Chapter 9
Zach kepthis promise and never brought up my embarrassing reaction again. It didn’t suddenly stop happening once I knew it was normal, but Zach was always professional about it and didn’t comment. I always left his care feeling more relaxed and in control. I looked forward to our appointments every week. We always ate dinner together afterwards, and I walked him home. It was nice. It made me late to the poker game, but no one seemed to mind. Callum even mentioned that I was looking more relaxed than usual. But good things never last. Almost six weeks after my first appointment with Zach, I got another phone call on a Monday morning from my mother that sent me in a tailspin and I couldn’t cope. I tried to keep it together by myself like I always had before, but this was beyond what I’d ever dealt with in the past. Even before my next appointment with Zach rolled around, I was more tense than the first time I showed up there.
I normally coped better with setbacks and didn’t let it affect my work. But even Mikhail noticed I was out of sorts by Wednesday afternoon and decided to send me home early to spare the rest of the staff from my mood. That was saying something, coming from him, since normally he was the one with the short temper. I debated back and forth about going to see Zach, but he said I could stop by whenever and ask for him, and I couldn’t think straight.
Since it was around lunch, the spa was busier than when I showed up here most nights. I got a lot of wide-eyed looks, which I was used to, but didn’t help my mood today. Waiting in line at the front desk, I kept my head down, my mind racing with everything that was happening in my life. Being this out of sorts wasn’t like me and I didn’t like it, which only made the stress worse.
“Can I help you?”
The woman behind the front desk wasn’t the one who was usually here when I was. She looked a little worried, but she didn”t flinch or cower when I stepped up to the front desk.
“Is Zach here?”
She pursed her lips, shaking her head slowly. “No, not today. Did you have an appointment with him?”
I fought back a grimace. I couldn’t expect him to work every day, but the disappointment was just another weight on my back and I felt panic well in my chest. My ability to hide my emotions slipped and she must’ve noticed because a sympathetic look flashed over her face before she gestured to the back.
“Did you want to go to the meditation room? Take a few minutes to clear your thoughts?”
I took a step back, shaking my head again. I didn”t think that room would help without Zach there. He always took a minute to sit with me before leaving me alone, so he could set up his room. The buzzing in my head got worse, and I ran my claws roughly through my hair. I wasn’t sure where to go next, but I couldn’t stand around here. I spun around, coming up short when the door to the spa opened.
“Mal?” Zach paused, his head tipped curiously. “I thought our appointment was for tomorrow.”
Relief and guilt sat hand in hand in my chest. I was relieved to see him because he seemed to always know how to make me feel better. But I also felt guilty for relying on him like this. He didn’t know me that well and he had no obligation to help me. He was wearing yoga pants and a sleeveless shirt with a hood on it, hiding his curls. He looked surprised and concerned, setting his things down against the wall before approaching me.
“What’s wrong?”
I shook my head. I shouldn’t have come. He was obviously busy, and it was his day off. I didn”t want to take that away from him just because my life was a mess. I couldn’t rely on him forever. I needed to handle this myself.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have–”
Without so much as a word, he grabbed my wrist, waving at the woman at the front desk as he pulled me towards the meditation room. I stumbled over my own feet, so out of it I was letting this tiny pixie half my size drag me around easily. He didn’t say anything while he shoved me into an empty seat, but he gave me a pointed look when I went to stand again. I really didn”t think being back here would be helpful, and I didn’t want to interrupt his time off. He blocked me with his tiny body, standing between my knees with his finger in my face.
“Nope. You look like you’re going to freak out. So you aren’t moving until you’re ready to talk to me.”
I looked around warily. There were a few people in here with us, waiting for their turn or taking some quiet time after they were through. They all looked at us curiously until they noticed me watching. They turned away quickly, murmuring to each other. I was interrupting their relaxation time, too.
Zach’s hand gripped my chin, turning me back to face him. “Focus on me. You’re breathing too heavily, Mal. You need to take a deep breath.”
I frowned. I hadn’t noticed anything wrong with my breathing until he pointed it out. Now that he’d mentioned it, I was breathing a little fast. I’d been in a panic when I came here. I never used to freak out like this. I wasn’t sure how to make it stop.
Taking my hand, Zach put it on his chest, his eyes locked on mine. “Breathe with me. Focus on what I’m doing, okay?”
My gaze dragged down to my hand on his chest. With each deep breath he took, I mimicked him, trying to pull together that level of calm quiet I used as a shield for the drama in my life. But what was happening right now wasn’t drama. It was worse than that and I wasn’t prepared for my own reaction to it.
Like the first day I was here, Zach leading my breathing helped settle me. It didn’t stop my brain from spinning out like his massages did, but it gave me enough calm to focus. I let out another slow breath, finally looking up at him.
“I apologize. I never wanted to interrupt your day off.”
Something like affection flickered across his face and he shook his head with a soft smile. “I’m not worried about it. I told you, I like to come here on my days off to relax. We’re not doing anything different from what I normally do when I come here.”
I doubted that. He came here to relax, not to take care of others. It should’ve been about him, not me. I didn’t want to argue with him, though, so I just bobbed my head in agreement.
“Okay. Thank you for your help. I should let you–”
I was halfway to standing, hoping to give him more time to relax, when he shoved me back down again. I was a little surprised at how aggressive he was, given our size differences. He bossed me around with a kind of energy that made him feel bigger than he was. And I took his orders without question, dropping my head forward with a sigh.
“Look, I know it’s not our day for it, but did you want to–”
“No. It’s your day off. You should enjoy it.”
When I looked up at him, his lips were pursed thoughtfully. He still stood over me, blocking me from moving, and with our size differences, he could actually meet me eye to eye while we were like this.
“Well, then, how about you come home with me? I don’t really have a lot of plans today. I mostly just binge watch my favorite shows and relax on my day off. There’s nothing saying that can’t be done with two people.”
It sounded like a nice distraction, but I didn”t want him to feel obligated out of pity. I could breathe now. I didn’t need him to take care of me. He took care of people all week long. He should take care of himself.
“Thank you for the offer, but I wouldn’t want to intrude. I’ll see you tomorrow and–”
He waved a hand dismissively. “You’re not intruding. I like hanging out with you. Besides, my friends bailed on me after class, and it gets lonely when it”s just me. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m a social person. Staying home alone is like a punishment.”
True. Aside from during the massages, Zach was almost always talking. It didn’t bother me because I enjoyed listening, and he asked questions and included me in the conversation whenever we were together. It still stunned me that he was so quiet during the massages, since he couldn’t seem to stop talking once we left.
While I was sure it was his intention to make it sound like it was as much for him as it was for me, I couldn’t deny him. He was a wonderful distraction and if he wanted to pretend me coming over was for him, I’d let him because I selfishly wanted to be near him. When I dipped my chin in agreement, his face lit up and he beamed at me, grabbing my hands and tugging me to my feet.
“Come on. My place isn’t far from here. We can stop and get food on the way. I’m always starving after yoga.”
I bit back a chuckle. He was always hungry, period. For such a small person, he ate a lot. He pulled me along, stopping to grab his things before waving at his coworkers. The woman behind the front desk frowned at us, but said nothing as we passed by. Zach either didn’t notice the look or didn’t care, bustling out of the spa and down the street, his hand still holding mine.
We stopped by his friend’s restaurant for a couple of sushi burritos before heading a couple of blocks away to a small apartment complex on the corner. He chattered the entire walk there, mostly about his yoga class and the attractive instructor who led the thing. I had to work hard to keep my mask in place to hide my scowl. I didn’t enjoy the thought of him and the yoga instructor, but I kept that to myself. He was my massage therapist and my friend. Off limits if I wanted to keep what we had now. And given the way my life was going right now, I couldn’t afford to lose him.