Chapter 28
MAIRI
Mairi’s head throbbed, her right side too – but no matter how much they ached, she knew the pain was worse in her heart.
She lay back on the hospital bed and closed her eyes trying to shut out the world.
After all this time, it was hard to accept that things were finally over between her and Jed.
But they had to be. It was time for her to give up on their marriage.
Time to stop chasing a relationship with someone whose feelings clearly weren’t as strong as her own.
After her experiences with Mike, Harry and then Jed, she’d realised she was better off on her own.
Love didn’t offer security – all it promised was more pain.
‘Is your head hurting, hennie?’ Effie asked, taking Mairi’s hand and squeezing it gently.
‘I know the doctor told us that we shouldn’t stay for too long.
’ She glanced at Kenna, who was sitting in the high back grey chair beside the bed, scrolling through her phone.
‘I need to get back to the lodge in a moment.’ Effie pulled a face.
‘I’m not sure what Douggie will get up to without me there.
He promised he’d wait, but he gets itchy feet if he has an idea… ’
‘You might want to invest in a few more candles,’ Kenna said dryly.
‘Aye, I’ve got two dozen on order.’ Effie chuckled and her cheeks went bright pink.
‘At least there’s never a dull moment with him around.
The good news is I heard from Rhona this morning.
’ The older woman turned her attention back to Mairi.
‘She’s feeling much better, and she said she’ll be able to come back to the lodge tomorrow.
That means no more helping out for you.’ She stroked her hand.
‘Why don’t you stay on for a few days and rest up?
Let me take care of you. I’ll keep your peppermint mochas topped up, which means you’ll be back on your feet in no time.
’ She smiled kindly and Mairi felt her insides lurch.
‘Thanks.’ She swallowed a gulp of air. ‘But I think I might head back to Edinburgh.’ The idea of leaving Holly Berry Lodge filled her with longing.
But she couldn’t stay in Aberlinnie any longer – she wouldn’t be able to avoid Jed for long.
And she didn’t want to see him. She’d spent too long waiting for him to show her how he felt – now he had, it was time to go.
The older woman gave her a long look. ‘Whatever’s happened between you and my lad, you both need to put it right.
’ She scrubbed a frustrated hand over her Brillo pad hair, flattening it before it bounced back.
If only Mairi’s love life was as indestructible.
‘He might be an ass sometimes, but you matter to him and whatever’s happened, I know you’ll be able to fix it. ’
Quinn walked into the room and stood for a moment gazing at them, his expression thoughtful. ‘Jed’s in the waiting room, Mairi, he’s refusing to leave until he sees you. I told him to go, but…’ He shrugged. ‘I think he’s got some things he wants to say.’
‘He’s said everything already,’ Mairi said bitterly, trying to sit up. ‘I don’t need to hear more.’ She already knew he didn’t want them to be together – what else did she need to know?
‘What do you mean?’ Effie asked, taking a step away from the bed and glancing between them. ‘You need to tell me what’s happened, lass. It can’t be that bad.’
The room fell silent.
‘Jed and Mairi got married in Vegas just before his accident in February,’ Kenna announced, putting her mobile on the table beside the hospital bed and rising to her full height.
‘I’m sorry, but someone’s got to tell her,’ she said sharply when Quinn glared.
‘Keeping this a secret has brought nothing but heartache.’
‘Married?’ Effie repeated, her eyes widening. ‘Is that true?’ She looked around the room, her jaw wide.
Mairi let out a long breath. ‘Aye.’ She swallowed. ‘I’m so sorry, Aunt Effie – we should have told you but—’
‘Why didn’t you, lass?’ She looked hurt.
‘It’s a long story,’ Quinn said. ‘And I’m not sure it’s important that we go into it now.’
‘Oh, but it is.’ The older woman shook her head as if trying to clear it.
‘Has this got something to do with the accident or the fact that Jed couldn’t ski after?
’ She turned her gaze to Mairi again, her mouth pinching.
‘I thought he was mostly over that. Did his da have anything to do with this?’ Her voice was bleak.
‘I—’ Mairi couldn’t face explaining. It wasn’t going to help and rehashing the mess that was her marriage was only going to make them all feel worse.
‘In a nutshell – yes to all of it,’ Kenna said flatly, and Effie rolled her eyes. ‘Jed doesn’t think he’s good enough for Mairi. I have to say, I think he’s right.’
Effie winced. ‘Ach. My brother-in-law has a lot to answer for.’ Her gaze fixed back on Mairi. ‘You leave this with me, hennie – I’m going to go home to get something and then I’m going to talk with the lad.’ With that, she strode out of the door.
‘I didn’t think this could get any worse. I didn’t want Effie to know, if she gets involved, Jed will be furious,’ Mairi stressed, trying to sit up. She swung her legs to the side, intending to get up.
‘You’re still under observation.’ Quinn moved so he was standing by her side.
‘I need to get back to Edinburgh. I need to put this whole thing behind me. If I’m not here—’
‘What?’ Kenna snapped. ‘You can avoid it? Sounds like you’re taking a leaf out of your husband’s book. You’re running, Mairi,’ she said, her voice gentle. ‘How are you ever going to deal with your feelings if you don’t face them?’
‘Aye,’ her brother said, although he looked confused.
‘I am dealing with them.’ Mairi folded her arms. ‘I came here to get a divorce and I’m going to get it.’
‘A divorce?’ Quinn asked, clearly baffled. ‘Already?’
‘Another long story,’ Kenna said as Mairi shifted her bottom to the edge of the bed and Quinn took her arm when her feet hit the ground and she trembled.
‘I’m okay,’ she promised. ‘I’ve been through worse than a bump on the head.’ Her heart was in a million pieces, and she doubted it would ever mend.
‘Are you sure a divorce is what you want?’ Quinn asked, gently bending to look into her face.
‘Aye,’ Kenna hummed. ‘I can’t believe I’m agreeing with your brother – but Mairi, a few hours ago you were looking forward to announcing your marriage to the world. You were so happy. I actually thought you might finish your book.’
‘Things have changed,’ Mairi said, carefully leaning down so she could retrieve her clothes from the bedside cabinet before she started to shuffle towards the door.
She was going to have to find somewhere private to dress so she could sign herself out.
‘I’ve changed,’ she said determinedly. At least she’d learned not to look for miracles – they were about as reliable as true love.
‘But Jed loves you…’ Quinn said, pulling a face. ‘I can’t believe I’m saying that but—’
‘What – you think someone’s good enough for me now?’ Mairi snapped, spinning around, even though it made her dizzier.
Her brother shrugged, looking helpless. ‘I’ve seen you together, remember – watched the way you light up when he’s in the room. I’m not saying I had a clue about what was going on. But now I look back, I…’ He puffed out a breath.
‘Aye, you were clueless,’ Kenna agreed cheerfully. ‘But I like clueless sometimes.’
Quinn gave her a grateful smile.
‘Jed and I are not going to work.’ Mairi ignored the hard knot that formed in her stomach when she said the words.
‘I’ve been chasing love for too many years – after our parents died.
’ She cast her mind back. All that pain, all that need.
She’d been overwhelmed by it. ‘I married Mike for the wrong reasons. Even the idea of dating Harry had more to do with how much he adored me than how I felt.’ Her shoulders sagged.
‘I dived headlong into those relationships because it’s always been Jed for me.
And because I couldn’t have him, I settled.
But we’re married and I still don’t have him.
’ She sighed. ‘Not really. So it’s time I let him go. ’
‘Because there’s no hope?’ Quinn asked quietly. ‘Because even though Jed lied to me, and made you lie too, he’s my friend and he’s not a bad man. I don’t believe you can’t fix this. If you wanted to.’
‘I do love a man intent on coming to the rescue,’ Kenna murmured.
Mairi shook her head. ‘There’s always been a reason for why we can’t be together. First it was my age, then it was you.’ She nodded at her brother. ‘Then it was the accident, and now it’s his father’s debt. What’s it going to be next?’
‘Those are pretty valid reasons,’ Quinn said seriously.
‘Not if you read a romance novel,’ Kenna snorted.
‘You don’t get it.’ She turned to Quinn.
‘Jed is looking for reasons because he doesn’t feel like he deserves Mairi.
He wants everything to be perfect. Him included.
’ She blinked as her brother’s face tensed, and he nodded.
‘Until the idiot realises that there’s no such thing as perfect, there’s no chance for them. ’
‘Aye.’ It was good Kenna understood, even if hearing that had made Mairi’s heart break a little more. ‘That’s why I’m going back to Edinburgh. I can’t wait anymore. I’m going to focus on my writing and I’m going to finish my novel by deadline – then I’m going to write more.’
‘Finally!’ Kenna cheered.
‘I’ll live my life through my characters – at least until I can see a happy ending for me.’ She swallowed. ‘The important thing is I’m not searching for love now. I need it to come and find me, when it’s ready.’
‘Is there nothing Jed can do to change your mind?’ Quinn asked, looking unhappy.
‘No.’
‘Well, let’s not be hasty.’ Kenna tapped a fingernail on her chin.
‘If this were a novel, I’d say he needs to do something romantic.
Something so huge and meaningful that it can’t be ignored.
He has to prove to Mairi that he’s not going to walk away again.
That he’s accepted things aren’t going to be perfect – and he loves her more than his insecurities. ’
‘Aye, well,’ Mairi said sadly. ‘Jed’s definitely never going to do that…’