15. Lilian
Chapter 15
Lilian
I can’t believe Sebastian brought me dinner at the library. It was really sweet. The whole thing felt surreal, like a scene from one of my romance novels. His genuine smile, the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed. It’s hard not to be swept up in his charm.
As we walk back to my dorm, his hand is intertwined with mine. To outstanders, we must look like a couple. Are we? I bite my lip.
If we are, I should at least tell him the truth about my cut.
“I got it in class earlier,” I say.
“What?” He stops in his tracks.
“The cut.”
“What happened?” His thumb strokes my hand.
“I got stuck in the supply closet. It was dark, and my phone fell to the ground. So, I tried to find it and cut myself on something sharp. ”
“That’s really all?”
“Yes.”
He studies my face. “Okay. Let me know if you need help with anything, and put a bandage around it. Even if it annoys you.”
“I will. Thank you.”
After a few minutes, we reach my door, and I fumble with my keys, my hands shaking slightly. Sebastian leans against the wall, poring over me with those intense eyes. “I had a great time tonight, princess.”
Princess. The nickname simultaneously thrills and terrifies me. It’s a reminder of the power he holds over me, the way he can make my heart race with a single word.
“Me, too.” I manage to finally unlock the door. “Thank you for dinner. You didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to.” He reaches out, tucking an imaginary stray lock of hair behind my ear. His touch lingers, his fingers grazing the sensitive skin of my neck. “I want to do a lot of things for you.”
My breath catches. The implication behind his words is clear, but I’m not sure I’m ready for what he’s offering. Not yet.
“I should probably go inside,” I say. “Early class tomorrow.”
Sebastian nods, a flicker of disappointment crossing his face before he masks it with a smile. “Of course. Sweet dreams, princess.”
His lips brush against mine in a tender kiss. It’s gentle, almost reverent. My eyes flutter shut as I savor the soft caress of his mouth on mine, but it’s over far too soon, his thumb tracing my bottom lip.
“Good night, princess.”
“Good night,” I whisper back.
His eyes search mine for a moment before he kisses me again, deeper this time but still achingly gentle. My hands come up of their own accord, fingers threading through his hair to draw him closer, wanting more. He gives in for a few heated seconds before withdrawing again, our heavy breaths mingling in the scant space between us.
“I should let you get some sleep,” he says.
“Yeah, probably.” I don’t move, not wanting this moment to end.
With visible effort, he steps back, letting his hand pass down my arm before falling away, and I immediately miss his warmth.
I open the door and glance back at him. He’s leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets, eyes on me.
God, he’s handsome. And he’s here, with me. It’s like a dream.
I give him a small wave before closing the door and sagging against it. My lips still tingle from his kiss, and every inch of my skin buzzes from his touch.
But I’m terrified of being used and tossed aside like I was with Mike, as well.
Sebastian is different, though. The way he looks at me, the way he touches me… it feels real. Like he cares about me beyond just getting in my pants .
I sigh, pushing off the door and heading to my room with a girly grin.
“Lil.” Jason’s sharp tone cuts through my daze. My grin falters as I meet his glare, eyes narrowing into slits as he sits on the couch, cuddling with Juliana in our living room. “Where have you been? I’ve been calling you for hours.”
My phone. Guilt washes over me. I fumble for it, desperately trying to come up with an explanation that won’t reveal my time spent with Sebastian. I forgot that Jason wanted to come by. Jason already hates Sebastian, and if he knew I had spent the evening with him, he’d blow up. Why couldn’t I remember to check my phone?
I unlock my phone and scroll through the notifications. Missed calls and messages. Fan-fucking-tastic. I was so caught up with Sebastian that I didn’t notice my phone blowing up.
“I’m sorry, I was at the library and completely forgot the time. I’m sorry.”
Jason’s jaw clenches. He opens his mouth to argue, but—
“No worries, Jason is just overreacting.” Ju lets out a laugh. “He was about to send out a search party for you.”
“I already called Levi,” Jason says.
No, no, no. I grab my phone again, scrolling through the messages until I find his name. This can’t be happening.
Levi: Where are you? Jason says you’re not answering your phone.
Levi: Call me back. Now.
Levi: You have one hour before I come.
The message is over 1 hour old. My chest constricts with panic.
“I need to call him.” Without waiting for a response, I rush to my room and shut the door behind me, my finger already tapping on Levi’s number. He picks up on the first ring.
“Are you okay?” Levi’s voice is tight with worry, and guilt stabs at my chest.
I sink down onto my bed, pressing a hand to my forehead. “I’m fine. Everything’s okay. You don’t need to come over.”
“Too late.” Concern and barely restrained anger color his tone. “I’m in the car. What’s going on?”
“I’m really sorry for worrying you. My phone died and I was at the library longer than I realized.”
There’s a beat of silence, and then Levi sighs, the rustle of keys in the background. “Where are you now? Back in your room?”
A lump forms in my throat. “Yes. I’m sorry for worrying you.”
“Sorry for snapping at you.” His tone softens. “You can’t keep disappearing on us like this. Especially since…”
Since I had that horrible episode.
“Please trust me,” I say. “I’m okay. You don’t need to come.”
Another weighted pause. I hold my breath, waiting.
“Fine. I won’t come,” Levi says at last. “But this isn’t over. What’s going on? And don’t even think about trying to lie, little one. ”
Lying has never come easily to me, especially not to my brothers. They see right through me. Always have.
“I had an episode today, and I’ve been having nightmares again,” I confess in a whisper. “They’ve been getting worse, but please don’t make me come home.”
“When?”
“This afternoon.” I twist a loose thread on my comforter.
“What happened?”
I take a deep, shaky breath and let the words tumble out. “I got locked up in a dark closet. Accidentally. It was like I was back at the mansion. The whirring sound. The pounding against the door. The voices… the blood.” I break off with a sob, unable to go on.
So many years later, it still hurts like an open wound. If not for Levi, Lan, and Uncle Marc taking me in, I don’t know what would have become of me.
“You should have told me sooner,” Levi says.
“I didn’t want to worry you,” I say. “You have so much going on.”
“You will always come first. No matter what, you hear me? We’re here for you whenever you need us.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. Call your therapist and attend regular sessions, okay?”
“I will. But…” Should I tell him that Sebastian is the one keeping the nightmares away?
“But? ”
“Nothing. I’ll call her.”
“Lil.”
“I’ve been spending time with someone. A guy.”
Silence.
“Do I know this guy?” he asks.
“No.”
“So. You’ve been with him?”
“Yes. I… We’re not really dating. We’ve just been talking. Hanging out.” It’s not a total lie.
“I see.” There’s a hint of amusement in Levi’s voice. “And you like him? What’s his name?”
“Promise you won’t do anything? You promised you’d let me have my college experience.”
“Depends.”
The last time I told Levi the name of a guy I liked, he made sure the guy was ready for what would happen if he broke my heart. No need to say, he never talked to me again, and I doubt that was the only thing. Because Lan had that crazy smile when he’s up to no good.
I’m not that little girl anymore. I don’t need their overprotective brother stuff.
“Lil. I can also find it out myself,” he says.
“Sebastian.”
“You like him?”
“I don’t know,” I mumble. “Maybe. Please don’t do anything embarrassing.”
Silence .
Then he sighs. “I won’t. Just promise me you’ll be careful. That guy better treat you well and respect your boundaries, or he’ll have me to answer to.”
Some things never change. “The voices go away when he’s there.”
“Does he make you feel safe?”
I nod. “He’s different from the others. I don’t feel as anxious around him.”
“Fine.” Levi’s tone holds a note of approval. “I won’t do anything irrational. But if this Sebastian ever makes you feel otherwise, promise you’ll tell me right away.”
“I promise.”
“Okay. You should rest.”
“I’m really sorry. Good night.”
“Good night,” Levi says. “We love you, you know that, right?”
My throat tightens. “I know. I love you, too.”
The call ends. I lower the phone from my ear.
I hope he really won’t interfere.
When I emerge from my room, Jason and Ju are still cuddling on the couch, some reality show playing in the background.
Jason sits up straighter. “Your brother…?”
“Yes. Just worried, but he’s not coming.”
“We were worried, too,” Jason says quietly. “Next time, answer your damn phone. ”
Ju touches his arm gently. “Calm down. Things like this can happen.”
“Sure.” Jason scoffs.
“I’m sorry.” I glance down at my hands. “I should head to bed. Long day.”
“Yeah, it’s getting late.” She turns off the TV, plunging the room into silence.
Jason walks towards me and catches my wrist. His fingers graze the cut on my palm, and he frowns. “What did you do to your hand?”
I hide it in the sleeve of my sweater. “It was an accident. I cut myself.”
“Lil—”
“Good night.” I slip into my room and close the door before he can say anything else.
Finally, alone, I examine the cut on my hand.
Sebastian kissed the angry red line. His lips were soft and gentle, and there was tenderness in his eyes. Heat floods my cheeks, and the girly grin is back.
My phone buzzes.
Sebastian: Sweet dreams, princess.
Sebastian: Little tip. A good night would be enough.
I start to type a reply, then delete it. Try again, delete.
Lil: Good night, and thanks again.
The dots appear, then disappear.
Sebastian: For what?
Isn’t it obvious what I’m thanking him for ?
Lil: The food.
The food? I’m so bad at this.
Sebastian: Just the food, huh? And here I thought you enjoyed my charming company.
I can imagine the cocky grin on his face as he sent that.
Lil: I enjoyed that, too.
Sebastian: Good girl. Next time I’ll bring something else.
My fingers hover over the keypad, wondering if I dare say what’s really on my mind. I start to type a message and then delete it. Start again, delete. Ah, this isn’t working. I don’t know how to write it without sounding… wrong.
Lil: Maybe next time we could eat outside or get a coffee? If you want.
I stare at the message, my thumb hovering over the send button. But instead of using it, I switch off my phone and cover my eyes. Why is this so hard?