Ciao Bella

Chapter Thirty-One

“Everyone has a secret, everyone has pieces to that same secret, the hard part is getting everyone to finally show their cards. After all, we all have something we want to protect.” —King Campisi

Bella

It took him forever to get back.

Tank had been guarding the door.

And I’d been laying down in bed desperately trying to sleep without having nightmares of getting attacked.

The door to the bedroom opened. I had an early class in the morning, so I really should be sleeping and going on like everything was normal.

But he was back.

He was there.

In our room.

This sudden, massive presence, and he smelled good, though the air around him felt exhausting.

“Bad meeting?” I asked.

“Good news,” he answered. “I might not die if I touch you, so can I please do one thing?”

I could have sworn my entire body lit on fire in that moment, though I played it off. “Oh, what?” I fake yawned.

“Can I hold you?”

I wanted to be held, but I wanted so much more, I finally wanted to just… do something for me, maybe for us. I was too confused to make any big decisions, so I didn’t answer, I just turned on my side and let him pull me against him.

It was nice.

“Tell me about our first kiss,” Ivan whispered against my neck, his lips sliding down to my collarbone, goosebumps erupted all over my body. I shuddered against him. “All I know is that I was in a bathtub, wet, and bleeding, and you were—perfect.”

“Lie or truth?”

“Truth!” he said quickly. “Total honest to God truth, I hated you for it.”

“For being perfect?”

“For being out of reach, for being the daughter of a Family that murdered mine, for being part of something I wanted to be a part of despite my guilt, for being pretty when you smiled, for helping me when I didn’t deserve blood to be cleansed from my body—for looking and seeing an actual soul.”

“A dark one.”

“So dark.”

“I was never afraid of it.” I pulled his arms around me and pretended everything was going to be okay, that this was normal when it was anything but.

His lips tickled my ear. “Of what?”

“The dark.”

“So, is that your way of saying you were never afraid of me?”

“Never afraid. Maybe more afraid of myself.”

“Because you were afraid you’d get in trouble for stabbing me?”

I shrugged and looked over my shoulder. “Or maybe I’d get in trouble for actually kissing you instead.”

“And if I would have begged you to save me from drowning in the darkness, what then?”

I turned to face him. “Maybe I would have told you I’d drown right with you, the only way to the other side is through the darkness—only then can you find the light, you know?”

“Found it.” He kissed me, his hands tangled in my hair. “I found my light. I’m just terrified I’ll be the same one to both find and extinguish it.”

“Is it bad?” I asked again.

He pulled away. “It’s not good.”

“And Junior?”

“Next question.”

“Are we going to die?”

“I hope not. But this person is… elusive, and they have a lot of power, control, it’s like they’ve waited for years, we’re drawing them out, but until then, we wait.”

“So, suspect everyone.”

“Basically.”

“Live like there’s no tomorrow.”

“Absolutely.”

“Love me.”

“What?” Ivan jerked back. “What did you just say?”

“Love me then.” I couldn’t believe I was saying those words. “I mean, if we die tomorrow, you’d regret it anyway.”

He sat up; the covers fell to his waist; the moonlight did all the favors to his gorgeous muscular body. He ran a hand through his thick hair. “No, I don’t think that’s the best—”

“I’m a virgin.”

“Shit.” He hung his head in his hands. “I’m going to go sleep on the couch, not because I don’t want to be here in this general space.” He made a grand motion with his hand across the bed. Adorable. “I just don’t think this is the right path for us to take since all paths apparently lead toward death and one day you’ll find someone that’s going to love you the way you deserve. I can hold you, but I won’t take things from you, I was honest about that promise and—”

I jerked up. “What?”

“What what?” He sighed. “I’m just saying I’m not going to—”

I slapped him across the face.

He lunged for me and slammed me down against the mattress. “The hell Bella!’

“You’re leaving?”

A hot tear slid down my cheek, it burned as it fell off my chin onto my chest.

He squeezed his eyes shut. “Please don’t ask me anymore.”

“Do you expect to live?” I asked anyway. “Do you expect to live to see my next birthday?”

He was quiet.

“You promised.” I reminded him.

He pulled away from me. “Get some sleep.”

“Ivan!”

He stopped at the door and hung his head. “No, Bella. I don’t have that high of expectations. And I refuse to wish for more than what I’ve been given, so maybe let me hold you next time, give me at least that.”

The door shut quietly behind him.

I burst into tears over the man I hated.

I cried over the man… I was coming to love.