Chapter 29
JED
Jed opened the door to his bedroom at Holly Berry Lodge feeling skittish. He’d left the hospital after waiting for over two hours to see Mairi. He’d hoped she’d relent and at least talk to him, but then Quinn had come to find him in the waiting room and told him that she’d already left.
He’d had a difficult moment then, giving him insight once more into how it must have felt for her earlier in the year.
How desperate she must have been – how painful the rejection.
It was difficult to process that alongside the knowledge that he’d been trying to protect her.
That he'd supposedly been doing the right thing…
He walked through the threshold of his bedroom and stepped on a brown envelope.
It was heavy and Jed knew without looking what was inside.
He put it on the bed without opening it and shut the door, feeling his insides churn.
He didn’t want to sign the divorce papers – even though letting Mairi go was the right thing to do.
How could he allow her to get caught up in his father’s debt?
What could he offer her now? It wouldn’t be fair.
But everything felt wrong, and he didn’t know how to put it right – not while his life was in such chaos.
He had to speak to her, to ask again if she’d wait. He had to remind her how he felt, of how important to him she was. He made for the door – she might be in her bedroom. At least he could try knocking?
Jed jerked to a stop when he was halfway across the room as his eye caught on his trophies which were lined up on the bookshelf.
He’d spent years earning them, had made it his life’s work.
Each one represented a win – proof that his life had meaning.
That he had value. But what did they actually epitomise now?
Looked at through another lens, they were just metal and glass – hard, cold and in some cases ugly.
Hardly something he’d want to wrap himself around in the dead of night.
All those years of striving for something with the intention of impressing his da – had it been worth it?
Where was Boyd Murray now? He hadn’t been at the championships today, hadn’t shown his face when Jed had been hurt.
Jed swallowed and stepped closer so he could pick up the book Scott had given him. He flicked to a random page and read the quote aloud, hoping it might inspire him.
‘“When everything is lost, instead of giving up, gear up, and look at what you can change.”’ He sighed. ‘I can’t change anything, you numbskull. Not while Da’s in debt because of me. I owe him.’ Despite what anyone else thought.
He angled himself towards the door again, clutching the book just as his mobile began to ring.
‘Boyd,’ he said, straightening his shoulders in preparation for the rant he knew was coming. He deserved it and he’d take his medicine like a good son.
His father sighed. ‘You did it again.’ His voice was as sour as old cherries.
‘I believed in you, but you let me down, lad. It was the lass I’m guessing – I told you she’d distract you and you didn’t listen.
I told her to stay away back in February, but she’s clearly just as stubborn as you. You’ll learn in time.’
Jed frowned. ‘You asked her to stay away – what from me?’ Mairi hadn’t mentioned it.
‘Aye – I told her the accident happened because you were too busy focusing on her. I was right too.’ He sounded annoyed. ‘You know what distractions do. I’ve told you enough times.’
Jed shut his eyes. It didn’t change anything, but it might explain why Mairi had stayed in Edinburgh for so long. Why she hadn’t contacted him and why she’d been sucked into Harry’s orbit so easily.
She’d thought he blamed her – had even hinted as much – and he’d done nothing to make her feel differently. Guilt layered on top of guilt making it hard for him to breathe.
His father sighed heavily. ‘Now I owe more money because of you, and someone came around earlier to collect it. Broke my TV and tablet too.’ He grunted.
Jed sighed and went to sit on the edge of his bed, shoving the envelope aside.
‘I’m sorry. I’ll sort it, I promise.’ His heart raced.
‘I can send a bit more money next month.’ He could just manage if he was careful.
‘And I’ve registered for another ski championship in February.
Can you ask them to wait?’ He’d be ready next time. He had to be.
‘They’ve waited long enough, and the interest is eye-watering,’ Boyd complained. ‘Nae, lad. I’m not delaying. I’ve put my life on hold for you for too long. It’s out of your hands now.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘They threatened to break my fingers, so I had to do it,’ Boyd whined.
Jed felt a hard thump in his chest. ‘Do what?’ He stood so he could pace, found himself staring at his trophies again. Something was nagging at him, but he couldn’t put his finger on what.
‘I told them who you were married to.’ Boyd paused as Jed’s stomach crashed. ‘I’ve been doing some research into your Mairi Fraser. She’s quite the writerly success. You never said.’
Because his father would have exploited it. Just like he was doing now. ‘You told them about her?’ he guessed, almost too afraid to hear the response.
‘Her address isn’t public knowledge, but from her social media profile I can see she lives in Edinburgh.
They’re going in a few days, and it won’t take them long to track her down.
They won’t do anything…’ he said hastily.
‘Not if she pays up. It’s the least she can do for her new father-in-law.
’ He chuckled and the sound was monstrous.
‘I was fair. I asked them to give her a week to come up with the money. Because she’s family.
You’ve got to understand, lad, I had no choice. ’
‘She’s got nothing to do with this.’ Jed could hear fear in his words, couldn’t contain the wild leapfrogging of his stomach.
‘I can’t believe you gave them her name,’ he croaked, shaking his head wondering why he was surprised.
This was the father he’d spent his life trying to please, the man whose love he’d thought he could earn. But he never had.
‘Ach, lad, they won’t hurt her,’ his father promised, his voice a low hum. ‘It might be worth giving the lass a heads up, though.’
All those years of trying to prove himself, of bending over backwards to make his da proud.
The last eleven months had been all about protecting Mairi – and now, despite everything, she’d been pulled into the mess anyway.
His father had thrown her under a bus without a second thought.
If Jed needed a sign that his feelings weren’t important – that he wasn’t important – this was it.
‘I think I’m done,’ he said, hanging up. He shook his head frantically trying to think, trying to work out a way of making this right. Knowing he couldn’t.
Someone knocked on the door and he thought about ignoring it. But it might be Mairi. If it was, he’d have to explain, tell her not to go to Edinburgh. At least not yet.
When the door swung open, Effie was standing in the hallway holding a small wooden box and a waste-paper basket. He stood aside as she entered and saw something golden sparkling in the bottom of the bin.
‘Why do you have those shoes?’ he asked, shocked.
‘Ach, lad – the lass is packing to leave. She asked me to keep them for myself or to gift them to a charity of my choice. They’re bonnie, aren’t they?
I thought I’d take them downstairs and think about what to do with them.
’ She paused and stared at his face. ‘You look pale, lad. Are you feeling alright after the accident, do you need to lie down?’
‘I’m fine.’ Jed gulped and the breath stuck in his throat. If Mairi had thrown away her wedding shoes, she really was done with him. There was no hope. ‘When’s she leaving?’ he asked urgently.
‘Not until tomorrow – mid morning, after breakfast, so there’s plenty of time.
’ The older woman gave him an odd look. ‘I came to tell you that I know you’re married.
’ She searched his face, her expression filled with sympathy.
‘I will say I’m delighted about it. I always wondered if the two of you…
’ She let out a long breath. ‘I don’t know why you didn’t tell me, though.
I’d love an excuse to buy a new hat.’ Her smile was sad.
‘I’m sorry.’ Jed shook his head. It was too difficult to explain.
‘Ach, we won’t get into any of that now.’ Effie patted his arm. ‘I wanted to give you this.’ She handed Jed the box.
‘What is it?’ He went to sit on the edge of the bed because his legs were unsteady, then he opened the lid and stared. ‘It’s jewellery.’ There was so much of it: gold, silver, rings, necklaces and bracelets sporting dozens of sparkly stones.
‘Aye – and it’s all real, lad.’ Effie sat beside him on the bed.
‘I’ve been keeping it for you. It was my mother’s – your grandmother’s.
When your mam… Well.’ She paused. ‘When she passed, it became mine.’ She sighed, her expression gloomy.
‘So now it’s yours. I was waiting for you to meet someone, for you to get serious about them so I could give them to you. ’
She plucked a diamond cluster ring out of the box. Jed didn’t know much about jewellery, but he knew it was beautiful. ‘I think we could call getting wed serious,’ she croaked.
‘Mairi doesn’t want to be married to me anymore,’ Jed said bleakly, taking the ring from his aunt’s fingers and twirling it, making it sparkle. It was stunning and it would look perfect on Mairi’s finger. It even matched the shoes.
‘Ach, well.’ She shrugged. ‘If you’re going to let her go that easily, then I suppose she might not be worthy of that ring, after all.’
‘Of course she’s worthy,’ Jed snapped. ‘I just—’ He cleared his throat before a barrage of excuses came tumbling out.
‘She asked me to book her a taxi for ten tomorrow morning.’
‘Okay.’ Jed nodded slowly. He could work with that; he’d have time to think about what to say. ‘Where is she now?’
‘Kenna’s keeping her company in her bedroom.
Mairi’s tired and Kenna has to wake the lass every few hours – so it’s probably not a good idea to try to see her now,’ she advised.
‘But.’ She gave him a long look. ‘I hope you’ll speak to her before she leaves.
’ Effie frowned. ‘It’s time for you to decide what you want, lad,’ she said. ‘What you deserve.’
‘What I want and what I can have are two different things,’ he said quietly. ‘And I’m not sure I deserve anything.’
‘Ah.’ She cocked her head, her green eyes serious. ‘Says who, your da?’ She sucked in a breath. ‘Because that man wouldn’t know a good thing if it leapt into his arms and slapped him on both cheeks.’ She looked annoyed. ‘He made my sister – your mam – very unhappy.’
‘He did?’ Jed asked. He’d never asked Effie about his mother. It had been too painful and perhaps there had just been too much guilt wound into the subject. He blamed himself for what happened, so perhaps his aunt did too?
‘He never valued her. Even when she was pregnant with you,’ she continued in a world of her own.
‘He didn’t.’ Jed wasn’t surprised.
‘I probably shouldn’t say – but she was going to leave him after you were born. He told her he didn’t want kids.’ Her mouth pinched. ‘The eejit man had no idea. I offered to be your honorary da,’ her voice wobbled. ‘She was going to move into the lodge. But then she was gone…’
Jed cleared his throat. ‘So I wasn’t just… I mean –’ He flushed. ‘– you didn’t just get dumped with me?’ he blurted. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘That’s—’
‘What you thought.’ Effie nodded. ‘Of course you did.’ She shook her head. ‘I always wanted you. You’ve been my lad since before you were born.’
He swallowed and his eyes felt watery. ‘You saved me, Effie; gave me a home and a family,’ he said, glancing around.
He’d never appreciated how lucky he’d been before.
He’d always been too focused on what he didn’t have, what he didn’t deserve – on who didn’t want him.
But there had always been someone in his life who did.
And Effie had never cared if he’d won at skiing, all she’d ever wanted was his happiness. ‘Thank you.’
‘Aye well.’ She brushed her hands over her jumper and stood.
‘Enough of this. I need to check on Douggie. He’s got his tool belt on again and he’s talking about creating a light show for New Year’s eve.
’ She shuddered. ‘I’ve been trying to distract him, but I’m running out of ideas. ’ She began to head for the door.
‘Can I keep the shoes please?’ Jed blurted before she opened it.
She looked surprised. ‘Aye – I think they’re more my size.’ She grinned. ‘But I’m hoping they might find their way back to their rightful owner.’ She offered him the basket.
‘I’ll see what I can do…’ Jed took the shoes along with the jewellery box and placed them on the mantlepiece as Effie opened the door.
‘Quinn!’ she exclaimed and Jed spun around. She watched his aunt give his friend a peck on the cheek before heading into the hall.
‘Everything okay?’ Quinn asked, shutting the door. He eyed the shoes before raising an eyebrow. ‘I’m not going to ask. Mairi’s in her bedroom,’ he said.
‘I know.’ Jed sighed. ‘She slipped the divorce papers under my door.’ He pointed at the bed. ‘And I spoke to Boyd.’ There would be no more lies. ‘He’s given the bailiffs Mairi’s name. I’m sorry. I’m going to sort it.’
‘Dammit,’ Quinn swore.
Jed gulped and then turned back to stare at the trophies again. Something was still niggling at him – something he couldn’t quite reach. Then he got it. ‘But I think I might have an idea…’