Chapter Thirty-Three
“It’s so much easier to be patient when you have a grudge, it makes the end so much sweeter.” —King Campisi
Bella
“Seriously, the stains not that bad.” I grabbed the black towel and started dabbing cold water on my white skirt. It was barely the size of a quarter; Ivan got the brunt of it.
I appreciated his attempt at saving me from sad looks around the table, it’s like everyone knew I was with someone who didn’t love me.
But I couldn’t tell them the truth.
That at night he talked to me, that at night he held me and kissed my neck, that nights were becoming my favorite thing because they were normal, and I was understood.
I couldn’t tell Family that, he said to trust him, and he had to act a certain way just in case any of the men talked to the ones who were currently trying to take over the De Langes and eliminate us one by one.
Serena grabbed the other towel and started furiously wiping at a nonexistent stain on my shirt. “I need you to listen to me very carefully.”
“Um, okay?”
“Sometimes, we’re asked to blindly trust, and I think, no, I know that’s what Ivan is asking you to do. But you have to decide, in the end, how far that goes. Will you trust him until you get caught in the crosshairs again or will you protect yourself? I need you to think seriously about this, when Junior—when he would come home from meetings it was constant fighting within the ranks of the men, a few spoke out, it got really ugly despite the many punishments that were given and then, there was money so much money that didn’t add up and wasn’t from any of the Five Families, when he found it he knew something sinister was going on and figured he was most likely the next target.”
“And you’re telling me this because?”
“Because…” Serena lowered her voice. “He never said goodnight.”
“What?”
“That night, after date night, it’s a ritual between us, he always tucks me into bed and takes care of Bam-Bam, he reads him a story, we’ve been doing that like clockwork since we had him and he promised that no matter what sort of meeting came up he’d always pop his head in and say goodnight and make sure Bam-Bam was okay. He didn’t do that.”
My sister was losing it. “Serena, he got killed, that’s why he never said goodnight.”
She shook her head. “No. No matter how many times I think about it, something isn’t adding up, it’s Junior, he’s impossible to kill.”
“Ivan was his protégé, Serena, he taught him too well and Ivan saw an in, you know how bitter he is.” Why was I semi defending him?
He said to trust him.
I trusted in him and that something else was going on.
Serena leaned against the counter. “He’s spending a lot of money, your husband.”
“He’s greedy.”
“He’s trying to piss off whoever’s money that is, and he’s trying to show them that he’s not afraid, tell him to watch out, before he’s next.” Serena dropped the towel onto the counter and looked over her shoulder. “He might still betray you, even the strongest of bonds can be broken—for a price.”
“He won’t.” I shook my head. “I know it.”
“I hope you’re right.” She left the bathroom door open. My phone went off from the counter.
Ivan
I need you to meet me, take a left by the orchard sign, walk straight until you see the poplar trees I’m waiting on the other side.
Me
Okay.
I went down the hall and used the back door to the laundry room and started my trek toward the creepy orchard. During Halloween the first two rows were haunted, Phoenix made three kids cry—he didn’t get the memo that clowns, however happy they appear—are terrifying.
He’d worked so hard on his costume too.
The fact that my dad dressed up like one too, was hilarious.
My stomach sank.
Dad.
Ugh, I felt torn between being loyal to Ivan and loyal to my Family, I felt caught in the middle constantly. I hated it.
I’d never been out this far, thankfully my phone would clearly still work if I got lost, when I saw the poplar trees, I said a prayer that all spiders would be dead and made my way through the rows.
When I got to the clearing, there were three men with blindfolds on and their hands bound.
Ivan was leaning against a tree, wiping his hands on a white towel. They were covered in blood, I’m assuming theirs by the look of blood running down all their chins and the gunshot wounds in each of their shoulders.
“Wife.” Ivan grinned. “Do you trust me?”
His eyes were wild.
Something was wrong.
I didn’t back away though the temptation was strong. He’d saved me before, this is a role he was playing, right?
“Husband.” I cleared my throat. “Did you make me hike all the way out here to show me half dead men who most likely betrayed you or did you have a picnic planned ahead?”
“You can cut the shit, Bella, it’s good for them to see what it’s really like living with a monster. I figured the best thing I could do before sending them to Hell was give them a small piece of heaven and you know what thought came to mind? I’ll let you pick one to send back, the other two, I’ll leave to you, so it’s really in his best interest to go fast, besides I want to be entertained.” He waved his gun at me. “Pick who gets to run the errand, the other two will stay with us until we get a text back from the person pulling the strings.”
I swallowed, so he needed to prove a point then, I tried to stay logical. He needed one to go back and say he was crazy—that I was crazy too, or maybe even his victim. “And my role in this is to pick who to save?”
Ivan shoved away from the tree. “Do you think that your father or uncle made that choice? Do you think they took into account wives, children, needs? Or do you think they just slaughtered and killed an entire bloodline out of rage? Nearly making one of the oldest Families in the Cosa Nostra extinct?”
Tears welled in my eyes, they weren’t for myself though; they were for the truth hidden in his own words. “There are rules.”
“Exactly.” Ivan walked up to me and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me close. His smooth cologne filled my nose while his heat surrounded me. “And one thing I did discover, one thing these men want the very most… can you take a guess?”
“Money?”
Ivan shook his head. “Abandonato blood,” He kissed me across the cheek and laughed in my ear, his heated lips spoke against my skin. “So I offered them yours.”
It made no sense, why save me only to kill me?
He was acting crazy though. I just needed to remember to trust him, to help him, at all costs. He’d asked me to hold him. He wasn’t who he said he was. I clung to those memories, and the promises made in the dark. I clung to them like a lifeline, knowing if I was wrong, it would be my life on the line, and I would be dead.
Take the risk.
Walk down the aisle.
Make the choice.
You go through life thinking you have a choice, and you do, but what if the choice is you or them? What if the choice is to jump, knowing that you could potentially be jumping to your death, not flying toward life? There is always a choice, the question, however, will always be, will you risk it?
“Decide,” Ivan yelled. “Decide who to send back Bella, and then I’ll let the others get their cut of your blood, I would choose wisely, maybe the most injured should stay behind, they’ll be easier to fight off, plus we do need proof I kept my end of the bargain.” He threw his head back and laughed. “Wow, you should see your face right now, do you think for one second, I really give a shit about you? It’s so easy to manipulate people, take for example, these pathetic men… so”—Ivan shoved one to the ground—“easy.”
I quickly looked across the three men, noting their injuries as fast as I could, one was slumping forward more than the others especially after Ivan shoved him down. “He can stay.” I pointed at the one and looked between the other two. One was smirking like he wasn’t afraid to die, the other was serious, both looked strong, even sitting on their knees. “Him.” I picked the one, not smiling. “He can stay too.”
“So,” Ivan walked over to the guy smirking and put his gun under his chin. “Looks like you’re the lucky messenger. Be sure to let your boss know the meeting location and time, I’ll be more than happy to hand over more Abandonato blood. I’ll even agree to rip up the treaty and stop spending their money, but I want in on the cash, especially since they’re going to be cutting us off once the treaty is void. I have needs too.”
Wait, my Family was going to cut them off?
Huh?
“Is it true?” The guy’s smirk fell. His blindfold was tight across his eyes. “Are the Abandonatos stopping the cash flow?”
I cleared my throat. I had to think fast, but all I saw was Ivan’s sneer, so I closed my eyes and remembered his smile, his pain, his truth and spoke mine. “We don’t support liars, and we sure as hell don’t give money to traitors like Ivan. Dad said as long as he didn’t touch me, he would keep supporting us.”
Ivan grunted. “Please, it was just kissing, some heavy petting and—”
I smacked him across the face. “Shut up.”
My hand stung, I gripped it and winced. “Aw princess, did that hurt? I can’t wait to see you bleed.”
“You’re a monster.” I spat.
“I’m a businessman.” Ivan shrugged. “And I wanted my piece of you too, I can’t help it that I don’t have self-control.” He kicked dirt up into the guy’s face. “You have six hours to give your boss the message. You have my number.”
He slowly tried to stand and nearly collapsed back on the dirt. “What about my men?”
“Oh, let them have their fun.” Ivan jerked off the guy’s blindfold. He was maybe in his fifties and had the same DL tattoo on his cheek. “It’s not like she can’t fight off two men, even someone well trained would struggle, if they die, it’s on them.”
He snickered. “Be sure to take pictures for our boss.”
“I plan to.” Ivan cut off the guy’s rope. “Off you go.”
He didn’t need to be told twice. He slunk off in the opposite direction while Ivan took his knife to the other two men’s ropes. “Play nice, I’ll be inside.”
He was leaving me.
Seriously?
He was really leaving me?
So I’d risked it all.
For a very low chance of survival.
He gave me his back.
But what did I expect? A hero when he clearly told me he was a villain? A man instead of a monster?
My dad would have killed the men before they even spoke innocent or guilty.
Uncle Chase would have made a game out of chasing them.
Phoenix would have cursed them.
The old Capo would have laughed while they screamed.
The list would go on about what my Family would do, Dante, Tank, Sergio, Santino, Dom, again the list went on and on and all it came to was one thing.
My cousins and I… we were different.
Programmed with the same strength as our parents, but more humanity, and I wondered if it’s because they all sacrificed theirs—so we could keep ours.
What had I fought for?
I’d been perfect, and for what? To die? To feel sorry for myself.
An Abandonato they fought to the death, and I wasn’t stupid.
I didn’t deserve to be saved.
But I did deserve to save myself, whatever it took.
Ivan didn’t look back as the two men faced me, they were at least six two, the one closest to me had both eyes nearly swollen shut, the other spit out a tooth.
I started slowly backing away. “Do I get a running start?” Where the hell was Ivan?
One of them lunged for me.
I ran to my right, putting the house behind me while they both took their time in walking closer.
I could maybe out-maneuver them, but I didn’t have a weapon, I mean I had the dagger that my dad had given me that Ivan gave back to me, I always kept it on my thigh.
I reached for it and pulled it free, holding it out in front of me.
I really needed to do a better job remembering my training, remembering all the sparring with Ivan and how to take someone down twice my size.
“Relax, focus, you’ve already lost the cadence to your breathing,” Ivan whispered. “It’s embarrassing.”
“You’re embarrassing!” I yelled back, rubbing my arms.
Ivan laughed and then charged me, shoving me against the back part of the ring. “If someone tries to overpower you, you’re just going to be exhausted trying to fight, give in a bit, use their momentum to turn the tables. If I’m charging you, let me until that very last moment. Watch.”
He backed up while my breathing slowed.
And then he ran at me.
“One.” I whispered to myself. “Two.” His pace almost slowed as I moved to the left at the last second and slammed my hand into his back, shoving him against the mat on the wall. “I win.”
“And how do you finish this victory?”
“Huh?”
He spun out from the pin kicked under my legs and sent me to the ground, then pinned me there. “You always finish them, Bella, if your life is in danger you do not hesitate, you don’t celebrate that you outwitted them for one second, you grab your knife and you go in for the kill, it’s you or them, that is your choice and the only risk you’re taking is fighting to live, or failing and dying. Do. Not. Fail.” He got up from the mat. “I hate messes.”
“How tender of you.” I jumped to my feet.
He looked over his shoulder. “I may not like you, but even I know what you’re worth, despite your insane inability not to see it.”
I was so confused. “What?”
“Worth, not your families money or your position, but your worth, what you contribute to the world, it’s irreplaceable—you are irreplaceable, and that is how you walk into a fight, knowing your worth far outweighs theirs so why would you not possibly fight to the death in order to prove that.”
I hated his words because I saw the truth in them and felt the weakness in my own convictions, so I charged him, I took him from behind and flopped him onto his back, wrapped my hands around his neck and I squeezed.
But Ivan just stared as if to say, do it.
When I jerked my hands free, he pulled them back down and placed them differently on my neck. “Next time I’ll kill you if you do this wrong, hands further up, press your finger here, and your other here,” His hands were still on mine when a tear slid from my cheek and kissed his.
We never talked about it again, about our cease fire, about him training rather than sparring, or about my tear, but we walked away knowing what it was.
Worth.
He saw mine when I couldn’t see it myself.
And he taught me to fight for it.
It was either me.
Or them.
Nobody was coming to save me.
I could only save myself.
“Are you scared?” The one with the black eyes chuckled, his teeth were covered in blood. “Never thought I’d see the day an Abandonato ran off.”
“Who says I’m running” I sidestepped him, then turned around and kicked him in the back of the knees while the other guy came barreling at me, he was more injured than the other guy so I used his body weight against him and waited until the last minute before sidestepping again and pushing him down to the ground knocking the other over.
Remember Ivan.
Use their anger, use their speed.
Remember Ivan.
Know your worth.
I shook my head. I needed to stay away from their hands and away from the ground.
I quickly grabbed one of the rocks by the door and slammed it down on the guy closest to me.
Cursing, he tried to roll out of the way; I grabbed another nearby rock. He immediately blocked his face while the other guy tried to crawl and get to his feet.
Once he covered his face, I dropped the rock, grabbed my knife and shoved it into the middle of his throat, and jerked back just in time to let the other guy stumble in front of me.
There was no escape.
He’d try to grab me, he was angry, not thinking.
I backed away like I was afraid until the house was pressed against my back. He lifted his hands to wrap them around my neck when I shoved the dagger into his gut and twisted.
He’d forgotten I had a knife.
And only focused on the fear in my eyes of being trapped.
With a gurgle, he fell forward, gripping his stomach. “You bitch.”
The door to the house opened.
Ivan took in the scene and crossed his arms. “Finish him.”
“You said we could spill Abandonato blood!” The guy rasped. “You lied.”
Ivan grinned. “I said Abandonato blood would be spilled—not because you spilled it, but because she’ll be the one spilling it herself—after she’s made, you’ll be her second kill.”
I almost dropped the knife. “Ivan—”
“Bella, this is your birthright. You won fair and square. You want your revenge or do you want to let him go, he would have killed you, what will you do in this impossible situation? What choice will you make about your worth against his? Have you measured yet?”
Kill or be killed.
He was teaching me a lesson. Unbelievable! I could have died! It wasn’t always an easy choice to make, kill or be killed. I thought back to Junior, to that night, and I knew, in my soul, it wasn’t what it seemed. Kill or be killed, know your worth. He always knew Junior’s worth, but not more than he knew his own.
Ivan’s worth, in his opinion, wasn’t high enough for boss, or to replace Junior, but if he was asked to prove that, I know without a doubt, he would even if it broke his heart, he would.
Seeing my hesitation, the guy lunged for Ivan, but I swiped my dagger across his throat before he could get closer.
He fell to the ground in a heap.
Shaking, I dropped my knife to the ground.
First blood. Second.
Made.
Ivan pulled a clean knife from his pocket, opened it and sliced it across his palm, then across mine, blood trickled down with the sting. Numb, I watched like it was an out-of-body experience as he pressed our palms together, our blood mixing while he whispered. “Welcome to the De Lange Family.”
Holy shit.
I’d just gotten made by a De Lange.
By a De Lange.
My breath came out in a muffled gasp. I wasn’t under Abandonato rules anymore, my only loyalty was to Ivan now, being his wife was one thing.
Being made by the boss.
Meant my dad couldn’t kill him for touching me and couldn’t say anything, it meant I was the one thing my dad would have never wanted me to be.
A foot soldier for the Family he tried to cleanse.
And partners with its boss.
He dropped my hand. “You did well.”
“I killed two people.” How was my own voice not shaking?
“You had no choice, and I wasn’t going to do it for you,” he said softly. “Besides, it was the only way to get them to agree, they thought you were weak, but I knew—you’ve always been strong.”
He checked his watch. “Clean up should be here soon. Once I get the text from the dum-dum, we’ll get going. Plus, he has a tail.”
“Who?” I asked.
Ivan shrugged. “Believe me when I say I’m not that much of a mastermind, but I know others who are.”
“Do you really think whoever this is, is going to actually meet you? Just like that?”
“Of course, because I promised to bring them all a little sacrifice.”
“Who?”
Ivan smiled. “The entire Abandonato bloodline, excluding you, since now, you’re legally—De Lange, should you thank me for saving your life?”