll my eyes, but deep down, I mean every word. I love these two with every fiber of my being. They listen when Dad doesn’t understand and never make me feel like I’m being needy or immature. As the thought crosses my mind, my eyes trail back to where Banks is eating spoonfuls of dressing, and like the hawk she is, Fern tracks my gaze.
“She knows,” Fern says, elbowing Candy in her side. What I would give to have seen them before Fern’s accident. I’ll bet they were a handful and then some. Creed and Manson give them hell about things that happened before a psycho killer went on a spree, but none of us understand it.
“I do. I’m just messing with you, Henry,” Candy’s smile is wide and infectious–as long as I’ve known her it has been.
After dinner, Fern and Candy pull me into the kitchen to taste test their new scones. Fern has been dying to add this new menu item, but Candy isn’t convinced.
“You caved?” I ask her, eyebrows lifted. Drizzling icing over the batch of scones I presume Fern was talking about, I watch her look over at Fern and sigh.
“She’s hard to say no to, even before…” Fern murmurs more to herself than us.
“I understand that,” I mutter.
“And how is that going?” Fern’s head pops up, and the spoon I was holding clatters to the marble.
“I didn’t…” I start when they both fold their arms over their chests and give me the look like they know whatever was about to come out of my mouth was a lie. “It’s not great.”
As if on cue, both of them sigh and share a pitying look.
“The sad part is you don’t even really know him. Not like I do. The only Banks you’ve known is cold, cut-off, and detached. Nothing like who he was before.”
His easy smile. His almost playful demeanor. He was someone everyone wanted to be near because he was kind to everyone and wildly charismatic.
Completely intoxicating.
“We share a dorm, which has very little room,” once I start, it’s like I can’t stop. Everything just flows out of me in waves of pent-up anger and heartache. “...and I can’t help but love him. I can't stop, even though it crushes my chest when he acts dismissive. Maybe that makes me clingy, and maybe it means I’m codependent on someone who has no problem forgetting I exist. I just–ugh.” I grunt in exasperation and look up to them both, staring at me with sympathetic expressions and knowing eyes.
They stand there and stare, eyes wide, hands dangling by their sides, not saying a word. I don’t know when they moved or how much I overshared, but my chest feels lighter. “Sorry…that was a lot.”
Candy shakes her head while Fern says, “Don’t ever be sorry for expressing your feelings, especially with us.”
“It was a lot,” Candy swallows and laughs a small, tender laugh that makes me feel weirdly understood. “But never something to apologize for, you must've needed to get that out.”
“I can’t say I understand. Like you said, we never knew Banks before the fire,” Fern says, turning the corner of the island to come wrap her arms around me.
I guess that was part of the word vomit…
“But we’re always here to listen.” Candy finishes for her, and I can honestly say I don’t know what I ever did to deserve these two.
Diego walks through the kitchen, and I try to pull away from Fern’s embrace. I don’t need him giving me pitying looks. He doesn’t say anything as he walks to the fridge, opens the door, and grabs a water bottle before turning around and leaving without a word.
After sampling all of the sugary confections and declaring my favorite, Fern and Candy let me go to spend time with my people. The voices of my friends and our dads are loud, I can only catch bits and pieces of the conversation.
When I turn the corner, my eyes automatically find Banks. It must be the same for him, because the second I enter, his eyes lock with mine. They’re playing cards. Each of them have a set in their hands, ready and strategizing their next move.
Dad waves me over, and I take a seat in the chair they must have left for me. He smirks and shows me his cards, he’s got a winning hand, but he doesn’t talk shit like the rest of the table. He lets them make their moves and waits until it’s his turn. Laying down his cards, he smiles and declares his win.
“Bullshit!” Talon shouts, and Toby laughs. Diego’s scowl is evident and Nile is snickering. Creed throws his cards down in defeat and leaves the table when Fern waves him over from the doorway. Her features are tight, and her phone is clutched in one hand.
Creed runs his hands down her arms to her hands, where he lifts them and kisses her pale knuckles. I’m not great at lip reading, but it almost looks like she said, “We can’t do this to them.”
He whispers something in her ear, and her eyes catch mine. She smiles, as she always does, except this time it’s not as big, and it’s most definitely not full of happiness.
“I think it’s time I disappear with my woman,” Creed announces and ushers her past us and up the stairs. “Have a good night, gentlemen.”
Our dads give each other looks, and Talon, ever the mouthpiece of our group, demands, “Spill it.”
My dad looks at Nile, and he clears his throat. “It’s business, Fern’s worried. Nothing for y’all to be concerned about.”
“I call bullshit,” Banks says, nodding at Talon, and Diego levels Banks with a stare that clearly means to shut up, but he continues. “She never worries about business because she’s never in it. So what is it, really?”
The room is quiet, and I have to swallow and look at my dad to determine if we should worry or not. His eyes catch mine, and he looks away. Well, that’s pretty damning.
“Does it involve Cin?” I ask him and glance at Talon, who’s already on his phone, thumbs flying over the keys.
“No,” my dad answers curtly. “Like Nile said, it’s not for y’all to worry about.”
“That’s–”
“If you say bullshit one more time, Banks, I’ll make you wash every dish in the house.” Diego never really gets on Banks, so for him to threaten an actual punishment makes us all pause. “We’ve told you it doesn’t concern you, leave it.”
Diego getting up from the table causes the metal chairs to slide across the rug Fern put down when she moved in. My dad and Nile shake their heads and follow after him, with a mumbled goodnight. We exchange looks, and a feeling in my gut tells me that something isn’t right.
“It’s not Cin,” Talon mutters, “she texted a picture of Gemma demolishing a tub of Cool Whip. They’re fine.”
Toby laughs when Talon flips the screen so he can see it. Banks nods his head with a smirk, and I don’t know how to react. Something’s going on, and I have a sinking feeling that whatever it is, it’s bad. Fern never worries about the Hemlock Empire, and she’s been through some awful things, so it takes a lot to get her upset.
Unless whatever it is will impact us directly. She won’t admit it–probably because she doesn’t want to scare away Talon and Banks–but I know she sees us as her surrogate babies. I love her as the mother figure I never had the chance to know, and the twins adore her. Talon may not show it with words, but he loves Fern.
Banks, well he respects her. It’s hard for him to openly love anyone after the accident, so respect is pretty much as close as he gets to affection.
“Y’all wanna play a few rounds?” Toby asks, grabbing the table and folding it away. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t notice them cleaning the cards and chips up. Talon nods, catching the controller from where Banks grips them, readying the game station.
Our eyes lock. Sometimes, I wish I could see him as nothing but a brother, a best friend. But I can’t, and it feels like my heart turns itself inside out, trying to be someone he can love again. I shake my head, breaking our gaze. “Nah, I think I’ll turn in.”
“Booooo,” Talon quips, and I flip him the finger.
“Night Fancy!” Toby says as I walk by Banks, restraining myself with every fiber of my being not to brush against him like a cat in heat. My fingers twitch and tingle as I walk by. I have to hold my breath so I don’t inhale how fucking good he smells.
Like fresh rain in the forest.
When he doesn’t move to touch me either, another piece of my heart shrivels up and dies inside my chest.