Chapter Seventeen
“I never worry about the past or the future, the present is the most scary because how do you prepare for what you’re already going through? You can’t. You fucking can’t.” —King Campisi
Bella
Four days later
I hated funerals.
I told myself I wouldn’t cry—that I needed to be strong for my sister even if that meant all I did was feed Bam-Bam fruit snacks and hold his hand. He didn’t understand and kept looking up at me, asking where dad was.
I couldn’t get the words out.
I simply looked at him and shook my head, afraid I’d break, afraid I’d cry, and I knew Serena had already done as much as she could.
She was sitting still as a statue in between Phoenix and Bee. Her face was covered with black lace from her hat, but I could still see the fact that she’d already cried off all her makeup.
Every single one of the guys that got up to speak burst into tears. I’d never seen anything like it in my life, some of the toughest men in the world brought to their knees.
Undone.
The church was at capacity, loads of family flew in from Italy, New York, and Seattle. I recognized some of them, but hated making eye contact because it just meant they’d give me a sad smile or tell me that this was Family business.
It wasn’t though.
It wasn’t fair.
And it sure as hell wasn’t fair that Ivan sat still next to me like he wasn’t the one who held the knife. Nobody as much as blinked in his direction, people still gave him a head nod of respect.
I wanted to scream so bad—maybe even more than I wanted to cry.
By the time the funeral ended, I was still in the pew while people started to shuffle out to the reception.
I didn’t realize that my dad was standing next to me until he knelt down and grabbed Bam-Bam from me. “Bella—”
“Not now.” I barely got the words out, choked them out was more like it. “I can’t, not now.”
“We do need to discuss.”
“My brother is dead.” My voice was hollow. “So please forgive me for not wanting to talk right now, knowing that the person I’m spending the rest of my life with, according to your archaic rules, is the one who made it happen.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and held Bam-Bam closer to his chest. “At least do something with the girls tonight, the wedding is—”
“I know when the wedding is,” I whispered. “Is that all?”
“Bella—”
Ivan chose that perfect moment to come back from the bathroom or wherever the hell he had disappeared to.
Had Dad not been holding Bam-Bam. we would have had a brawl. I could see it in the way he stared Ivan down.
But Ivan didn’t seem phased at all. He simply smiled at my dad like they were best friends.
The nerve of the guy was truly remarkable.
My dad said nothing, probably because he knew if he did everyone would see that all was not okay with the Five Families. He just walked away, Bam-Bam in his arms.
“Come on.” Ivan reached for my shoulder.
I swatted his hand away. “Leave me alone.”
His heavy sigh was the only indicator I had before he leaned down and picked me up, tossing me over his shoulder.
I beat at his back for two seconds before just giving up. I hated that I gave up, I hated that I didn’t have the energy or strength to even attempt to beat him to death.
I just lay across his shoulder, ass in the air in my body fitting black dress and nude heels, and stared at the ground as he walked.
I counted the tiles.
Five. Six. Seven. Eight.
I counted until I got to thirty; it was getting darker; he opened a door, closed it, then opened another and closed it.
We were in one of the back rooms, a classroom maybe, when he sat me down on my feet again and faced me. “Do it.”
“Do what?”
“React.”
“To being carried?”
“To death.” He grabbed me by the wrist. “React.”
I tried shrugging away from him. “Let. Go.”
“Never.” His sinister smile matched his light eyes in a way that sent chills down my spine. “I’ll never let you go, but it’s time you let him go. Junior is gone, Bella, so if you need to scream in order to accept that, then scream. If you need to hit me until I bleed, fine, hit me, but you have to react or you’re going to be no use to your Family or mine.”
I choked out a sob. “You’re a monster!”
“I’m a realist,” Ivan said quickly. “And right now everyone is watching. You can’t mope around, you can’t look sad or pissed. You need to look proud that you chose me, and we need to show a united front. Everyone from Italy is here, begging to see a crack in the surface, so whatever the hell you need to do to get your head wrapped around this, do it.”
I shook my head. “You know one time I really thought we could get along, maybe even be friends.”
“Then you were delusional and pathetic,” he whispered.
“What?”
“I didn’t whisper it.” Ivan crossed his arms. He’d lost his black jacket and was in a black button-down shirt and matching trousers. “Now, get your shit together because later this week you’re going to be sitting on a very different throne and I’m going to need your help to make sure it doesn’t crack.”
“I’d rather die than help you.”
“Looks like you don’t have a choice in the matter if you want to protect everything you hold dear. The Families will be attacked from the outside and in a day the treaty with the De Langes and the rest of the Families is up, which means if anyone else takes my place, kills me, or sees one of those cracks, they’ll try to take over the way I did, but they won’t just come for me, they’ll come for your Family, they’ll come for your cousins’ Families, it will be a bloodbath.”
“That you started!” I yelled.
He shook his head. “You have no idea what I started.”
“Why?” I finally asked the question. “Why did you kill him?”
Ivan’s eyes flickered to the ground, then back up at me. “I wanted what he had.”
I frowned. “You never wanted to be boss.”
“I lied.”
“You’re lying now!” I punched him across the face, my hand instantly ached. While he touched his own jaw and rubbed it with his thumb. “Why did you do it!”
“Because it felt fucking good to have the power for once in my life,” he rasped. “And he was weak, already beaten, bloody, broken, I finished what someone else couldn’t. He was weak, and a long time ago he trained me to be strong even if it meant turning my back on blood, yes your precious brother-in-law taught me to fight dirty and I was given the perfect opportunity to take what was owed to me in my Family’s blood. I took back our honor, I took back our lives, and I’m taking back the Family—to its rightful spot under a true De Lange willing to sacrifice everything.” He leaned down and gripped me by the chin like he always did when he wanted to get close to me and didn’t want me biting him or running away. “Now either get it all out now or kneel.”
“Kneel?” I snapped. “Why the hell would I kneel?”
He grinned. “I just like seeing you on your knees, it’s quite poetic for me.”
“You hate poetry and you’re a psychopath.”
He was quiet, his eyes smiled in a way his mouth didn’t. “Thank you.”
I kicked him in the ribs then threw another punch across his face, or tried to, he caught my right fist and spun me around, then shoved me against the wall, pinning my arms against myself. “Didn’t Daddy teach you better?”
“Yes.” I rolled my eyes. “He did.” Without thinking, I threw my head back and felt a crack—his, not mine.
He released me instantly, holding his nose. I grabbed the nearest chair and slammed it over his body, sending him into the ground, then stood over him. “I see what you mean, you prefer me on my knees, I prefer you on your back looking up at me knowing that I’ll make every day of your life a living hell, for better or for worse, yeah?”
He laughed as blood spewed down his chin. “For better or for worse, and now you feel better, right?”
I refused to admit it.
Instead, I just ignored him and started walking toward the door.
When I got there, he was already behind me; he reached around and grabbed my left hand. “I almost forgot your parting gift…” He slid a blood-red ruby ring onto my left ring finger. It was absolutely hideous, large, gaudy, nothing like I had dreamed of.
Nothing.
It was like the crown, heavy for those who bore it.
I trained to protect myself and my Family.
And now, the only way to do that was to marry the one who had taken everything away from me.
“Beautiful,” Ivan whispered in my ear. “I’ll see you at the altar in twenty-four hours. Oh, and do make sure you make the rounds this evening, everyone loves a blushing bride.”
“I’ll never have sex with you,” I yelled like a complete idiot.
He laughed, actually laughed out loud. “You think I would ever touch you or be attracted to you? I mean really… think of yourself as a nice little trophy wife, I would never debase you. Besides, I promised your dad I wouldn’t touch you and though you might hate me, I do keep my promises. He’s the type to kill if you don’t.”
“Then I guess Plan B is to tempt you so much you can’t control yourself, then Dad can do the dirty work.”
“You could try, but what would ever possibly make you think that I could be attracted to someone like you?” He left, slamming the door behind him.
“He’s wrong,” I whispered to myself. “He’s wrong.”
But the hot tears still slid down my cheeks.
In what universe would I ever want to tempt the killer to find me attractive?
What a desperate, lonely thought.