22 Nico
22
Easier Than Lying – Halsey
‘Nico, wait,’ Scottie called after me, as I stormed through the villa. I ignored her pleas, focused on locating Jon to find out for myself what part he had played. We turned a corner and I almost ran straight into Elena.
‘Do you know where Jon is?’ I asked her with gritted teeth as Scottie’s hands landed on me, one holding onto my shoulder, pulling back, while the other slid into mine, our palms connecting. Her touch calmed my muscles instinctually, but the anger was still boiling within me. They hurt her. He hurt her.
He drugged me. For months, I had no idea. My own father.
Elena eyed me suspiciously, assessing my anger. ‘I think he’s upstairs, in his office,’ she answered, looking uneasily between us.
‘Thanks,’ I said, making my way towards the stairs, my hand slipping free from Scottie’s.
‘What are you doing?’ she shouted after me, but I only increased my pace, trying to get ahead of her. I could barely stand to look at her without breaking down.
All these years, she’d been holding onto this secret? Ruining herself to keep it? While a part of me begged to know more, the dumb, reactive side just wanted to hurt whoever had hurt her.
My heart raced as I pushed my way through the office door, Jon already rising from his chair, eyes wide in surprise at the sight of me. His mouth opened, but before he could get any words out, I delivered a clenched fist to his nose. He fell back against the bookcase; its contents shook and fell around us. Gripping his shoulder with one hand and pressing my forearm into his throat with the other, I glared into his shocked face.
‘How could you let it happen?’
‘What?’ Jon stammered, his face a mix of confusion and fear. His eyes darted from me to Scottie standing in the doorway, her hands clenched at her sides, eyes red-rimmed from crying.
‘How could you let Scottie be drugged?’ I almost choked out her dad’s name. ‘How could you help Matteo do that to her?’
‘I didn’t! I swear!’ He shouted. I glanced at Scottie, and she gave me a small nod that told me he was telling the truth.
‘When?’ I continued to push him for answers, my voice hard and unyielding. ‘When did you find out?’
‘I—’ he stumbled, so I pressed again.
‘When?’
‘The same night Scottie did.’
‘Bullshit,’ I swore at him. It was impossible for someone as observant as Jon not to have noticed the unnatural speed of Scottie’s recovery. It was his damn job to notice things like this. ‘I’ve known you long enough to know nobody can get shit past you. When?’
The room filled with tension as we held each other’s gaze.
Jon’s hands were shaking as he tried to explain himself. ‘It’s the truth. When I came home, he was crushing the pills up … I didn’t know what else to do.’ His eyes darted around the room, looking for any sign of forgiveness. ‘I-I’d noticed she was recovering quickly, but her training regime was advanced. I thought that it might be diet, even age or genetics … It was easy to explain away.’
I held Jon there for another moment, reading him. The anger in me boiled over at his betrayal, making me want to lash out again. But I took a step back and released him from my grasp. My simmering rage had cooled enough for me to think clearly.
‘You were supposed to protect her.’
Jon’s hand rose to his face, to where I’d punched him, as his gaze dipped to the floor, his voice sullen as he spoke. ‘I know.’
‘You let him do this to her.’
Scottie interrupted, taking a couple of steps into the room. ‘It’s not his fault, Nico.’
My heart split in two as I took in her appearance. Her skin was so pale that it looked almost translucent, dark circles appearing under her red-rimmed eyes. The fatigue etched onto her face showed how much she’d been through.
Jon replied for me. ‘It might as well be.’
I took a few steps back, away from them. With shaking hands, I rubbed at my face. But when I closed my eyes, all I could see was her standing in the centre of the court, vulnerable with guttural hurt. It made me want to scream.
‘I’m so sorry for failing you, Scottie,’ Jon said earnestly. ‘It’s haunted me every single day. Nico’s right. It was my job to protect you, and I … I let Matteo explain it away. That night, when you came home, I swear that’s when I found out. I guess he was getting lazy with his preparation since he thought we’d all be out. I wasn’t going to let it continue.’
‘Were you going to tell me?’ Scottie had asked hesitantly, arms wrapped tightly around herself.
Jon exhaled deeply, his hand still rubbing his face in self-disgust. ‘I was trying to convince him to tell you. I couldn’t have kept a secret like that from you, kid.’
Scottie nodded, her eyes assessing, glancing from Jon to me. ‘Are you done now? Is it safe for me to leave the two of you and get him some ice for that face?’
I swallowed, nodding. My voice was hoarse, almost burning up my throat as I spoke. ‘I’m done.’
She looked at Jon, a silent question exchanged.
‘It’s fine. Nico and I should probably talk,’ he answered, and with that she slipped from the room, the sound of her retreating footsteps echoing against the tiled hall. Slowly, the tension in the room began to dissipate like fog burned off by sunlight.
‘I guess she told you?’ he asked. I nodded in response, slumping into a chair opposite the desk, my knuckles stinging and my gut twisting with guilt. He ran his hand through his hair, wincing at the pain that seemed to radiate from his cheek.
‘I needed to know,’ I admitted, the throb of my knuckles stinging as I flexed my hand. It was far from an excuse, even further from an apology.
He tilted his head, a hiss of pain escaping him with the motion. ‘I … understand. I can’t say I didn’t want to do the same to him when I found out.’
‘Why didn’t you?’
He paused for a moment, lost in memory. ‘I was trying to reason with him when she came in. I knew we had to tell her, even if it was the hardest thing I had ever done. Even if it meant losing my job. But I didn’t mean for her to walk in and find out like she did. I didn’t know what she was going to do next. I tried calling her afterwards, but she wouldn’t answer, and then two days later I got a call from the ITIA.’
My stomach twisted further at the thought of her learning about it all so suddenly. She found out like that? Walking in on her father mid-way through, arguing with her coach. The two people she had trusted the most, wrapped in a scandal she’d been pulled into? I’d had a coach bring it up once, when the problems with my knee started to get worse and even training started to feel impossible; they suggested some ‘outside resources’. The decision had been in my hands that day, and I chose to walk away, firing him on the spot for the insinuation. I hadn’t wanted to be involved with it at all.
Even the idea of partnering with Scottie had been too much. If it hadn’t been for Jon, I wouldn’t have done it.
‘She took the blame for it all?’ I asked.
He let out a heavy breath. ‘She told them she had done it all on her own, kept both of us out of it.’
My brows pressed together, distaste twisting me up at the very idea. ‘Why?’
He shrugged. ‘Only she can explain that. I would’ve wanted the world to know.’
I hummed in agreement, silence falling between us for a moment. I coughed, clearing my throat before I spoke again. ‘I’m sorry … For your face.’
Jon looked at me plainly, an eyebrow raised. ‘No, you’re not.’
I winced. ‘I’m sorry for not being sorrier?’
‘For two years I’ve been waiting for somebody to punch me in the face over this, for not doing better. Maybe I wanted a reason to stop feeling so bad over it.’
I hated that I had doubted whether he was in on it. He had always been one of the best coaches, which was why Matteo had hired him out from under me in the first place. But that had never stopped us from meeting up every so often. He’d joke about my recent performance, and I’d tease him about being bankrolled by Matteo, like he was being paid by the dark side, my enemy.
‘Is this why you were so persistent about us working together?’ I asked.
Jon nodded his head back and forth with indecision. ‘Partially … I believed you would make a great pairing and, obviously, I was right. You need her as much as she needs you.’
I couldn’t argue with him there. Training with her had changed my game, given me a drive I didn’t have before, and … well, it had me caring about our success in a way I wasn’t sure I understood yet. With her, sometimes I felt so out of control of my own body, like she was the guiding force to everything I was driving toward.
‘But yes, attaching her to you, it makes it easier for her to return. There’s a reason for everything she’s done, I believe that, but she’s too good to keep out of the game,’ he admitted. I couldn’t help but think of Dylan’s words.
This is your career. Your fucking legacy.
She believed Scottie would ruin it, but in truth, I was beginning to think she would define whatever came next for me. Whether it was for better or worse, I was slowly tying myself to her.
‘I agree there.’ I slumped further into my chair before another thought came to me. I raised an eyebrow at Jon. ‘And then there’s the failed test.’
Jon sat up straight at my words, swallowing before he answered.
‘You know about that too?’ he asked, and I nodded in response. ‘It was my idea to keep it from you. She didn’t want to. I had to convince her.’
I grumbled, not quite happy that he had kept that from me too, but I moved on. ‘And you think the test result is wrong?’
‘I’ve been looking into it. I’ve asked for the full breakdown in the results, and something definitely seems off. I mean, even her blood type is wrong. I don’t know how they didn’t notice that.’
My eyebrows pushed together, suspicion taking hold. ‘Her blood type?’
‘I didn’t need to see the breakdown to believe her. There’s no way she’d put this at risk like this. But the more I dig, the less it makes sense.’
I wasn’t quite sure what he was implying, but with everything her father had done to take down my own career at the beginning, could I doubt he wouldn’t do the same to his own daughter? Perhaps I just didn’t want to believe any parent would do such a thing.
I tried to imagine what she had been through these years living with this lie she had told, using it to keep him away. She was strong, on and off the court, and far more than I had known and already admired her for.
And as if he could read my mind, Jon asked, ‘Is there … is there something going on between you? Something I should know about?’
A denial made its way up my throat, but died before I could verbalize it. There was nothing going on … right? Nothing had happened … but did I want it to happen? When she sat on my lap, I had to put a hand on her to stop her moving about before I lost all my goddamn control. She was the sole focus of all my attention during the daytime, and then the memory of her had me tossing and turning all night, keeping me in the shower five minutes longer than it should’ve. I couldn’t think straight when somebody crossed her boundaries, lost all power over myself, when they didn’t give her the respect she was due.
I hadn’t signed up for any of this, hadn’t wanted to be attached to anyone in a long time. But her? Golden blonde hair, a smile and a joke that always managed to light me up no matter what grim mood I was in, the hidden strength I envied. It was like my favourite baklava from my family’s Greek bakery back in Florida. One taste, and I couldn’t get enough.
‘There’s …’ I began, blinking a few times as new realization crashed into me. The image shifted, coming into view, like I’d found glasses and now the world was no longer blurry.
‘Ah, good. You didn’t kill him while I was away,’ Scottie interrupted, entering the office again. I turned to her, watching as she walked to the desk, passing Jon some ice covered with a cloth. Jon’s gaze was still on me, a small grin on his lips.
Well, I guess he had his answer.
She appeared in front of me, her blue eyes icy as her lips pressed into a firm line. ‘Here,’ she said, passing me my own cold compress. ‘For your hand, so you’re not useless on the court tomorrow.’
Surprise flickered inside of me as I took it from her, pressing it to my knuckles that had turned swollen and red from the punch. Considering my entire profession relied on my hands being in perfect condition, I may have not thought the punch through.
‘Thanks.’ She slipped into the chair beside me, crossing her arms, and a cool silence fell over the room.
Jon cleared his throat, breaking the uncomfortable atmosphere. ‘I’ll leave you two to talk.’ The chair creaked as he got up, and shuffled past us, placing a heavy hand on my shoulder as he passed me.
We weren’t alone for more than a second before Scottie snapped. ‘Are you finished beating up our coach now?’
‘I was just … I’m sorry. I jumped the gun a bit on that one,’ I apologized, knowing that wasn’t going to quite cut it for her.
‘Maybe next time wait for me to finish my story before you speed off and start punching people?’
‘I thought he helped Matteo …’
She flinched at the mention of his name, then shook her head, a heavy exhale leaving her as she tried to restrain herself from beating me up in revenge. ‘Do you honestly think I’d be working with Jon if I thought he would pull that shit?’
‘No, of course not.’
‘So, as I said, how about you listen to me next time instead of going all macho man on the person who holds both our careers in his hands?’
I took a moment, guilt weighing on my shoulders. ‘I’m sorry. I really am.’
She could hardly stand to look at me, her gaze directed out the window, her jaw set firmly. I couldn’t take it. ‘You scared me, Nico. I didn’t know what you were going to do.’
‘I didn’t expect … I never thought for a second that somebody would hurt you like that, Scottie. I … I had to do something. Even if it was dumb.’
‘I was scared you didn’t believe me.’ Her words just about broke me.
‘Of course I believe you.’ My gut churned further. The hurt held in her words, her tone like a dagger that kept twisting. Her eyes caught mine, the deep blue pools captivating, holding me hostage.
Her mouth opened, as if to speak, before she hesitated, losing her nerve. I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out to her, my hands finding hers, and finally I held her attention long enough to see the fear still there.
‘I believe you,’ I repeated, my tone firm, words clear. ‘I trust you, Scottie. What he did to you …’ I trailed off, my own eyes closing. How he took everything from her. I couldn’t bear thinking about it.
‘It hurt,’ she said. ‘It took everything to survive.’ Her fingertips pressed into mine, hands squeezing with reassurance. ‘But I survived.’
Something in my chest squeezed tightly at her words. I’d known she was brave – that was hard to miss – but the depth of her endurance still shook me to my core.
My next question hesitated on my tongue, lingering for a moment as I tried to find the right words, the correct way to say it. ‘Why didn’t you tell anyone?’ I hadn’t understood. ‘You could destroy his entire world.’
She took a deep breath in as if she was almost sick of the question. As if she’s spent the last two years justifying her reasoning to herself over and over. ‘Do you think they would believe me? Believe that the legend, tennis God Matteo Rossi would lower himself to doping his daughter without her knowledge? I’d be labelled another woman crying wolf, ignored and tarred as a cheat, anyway.’ Shame ate away at me as I realized she was right. Some might believe her, but with the influence that Matteo still had over tennis it would take a lot more than only her words to convince people.
She swallowed before continuing. ‘I took the only revenge I could. He was so obsessed with legacy, and I was it. I didn’t see it until I left, how poisonous his love was. I wasn’t a person, I was a tool to further his name, another trophy on his goddam mantle. My life didn’t exist outside the tennis court, my body fodder for the machine. It took me a long time to see that, to rebalance my mind on what is a healthy give and take.’
Scottie shook her head before continuing, ‘But I had enough. I couldn’t let him destroy me. If I was a possession he thought he owned, then I needed to make sure he couldn’t use me, that he wouldn’t want me anymore. I blew everything up. I told the ITIA. I told the world. I called the press and leaked the story myself. Then, I did whatever I wanted for years. I actually saw the cities I travelled to like a tourist, I partied and had fun, and I slept with whoever I wanted. I threw his name away and used my own. I cleansed my life of him. Hell, I wanted the words tattooed on my skin.’ She shook her head, looking up for a moment, a small proud smile on her lips. ‘He was a poison and a stain, but I finally feel clean of the mark he left.’
I fought the urge to lean over, close the gap and wrap my arms around her, hold her there, but I knew that wasn’t what she needed. She didn’t need comforting or somebody to lean on. She was strong enough on her own. A survivor.
‘So why come back?’ I asked, curious. ‘If you were so intent on not continuing his legacy?’
‘Jon convinced me that with you, I could keep twisting the knife. That making a comeback with the man that finished his career would be too big an insult to his legacy to claim. And I missed the sport. He might have almost destroyed me in the process, but tennis was my life. And I was good. I wanted to prove it to everyone that while Scottie Rossi was dead and buried, Scottie Sinclair was back for revenge.’
I was almost at a loss for words for how proud I was of her. She’d faced hell and come back stronger. I couldn’t blame her for earlier, when she told me she was quitting. It must’ve been too much for her. You can only take the blame for a crime you didn’t commit for so long before it breaks you.
‘Scottie,’ I said, staring deep into her eyes. Begging her soul to feel what words I couldn’t bring myself to say out loud. I need you here. ‘Please, don’t leave.’
She stared at me with a sad smile. The room falling silent.
One breath.
Two breaths.
Three breaths.
Then she finally put me out of my misery. ‘I’ll stay.’
All the air returned to my lungs. ‘And … you still want to work together?’
She rolled her eyes, the tension relaxing a bit as the smallest smile appeared on her lips. ‘Who else is going to beat up my enemies for me?’
Relief flooded my system, my body relaxing at her joke, at the crook of her lips. That smile, I needed to see it more, wanted to trace it with my fingers and lips and memorize everything about it.
‘Good,’ I said, leaning forward, closer to her. ‘Because me and you, we’ve got a trophy to win.’